NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS - 2023

 

While every year I tend to make spiritual resolutions, this year is particularly significant for me because, early in the year, I celebrate 20 years as a religious hermit.

The overarching goal is to become more faithful to my Catholic vocation. Any monastic type person who lives independently, without supervision or authority over them has to be exceedingly careful about this. It is SO easy to become slack in some areas and overly attentive to others. Avoiding the temptation of riding a hobby horse is as important as the virtues and practices we give short shrift.  Balance is key.

For example, we currently have the case of Father Pavone, who became so enamored with the political push to criminalize abortion that he justified some terrible things, such as keeping the bodies of aborted infants for use in dramatizations of the Holy Mass, where he put the body of at least one infant on display, using that human person in a way directly opposed to the teachings of the Catholic Church about the proper respect to and care of the bodies of human persons.

That poor man rejected the instructions of his superiors, and his individualistic and renegade behavior, including "blasphemy" on social media posts, led to the Vatican finally defrocking him last November 9th, after many years of trying to coax him into obedience. Fr. Pavone refused to obey the orders of his superiors and slandered them on social media - many examples of which I was surprised to see on Facebook and elsewhere, that caused scandal to Holy Mother Church.

Excising one narrow aspect from an article of faith  and pushing it into the political sphere is a perfect example of the tendency for independent religious to ride that hobby horse into the sunset. In Pavone's case, making abortion illegal is only one proposed method by which some people imagine that they will eliminate abortion, which is only a part of the pro-life orientation of The Church. 

In addition, that method has never worked before. Abortions have always been available. Lately, they have been legal, but I remember the days of illegal abortions, and they were freely available. Anyone that imagines otherwise is fooling themselves. Making abortion illegal does not stop abortion. It stops safe abortions.

I notice many people celebrating the Supreme Court's recent actions to make abortion illegal again, but I believe this will backfire.

I am fairly sure that abortion will not disappear until we evangelize the culture - which is a lot more demanding and challenging a thing than making abortion illegal. But it is obvious that if Americans were to become evangelized to Christ and His Holy Mother Church, they would not WANT to have abortions. Abortions exist because people want them or feel they need them - not because they are legal. 

In this point, we have an example of the violation of one of the tenets of classical logic. The cause of abortion has been wrongly attributed to it being legal. Correlation is not causality.

Pavone abandoned Christ's call to evangelize the faith and traded it in for the political path, with a side of illicit masses, and the body of a dead baby on top of the whole mess, like a cherry on top of a nightmare cake. It is tragic, really. 

I bring him up as a cautionary tale for myself. I do not want to end up like him - so individualized and hyper-focused on a "holy cause" that I imagine that The Church has to follow me rather than the other way around. This is exactly how the Angel Satan fell. 

So, this year, the first thing I will do is put some effort into finding a spiritual director who has more than my 20 years under his or her belt, so to speak. That's the first thing.

Secondly, I think it is time to return to the basics and do a major review.  I am taking a "Bible in a Year" class, and a "Catechism in a Year" class. I have also begun the preparations for re-consecrating myself to Jesus through Mary.  In addition, my ascetic practices have gotten flabby - along with my body. I will be tightening up my diet and simplifying it.

My customary daily prayer commitments have also suffered over the last 10 years or so. I've decided to program them into my telephone and get back onto a schedule. I am battling some awful insomnia and have to address that so that I can adhere to that schedule.

In case you have interest, my daily spiritual practices involve:

• At least one hour of meditation, in two 30-minute segments, morning and evening.
• Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary
• The Rosary
• The Angelus - 3X daily
• The Divine Mercy Chaplet
• The Holy Mass, streamed live from Santa Fe

During the re-consecration to Jesus through Mary, there are at least three daily prayers that are prayed in conjunction with this.

As my readers are aware, I am disabled, mobility challenged, in chronic pain, and going blind - so taking on all this extra work and study will take a lot of my limited energy, and I will have to simplify a LOT of my activities and eliminate some unnecessary ones.

If any of you want to follow along with me in any of these spiritual disciplines, just let me know. We can be companions on the journey together. Just message me by commenting and leaving your email address. I won't publish your message. 

In the meantime, please pray for my continued conversion, as I pray for yours.

God Bless us all!

Silver Rose

SAINT WANDRILLE, my cousin, July 22, 2022

Saint Wandrille (Wandregisel)

born about 605, died 22 July 668

Saint Wandrille (aka Wandregisel) is related to several of my relatives that figure prominently in his story, though it was hard to find a picture of him. Of course, the 7th century does not have a lot of paintings of minor nobility left for us to look at. The one above is a stained glass window depicting the saint. Also, he is more well known for the Abbey of Fontenelle than his visage. Who knows? Perhaps he resisted getting a painting made of himself, being too religious to allow his face or personality to become the topic. 

If you are interested in the history of the Fontenelle Abby and Saint Wandrille, Wikipedia has some good information HERE

Cloisters and Courtyard

Fontanelle Abbey

Abbey of Saint Wandrille

Saint-Wandrille-Rincon

I had hoped to finish writing this on the 22nd, so everyone could have a chance of reading it on his feast day, itself, but my cousin, Saint Wandrille, proved to be so intertwined with many of my ancestors, that I found I had to spend a great deal more time piecing his story together than I had anticipated. I became fascinated with certain aspects and had to chase the rabbit down several holes - all of which are interconnected in a spiritual rabbit warren of delights!

In addition, as I continue to work on this blog post on the evening of the 23rd of July (and am far from finished) I am rounding the corner on day 3 of the worst headache I've ever had in my whole life. It has been years since I've had such a migraine, and even strong painkillers were of little use. Even after a nap yesterday, a full night of sleep, and rising from bed after noon, and then napping again from 2 until almost 6 p.m., I am still struggling to get a handle on it, though I no longer feel like I am on the verge of death and tempted to write loving farewell messages to everyone.

The stress of having that "caregiver" in my house who was in her own world and not a terribly honest or sincere person, and to be faced with the stress of having to clean up after someone ELSE when I am losing the ability to clean up after myself, has made my stress level skyrocket. I can never do this again. It has been a lesson to me. I will do without a caregiver and, instead, work on simplifying everything in my life.

