Lady of the Stars
by
Silver S. Parnell
(c) Copyright 1997
All rights reserved.
This topic is far-reaching and has affected my life dramatically, so this post is a bit of a ramble, and I hope you'll forgive me for that, but this IS a diary and there are days when the events of the day intersect with my chronic illnesses and the mental processes and developments that occur, on occasion, with someone given over to a great deal of mental prayer.
Not Seen but Felt
There is an unseen reality of the spiritual universe that we sense is there, even when no one has told us specifically that there is such a thing. The physical world and its goings on sometimes hint at it but my experience is that some people correctly perceive the yearning to dive into it as a yearning for God and others are more confused. They try to find God in the emoluments of the world, and this is why we are warned constantly, in all the religious traditions, really, not to look for the Divine in the transitory things and doings of the world, but to "dive deep."
I sometimes find that people whose business it is to advance the spiritual objectives of humans and who ought to be examples of holiness have personalities and habits that point in another direction. This week I've run into a few of these folks, and I'll explain later, but first I offer today's Gospel reading, which just happens to give Jesus's point of view about this topic:
Jesus said to his disciples:
"Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing,
but underneath are ravenous wolves.
By their fruits you will know them.
do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?
Just so, every good tree bears good fruit,
and a rotten tree bears bad fruit.
A good tree cannot bear bad fruit,
nor can a rotten tree bear good fruit,
nor can a rotten tree bear good fruit.
Every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down
and thrown into the fire.
So by their fruits you will know them."
~Matthew 7:15-20~
The Fruits of the Holy Spirit
Even Children with no exposure to religion, have a sensitivity to these fruits of the Holy Spirit. Goodness is obvious to their innocent souls. In fact, children often experience this world of the spirit very profoundly, and that is why we sometimes marvel at the suddenly wise things they will say, on occasion, between doing stupid things that will get them killed, of course. Even in households completely devoid of spiritual or religious thought, such as the one in which I lived, their pure hearts will be tuned in the movement of the Divine that they sense underneath everything else. They don't have the language for it, of course, but the experience is there. I remember the lovely experience of just being that comes upon us when we are quieted in nature. Eventually we are given to understand that it is God.
The Scientology Cult of L. Ron Hubbard
I seem to have been born interested in God, but I was raised by abusive people who hated religion, so of course the first thing I did when I left home was to fall into the first religion I encountered, which was the cult of Scientology. I ended up doing a "special mission" for the founder L. Ron Hubbard on the Scientology "Sea Org" flag ship that traveled between Spain and Portugal, with regular stops at the Canary Islands and Portugal's island of Madeira.
My strongest memory of Hubbard was that he had a bevy of nubile, young "messengers" who hung on his every word and waited on him meticulously. In addition to running messages from one end of the twin-screw motor yacht to the other, they did all kinds of personal errands for him and were ready at hand when he needed his tobacco lit.
The thing that alarmed me was that the young teen's uniforms were extremely tight, with derriere and décolletage nearly bursting out. It didn't seem appropriate because it pointed away from the divine and to the world of biology and crass material instead. After getting to the "heart" of that group and finding that its emperor wore no clothes, I remember thinking, "well, this isn't it!" It took me a another six months to escape THAT group. First, I had to get off the ship!
View from El Dorado Hills
California, 1995
(c) Silver S. Parnell
All rights reserved.
Cults and Sexual Perversions
I also got a chance to watch friends and acquaintances make some unusual choices over the years. When I was in my early 20's, I worked for an attorney from an office on his property. He and his family were marginally involved with an old Indian man whom everyone called "Father" who had 7 young American "wives" that he had conned into buying his self-serving, sexually perverted version of "Hinduism." It was a tiny little cult and it was weird. I happened to see that old man lay a big French kiss on one of his young "wives" and it revolted me. I remembered thinking, "I've gotta get OUT of here." Shortly thereafter, my boss died in a bizarre auto accident, and I moved on.
All Religions Subject to Clericalism
Something that all religions had in common, no matter the degree of legitimacy or cultishness, was the tendency for the devotees to practically worship every authority figure. This was regardless of whether or not the spiritual celebrity warranted it, i.e., whether or not he or she actually followed the precepts of the faith and met general expectations for being a good human. This sort of thing happens in every organized religion.
