SAINT PAUL OF THEBES, THE FIRST HERMIT - JANUARY 15

 

Saint Paul receiving bread from the raven

that was purported to keep him alive to

be more than 100 years old

In a couple weeks, I will be celebrating my 20th anniversary as an urban hermit, so the topic is on my mind.

You know, I am always fascinated to read about the lives of these saints who were hermits, and there are quite a few of them in recorded history.

Paul is considered the first Christian hermit. We know about him because Saint Jerome wrote about him and Saint Anthony the Great, who had a connection later in life.  Paul is said to have lived to be more than 113 years old, kept alive by a raven that brought him half a loaf of bread every evening. I don't know what to say about that. I don't think I could be kept alive by only half a loaf of bread every night!

Paul did not initially intend to become a hermit. His brother-in-law wanted to grab his inheritance, so he was about to report Paul to the authorities for being a Christian. Paul went out into the desert to escape being imprisoned and killed but he eventually realized that hermit life suited him.

Obviously, he could not benefit from his inheritance ANYWAY, living in the desert like that, so it appears that he was not that attached to money to begin with, and his brother-in-law needn't have conspired to rob him of it. I find it interesting that I was also robbed of my inheritance and, although I was originally distressed about the injustice of it, considering the level of my needs as a result of my numerous disabilities, I have come to see that it might have turned out to be a curse, if I had not been written out of my father's will after he got Alzheimer's. I would likely have been hounded by people who were intent on grabbing what they could. Money is not the solution some people imagine it to be.  

I DO wish I wasn't a burden on friends, though. That is the one regret. On the flip side, I believe that The Lord has personally sent these kind people to me as his emissaries of love.

The person who robbed the inheritance will have to pay the price instead of me, I suspect. Anyway, the lack of the inheritance provides more opportunity for suffering that I may then offer to the Lord, and I should be grateful for the grace to endure it. I know it sounds backward to some people, but suffering is a type of spiritual currency. It is just ONE of the many ways that God brings all things to the good for those who believe.

Hermits, though they live alone, are normal human beings. They do have friends, but the nature of the relationships are not frequent or typical. Saint Paul became friends with Saint Anthony the Great during two days in Paul's 113th year!

Saint Anthony the Great and Saint

Paul of Thebes, the first hermit

Anthony and Paul only spent a day and a half together, and the next time Anthony went to see him, Paul was dead. There is a charming myth that two lions helped Saint Anthony dig Paul's grave.

I would have loved to have heard the conversation between those two holy men. I can only imagine!

There have been times, when considering my hermit life, that I have thought I should give it up because I am "doing it" imperfectly, but except for the rare moment of loneliness, I still feel that this life suits me, even if I am not a saint thereby. It is good for the ego for a person not to be too "successful," especially a religious person, it seems to me.

So I will slog along in my pathetic representation of a religious hermit, do the best I can, and be grateful for it all. When I celebrate my anniversary on February 3rd, I will be suitably humble before God.

The lives of the hermit saints bear little, if any resemblance to my life, but then the life of the typical resident of Thebes at that time looks nothing like the typical American in 2023! In addition to the differences connected with living a modern life, my numerous and growing disabilities also interfere with the aceticism one would usually expect from a hermit, so I do the best I can. The constant chronic pain is my offering and may be a more painful sacrifice to give than the more austere lives of these early saints. We all do the best we can within the conditions that are provided and the parameters of our own abilities.

Don't get me wrong. I have given it a lot of thought and wondered if I "should" give up the idea of the hermit life, but, although my religious practice is not perfect and, in some superficial ways, I appear to be a fairly typical senior lady of my time and place, I have no strong desire to have any other kind of life goal. I kept trying to see myself doing anything other than what I do now, and I just could not rustle up the interest! If I had wanted a more "normal" life, such as the other women I know, I surely would have tried for it long before my 20 year anniversary, don't you think?

Whatever defects remain in my daily practice must be battled and subdued, if possible, but in any case I will not give up the goal of gaining a more perfect union with The Lord through giving myself to Him alone, even if I fail in the attempt.  Please wish me the best and pray for me.