The advantage of being a hermit is supposed to be the simplicity of the life, but unless one is REALLY isolated, there is the tendency for things to accumulate around oneself.  For instance, the modern cooking conveniences are tempting but, in the end, useless to someone who can no longer actually COOK for herself. Never let anyone convince you that appliances and cookery gadgets take the place of other people doing the actual work. It is a lie. The best thing to do, I have now learned, is to keep very minimal possessions in the kitchen and to eat raw fruits and veg and sandwiches, and perhaps some frozen meals.

Today I had a chat at the mailboxes with one of my elderly neighbors who lives alone after the death of his spouse a year or two ago.  He is not a religious person, but he has also realized the futility of possessions after a certain point in life, due to the very reason I have mentioned. We are too tired to use them!

I have to divest myself of many THINGS that have come to me through the kindness of well-wishers or through my own misguided idea that it would make things simpler somehow.

Also, since I am ACTUALLY alone, and not alone in concert with other people who are cooperating in the work of a place, I have to accommodate my needs in ways that someone living in a monastic institution would not have to do. There may be occasions when I have to eat in a restaurant, for instance.  I am not going to feel bad about it if I have to resort to that. I am doing the best I can.

WEBSITE FOR ABBAYE DE ST. WANDRILLE

When reading about the wanderings of my cousin, Saint Wandrille, and how he so quickly could switch from a courtier to a religious hermit at a location FAR away, and then 4 or 5 years later move again, and then again - the thing that kept being communicated to me is that OF COURSE he was able to go galivanting all over the country: he had so few THINGS to carry with him!

I remember, with fondness, how, when I left the convent and got my own apartment, I sat on cushions in the living room and used folding breakfast trays as my "end tables." I slept on a mattress on the floor. Those were my only furnishings. Now, my creaky old carcass needs all sorts of amenities, just to get to the point where I am able to grab even 4 hours sleep at night, but I experience nostalgia, now and then, for the days when I could make the decision about furniture and it was not made for me by virtue of the condition of this miserable body! I really need to make some changes so that I can make do without a caregiver.

Once, a nun called me "house proud" because I made her put her steaming mug of tea on one of my breakfast trays rather than my landlord's new carpet. I was rather more thinking of the deposit I would lose if there were tea stains on the carpet when I moved out, as I was living entirely on the floor and had no furniture at all. Today, that nun could rightly accuse me of being mired in worldly possessions, that's for sure.

 I mention her now because I dreamt about her last night, as well as some other nuns. It was an odd dream. We were all wearing full-length gerua robes of the variety one wears for formal occasions. I say "formal," because the sleeves were big and wide. It would be impossible to do much with THOSE sleeves! The material was substantial and rustled when we moved.

I was leading us all into another religious institution. It was a very big house. The lighting was low, the mood serene. No furniture at all - but I was leading them into the shrine room where there would be an altar, and I believe I was introducing them to the place. My friend who called me "house proud" in that early apartment of mine was following close behind me, as if she was trying to catch up with me and ask me something. But no one was speaking, and I did not want to talk. All I could hear was the rustling of the fabric of the beautiful pinkish-orange robes. We were bare-footed, so there was no clatter and echo of shoes on the floor.

 It was one of "those" dreams that gave me the impression that I had actually visited with her. When I woke, I wondered if she was alright because it has happened to me many times in my life that when I have a dream that feels like this and it involves someone I know, it is a visitation from a person who has just died, and I do not find out until later that the person has left this mortal plane. Sometimes I get a message from the person that stays with me forever. 

People do not evaporate when they die. There are minds far greater than mine who have lent their personal experiences, intellect, and writing talent to explain it. All I know is that all my saintly ancestors are today as real as they ever were. When we talk to them, they hear us, and they accompany us in our daily trails. They are our holy family. That is all I know, but this is one of the reasons why I research my ancestors and other saints that interest me because they're not dead. The people who lived as hermits, nuns, priests, bishops, kings and queens - who left abbeys and churches, institutions, or long lines of descendants are with us today. The dust of the years may be on the things they left behind, but there is no dust on them!

Blessed Pepin I of Landen (Modern Belgium)

aka Pepin the Elder or Old

Lord of Brabant

Governor of Austrasia

b. about 580 - d. 27 Feb. 640

and his wife

Saint Itta of Metz

b. 592 - d. 8 May 652

My 39th Great Grandparents

Saint Wandrille is something like my first cousin, 42 times removed. He was a relative of Blessed Pepin I, who is my 49th Great Grandfather. I am positing that Saint Wandrille's father, whose name was Walchisus, was possibly a son of Carloman or one of Carloman's siblings. (This is NOT the Carloman of the 8th Century, obviously.) At this point, we just don't have enough information to say concretely how it was, exactly, that Wandrille was the "kinsman" of my great grandfather, Blessed Pepin I, but he was some kind of cousin. That is all we know from the historical record.

Wandrille was educated in the Frankish court in Metz.  He would have been a contemporary of the children of Arnoald and Oda of Metz, all four of whom were sainted (Doda, Itta, Modoald and Severa.) This seems significant to me, as it accounts for the religious seed planted within him so strongly, that later manifested itself. His early companions were all saints!

Saint Itta of Metz

who was married to Blessed Pepin

It's fun to put together the information I've learned in my research about Wandrille with the genealogy research I'd previously done on the court of Metz, as Arnoald of Metz and his wife Oda were my 39th great grandparents! As in other families of such an early era, I found that I was descended from TWO of Arnoald's children: both Saint Doda (Clothilde) and Saint Itta of Metz were my 38th great grandmothers! Doda was married to Saint Arnulf of Metz, and Itta was married to Blessed Pepin I, mentioned above.

Saint Doda of Metz

my 38th Great Grandmother

b. about 584

Wandrille went on to become a courtier who served Dagobert I, son of Clotare II, "The Great." Dagobert was the King of the Franks, Austrasia, Neustria and Burgundy and was my 2nd cousin, 40 times removed. (Again, for those not familiar with my blog, I will explain that the nobility of Europe intermarried so often that I am a cousin to myself 100 times over, it sometimes seems. When you are descended from certain key people, one seems to be be descended from all the royal houses. That's just the way it is. Americans whose families have been in this country since the 1600's and early 1700's are often these types of descendants from royal families.  "The 2nd sons" who did not inherit the titles, thrones and lands of their fathers in Europe, were thrilled to come here and own land in the New World.)