I have seen a certain degree of it recently in the Catholic Church, though "clericalism" has, admittedly, become a little less prevalent than it was before the pedophilia scandals.
Swami Swahananda
Hollywood Temple 1980's
(c) copyright Silver S. Parnell
All rights reserved
Meeting a Legitimate Saint
When one has known a person of legitimate spiritual bona fides, it is easier, later on, to identify the wolves in sheep's clothing when you meet them. On my spiritual journey, I have gotten to know people whose spiritual character was a wonderful example to others and who more than deserved the devotion that many of us had for them. One such person was Swami Swahananda. He seemed always to be absorbed in the Divine. Even when he was telling a joke, I would see him drop back into it quickly. By "it" I mean that vast unseen reality that I had been aware of since I was a kid. He would tell his silly joke and enjoy the laughter, and you could see it in his eyes, that he "returned to zero." He was wonderful to be with because he never tried to drag me into conversations of things that did not matter, such as what the other women would often do. While the nuns were absorbed in whether or not I would lose weight before entering the convent, for instance, he could not care less.
Nothing in the perceptible world missed his notice, of course. He wasn't blind. It's just that he was so established in the enduring reality of the unseen spirit that he wasn't going to waste his time dealing with things that were transitory. How much my body weighed was not on his list of stuff that matters because my body was the least interesting thing about me. He saw my nature, and I saw his, and we had a wonderful friendship. Every once in a while he would imitate the pinched face of one of the nuns as she delivered her scathing criticisms of me, and we would both be overcome with the giggles, despite the fact that I was being positively roasted by the good lady nun. It drove them mad that I did not take their criticisms of me in a serious vein.
Swami at the beach, Kali Puja Immersion day
Ignoring his spiritual stature and only watching the way a close handful of people clung to him, a jealous woman used to speak disparagingly about the swami. She represents the other side of the coin of the cult of personality because she ALSO judged him on the basis of something other than his character, but in her case, she disparaged him, whereas most people obsessed with personality instead of principles almost deify their leaders, while ignoring their wretched moral and ethical behavior at the same time. Same coin. Two sides.
"An honest witness does not deceive,
but a false witness pours out lies."
Proverbs 14:5
Every religious tradition I am aware of has a prohibition against lying, except perhaps the Scientologists. I seem to remember some written policy that says that if a lie is going to protect the survival of Scientology, it is OK to tell it. I don't believe in that idea for the preservation of any religion, but I also do not consider Scientology a religion because, while I was in it, they were talking about how ludicrous it was to suddenly start talking about God but that they had to do it in order to get a tax-free status. "God" played an extremely minor part in their philosophical discussions. The existence of God was acknowledged but I never heard a discussion of Him. He was in the background somewhere, I suppose.
One's moral and ethical behavior, and the gifts of the Holy Spirit are the calling cards of the soul. They tell you everything you need to know about a person. Swami Swahananda's ethical and moral life was beyond reproach. I have almost no criticisms of him, and none of the ones I DO have are important.
It is sad, really, that the beauty of the Lord is right here for the taking, and people waste their time on externals and petty egotistical squabbles. Jesus said that the kingdom of Heaven is among us, and I think that he was trying to get our minds off the gross stuff of the physical world and establish us in the spiritual world with HIM because Heaven is among us when HE is among us. He is among us when we incline our minds in his direction. It is very simple, really.
Balancing Body and Soul
It's a balancing act between body and soul. Humans have too much attention on the gross and not enough on the subtle planes. We ARE body and soul, but a lot of people behave as if the only thing that matters is the physical plane.
The physical world has to be dealt with, of course. I think it is in this physical universe that we are meant to demonstrate the spiritual lessons, and it is important for that reason. If the world was completely unnecessary, God could have simply made us and kept us in heaven with himself. We are made to learn something in this world, but we are not meant to think of it as the be-all and end-all of existence. We are here for some time, doing what we do, and then we return to Him if we don't ruin ourselves here.
By the way, all of this, the way I have expressed it and my perceptions about it are my own and do not represent any official religious interpretation of scriptures, theology or anything established by any church. I am only describing what I have experienced but I am not setting myself up as an authority for anyone else.
