RETURN TO THE LORD IN HASTE

 

If there is one abiding principle I have learned in the 20 years I have been living the hermit life, it is that the Lord is always with us and all we have to do is turn our gaze to Him to submerge ourselves in the recognition of the continuing connection between the sheep and their Shepherd.

How this is done forms the life work of the spiritual aspirant. The more quickly one returns to God as each worldly task is completed, is an indication of our appetite for Him, for if we are tempted by the allurements of the world, then we tarry too long entertaining our baser instincts, wasting the gift of our attention when we should be delighting God with our loving glance.

Even the hermit cannot experience the submersion of the concentrated faculties in God every minute of the day. Our minds are required to negotiate our way down our path, whichever road we have chosen or which has been chosen for us. 

To pray unceasingly is the path of the contemplative hermit. Prayer and Labor, Ora et Labora, establishes the rhythm for the hermit, as our engrossment moves from one mode to another, from work to the Lord and back to work again, everything in its proper time. Our concentration needs to be complete for each. The Lord will know when our entire mind is not with him, and He will miss those parts of us that are withheld from Him, as He wants our entire consciousness to be upon him. Likewise, during our dedicated labors, even if only washing the dishes, we need our whole mind for the task, otherwise the crockery gets broken.

Just now, there is a lot of crockery being broken on Capitol Hill, and it is very distracting. We have a president who is rampaging through all the arms of the government and breaking things, in contravention of our laws, the Constitution, and our customs. It is disturbing to the hermit, first of all, because many people are being hurt unnecessarily and cruelly, which always bothers this hermit. 

The overriding problem, as I see it, is that this is not "business as usual" because this ruler is imitating many of the same things Hitler, Stalin and others have used to suppress and control people. 

I have reason to believe we are in danger of losing the democracy that allows me to live as a hermit, in peace. It will be more than crockery that gets broken if this man is allowed to follow through with his stated aims. Our entire way of life may be broken. 

Because of all of this, my attention has, of necessity, been captured by current events in a way that has not been done before this. There are civic duties to discharge, and I must do them. But at the same time, I cannot abandon my contemplative life.

Although I am aware that there is a constant stream of bad news and reportage of frightening events, I am posting this to remind my friends not to fall down that deep well of fear and despair. Do what you have to do in this crazy world of ours. Advocate for justice, write your letters, make your phone calls, have your meetings, feed the hungry, house the homeless, and encourage the downcast, but as soon as you are finished, return to the Lord in haste, and abide with Him in peace, quiet, and blessedness.

REMEMBER that, when you turn your attention to the Divine, the anxieties do not follow you. They do not follow because they CAN'T. 

When we are absorbed in God, the Blessed Mother, and the encouraging saints, that beautiful vibration that we reach and then match with our inner selves will not allow for the anxieties to catch us. God is all good, and when we are absorbed in Him, Satan and all the worries of the world CANNOT join us in that protected space of Sacred Love.

The one caution I would give is to make sure you do not cling to the bad news. Don't become fascinated by the evil of the world. Don't attach yourselves to your pet peeves, or you will become peevish instead of holy. 

Do only what you feel you HAVE to do in order to discharge your duties, and then flee to the Lord. You do not want to become attached to the anger and hostilities that are flooding the public space. Anger has its own type of endorphins that flow into the body, and then you are caught.

I have seen more than one religious person become stuck like this. Their "message" becomes fixated on ugliness. Instead of pointing to our holy Lord, and presenting the beauty of the Holy Face, they post pictures of the torn-up bodies of aborted babies, and the images of people who live alternative lifestyles and have dozens of piercing and tattoos on their faces and necks. Instead of attracting the world to the promises of Christ, they repel them with grotesqueries and attempt to engage them with hatred toward people who live or think differently than we do.

Part of staying focused on The Lord is by maintaining a loving eye on the world. To love our neighbor is not to objectify him as a person to hate, but as a person who is beloved by God and to whom we may offer a brilliant image of the Lord, our blessed Mother Mary, the saints and angels, and the heavenly realm.

After all, life on this earth is not all we have to look forward to. So we attend to our duties with love and care, laying our minds at the feet of our Lord as much as we are able, all the while keeping a willing heart within us, always ready to incline ourselves toward God.

I pray for you. Please pray for me.