It seems that Wandrille quickly tired of life at court because he retired to become a monk at Montfaucon when he was still in his 20's, in 629. Saint Balderic, my 42nd great granduncle, was his mentor. Evidently, Saint Wandrille had done this hastily, as he'd not gotten approval from Dagobert, who eventually gave the nod. In those days, one had to get the approval of the king for EVERYTHING one did. They did not have the many freedoms to which we as Americans are so accustomed and take for granted as our right. Life at court had its advantages, but in many respects, it was (and probably still largely IS) a golden cage.

Statue of St. Balderic

My 42nd Great Granduncle

Although Saint Wandrille had been married, early on, he and his wife separated, by mutual consent, each of them to retire to a religious life, sometime prior to his becoming a religious and leaving court.  This is a theme that repeats itself throughout the history of our faith. There is something compelling about the monastic life that seems inborn and spontaneous, so that no matter what sort of life one has to live in order to support one's physical being, in the end, it is only God that matters at all, and once the frantic toing and froings of young life, it is natural to focus in on what matters. This is what I have done over the last 20 years, and although some Americans think it "kookie" or bizarre, it is part of a long tradition shared by many religions. We come from God and return to God in some fashion of other, and this process is interpreted variously by the various religions. I am descended from dozens of Celtic and European saints and THIS is in my blood, so it is how I naturally come to feel at home.

After accomplishing one's worldly duties, it almost seems natural to retire and devote oneself to God. This is a theme that Christianity shares with Hinduism, and probably other major religious traditions as well. This touches on a frequent concept in my writings. All the major religions traditions have a great deal in common, from the aims of spiritual life to the methods of arriving at that aim. Each expresses the goal differently, but when we are open to the harmony of all religions, it is quite easy to see. Joseph Campbell did a wonderful series of interviews on this topic, years ago, based upon his books.

The portion of Saint Wandrille's life I'm particularly keen to learn more about is when he went to live as a hermit in "complete solitude" at "Saint-Ursanne in the Jura." It is named for Saint Ursicinus, a seventh-century monk who built at least one monastery (and credited for more, I believe) in that locale and with whom Saint Wandrille must certainly have been acquainted. This is a fascinating tidbit that I hope to chase up later.

Today, Saint-Ursanne is a small town in Swizterland that maintains a distinctly medieval flavor, with many houses still standing from that era, as well as "a hermitage and an 18th century bridge," according to Wikipedia. I am going to guess that the ruins of that hermitage are most likely built on the premises of the hermitage that Wandrille occupied at the time he was there, in the 7th century, but that is something I would have to research further. Saint Ursanne is one of the MANY places I would have loved to have visited, had I not become disabled so early in life. Every summer, this town hosts a festival for a famous international "hill climb" in August. Thank God for the internet, though, eh? I have to "put a pin in it" and return to this research at a later time. With these rather more obscure topics and smaller locales, research is often limited by differences in language. I do not know any German, and I possess only a smattering of French, so this research may have to rely upon the work or assistance of others at a later time.

The bridge at Saint-Ursanne

Wandrille spent no more than 5 years at the hermitage because, by 635, he was at the monastery of Saint Columban (a contemporary of Ursicinus), at Bobbio in Northern Italy. He also planned to travel to Ireland but never got further than the Tarentaise Valley in the Swiss Alps of France.

After this, he was ordained priest and founded Fontenelle Abbey in Normany. His friend Archbishop Audoin of Rouen advocated for it with Erchinoald, who donated the land for the purpose. It was Wandrille's "last stand" and probably his greatest accomplishment, as it became a center of great learning. The ruins of the Abbey are located near the Village of Saint-Wandrille Rancon.

I would have loved to visit this village also. It is primarily focused on farming and forestry and is situated on the banks of the River Seine, 18 miles north-west of Rouen. Saint Wandrille's Abbey's is his primary "claim to fame" and it is very quaint and impressive, but the Abbey that stands today, in ruins, is not from Saint Wandrille's era, though no doubt built on the earliest ruins. The current façade belongs to the 13th and 14th Centuries and is described beautifully in the Wikipedia page for Saint-Wandrille-Rancon, subtitle "Places of Interest."

Village of Saint-Wandrille-Rincon

at Wikipedia

VISIT THIS LINK FOR MORE INFORMATION

As I finish the written portion of this blog, I am hearing gun fire not far from where I live, on the banks of the Rio Grande River, close to the area of the "South Valley" where there are a lot of little ranchitos that are very old and quaint. Some of them have adobe ovens outside their homes. I believe they are called "hornos."

You can see the familiar shapes and imagine the wonderful baked goods that come out of them. This area is steeped in history but I have not had a chance to know any of these people, since I moved here after I became disabled, and the lifestyle of a hermit is not a social one. The gun fire is concerning, though, because what goes up must come down.

But I still manage to meet people in the parking lot, as there are more than 70 apartments here. Day before yesterday, I helped a lovely woman with her car and some advice about how to discourage the thieves from breaking into it. She got the car started. In gratitude, she came to my apartment the next morning and brought me a lovely package of home-made frozen chile rellenos. These and tamales are traditional foods that communicate culture and love to those to whom they are gifted, and I am particularly grateful for these. I have a friend who gives me home-made pozole at Christmas - another New Mexico custom!

My headache is mostly gone, so I hope when I wake later on it will have disappeared. Please pray for me in that regard. Also, please pray that I am able to simplify my hermit life in this little apartment in a way that will enable me to care for myself and also follow through with my religious practices.

May we all be blessed!

Mother Silver Rose

Sannyasini Kaliprana

P.S. All of the blog posts I write are independently researched and written by me and all of them are protected by legal copyright, so please just enjoy them here and leave them here where you found them and do not copy any of it to any other place for any purpose.

(c) Copyright 2022, Silver S. Parnell

All rights reserved.

FIGHTING EVIL IN THE WORLD

 

There is a tendency among some to assume that humans have been on earth for so long that we have evolved to the point where evil instincts and character have become nearly extinct. We no longer put people in the stocks in the middle of town and throw garbage at them. We don't draw and quarter criminals in the public square, and we've stopped labeling women as "witches" and burning them alive as a civic act.