Meditation is Common Among Many Religions
While I have studied and experienced many religions, I was lucky to have stumbled across Vedantic Hinduism because everything was different after that. The meditation practice is really wonderful, and I was lucky to have had a relationship with someone established in the spiritual reality who deserved to be lionized a bit. I feel grateful to have been his student and to have taken Sannyas (monastic) vows at his feet (many years after leaving the group.) After learning from him, it became easy for me thereafter to make an assessment of other spiritual personalities and people in general.
Twelve Bad Marriages at Once
I first heard about contemplative monastic life when I was 11 and, in a real fluke, started corresponding with a convent of Catholic Carmelite sisters. My mother had an absolute fit and objected, and that was the end of THAT. I stuffed my desire for monastic life until much later, when I discovered Vedanta and really fell in love with Vedantic meditation.
A perverse person stirs up conflict, and
a gossip separates close friends.
~Proverbs 16:28~
It wasn't long before my monastic inclinations rose up again, and I found myself in the convent, after a grueling period of hazing by the nuns. I just could not understand their antipathy. If only there were spiritual personalities like Swami Swahananda in the convent, I might have stayed forever, but those nuns tormented me with a constant stream of petty criticism, gossip and superficial nonsense. I hadn't a moments peace. It was like 12 bad marriages at once, and it shocked me because I expected at least a minimum of the divine attributes. I was not expecting it to be like returning to high school. It was mind boggling. No matter how hard I tried, they continued to torment me.
An example of someone's behavior being the opposite of what one would expect of a holy person:
I hurt my back working for them, and one of the nuns marched down to the swami to inform him that I was "faking." It was a lie, of course, but I cannot honestly tell you what this was all about. Why did she do that? Why did she even think such a thing? Why, after decades in a convent, does a senior staff member make something up out of whole cloth, and why, for the love of God, did she not have a speck of love or compassion in her for someone who was suffering? I was in a LOT of pain and had to be in a wheelchair half the time.
Today, I am fully disabled, with chronic pain and debilitating arthritis. A lot of what I suffer is due to the hard work I did in that convent and the arthritis that began during that time. Clearly, I wasn't "faking" it, as the X-Rays tell the whole story.
Lies and gossip are signs of suspect motives for joining a religious group:
One funny story: Apparently, they were telling all the devotees that I was eating all the chocolate in the pantry, and then the snootiest nun went on vacation and the chocolate just sat there. I had NO idea any of this was going on because I don't like chocolate very much and will only eat it if I am having a very strong urge for something sweet and my choice is either nothing or chocolate. They never spoke to me about any of this and I had been told I wasn't allowed to speak to the devotees, so none of them told me that the nuns were spreading rumors about me. All I knew was that there was this roiling underlying tension and energy all the time which literally made me ill.
Lies and Gossip Follow Their Target for Years
When I left the convent, I was very lonely. I had spent years living with people who behaved with hatred toward me, so I soon thereafter started dating one of the local men, and, before I knew it the nuns were saying that I had been secretly dating this man while I still living in the convent! A complete lie. I am not capable of this, nor have I done anything similar to it at any time in my life. Whoever started the rumor knew it was a lie. They knew that it was something they had invented. Lies are just the worst.
I often tell folks that THIS habit of women toward jealousy, gossip and lies is why men are in charge of the world.
Being Alone With God is Sometimes The Only Route to Take
Hearing about those lies, years later, was validation for my having left the convent. When you go to place so that you can get closer to God, and all the people living with you are immersed in lies and ill-will, it becomes impossible to do the very thing you came there for to begin with. Living now as a hermit, I have much more spiritual companionship than when I lived in that place, surrounded by supposedly holy women - or at least women who had presented some sort of good intention when they arrived.
After leaving the convent, one of them admitted to me that they had all been afraid that I would "rule the convent from the bottom" because I was close to the Swami. They hounded me out of the convent due to that jealousy and fear but none of it had anything to do with me. It is a terrible shame because I loved convent life, but after 20 years as a hermit, I recognize now that the solitary path is probably my destiny, if not what I wanted for myself.
Many of these circumstances led to my going to the Catholics. I thought SURELY Catholic organizations are better ordered. But now I am not so sure. I think perhaps people are the same everywhere and that the saints are just those people who actually follow the religion.