Silver Rose

Saint Ulphia (Wulfia or Wulfe) - January 31

 

Saint Ulphia

(died January 30, 776)

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I started writing this post in January but was dealing with the aftermath of a terrible fall that hurt both knees badly and caused me to slow my movements even more than what is typical, so it became lost for some time and I am just now getting back to it on February 6th. I will try to post it in the proper order online, but if I am unable to do that, I know you will understand.

There are a surprising number of female hermits who have been sainted. Typically, when the subject of "hermits" comes up, most folks tend to picture a grizzled old man, usually with long, unkempt hair and a beard to match. For some reason, the men get a lot of celebration while the women see very little mention. Perhaps women are more successful in remaining hidden.

I enjoy reading about these female hermits, searching for clues as to how they survived this mode of life and hoping to get some picture of their inspirations and motivations. I wish there was more information on-line. This is yet another one of my many projects for which there is not enough time. The balance between the religious, intellectual, and writing projects is delicate. There is only so much time in each day, and I am becoming less and less able to do much of anything physical, while at the same time I have, essentially, no help with any of the physical jobs that need doing in order to function properly.

Saint Ulphia

with her mentor, Saint Domitius

Amiens, France

Today's little-known female hermitess lived near Amiens, France, in the 8th Century. She was a disciple of Saint Domitius, located at the Abbey of Saint-Acheul, in Amiens. Perhaps her relationship with that (male) saint is how she became known by others and how a community of disciples began building hermitages around her. She organized them into a community and then went back into seclusion.

It is that particular sequence of events, when she got involved with organizing others, that initially interested me, particularly because I am currently peeking outside my own hermitage in a temporary effort to offer some inspiration for a type of ministry that I feel the Church is lacking, as a whole. (This is the "Parish Membership Ministry" that I've designed with various modules, including the "Elder Orphans" ministry. It is taking forever to even see if it will be enacted because it is proceeding in that glacially slow way that appears to be so typical of the churches that are struggling to keep their membership. They are so stuck in their procedures that I believe they have trouble letting go of those things that are bogging them down to begin with. The infections of modernism and secularism are at the heart of most of it. More about that in another post.)

I have encountered many unexpected surprises in my brief foray into a recently increased contact with other humans.  Other people, not realizing that I am living a different kind of life than they might imagine, are not equipped to understand our differences.

In the Middle Ages, I have the impression that most people were aware of the vocation of hermit and anchoress.

I have considered wearing a modified uniform, a "habit" that communicates some kind of religious lifestyle but which is different enough from the standard habit that I won't look as if I am impersonating a nun or sister of any particular order. The key point is modesty, of course, and a simple style. My style has leaned toward maxi dresses since I was 15 and I used to sew them up by hand from the lightweight cotton Indian 'bedspreads" that were popular during the hippy era. I have a bolt of nice, plain linen I bought online and will likely end up sewing some new ones with long sleeves, and leave it at that. Somehow I have to get the back room organized in order to produce anything with that sewing machine. When the time is right, The Lord will provide the needed help.

Up until now, I have liked keeping a low profile and not catching the attention of those around me. However, I am beginning to think that it may be time to have more of an outward presentation and to start wearing a habit of some sort. It would certainly reduce the number of pieces of clothing that I keep in the hermitage and would, among other advantages, reduce the amount of laundry duties. It would also explain to some people, without my having to say anything that could be interpreted as rejection of others, that I am not typically involved in the normal entertainments of secular life.

Saint Ulphia sounds like a real character. Supposedly, she was living on the banks of the Noye River, determined never to marry, and when potential suitors came to bother her, she would behave as if she was crazy, just to scare them off. The Bishop gave her "the veil" when she was 25, I suppose granting her similar vows to that which the Diocesan hermits take in these modern days.

She was the attendant of the famous hermit Domitius, who was a Deacon who gave up active work for the life of a hermit. He was much older than she was. She attended to him, and he endowed her with his wisdom. It is not unusual for hermits to attract devotees who learn from them the wisdom of the vocation. It reminds me of my experiences as a Hindu nun, under the tutelage of Swami Swahananda at the Vedanta Society in Southern California.

I do not have a teacher for the last 20 years, but having experienced the support of a highly spiritual elder in my former religion, I feel that I have at least the confidence to try to be a decent Catholic hermit.

There has yet to be a reputable Catholic guide and exemplar for me, ready at hand, and I am sure The Lord would provide one if He felt this was necessary. He knows how reliant I am upon the writings of the experts and I will not get waylaid by quacks or charlatans who try to bamboozle the unsuspecting devotee through thaumaturgic "cosmic poo poo." He knows that I stay grounded.