Despite the paucity of these outward extreme demonstrations of evil, the instincts still remain in the hearts of people who have chosen that path. I call it a path because it IS a road to a destination that still exists. Yes, I am talking about Hell.

Most people do not want to "believe in" Hell, and I grew up disputing it also. Despite a brutal childhood in which I was tortured by one parent and neglected by the other, I was certain that my parents were the rare exception and that most people operated from a position of love and peace, and that no one was perfect and therefore most people weren't actually evil, per se, but only failed to accomplish the good that I assumed was the aspiration of all. Consequently, I spent the first 2 decades of my adult life looking for those good people and failing most of the time.

I went out into the world imagining that most of society's families were represented by John Boy and his kin from "The Waltons" and not by the members of my natal family, who behaved in a maleficent way toward me. In my 20's, I remember frequently expounding on the nature of humans and insisting that "everyone is basically good," and things of that nature. Kumbaya, let's all hold hands and dance and sing happy songs.

As any reader might expect, I was a sitting duck for every con artist, thief and predator in the neighborhood. To this day, the evil of this world still has the capacity to occasionally surprise or shock me, but instead of having faith in the goodness of humans, I now only have faith in the goodness of God, and I have dedicated myself entirely to Him for the last twenty years.

Like many religious "hermits" not fortunate enough to be in possession of family money, I live in  a "low-income apartment" on the edge of town and try to live as quietly as possible, duplicating the ashram experience I had while living with the Vedantists, to the extent possible. Naturally, the worldly folk with whom I share a somewhat cramped space, are not in tune with my aspirations, and some are actively hostile toward them.

Two young women have moved into my building and immediately began causing chaos. During a freak arctic weather event, when snow and ice covered the property for several days, they parked in the middle of the driveway, blocking 5 residents' cars, rather than parking in their assigned space. Across the windshield of that car in LARGE white letters, is the very odd saying, spelled out in full, "F--K THE POPULATION."

This is a puzzling saying that I'd never seen before, and I was surprised to see anyone displaying such a blatantly hostile and anti-social motto on their windshield. 

According to the Urban Dictionary:

"A term used by a person who has seen through the bulls..t of humans who do not think and cause harm because they are so brainless.

It means that you highly dislike humans as a whole because of the way they about doing things.

“Hey do you wanna go out to make more friends?”
“No f--k the population they’re all sheeple anyway."

I also learned that there is a company  that uses that epithet as its moniker for its line of clothing (togs for the angry youth, I expect!)

Despite being warned to keep their cars in their own space, the other day they had a woman park in front of my garage and block me from being able to put my car in there. When I asked the visitor to move, she became belligerent and ridiculous, telling me that the space belonged to the apartment building,  anyone could park there, and other nonsense, in utter disregard for all the prominent signs that say "no parking," what to speak of the OBVIOUS garage between the two "no parking" signs on the wall right in front of her nose. (I call this "convenience blindness" - a condition in which the sufferer only sees, hears or perceives what is pleasant and conducive to their own interests and designs.)

When I told her to move her car (again) she became enraged and flipped out. She set upon me with filthy words, insinuations of imminent harm that was to come to me, at the same time that three others flew out of the building to join her in harassing me. They descended on me like demons from hell, pressing in on me within inches, flailing and shrieking - pushing finger gestures into my face. One of them, the owner of that car that displays that awful saying, (or the partner of the other woman who owns it), had patches of old pink and blue dye in her hair. Her eyes were wild, her blotchy skin advertised her degraded habits. She kept turning to her companions and whooping loudly, "I told you that f--king old b--ch was gonna be a problem."  I could almost see the spit flying from her mouth during her flagitious assault and I was glad I'd had my 2nd Covid shot.

My car door was slightly ajar, and they tried to block me from getting into it to get away from them. The stout middle-aged woman who'd started all this pressed her body into the car door, trying to keep me from getting into my vehicle. I could smell the odor of stale alcohol. When I finally managed to squeeze between the open door and the door jam, she again threatened to do something to me, I'm not quite sure what. It was a big word salad. All I wanted to do was get away from this insane crowd of raving maniacs.

I honked my horn, in the vain hope that someone would come and make them stop - but despite plenty of people witnessing this - they let it go on. There were no heroes that day, and very often this is the case. Few will come to the aid of the vulnerable when they are being bushwhacked. Meanwhile, I was stuck in my car, without my telephone, unable to leave, with the faces of four people pressed against my windows who continued to gesture wildly. They were like rabid animals.

Thinking I would drive away and just escape this situation, I turned on the car and two of them jumped in front of it, pulling my traffic cone in front of my bumper so I could not leave. Meanwhile, the other two pressed their faces into the glass, while they cursed and used vulgar hand gestures. All sorts of things were said.

Eventually, after about 20 minutes of haranguing me, they got bored I suppose and moved away. I got out of my car and limped into my apartment, called the police, emailed the apartment management, and gathered my wits.

Shortly afterward, a resident who saw the whole thing, came down to check on me and make sure I was OK. She told me that her husband didn't want her to "get involved" because he was "afraid that those neighbors would target them." The vulnerable are left without protection or advocate, most of the time.

The crux of the problem is that there is no visitor parking in this entire complex of 75 units, save for about 4 spots near the mail boxes in the middle of the property - none of which are labeled as such. There is a very convenient looking space in front of my garage door, right next to the building, and despite plenty of signage saying "no parking" etc., people park there anyway. If/when I place a physical blockage in front of it, I will have to greatly inconvenience myself by having to get out of the car and move it every time I came in or out. After this recent experience, if the management doesn't provide them, I will have to find the money somewhere to get some large and heavy traffic cones myself. (I have requested them before, but they refused me.)

Unfortunately, as I have reported before, the fairly new manager of this complex is in harmony with those who are breaking the law, flouting the rules and hurting the elderly and disabled residents who are forced to live here by virtue of the poverty that provides them few choices. The other elderly and disabled residents tell me that they are afraid to complain, for fear of retaliation, and I don't blame them. It is a real concern, when the person charged with sheltering the vulnerable appears to despise them.

Many times I have scoured the town for other affordable housing that would provide more space and a safer environment, but wishing doesn't make it so. The other "low-income" housing facilities are even worse than this one.