All these experiences taught me a LOT about human beings in religious institutions. So YOU get to benefit from my distressing experiences. I bring a lot to the table in this regard.
Swami Swahananda
making a point during class
(c) Silver S. Parnell
All rights reserved
Motives for Joining an institution or profession Vary
Something that happens in spiritual life and in politics is that callow individuals seeking the status of celebrity and the power that comes along with it, will pursue advancement in convents, monasteries and other institutions and they use the credibility of those institutions to paint themselves in a more respectable light than what they would typically earn on their own. The problem with this is that these people damage the reputations of those institutions that they use in this way.
We have examples of this in many fields. For instance, in politics, we have a cynical con man in Donald Trump, who has destroyed the reputation of the Republican party. In the spiritual field, the first thing that comes to mind are the many pedophiles that have used the Catholic Church as "cover" for their vile activities. People have been known to murder for profit, and then hide behind religious robes, a police uniform, or a political position.
The many saints that I write about in this blog have our respect because of their spiritual character. They are reliable witnesses to the faith in what they do and say. Wearing a costume or having a title is irrelevant. They are called "Saint" because of what they do and say and not because they wear a religious garb.
Farmland in Placerville, CA
(c) 1995, Silver S. Parnell
All rights reserved.
Choosing to be Intentional When Choosing One's Associates
We live in an era in which wolves in sheep's clothing have multiplied dangerously. We have to watch people very carefully and do not give them our allegiance or lend them even our attention until we have ascertained that their character warrants it. Are they truthful? Are they kind? Do they follow the commandments of their faith? We need to be more deliberate and intentional when allowing people into our lives, hearts and minds.
Obviously, I am not saying that perfection is required but with respect to LIES, in particular, there is no way to accidentally "lie" because when you invent a lie, you know that you have done this deliberate thing (unless you are insane, which is a different problem!) When a person lies, they are choosing to do evil. I think this is why it is said in the Bible that Satan is the father of all lies.
Perhaps this is why lies bother me so much. The person knows it is not true, but they say it anyway.
Generally speaking, the person's actions should typically tend toward the attributes described as the "fruits of the Holy Spirit" in St. Paul's letter to the Galations, which are:
Love,
Joy,
Peace,
Patience,
Kindness,
Generosity,
Faithfulness,
Gentleness,
and Self-Control.
These fruits of the Holy Spirt are shared, in other forms, with the philosophies of Buddhist and Hindu faiths, as well as others.
There is a nice article about these at the following link:
It occurs to me as I write this that it would not be a bad idea for me to list these 9 fruits and post them somewhere prominently to remind me, in my daily self-examination, to compare my behavior and thoughts to this list. Taking this list in hand and comparing the actions of supposed leaders and "holy" people is a pretty good idea also.
Another thing to watch are those infernal memes on Facebook and elsewhere. Don't absorb these obnoxious, simplistic maxims unthinkingly. Many times, the person to whom a quote is attributed has not had those words come out of their mouth or their pen. Sometimes, the quote makes no sense outside of the larger document to which it belongs. Most of the time, these pat little memes get their energy from some type of criticism of others that is toxic. Many times, the memes appeal to an underdeveloped ego that looks to make itself feel superior to other humans, and if we take these ideas on board, it will be deadly to our spiritual development.
A few days ago, I read a long quote from a supposed homily of Pope Francis that a nun living in a convent had published to the internet, with her own enthusiastic recommendation for the supposed wisdom of the words. Immediately, I could tell that it was a fake. It spoke in a way that was not our Pope's manner of speech, and the underlying ideas were "New Age" in some spots and Calvinistic in others. A quick Google search proved my suspicions were accurate It was an heretical post. Memes like this are spiritual poison for the soul.
Pope Francis recently meeting with Buddhists
I attached a link to the post of a journalistic article about this spurious "homily" and sent a private message to the sister, asking her to please remove the post because it was fake. What she did instead was to immediately remove me from her "friend list" without a word in response. I was unable to communicate further with her. I suspect that a religious who behaves this way has perhaps chosen her vocation for the wrong reason. Who knows? In any case, her behavior was wholly inappropriate.