Speaking of which, I have received no return phone call from the Archbishop since I reached out in December. I was told in December that he would get back to me around January 13, as he was busy until then. I have followed up with phone messages and another email, and I hear crickets.

I cannot pretend to know the reason(s) why "ghosting" people has become a thing that everyone seems to do when they have no use for you.

But I am aware that I am unimportant and also have no money - so why should anyone respond? I am of no use to them and therefore everything that comes across an Archbishop's desk is automatically more pressing than my needs. Besides which, a Dioscecan hermit's vows are given directly into the hands of a bishop, and it may sound like extra work to a man already weighed down with many weighty matters.

On the other hand, I have already lived this life for 20 years, and the only thing I lack is spiritual support and the ability to retain the Blessed Sacrament on my own personal shrine. I will continue to live this life, God willing, for as long as I remain on earth, and I trust completely that The Lord will give me everything I really need.

I am currently not regularly receiving the eucharist, however, and I do need to rectify that situation. The lady that was bringing it to me was subjecting me to a terrible angry temperament, and yelling at me quite a bit - both here and in her car during errands - also yelling at the other drivers in an unending litany of surreal conversation with people who I doubt could hear her with her windows rolled up. Once she even got out of the car, in the middle of traffic, and walked to the car BEHIND us so that she could yell at the driver. It was a frightening series of events.

I finally could not endure it any longer and I believe it is safer not to have her come here because I am beginning to think that she may be suffering the onset of some kind of dementia, alzheimer's disease or something like it, and there are certain instances when those experiencing this illness have completely lost their tempers and gotten violent. I am not able to run away from her, if she should really come unglued, so I told her not to come here any more.

The deacon did not believe me, I don't think. Or he did not want to. I am not sure what is going on there, but he indicated he would not be making any effort to get me someone else. He muttered something about not having volunteers and how rare they are since Covid. Even after Covid has mostly gone away, people have not returned to volunteering, which I find sad.

I also wonder why no one at the parish makes any effort to reach out for volunteers and perhaps announce them after mass. So many Christians are in need of companionship with other friends of Jesus! My "Parish Membership Ministry" is designed to help with this issue, but I despair of it ever getting off the ground. Ever since the internet became enmeshed in our lives, it feels as if humans are no longer interested in interacting with other humans at all.

If I can find someone to drive me, or somehow get a car, it may be better to go to church instead of having someone come here, even if the pain of this exercise is extraordinary. The arthritis I inherited from my mother's side of the family is fairly awful, but I look upon it as an ascetic practice, so even if there is a lot of extra pain, I think I will accept if someone offers to take me, and I will work hard to try to get SOME kind of vehicle, since getting transportation is an awful ordeal at present.

Something tells me that it is beneficial to the spiritual constitution to be treated with disdain. Jesus was treated with actual contempt, scorn and ridicule, yet he managed to maintain his modesty and gentle demeanor throughout his entire ordeal here on earth. I must do the same, to the extent I am able. I am really working on my patience, at present. Being in constant pain for 20 years has added to the difficulty.

Despite it all, I continue to live my hermit life, praying unceasingly, with my mind on Him throughout the day, relying upon the many examples of hermits through the ages in order to form my holy vocation.

I pray for you, as I hope you pray for me.

May God bless us all.

Silver Rose

HOW I ENDED UP AS AN URBAN HERMIT

1ST PLACE

SENIOR DIVISION

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I did not plan to spend my life as a religious hermit in an urban environment. I had no plan at all when I left my abusive home at 17, with nothing but the clothes on my back and hippie sandals on my feet.

Despite my family being hostile to all religion, especially Catholicism, I had always been interested in God, and even though homeless, I was determined to somehow continue to pursue Him as best I could.

I crawled out of homelessness by taking advantage of my typing skills (a skill I had learned in High School.)  I was a beautiful young woman, and the only kind of help that anyone wanted to give me was not the type of help I wanted to take. Things were looking grim when the Scientologists scooped me up and gave me a place to stay, "employing" me as a communications secretary, which was mostly typing letters to people we hoped would join us. I worked 11 hours a day, 7 days a week. They gave me room and board and $10 a week as an "allowance."

In the religious sphere, I went from Scientology to Buddhism to Hinduism (Vedanta.) I was searching for the mystical heart of religion.