After the incident, I did consult with a police officer about what had happened. He told me that "in this town," people have been killed for less than asking someone to leave a parking spot, that assaults on elderly and disabled people "happen all the time in Albuquerque," and that the legal process isn't much help, unless someone kills you. Welcome to the wild west.

Given the motto emblazoned across the windshield of my assailants' car in big letters, none of this should be a surprise, but I have to say that it is very difficult to live a retired life of prayer under these circumstances. It is no wonder that cenobitic monasticism became a "thing" and the previously hermit-like nuns and monks began to live together. In addition to other benefits, protection from the evil of the world is at least a possibility. But I am not a good candidate for inclusion in someone else's group, for several reasons - not the least of which is that I am of no practical use to any institution, unless they value my spiritual gifts highly. No one is THAT other-worldly. In addition, I have my own mission, and my writing and creative art projects. After spending decades as an independent monastic, and ruling myself alone, it isn't likely I could easily come under the domination of any other group, even if they wanted me, which no one does.

Given all the circumstances, it does not seem possible to escape the aggressions of antisocial humans without some outside help and, since that is clearly  not being offered, I will need to adopt a coping tactic. Jesus, Buddha, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi all advocated for peaceful nonviolence, which isn't easy, of course - but I can't go the route of retaliation because then I would also be in harmony with evil people, and I do not want that. Besides which, it isn't my temperament and never has been.

The moment I would give myself over to retaliation, I would literally be on the road to Hell, in company with villainous companions. At the very least, I have to submerge my mind in the Divine, even if I cannot take my body to a safe place. I must continue to maintain sacred mental and spiritual space around me, if sacred physical space is not possible. At the same time, I rely on God's sure hand to guide me and the intercessory prayers of Mary and my well-wishers to give power to the spiritual space. I hope it will be enough to protect me from real harm. If not, I will be in good company.

I hope you will pray for my success in doing so.

God bless us all.

Silver Rose
Sannyasini Kaliprana

GO TO HEAVEN TODAY

Saint Teresa of Avila

Close-up, portion of statue

"Asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would

come, he said in reply, 'The coming of he kingdom of God

cannot be observed, and no one will announce, 'Look, here 

it is,' or, "There is its.' For behold, the kingdom of God is

among you."

Luke 17:20-21

Thirty five years ago, after a particularly traumatic life event, I decided I needed to learn how to meditate. I didn't know how to start or where to go, so I searched the yellow pages in the phone book. There, among a host of other strange-sounding options, was the Vedanta Society of Northern California. I misread the number, evidently, dialing what turned out to be the private number of the reigning swami at the time, Swami Shraddhananda. He kept saying, "how did you get this number?" I suspect divine intervention.

I learned a lot during my years with the Vedanta Society - mostly at the Southern California base in Hollywood. I lived on the  property in the Hollywood Hills, where I was also a nun in the convent for a few years. I write about that at length in my book.

It was surprising to me that there are so many similarities as regard to meditation practice, among the different world religions. I took to it right away and, I think partly because of the hyperconcentration of the PTSD sufferer, I was able to concentrate my attention.

In the decades since my introduction to meditation, I have been very grateful for my Vedanta training, especially the private instructions given me by my teacher, Swami Swahanandaji, a most revered swami. He was a surrogate father to me and, out of everything he taught me, the meditation is what I call upon most frequently.

Despite chronic illness and pain, the meditation practice has kept me hopeful, with the strong feeling that God is forever with me, that we are connected, that we are "one." After many years of practice, meditation can be done in any position, any time of day and during almost any other activity - at least activities that do not require discursive thought. Housekeeping and other repetitive tasks are the best.

If you have read anything about the Catholic Carmelite Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection, you will be familiar with the Practice of the Presence of God, which is a type of meditation. All he had to do was turn his attention to the Lord while he was washing the pots and pans or peeling potatoes or any one of a number of menial tasks that the other monks preferred not to do. Brother Lawrence was deemed unsuitable to become a priest. He could not sing the Daily Office as he had no facility with Latin. It is said that he wasn't very intelligent, but he was close to God. He said that he was as close to God, among his pots and pans, as if he were in the choir stall, singing the Gregorian Chant.

The kingdom of God is not something that happens for us at some future time. It is within us now, and "all" we need to do is turn our attention to it. When we want to connect with the Lord, we can confidently turn our attention to Him within and sit with Him. Buddhist students will find this very familiar, and it seems to me that, when Jesus said that the Kingdom of God is within us, He was telling us how to "go" to Heaven right now. The degree to which we are able to do this is the degree to which we are detached from the world.

Detachment, in Hinduism, Buddhism and Christianity, is variously described, but to illustrate it in Christian terms is to say that a perfect example of this is when it is announced in the Bible that the love of money is the root of all evil. It is not the money that causes the problem, it is our attachment to it. Detachment from it is so difficult that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.

Christianity talks about sins, and it seems to me that all of these sins are different ways in which we are attached to something other than the Divine. The concept is simple, but the practice is not, because we are expected to appreciate the world without being attached to it, and it is like walking on the razor's edge.

Those of you who were baptized as adults will remember that you were asked to renounce Satan, which is another way of saying that you resolve to be detached from evil, such as selfishness. Think of it: if you are attached to some evil, you cannot be submerged in God. God cannot accept into himself such darkness. The story about Satan being thrown from the Heavens is meant to convey that the evils of selfishness and arrogance can not be accommodated in the Kingdom of God, who is all Good, all Light, all Truth and all Beauty.



The more that we ourselves are attached to the goodness of God, the Light, the Truth and the Beauty of Him, the more we are part of that Heavenly realm. We do not "go" to Heaven. Rather, we open ourselves to be penetrated by and submerged in the Lord. Our behavior on this plane gives a clue to the disposition of our mind. If our mind continually rests on the Lord, it will express itself in a holy life. Everything is interconnected.

This topic is on my mind today, as I have entered a period of more intense pain and a gathering of ominous, new, and uncomfortable symptoms. But I have been able to rest in a blessed mood because of the mindful practice of the presence of God, for which I am very grateful.

The Kingdom of God is within us. It is my prayer that we are all able to throw off our dark attachments and meet one another in the light.