In the meantime, if you are interested in Saint Paul of Thebes, the First Hermit, and his contemporaries, or you are curious about early hermit life and lore, please take a look at the following links:

CATHOLIC.ORG

WIKIPEDIA.ORG - SAINT PAUL

WIKIPEDIA.ORG - SAINT JEROME

WIKIPEDIA.ORG - SAINT ANTHONY THE GREAT

WIKIPEDIA.ORG - SAINT ATHANASIUS

At some point, I believe that, such as with Anthony and Paul,  I would also like to develop a friendship with at lease one other hermit - especially an urban hermit. We have much to share with one another, I think - especially after 20 years of doing this. I also wonder if it would be a good idea to find a regular confessor, especially now that Covid is not as much of a problem as it was - but I suspect that I may wait another year before risking spending too much time outside the hermitage. God will bring what He wants for me.

I hope you will all pray for me, as I pray for you.

God bless and keep you!

Silver Rose

SAINT OLGA OF KYIV - MY 34TH GREAT GRANDMOTHER - JULY 11, 2022

 

Saint Olga

"Equal to the Apostles"

July 11th

Patron Saint of Widows and Converts

My 34th Great Grandmother

Patron saint of converts

As as convert, I would naturally have an affinity for this saint, but knowing that she is ALSO my 34th great grandmother makes me very happy! I hope that I have inherited from her DNA some of the strength and one-pointedness that she exhibited in her life, as well as the willingness to turn a corner in life and to CHANGE - to become BETTER - and to aspire to something higher and finer. I ALSO hope that, as my loving great grandmother, she is interceding for me at the throne of God, pleading with Him to help me along on my spiritual path, and that when I speak to her in prayer, she listens to me and is present with me in the many trials I endure.

She is, in fact, one of several saints from whom I descend, including Saint Margaret of Scotland, an English Plantagenet princess who had intended to become a nun, but who was pursued by the king of Scotland when her ship went aground on his land, something that changed her destiny forever. There are several saints I've studied who had initially planned to become a monastic, but their life path made it impossible, yet that strong impulse toward the Lord remained a feature in their lives, even when their plans were thwarted.

Catholicism was in my genes, if not my household

I think back to when I was 11, and I was first enthralled with stories of the lives of the contemplative Carmelite nuns with whom I was corresponding. I had wanted to be one of them - but the only problem is that my parents hated religion, and hated the Catholic church, in particular, and they forbade me from communicating with those lovely nuns or becoming one of them. They were not even Christian. It was not possible.

Yet I am sure the Lord knew all this before it happened because I was born with a number of creative gifts that appeared when I was very young, because by the time I discovered the Carmelites, I was already painting oil paints, making beaded jewelry, and writing haiku poems. All of these things, I find myself doing in my current life circumstances. We all have some kind of work we are called to do, and I was given the gift of ART AND WRITING as mine.

Every monastic institution has a certain amount of work that the residents do to support themselves, as well as a certain amount of recreation. Those of us disabled and/or senior ladies who seek to emulate the monastic routines can easily follow along those lines. It does not LOOK the same as the lovely nuns with their obvious costumes, living in the institutions that communicate the life of the spirit in their very walls - but looks are not everything - and I want to encourage all of my far-flung sisters in spirit not to become dismayed by appearances and the limitations of trying to live a monastic life surrounded by secular nonsense, because what matters is what goes on within your souls.  You know that, of course, but I want to remind you and support you.  You can live a life in union with the Divine, but by necessity, each of you will express it in your own unique way.

The religion of unlimited "do-overs"

Another thing I love to keep in mind is that the religion of Jesus the Christ is the religion of perpetual "second chances." The process of stumbling, repenting, confessing, getting absolution, and then rising again, is unlimited in this faith. It is a religion of constant encouragement for Our Father who Art in Heaven! We are never doomed forever. Babies stumble and fall while Father encourages us to walk to Him and fall, instead, into his arms.

Saint Olga, before becoming Christian, was a wicked woman. In retaliation for the murder of her husband, King Igor, by the Drevlians, she embarked upon her campaign of revenge with cold fury and incredibly treacherous and cruel chicanery, killing most of those people and reducing the demoralized remnant to an enslaved population.

Rather than reinvent the wheel, I will give you this link to some of my sources for information about my great grandmother, and you can read about her more in depth.

Articles about Saint Olga

WIKIPEDIA

BRITANNICA

ORTHODOX WIKI

NATIONAL CATHOLIC REGISTER

CATHOLIC ONLINE

So complete was her conversion and subsequent efforts to Christianize Kievan Rus, that the Eastern Churches have named her "Equal to the Apostles,: which is a rare appellation. If SHE could turn herself around so thoroughly, there is certainly hope for each one of us, no matter how far behind we lag in our spiritual advancement.