Photo by Jake Blucker

via "UNSPLASH"

In my working life, I had to support myself as best I could, usually as a legal secretary. I type 120 words a minute, and I usually understood the legalese and legal rationales. In my mid to late 20's, I spent a short time working at a TV studio during the day and writing stories for an episodic television show at night.  But when I was exposed to some horrifically tawdry and immoral aspects of "Hollywood", I became demoralized and just could not remain there. (The worst part of it was that it was my own father who was bragging loudly about having relations with starlets in his office, with the door unlocked, despite having his third wife living with him. I was horrified and felt defiled by having to hear this filth coming from a parent. It destabilized me.)

What followed was a series of very distressing and life-altering events that nearly killed me. My search for God, and peace and blessedness was kicked into overdrive. Fast on the heels of this pivotal moment in my life story, I searched through the Yellow Pages and found an organization that sounded very much as if they would teach meditation: the Vedanta Society.

Some time after that, my stint with the Vedantists ended up with me living in the Hindu-based convent that had been designed in imitation of the Carmelite convents of the Catholics. Unfortunately, the women were terribly mean. The swami trusted me, but they were jealous of that, on the one hand, (later admitting that they were afraid I would "run the convent from the bottom" on the other.)  I did everything I could to show my love to them, and they were not having any of it. Between the stress of their constant perturbation, and all of the physical work, my body took a real "hit" and I was in a wheelchair for some weeks. 

Divine Mother

by

Sonika Agarwal

via Unsplash

While living as a nun, I started reading the beautiful works of and stories about the Catholic and Orthodox saints and "doctors" of the church, and I just fell in love with the whole thing. I came to realize that every spot of emptiness and incompleteness that was lacking in the Vedanta faith, was answered and filled with the Catholic. I intended to leave the Hindu convent and try to enter a Catholic one. In any case I knew that I could not, indeed did not believe in the Hindu deities. The formless God of the Vedanta did not answer the yearnings of my heart.

Photo by Nick Castelli

on Unsplash

As told in more detail elsewhere, I did try to become a Catholic nun, but I could not even get them to BAPTIZE me because of ignorant prejudice. The nun in charge of the class had this weird idea that because I had been divorced after my stint with the Scientologists, I would have to endure several years of a Catholic annulment before baptism. She was completely wrong and completely adamant (as wrong people usually are!) 

At that time, however, I did not know how to process it. I didn't know any Catholics or other Christians and had no clue who to approach to fix this ridiculous impasse. I had left the convent to become a Catholic nun, and was distraught. I decided to get baptized by the Episcopalians and put aside my strong feelings for a monastic life. I wondered if God was telling me that He did not WANT me in that life, that He wanted something else. Was I supposed to be married? I wanted to do what He wanted for me.

Meanwhile, I hadn't a cent to my name, no one to help me get my secular life re-established, and a lot of work ahead of me, so I got on with the task of finding employment, working and saving. I was 40 by this time, and it was too late to think about college or career. I worked as a litigation secretary and office manager and did the best I could, taking the bus from Hollywood to Beverly Hills and back again, every day, until I saved enough money to buy a car.

BUS INTERIOR 

BY ASH GERLACHE 

ON UNSPLASH

One of the Vedanta devotees had offered to share her apartment with me, and it wasn't until after I moved out, a year later, that I learned she had charged me for the entire cost of the rent, while she tormented me with her bossiness. At one point, she moved her bed into the living room so she could use the master bedroom as her private "meditation" room, even though we lived half a block from the Temple. I was stuck, meanwhile, in a tiny, closet-sized room with no air conditioning and a super tiny window at the top of the wall, restricted from entering or leaving the apartment every time that woman took a nap. It was frustrating experience that saddened me. I had thought we were friends. ( I did not know, at that time, that I suffer from Asperger's Syndrome, which is an antique term for a high-functioning version of autism. Other folks can often sense our vulnerability and gullible, loving natures. They know we can be conned into all sorts of things just by befriending us.)

Every time I think about this particular disappointment with a person who pretended to be "helping" me with one hand while she picked my pocket with the other, I just had to remind myself that this type of selfishness is common in the world. Even though this woman did not have to work to pay her rent, for some reason, she had taken advantage of me when I was in a very vulnerable position. She had worked a little in the past, apparently, and she had wealthy parents who supported her in some fashion. She did not need to take advantage of a destitute woman with no such support.

Reading about the love of Christ while enduring the selfish cruelty of the Vedantists was a real learning experience.

I was seeking God, peace and blessedness, while my contemporaries were pursuing professional careers, money and real estate. The practical difficulties that I have at age 70 would have been much easier to accommodate if I'd taken another route and gone after money instead.