God bless us all

Silver "Rose"
Sannyasini Kaliprana

THE LEGACY OF TRUMP

As bizarre as this sounds, there is a sizable number of Christians who regard Donald Trump as a messiah. They believe that he has been sent by God to protect a Christian nation, and that he is a savior, of sorts. Despite the fact that Trump's behaviors and policies are less Christian than any other politician on either side of the aisle at any time in history, his evangelical supporters are willing to excuse all of it. I don't think it would ever occur to me to write about politics were it not for this weird and astonishing circumstance.

I myself was planning on voting for Trump, until the Access Hollywood tapes came out and I heard him say those horrible things and how he grabs women "by the p---y" and that was IT for me. The more I learned about him, the more I could not imagine him as president, so, despite my antipathy toward Hillary Clinton, I voted for her.

It was blatantly obvious to me that Trump was creepy and dangerous, and I was just stunned when he was elected. Granted, he LOST the popular vote by several million people and was put in office by the auspices of the Electoral College (a mystifying and nonsensical peculiarity of American democracy) but it frightens me that so many Americans, after hearing his disgusting comments and watching his outlandish antics, would not only vote for him, but hotly defend every crackpot thing he has done and said since - against all rational sense.

Speaking as a woman who has a wicked case of PTSD , thanks to rapes and assaults, the idea that this guy is president makes me really uneasy. He promotes grabbing women by their genitals without so much as a 'by your leave"; there are more than a dozen women suing him for that very thing (he claims they are lying); the hearing for his appointment of would-be rapist Kavanaugh to the bench was a nightmare (complete with yet another assault on the impeccable character of his ersatz victim); and, with the name-calling and generally vulgar attitude he broadly and publicly displays toward women, in general, if it weren't for my meditation practice, I would be a certifiable basket case.

I have had many days, when Trump's misogyny and explicit prejudice against disabled people have flowed into my life from random strangers, like that grocery store employee who claimed he believed in "Trump's law" and that I was not disabled enough to suit him so, in his eyes, I did not deserve to use my handicap parking placard. On days like that, when the PTSD has been activated by Trump lovers, it has been impossible to maintain my typically cheerful self.

Trump has cost me friends and the support of some of my Catholic community where I live. A few have dropped me from Facebook and shunned me at church because of him. Pointing out the lies and misbehaviors of Trump is "hateful," according to them. In order to keep their friendship, I would have been required to stick to the fantasy script that he is the messiah come to save us from the gays, the immigrants, the blacks, the browns, and the poor . I do not respond well to emotional blackmail, and I will be damned if I will pretend that wrong is right and bad is good in order to stay in the good graces of people who ought to know better.

A small number of relatives, with whom I was not emotionally close, did likewise. None of them speak to me now because I have had the temerity to point out that which is readily apparent to the rest of us. I am not a perfect person, but at least I aspire to the core values of Christ. Trump doesn't.

The idea that these Trump supporters cannot see what is right in front of their eyes gives me chills up my spine - because he is such an extreme case of explicit corruption. This psychological drama is like the worst horror movie I've ever seen. I used to wonder how these people would cope when they finally realized the amount of danger to which we have been subjected because of their slavish devotion to Trump, but it is slowly sinking in that they never will. I have to accept that this is the way things will be for probably the rest of my life. They'll never be able to admit what they have done, especially to themselves.

Thankfully, most Americans (and most people all over the world) see him for what he is: a craven, mentally unbalanced, morally and ethically bankrupt con artist - a wastrel who, after being given millions of dollars by Daddy, spent his life taking advantage wherever he could, at the expense of innocent people, a man whose level of narcissism is malignant. I also suspect, and I have read the opinion of a host of psychiatrists and doctors who agree, that he may be entering into a phase of some sort of dementia, probably having to do with the progression of disease and/or old age. Some days, his language is such a hash of words that he appears to be barely lucid. Who knows if all the cheeseburgers have clogged his arteries and rotted his brain, or whether he just has some as-yet diagnosed illness? In any case, not only is he temperamentally 'unsuited' for the job of president (that word doesn't do it justice), he is positively dangerous. Saying this makes me "hateful" in the eyes of the Trump lovers.

Once someone decides to shield their eyes and ears from the blatant, obvious, in-your-face reality of Trump, that decision imprisons them.  In order to maintain the fairy tale of Messiah Trump, they can't watch any news program except Fox, or they will hear a truthful narrative from all the professional journalists.  They choose to believe Trump's preposterous claim that CNN and other traditional news outlets are in some kind of conspiracy against him and that publications with strict journalistic standards have all thrown away decades of integrity in order to conspire to spread the exact same lies about him. (I wonder where they MEET? Is there a giant video chat, or what? Do they vote on the lie of the week?)

True believers can't read any news except extremist right wing rags. They will listen to what Trump says about the Mueller Report before they will believe anything Mueller himself says about it, and they will not read the report which IS available. These people won't even take the direction of the POPE, calling instead for the Pope's expulsion from the church on the basis of heresy because his guidance disagrees with Trump's view of the world. The Pope as much as blatantly stated that Trump is not Christian, criticizing his stupid sea-to-sea wall. All of this sounds like a science fiction movie - but it's real.

Walter Cronkite is rolling in his grave.

As I have mentioned before, I know a few people who voted for Trump because he promised to nominate right wing judges - and he has done that. Trump doesn't appear to really care about the Supreme Court. I doubt he understands its role, given how little he appears to know or care about any of the functions of government or basic principles of jurisprudence. His handlers have given him the list from The Federalist Society (another nightmare topic) and he dutifully proposes only the people on that approved list. People in the pro-life community whose focus is making abortion a criminal act are willing to let the rest of government fall down around our ears in service to this one goal. They see some of the craziness of Trump but they don't care because they are getting the judges they want. I am pro-life, but I don't agree with this tragic compromise because it is endangering our democratic process and putting America in real peril from foreign enemies to whom Trump has cozied up and/or aggravated.