One thing in particular that I find inspiring about her is that she was the first female leader of what is now partially considered Russia. Some of her lands were Ukraine. To dedicate oneself to God while in control of vast wealth and power is a stunning achievement of personal will and determination. It tells me that her conversion was very real and that her devotion to the faith changed her from the inside out.

When you have as much power as she did, the temptation to succumb to selfish and dictatorial behavior is intense. That woman must have had some grit, don't you think? Of course, she was of Viking heritage.

I ask for the intercession of this strong and powerful queen and saint who was brave enough to seek forgiveness for incredible crimes against the people. I pray that she advocates for me at the foot of the throne of our Lord.

Also, I pray that some of the strength of her particular DNA has been communicated to me so that I can pull myself out of this tailspin I am in because the last 12 years have stripped me of every ounce of reserves that I possess.

Personal emergencies

This has been an incredibly difficult few weeks for me. The physical struggles and constant pain have worn me down. The financial difficulties add more stress, but I hasten to point out that every disabled senior lady is probably dealing with much of the same problems.

A couple days ago, while driving in my 28 year-old car to an errand, I heard and felt a loud THWACK against the driver's door. I thought someone had thrown something at the car or that an errant golf ball had found its way to me, but after I visited the drive-through ATM and then tried to roll up the window, it would not budge. The loud noise I had heard was the spontaneous breakage of the mechanism inside the car door.

I absolutely must get the car fixed

I do have groceries delivered, when possible, but this is extremely expensive. Between the membership monthly fee, the service fee, and the tip for the shopper/delivery person, I am now running out of food money before the end of the month. Aggravating this situation is the fact that we are ALL suffering through an enormous uptick in the cost of groceries, due to all sorts of factors, mostly having to do with Covid pandemic.

I am not able to use public transport

Most important to understand is that I am not able to use public transport. This is something that the uninitiated ALWAYS offer as the "obvious" solution - but I absolutely cannot do that. It is physically impossible for me - for many reasons. 

We do have senior buses that are sometimes available, but I am unable to use these also - not only because of the bumpy ride that throws out my back, but also because I am unable to stand for any length of time WAITING for the bus when it comes to pick me up. They tell you that you must be prepared to stand from 15 minutes BEFORE the pickup time until 15 minutes AFTER the pickup time. That is 1/2 hour of standing. I am lucky to stand for 5....ESPECIALLY if I am on an errand and have to stand inside an office or walk the aisles during a short shopping trip. I always need to have a car "at the ready" for when my body gives out.

Catholic Charities Transportation Department is very limited

I do have people to drive me to some of my doctor appointments but there are a lot of different sorts of errands, such as taking the service dog to the vet or the groomer, that Catholic Charities will not do.  

In addition, their Transportation Department rigidly require a full weeks' notice of any errand and there are only a few types of trips they will do. Furthermore - they will not STAY with you while you do your errand. You have to call them to come and pick you up, and you run the risk of waiting for a really long time.

Cheaper to repair than to buy new

As a friend pointed out to me, it is always cheaper to repair the old car, until parts can no longer be found for it, and since Toyotas are fairly plentiful in the U.S., we SHOULD be able to get it repaired - but this repair is only the latest, albeit the most urgent repair that must be done. There is an entire list. 

A vehicle that could carry my mobility scooter would be the best option

A Toyota Rav 4, with an electronic scooter carrying on the back, would work for me, but what would probably be the best is a van in which I can drive up the electric mobility scooter into the belly, so that I can be independent and go anywhere without having to cajole someone into driving me and carrying a walker with us. 

Since it now appears that my right eye is holding strong at 20/25 vision, and since my retina specialist says there is no problem with driving, especially during the day, I do want to try to get that van, when possible, or at least the Toyota Rav 4, but I don't even have the money for the repairs to the OLD car, what to speak of something new! But someday in future, if I manage to sell my novel and it does well, then these are the plans I have.  In the meantime:

Social Security Retirement Income barely covers survival mode

I loathe having to beg for help, but the novel proceeds very slowly, and the proposed new jewelry making "side hustle" is faltering a bit, since even the most ordinary beads and equipment are becoming hugely more expensive, more and more, every day. Decades ago, when I first learned how to make jewelry, the ingredients were affordable and a great way to start a small business. No more! In order to get any discount, one has to buy in huge quantity. The startup costs are enormous.