Some years after leaving the Vedantists, my physical problems that had first become visible while I was in the convent, worsened and multiplied, and within the next 10 years, I was fully disabled and had to stop working outside the home when I was 49.

Photo by Zachary Kyra-Derksen

on Unsplash

So, shortly after moving to the high desert of New Mexico from California, I found myself too disabled to work before I was even 50. I had not had time to even properly accustom myself to the town before I became home-bound. The monastic inclinations I had put aside a decade earlier began knocking on the door of my consciousness in full force. I decided to make lemonade out of lemons by dedicating the remainder of my life to God, as an independent hermit. Within three years, I was able to enter the Catholic Church, after decades of wanting to do it.

So - this is how I find myself rather poor, unmarried, without family to support me, and without any religious assistance either!  My pursuit of the Divine has left me financially bankrupt but spiritually rich, and I wouldn't exchange my wisdom and experience for all the money in the world, despite the great difficulties I endure on a daily basis. Nobody ever said that sickness and poverty were going to be easy.

Many women who enter religious life have financial support of family or institution. Some families are happy to support them in it, and I have known quite a few who, while professing the life of poverty, are actually quite wealthy. I don't begrudge it of them because they need that support, as the men are in charge of all the purse strings in this world. I'm glad these women have the support. I am just not one of them. I need to be clear about that.

I was supposed to have been one of those ladies supported by family money, except that, after my father got Alzheimer's, I was written out of my father's will by a woman he had cheated on during their entire relationship. Then he died under suspicious circumstances, and other people are now spending my inheritance.  It is a "morality play," but in real life. The moral is: Don't cheat on the woman in your life because, if you get dementia or another illness that makes you vulnerable, you do not know how your inamorata may retaliate.

My entire life, he had consistently told me, "when I die, kid, yer gonna be rich!"  The doctor that signed his death certificate never saw him, in life or in death, according to my sister. His body was quickly cremated, before I even knew he had passed on, and what could I do about it? No one saw the body before the evidence was cremated.

I had planned to get myself through my difficult, pain-wracked disability and ultimate death with the inheritance that my father had promised me for decades and, at first, the scam perpetrated on me and my poor father was a terrible blow.  But I keep telling myself that the humiliation of being forced to beg for survival is good for the soul. 

In February of 2023, I celebrated 20 years of living as an independent monastic solitary. I didn't know at that time what form my vocation would take after that. It is very difficult to continue without support, particularly since I am physically suffering. 20 years of unremitting physical pain, due to inherited arthritic conditions, a light version of ehlers danlos,  and other physical damage, have taken their toll, but probably no more so than if my asceticism had been artificially practiced with a hair shirt and continual voluntary fasts.

PRESENT DAY SITUATION

I am writing a novel and producing some paintings. I have sold both types of art in the past, as well as jewelry items I produced. So I hope to have a better financial condition in future, if possible. In the meantime, if you would like to help support a poor hermit's spiritual and creative contributions to the world, the "DONATE" button above, on the right, under my photo, still works. BUT IF YOU YOURSELF ARE LIMITED IN FUNDS: PLEASE DON'T STRAIN YOUR BUDGET.

Otherwise, I am very grateful for any help you can give. I have an Amazon wish list for these things, AS WELL AS art supplies necessary to make paintings, rosaries and jewelry for sale. I will research how to sell them online, but I am beginning talks with the manager of the parish gift store for the production of personalized bookmarkers, bracelets and painting .

My parish church is located in the oldest part of town and was built in the 17th century! We have a bookstore that is open throughout the week and which is very popular with local Catholics, and many visitors to our town. The manager purchases most of her wares from local artists.

Amethyst & Pewter Celtic Rosary

St. Margaret of Scotland Centerpiece

Thistle charm

Paternoster beads: silver tree-of-life

(Made for my use/practice piece)

Amazon has my address and will mail to me directly, once the items have been paid for. Just click on the following link:

AMAZON WISH LIST

As mentioned elsewhere, my landlord (the City of Albuquerque) which is SUPPOSEDLY renting apartments under a "low income program", has suddenly and drastically bumped up the prices of the rent in this complex where I have lived for 20 years, and I am sadly distracted by the need to find the money so I can continue to afford to live here.  I was ALREADY having a difficult time when they gave me this distressing news.