It used to surprise me when people behaved in this way. If I was told I had published a fake quote to the internet, I would have THANKED the person and removed the post. I would be grateful to have the truth. But for some people, the truth is not something in which they have much interest. Other things, like their ego needs, are more important to them.
You find this sometimes with people who start groups online as well. They use the groups to satisfy ego needs that have not been met. Today I joined a group modeled after Bede Griffith's ashram-style Catholic institutions. Bede wrote some WONDERFUL books, and I felt a great kinship with him when I left the Hindu convent to become Catholic, but the one comment I made on a meme in today's Facebook group was met with such rudeness and snotty arrogance that I immediately left the group. (It wasn't Bede Griffiths that did this. He died years ago. It is some man with whom I have no experience except his rude response to a comment I'd given considerable thought. .) I wanted so much to talk with people of like minds, but everywhere is pretense and posing instead of authentic spiritual interest.
Fr. Bede Griffiths, a Catholic Sadhu
I took the same type of vows and wear the
same color, when it is available.
Bede Griffiths books are just wonderful. He is a very deep thinker, and anyone interested in contemplative life will find him interesting, I believe. On the following link, there is a clip of a lecture of his:
Fr. Bede Griffiths
With regard to fake memes on Facebook:
Many years ago, a former friend with monastic aspirations posted an even more noxious meme that ALSO had a picture to accompany the fake story. The picture was of some other person and not the "pastor posing as a homeless person outside his church" that the fake "true story" claimed. The meme targeted Christianity and made the point that Christians are hypocrites. While some Christians ARE hypocrites, I am sure, it is not right to negatively paint the entire faith with a lie.
Here is an article about the fake meme that she used:
This is the photo from the fake meme. It is
supposedly "Jeremiah Steepek" but is
actually a photo of an English homeless man
When I approached that former friend about the lie she was perpetrating, she became extremely hostile, called me names, made up stories about me and my supposed motives, and was generally vile. It does not matter how polite, how correct, how loving the method by which you approach these kind of people because approaching them about their dishonesty enrages them. At least, that has been my experience - and the reaction is particularly strong if the person has some kind of monastic aspiration or has a yearning for another type of celebrity.
While we have to watch these people carefully, and avoid internalizing whatever dishonesty they are peddling, I wouldn't walk through life with suspicion. That would be exhausting and of little or no benefit. I would just say to continue to behave with respect and deference toward ALL humans but to just be very careful about what ideas you take on board. Guard your soul from trojan horses filled with toxic dogma.
I have witnessed circumstances in which philosophical concepts that are allowed to sink into our soul without challenge or examination can wreak havoc down the line. A LOT of people believe fervently in a few popular "New Age" theories that directly contradict the Catholic faith, for instance, and they are unaware of it. I am not saying you cannot have an independent thought. I am suggesting that you ought to KNOW that it is an independent thought!
As far as the spurious memes that are endemic on Facebook, you may decide to do what I have decided to do, and that is to curtail my Facebook activity. I'm not joining any more groups, because you never know who is sitting at their computer creating these "Catholic" groups without having any bona fides to back up their "leadership." And I am going to resist the urge to make comments on other people's posts, unless it's about animals or art. I can't go too far wrong there.
The final comment on which I want to end is to turn around all the negative experiences and reframe them in the positive which will be obvious, but I feel that I am not doing my job if I am not pointing toward the Divine, rather than the absence of the Divine - because that is EXACTLY how I have learned to cope with all the negative experiences I have had around this topic, with people who should have loved me but worked to make me miserable instead.
Here is what I want to say: even if there is no one in your arena who exhibits the fruits of the Holy Spirit, that is perfectly fine because we ourselves can turn this around and do my favorite thing, and that is "incline the mind to God!"
We can get going with our mental prayer and turn this into a 9-day novena and meditate on one fruit of the Holy Spirit each day. Isn't that a good idea? By meditating on the fruits of the Holy Spirit, it will help each of us develop those characteristics within ourselves, and we can radiate it out to the universe.
As usual, all situations devolve into a call to become better ourselves, and I hope you join me in the effort. Let me know how this works for you, if you decide to try it, won't you?
May God bless us all!
Silver Rose