I feel, and I have been saying from the beginning, that Trump will do his best to get us embroiled in a war in order to both distract us from his crimes and to lengthen his time in office. As I also predicted, he is making a tremendous amount of money from foreign governments, pouring money into his businesses, as well as the American taxpayer who have been hosting his adult children and in-laws at Trump's luxury resorts for golf trips and "meetings" held at Trump's luxury properties. The partisan Attorney General that he placed at the head of the Department of Justice has engineered a change to the interpretation of the laws around the emoluments clause of the constitution, to the effect that the president should be allowed to receive unlimited amounts of money from foreign governments, as long as those payments are washed through businesses owned by the president. This is very convenient to Trump, whose fortunes were flagging before becoming president. The longer he can extend his presidency, the more money he can pull into his businesses, and the more regulations he can remove for businessmen like himself, ensuring his future further enrichment. Money is usually at the bottom of all corruption, and his administration is no different.

The MOST ironic thing about all this is that I originally became attracted to the Catholic faith, not only because of the mystics but because the values of Jesus Christ appealed to me. Now, I find myself part of a group of people, many of whom have abandoned these values for political expediency. It is heartbreaking for me, personally.

Between the huge sex abuse scandals and this wholehearted embrace of a toxic political administration that promotes unChristian values, the Catholic Church is getting a real hit, as far as reputation is concerned.

I realize that this post is somewhat rambling. This IS a diary, after all, but I should sum up my thoughts, and here it is:

I believe in the values of Jesus Christ and I won't abandon them, even if a large group of my fellow Catholics have traded them in for Republican talking points and have embraced the most unChristian of all politicians. I will not be dissuaded from trying, to the best of my ability, to follow the precepts of the church, and I will also throw myself into my meditation and prayer life with greater devotion. The only peace I get these days is from my meditation, formal and informal, where I tune in to the Divine and leave all the rest of this behind. I am sorry to be traveling this road alone, but I have been an accidental hermit for so long now that giving up the last shred of hope for community life or spiritual support is not such a stretch for me. The Lord does step in and assist me when necessary.

As I was writing this, two things happened. The first was a heated exchange between a reporter and one of Trump's people on the CBS Sunday Morning show in regard to Iran and its supposed attempt to blow up a ship in the Gulf of Hormuz. If he plays his cards right, Trump will get that war he has been wanting.

The other thing that happened as I was writing this: I was dropped by another ersatz "Catholic" who lives in my town. She defriended me on Facebook without a word, and when I questioned her about it, it was because of Donald Trump. This is how they keep the bubble small and the message consistent. God save them.



Silver Rose

GOD IS TRUTH

"The Devil was a murderer from the beginning,

not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in

him. When he lies, he speaks his native language,

for he is a liar and the father of lies."

~ John 8:44 ~

Christians with even the slightest Christian education know that lying is a terrible sin and that God is Truth in the ultimate sense. In the Ten Commandments, there is the admonishment not to give "false witness," there is the story of Annanias and Saphira, who were struck dead on the spot for lying to the Apostles, and most directly in the quote I have provided from John 8, we are told that Satan is the father of all lies. While the Lord is all truth, all goodness, all light, Satan is the opposite, and where you find a plethora of lies is exactly where you have found Satan, because Satan is the original author of every lie that is ever told.

The liar and those who repeat lies will have to answer for it on judgment day. Every lie that is told and willfully repeated without any effort to determine the authenticity of it is an occasion on which the "Christian" has said "yes" to Satan, the father of all lies, and "no" to God, thereby violating their baptismal covenant with Jesus, and establishing themselves as a servant of the dark one.

I realize the language sounds a bit archaic, but matters of heaven and hell often do.

Satan whispers into the ear of Jesus

We have a president who has told the American public more than 10,000 lies since coming into office. These lies are proven. These lies are not even hidden. There are copious videos that prove his lies.

There are also countless articles listing, demonstrating, and linking to proof that Trump is continually lying. His lying is EASILY proven. He constantly misrepresents himself and others, yet some self-described Christians repeat his lies. All they would have to do is watch the videos, read the articles and, most especially, read the Mueller Report if they want to learn about the most egregious lies and how they figure into his multiple crimes.

I am not telling you for whom you should vote. Voting is a political calculation. For instance, I have some friends for whom making abortion illegal is all they care about. They'd put their money on a barn-sour nag if they thought it would make abortion go away. Many of them will say, "all politicians lie," ignoring the fact that no one lies to the massive degree that Trump does. He is a world class, bald faced, unrepentant liar. In fact, he is the most prolific liar EVER.

You vote for who you vote for - but you don't have to repeat and perpetuate lies. That's what I'm talking about: THE LIES.

Instead of being a tool in the hand of Satan, check your statements with nonpartisan, reliable arbiters of fact. In the public sphere, that would be

FACT CHECK

SNOPES

POLITIFACT

REUTERS NEWS SERVICE

There is no excuse to remain ignorant of the Truth, particularly if you are repeating the lies that are being employed to advance a political agenda.

I have a feeling that some Christians are repeating the lies and hatred of Trump and his cronies because they think that they have to do that in order to be considered a supporter of his and thereby a supporter of the hobby horse that made them vote for him to begin with.

Though the cognitive dissonance of supporting your hobby horse on the one hand and decrying the lies and dishonesty on the other may drive you mad, welcome to the club. I support the social justice platform of the democrats but I dislike the amoral engineering, such as when they talk about abortion being "health care" or act like it is some kind of positive good, which I find bizarre.

Neither party is suited to a Christian worldview, and that's just a fact. We are all trying to do the best we can to vote for what appears to be the least injurious platform, in a holistic sense, without losing our souls in the process.

Support what you find that is good but don't perpetuate the lies. Don't take on the sins of Trump and his minions or you will suffer for them personally.

Silver Rose

THE GOD OF SECOND CHANCES

In Tuesday's general election, Hillary Clinton received the most votes from the people, but Donald Trump won the Electoral College votes and is therefore our new President Elect. As a result, there were thousands of people in a number of cities throughout the United States who protested Trump's election as our soon-to-be president. About ten thousand people protested in front of Trump Plaza, well into the late evening. Chicago and Los Angeles experienced large protests. Even here in Albuquerque, we had people in the streets.

This is by no means the first time that a president has lost the popular vote but won the election. It is a unique American quirk that we accept as the legitimate method of determining the winner in any campaign. Peaceful protest is also a feature of the American democratic system and, as long as it doesn't deteriorate into violence, is allowed to occur.