In addition to the financial strain, my landlord has demonstrated ignorance of the Fair Housing laws and a real antipathy toward the idea of accommodating disabilities. I have had to file a HUD complaint and get an attorney to help me to keep the landlord from stranding me in my apartment during upcoming construction which is slated to last a month. Their plan would require me to perform some physical tasks I can't do in order to leave the house. I am finding that most people are insensitive to the issues that disabled folks have to face every day.

A couple months ago, I won a city-wide art contest that relieved me of the anxiety around my ABILITY to produce art, due to my blindness in one eye. I have been reassured that, despite the lack of depth perception, I CAN still produce art, particularly with the help of the magnifying lamps.

In addition to selling my paintings and sketches in the past, I have also made rosaries, and jewelry items. I hope to pick that up again and sell them locally, mostly at the parish book store, mentioned above. THOSE supplies are also on the wish list.

Practice jewelry for local store

As for my primary activities, I have a routine of prayer, meditation, contemplation, and reading. At some point, I may open up this routine to the participation of other solitaries. I know there are many elderly ladies who live alone and are assiduously practicing a prayer-centered life. One day soon, I will open up my YouTube channel for them so we may pray together.

God bless us all.

Silver Rose

July 3, 2024
(C) Copyright 2024

All rights reserved

SAINT PATERNUS (PADARN) OF WALES - APRIL 15

 

482 - 565

One of the saints whose feast day is April 15 is well known in Wales, from which half my family hails. Wales has an incredible collection of castles, old churches and monasteries.  In fact, it is famous for having the most castles of any country in the world. (I don't know if it is actually based on the total number of castles or the per capita percentage.) Wales, at one time, was a powerfully holy place, graced with both ancient remnants and living churches, monasteries and castles.

This country fascinates me, and I am typically drawn to learn as much as I can about the saints who peopled it, especially saints who lived in the areas where my ancestors lived. Paternus founded St. Padarn's Church in Ceredigion, for instance. The story of his life is one of a small handful of those that mention King Arthur (More about that later.)

Saint Padarn's Church 

Llanbadarn Fawr

Ceredigeon, Wales

~

Largest Medieval Church in Wales

It is entirely possible that Paternus, also called "Padarn" was mixed up, over the years, with another similarly named saint of Brittany. Scholars believe that Paternus was Welsh and not born in Brittany. Although the biographies of Paternus claim he was born in Brittany to particularly devout parents, Patran and Gwen, it would be well to keep in mind that there may be an admixture of bogus information, but it should be easy to see where the story line could be adulterated, and just keep that in mind while you read.

The father was especially religious, apparently, and took leave of the family to go to Ireland and live as a hermit. What I have read about him indicates that he obstained permission from his wife, Gwen, but I wonder what would make a woman agree to let her husband abandon the family in THOSE days. You would have to be of an extremely zealous temperament with perhaps a mystical bent and very trusting in order to live as a woman alone with a young son on that rough land.

Years later, Paternus decided to follow in his father's footsteps and himself become a hermit, but he was destined for other things. When it comes to religious vocation, The Lord has particular plans for us. Whether we live as a hermit in the wild, an anchoress attached to a church, an urban hermit as I do, or a prayerful member of the laity such as St. Rose of Lima, whose prayers and labors at home supported herself and her parents - our dear Lord knows what He wants from us and he gives us the temperament, leanings, limitations and circumstances to lead us to it. We could say "no," of course. God wants us to give our love freely.

Many decades ago, when I first began contemplating religious life, it never occurred to me that I would be a hermit.  In fact, when I left the Hindu convent (before getting baptized and becoming Catholic) the Swami expressed dismay at the news that I would be leaving.  He said to me, "but who will smile at the devotees?" Up to that point, I had been devoted to a life of service. But my love of the  contemplative life, combined with multiple debilitating physical conditions and a growing blindness have all conspired to bring me to the vocation of an urban hermit, which I have lived for 20 years now. 

Perusing those years in my mind, and comparing to my current lived experience, I can not imagine doing anything else, and whatever desires I have left are nothing more than to dive deeper into this experience, grow closer to God, and to "become perfect, as (my) Father in Heaven is perfect." Obviously, the purification of a soul can really only be accomplished by the Lord. We just have to acquiesce to it and give up our self will so that the Lord's will can be wrought within us. 

The Prayer Shrine

in the main room of 

Silver Cottage Hermitage

God would not tell us to do something that is impossible, so it is implied in his words that He would be doing what is necessary on His part in order to purify the soul. We just have to say, "Yes!" What a gorgeous idea, isn't it? All we have to do is say "yes" to His will, surrender to it, and do everything we can in order to become as virtuous as we can be.  He will do the rest. I don't know how you feel about this, but the whole idea is an incredibly encouraging inspiration for me. For the longest time, I despaired of EVER experiencing that miraculous union. I knew it was impossible for me to do it, on my own. There are too many defects. But Christ will help us. He himself will purify our willing hearts.

Be ye therefore perfect, even as your father who

is in heaven is perfect

Matthew 5:48

Paternus initially planned to meet up with his father, who had gone to Ireland to live out his hermit vocation. But first, his cousin St. Cadvan, conscripted him into a group of military monks to be a secondary commander.  Apparently, Paternus came from aristocratic stock, and you know what often happens with these folk. Leadership is assumed to be in their genes and they are often given the job to rule others, with little or no recommendation except perhaps temperament and the aforementioned genes. This is what appears to have happened to Paternus.

I am just stuck on the idea that there would be military monks.  I find that most odd, don't you?

Sometime after or concurrent with the stint with the military monks, he undertook to be a student under Illtud Farchog the Knight who had started a divinity school, Bangor Illtyd, at Llanilltud Fawr in Glamorgan, Wales. 

AFterward, Paternus founded a monastery at Llanbadarn Fawr near Aberystwyth, where some of my other ancestors lived.  This became the seat of a new diocese, and he was its first bishop, which was quite a bit different that becoming a hermit, as he had set out to do!

Leaving his monastery in the hands of a temporary in-charge, Paternus went to Ireland to calm a squabble between two warring tribal kings. He returned to find that Maelgwn Gwynedd was trying to cheat him out of property belonging to the monastery. There is a complicated story about what happened there, but it ends up with Maelgwn Gwynedd being cured of his sickness and blindness and then he goes on bended knee, asking forgiveness and vowing the gift of certain lands to the community.

For a man who had originally wanted to become a hermit, Paternus sure got around! After the conflict with Maelgwn Gwynedd, he went on pilgrimage to Jerusalem with Saint David (to whom I believe I am related) and Saint Teilo so that all three would be ordained bishops by the patriarch. I find that confusing because I thought he was already a bishop, but perhaps not. The three saints divided Britannia into three bishoprics between them. 

There is a mythical-sounding story about King Arthur trying to steal Paternus's tunic, of all things, and then subsequently becoming Christian, but I do not believe it in the slightest and won't get further into it. It just demonstrates the zeal that many had for this saint and his reputation and shows the great love they had for him.

FEAST DAY: Some sources say it is the 16th. Others say the 15th. It is probably one of those feast days that was changed at one point. At any rate, the day is either Saturday or Sunday of this weekend.

Original "Divine Mercy" painting

Sunday is also "Divine Mercy Sunday" which is one of my favorite holy days. For some reason, I find it particularly special, falling just one week after Easter. I read a news article today that showed how the FIRST depiction of Jesus in the "Divine Mercy" posture actually fits the imprint of the Shroud of Turin. I will be meditating on this as a subject one day soon.

Friday, April 14, a friend is taking me to one of my favorite local churches. They're having a special 3:00 p.m. prayer gathering, in order to pray the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy together. I happen to have a tiny little traveling Divine Mercy rosary box with an itty bitty enameled metal rosary that I will take with me.

I rarely leave the house for any gathering, especially while Covid is still killing the vulnerable seniors like me, and I have asthma, which is one of the medical conditions which require caution.  But the church is big, the gathering will be small, and I will sit far enough from the others so that I stay safe. Of course we will all be wearing masks.

I pray that you all have a wonderful weekend and that you also may find some way to observe the feast on Sunday in such a way as to give you much beauty of your interior landscape and some spiritual uplift.

God bless us all!

Silver Rose

P.S. My disabilities are multiplying and growing worse. Any donation is highly appreciated.  Click the 'DONATE' button underneath my photo in the right hand column at the top of the blog.

SAINT PAUL OF THEBES, THE FIRST HERMIT - JANUARY 15

 

Saint Paul receiving bread from the raven

that was purported to keep him alive to

be more than 100 years old

In a couple weeks, I will be celebrating my 20th anniversary as an urban hermit, so the topic is on my mind.

You know, I am always fascinated to read about the lives of these saints who were hermits, and there are quite a few of them in recorded history.

Paul is considered the first Christian hermit. We know about him because Saint Jerome wrote about him and Saint Anthony the Great, who had a connection later in life.  Paul is said to have lived to be more than 113 years old, kept alive by a raven that brought him half a loaf of bread every evening. I don't know what to say about that. I don't think I could be kept alive by only half a loaf of bread every night!