As soon as it became apparent that Trump was going to win the Electoral College votes, I began to pray for him, dedicating a rosary to his well-being and praying that Trump experience a radical conversion of heart. I continue to hope that the enormity of his responsibilities brings him to his knees before God, chastens him and humbles him, so that he can be successful as a president of all the people. As he begins to realize that most of the American people did not want him in the office, but he has to be president of all the people, I imagine it will likely hit him very hard.

My 33rd great grandmother was a Ukrainian ruler who earned a reputation as a bloody and retaliatory queen. In vengeance for the murder of her husband, she nearly wiped out an entire ethnic minority, doing so in a most gruesome and cruel manner. Later, she somehow experienced a great conversion, became baptized, and is now known as Saint Olga of Kiev, patron of widows and converts. If that woman can become a saint, there is hope for all of us.

A wonderful feature of our faith is the Lord's great love for us that manifests in forgiveness, over and over again, immediately upon our expression of regret and plea for forgiveness. Jesus is the ruler of our hearts and meets us there in love.

Donald Trump has expressed harsh criticisms against several minorities, the disabled, women, veterans captured in battle, the American press, and refugees escaping war torn countries. His rhetoric has been vulgar, insulting, retaliatory, and, frankly, dangerous to the welfare of our country (such as when he invited the Russians to covertly interfere with our elections, which, apparently, they did, to some degree or another.) His worldview, as consistently expressed by him, is the antithesis of the Christian worldview.

Despite all the negatives, Christians voted him into office because of his supposedly pro-life sentiments and his stated intention to appoint pro-life judges to the Supreme Court. In one sense, it was a wild gamble. Trump presents as anything but a good Christian man, but our hope springs eternal. We have seen great conversions before, and this is what it will take in order for this man to meet the expectations of the Christians who voted for him. This is what I pray for.

I ask all my readers to join me in praying for Donald Trump, his family and his support staff. Let us pray for his deep conversion of heart that strengthens his promises with regard to the pro-life cause. Let us pray that he seeks a soft spot on which to land when things get tough for him in the many many battles that face him, and that he realizes that the soft spot he seeks is the loving heart of Christ.

God bless us all...

Silver Rose

JESUS IGNORED POLITICS

***NOT***

Yesterday I sat, horrified, through a supposed homily that was, instead, a comment on modern politics, in particular REPUBLICAN politics, and a complaint by this priest that the moderator for the recent Republican debates overstepped her role by leading the questions in a direction that the priest thought should not have been done.

Although he did not specifically reference Megyn Kelly's pointed questions to Donald Trump about his frequent and many instances in which he called women disgusting names, I got the point, loud and clear.  He is a Republican, thinks that our God is a Republican, thinks that Catholics are automatically Republican, and probably approves of Donald Trump's misogynistic attitudes, or at least feels that they aren't important enough to call him on his actions during the debates, which is even worse when I think about it.

There is an insidious disease in the Catholic Church in America.  A great number of Catholics have become obsessed with politics, including our priests, which makes me very sad.  Instead of looking at the world through the eyes of Christ, they are looking at the world through Republican eyes and, in doing so, are perverting the faith.  Over and over again, I see "Catholics" posting in social media and all over the internet and being interviewed on television programs whose faith is being twisted to accommodate those aspects of the Republican platform that are the antithesis of the Catholic faith.  Hardly anyone talks about the words of Jesus any more, even when, as in the case of priests, they really ought to be focusing on Him.  It is unquestionably an aspect of their function to do so.

Catholic values have to be applied to our entire lives, of course.  This includes how we vote, no doubt, but a political party should not define us.  For some people, however, it does.  I call these people "Republicatholics."  They are all over social media and in our churches, peddling a philosophy that is not Catholicism.  Hell, it isn't even Christian.  It is a political orientation.  Look at some of the Facebook pages of priests and laity and you will find nothing but political memes, cartoons, blog links and articles.  Some of these offerings are broadly vulgar and offensive.  Many of them are obviously intended to start rumors.  Some are just nasty comments about Hilary Clinton or Barack Obama.  Many cite "facts" that are not facts at all.  It is, for the most part, low brow stuff.

It isn't just that we are nearing an election year.  This situation has been building for at least 6 years.  It has gotten worse and worse over time.

Jesus was not accepted by most Jews as the promised Messiah because he did not come as an earthly King.  Jews were expecting him to come and conquer their overlords.  They'd been under the tyrannical rule of so many despotic regimes in their history that they'd had just about enough of that, and their idea of a King was someone who would change the government.  He disappointed them by coming into our world as a poor person with no political clout whatsoever.  He didn't advocate the overthrow of the Roman government.  He mostly talked about love and taking care of the poor.

The Republican political platform, with the exception of their supposed "pro-life" plank, is in direct opposition to the Christian faith.  The Democratic platform is likewise in direct opposition to the Christian faith in the matters of morality and abortion.  This is the classic "no win" situation for the Christian.  We just have to do the best we can in that arena and then move on.

Political action is not going to save us and should not define us.  It didn't define Jesus, and we need to follow Him and be faithful to Him.  Jesus did not identify with any earthly power structure.  He was a man of the people...the poor...the sick...the needy.  He didn't stand on a box in the town square and advocate a change in government.

Before the steam starts coming out of your ears and you pounce on the keyboard to write me an hysterical note to the effect of "WHAT ABOUT ABORTION?" I will simply say that, had we done what Jesus told us to do, no one would be wanting an abortion.  Abortion is legal because a great number of people want it, and, although I favor making it illegal, I have the suspicion that it will never be illegal until the hearts of Americans are changed.  Jesus left us with instructions on how to do that.

When we have helped to transform the hearts of Americans into loving, generous, grace-filled Christian hearts, the government will naturally follow.  How this has escaped the notice of so many is a mystery to me, except that it is a heck of a lot easier to campaign against something with righteous indignation than it is to follow the commands of Jesus.

As for me, I will no longer have to endure civics and politics classes masquerading as homilies.  My physical condition has become so severe that I am no longer able to sit through mass and, unless something changes, I will not be able to attend.  Fortunately, no matter how far off the beam the priest becomes, his ability to confect the Eucharist is not affected.  A friend will bring me the body of Christ, and I am very grateful for that.  In the meantime, I pray for our priests and for all Christians who have become enamored of the political circus instead of their faith.  I pray they return to a Christian focus instead of a political one.

God bless us all.
Copyright (c) 2015, Silver Rose Parnell
All rights reserved