Paul did not initially intend to become a hermit. His brother-in-law wanted to grab his inheritance, so he was about to report Paul to the authorities for being a Christian. Paul went out into the desert to escape being imprisoned and killed but he eventually realized that hermit life suited him.

Obviously, he could not benefit from his inheritance ANYWAY, living in the desert like that, so it appears that he was not that attached to money to begin with, and his brother-in-law needn't have conspired to rob him of it. I find it interesting that I was also robbed of my inheritance and, although I was originally distressed about the injustice of it, considering the level of my needs as a result of my numerous disabilities, I have come to see that it might have turned out to be a curse, if I had not been written out of my father's will after he got Alzheimer's. I would likely have been hounded by people who were intent on grabbing what they could. Money is not the solution some people imagine it to be.  

I DO wish I wasn't a burden on friends, though. That is the one regret. On the flip side, I believe that The Lord has personally sent these kind people to me as his emissaries of love.

The person who robbed the inheritance will have to pay the price instead of me, I suspect. Anyway, the lack of the inheritance provides more opportunity for suffering that I may then offer to the Lord, and I should be grateful for the grace to endure it. I know it sounds backward to some people, but suffering is a type of spiritual currency. It is just ONE of the many ways that God brings all things to the good for those who believe.

Hermits, though they live alone, are normal human beings. They do have friends, but the nature of the relationships are not frequent or typical. Saint Paul became friends with Saint Anthony the Great during two days in Paul's 113th year!

Saint Anthony the Great and Saint

Paul of Thebes, the first hermit

Anthony and Paul only spent a day and a half together, and the next time Anthony went to see him, Paul was dead. There is a charming myth that two lions helped Saint Anthony dig Paul's grave.

I would have loved to have heard the conversation between those two holy men. I can only imagine!

There have been times, when considering my hermit life, that I have thought I should give it up because I am "doing it" imperfectly, but except for the rare moment of loneliness, I still feel that this life suits me, even if I am not a saint thereby. It is good for the ego for a person not to be too "successful," especially a religious person, it seems to me.

So I will slog along in my pathetic representation of a religious hermit, do the best I can, and be grateful for it all. When I celebrate my anniversary on February 3rd, I will be suitably humble before God.

The lives of the hermit saints bear little, if any resemblance to my life, but then the life of the typical resident of Thebes at that time looks nothing like the typical American in 2023! In addition to the differences connected with living a modern life, my numerous and growing disabilities also interfere with the aceticism one would usually expect from a hermit, so I do the best I can. The constant chronic pain is my offering and may be a more painful sacrifice to give than the more austere lives of these early saints. We all do the best we can within the conditions that are provided and the parameters of our own abilities.

Don't get me wrong. I have given it a lot of thought and wondered if I "should" give up the idea of the hermit life, but, although my religious practice is not perfect and, in some superficial ways, I appear to be a fairly typical senior lady of my time and place, I have no strong desire to have any other kind of life goal. I kept trying to see myself doing anything other than what I do now, and I just could not rustle up the interest! If I had wanted a more "normal" life, such as the other women I know, I surely would have tried for it long before my 20 year anniversary, don't you think?

Whatever defects remain in my daily practice must be battled and subdued, if possible, but in any case I will not give up the goal of gaining a more perfect union with The Lord through giving myself to Him alone, even if I fail in the attempt.  Please wish me the best and pray for me.

In the meantime, if you are interested in Saint Paul of Thebes, the First Hermit, and his contemporaries, or you are curious about early hermit life and lore, please take a look at the following links:

CATHOLIC.ORG

WIKIPEDIA.ORG - SAINT PAUL

WIKIPEDIA.ORG - SAINT JEROME

WIKIPEDIA.ORG - SAINT ANTHONY THE GREAT

WIKIPEDIA.ORG - SAINT ATHANASIUS

At some point, I believe that, such as with Anthony and Paul,  I would also like to develop a friendship with at lease one other hermit - especially an urban hermit. We have much to share with one another, I think - especially after 20 years of doing this. I also wonder if it would be a good idea to find a regular confessor, especially now that Covid is not as much of a problem as it was - but I suspect that I may wait another year before risking spending too much time outside the hermitage. God will bring what He wants for me.

I hope you will all pray for me, as I pray for you.

God bless and keep you!

Silver Rose