In addition, because I am disabled, I will have to do the majority of my sales and delivery of merchandise THROUGH THE MAIL, which has also gotten extremely expensive. Obviously, I would need a car to get the merchandise to the post office on those days when I am unable to put the parcel through the very small slot in the mailbox here at the apartment complex or arrange for a pickup by the mailman. Mailing it from my location also eliminates the possibility of providing a tracking number, which seems rather essential these days, with all the shipping snafus. There is a way to do that from home, of course, but that requires that you have a working printer to print postage, but the ink cartridges are so expensive I have not had one since the original half cartridge that came with my small printer wore out.

These are the sort of petty details that can drive one mad.

There is a small store in town that may take some of my things, but anytime you introduce a middle-man, you run the risk of making no profit at all because their conditions make it so that most or nearly all profit goes to them as the seller. If they buy the items outright, they only give you 50% of the final sale price, but the maker absorbs ALL the costs of the merchandise.

As an "artist," making one-of-a-kind jewelry, rosaries and wall art, I have a chance of turning a profit at someone else's store that a friend of mine has introduced me to. They sell some items in their small store/gallery - and on the weekends they go to a large craft/art fair with some of their wares. Small jewelry items that are affordable for the general population have to be dealt with in the manner described above. Up til now, I've taken my startup costs from a refund that I received (long story) that was money I had not counted on having. A few hundred dollars.

I have sold my paintings in the past and will also be producing some of those, God willing. FRAMING the paintings is a big expense that I will try to deal with by making my own. I am still designing that part in my head. Even if I make my own, there will be an expense.

Some day, I plan to get a gallery to handle the more expensive items, but I stand the best chance for the less expensive items if I get a business up and running on Facebook. Many people are doing it these days.

One could legitimately ask why don't I just forget all this and molder away in my apartment 'as is," praying the day away. After all, I am old, and how many more years do I have? Also, there is the fact that I've already lost the vision in one eye and may lose the vision in another. Why not just GIVE UP like so many others do in their retirement?

All I can say is that no one can tell me how long I will live, and as far as I can see, it could be DECADES more. I do not want to deliberately organize my life so that other people will be forced to care for me to a greater and greater degree. I have no family to speak of and there is NO SAFTEY NET. Plus, I still have an active mind and it is not my temperament to just sit and wait for death. I must at least TRY to make a success of things so that I do not presume on the generosity of others. It is not fair to them.

Between the prayer schedule, physical household tasks, writing the novel and making the art projects, my life is jam packed and, if I do not think too much about the razor's edge on which I walk, it is a happy life. But this week, the razor is a bit too sharp for me, and I've had the weepies for a few days. I am stressed and have been crying on the shoulders of friends - something that has not been characteristic of me during my life, but everyone has their breaking point.

I will have to get some help

I am contemplating another GOFUNDME campaign to get the car fixed and get some more tools to sell the art and jewelry. My independent temperament finds this VERY hard - to have to resort to this. I have been self-supporting my entire life. I never received financial help from family. 

Though my father was wealthy, he was a selfish man, and the one time I asked him for help in my early 20's, he screamed at me, "I don't owe you ANYTHING!" At the same time, he lied to his wife that he was giving me money so that he could hide the fact that he was spending a lot on other women and hotel bills for his many and frequent assignations. It is no wonder that he died under such suspicious circumstances. The wages of sin. 

One sociopathic family member did offer to help me, on two occasions, but both involved schemes to rob me of whatever minimal amount of money and dignity I had left. So there has never been a safety net. I have always walked the tight rope over a pit of ravening wolves.

Anyway, when one's family is so egocentric they won't throw a cup of water on you if you're on fire, it teaches you not to rely on humans, and I spent my previous working life in that mode, so that now, when I simply must ask for help, it is an extremely uncomfortable thing to do. Combine my experiences outlined above with my autonomous temperament and disability and you have a recipe for an extremely stressful situation. I am sure I am learning from it, though. It is chastening me and providing plenty of opportunity to learn humility through forced and constant humiliations.

I do have a handful of remarkable Catholic friends that have been very helpful - but they can't do EVERYTHING....especially when it involves car repairs that I estimate will cost between 1 and 2 thousand dollars. Everything has its limit and, as one person pointed out to me the other day, it really is too bad that I come from such an awful family because they have cohesive families that require their attention, and I am not part of that group. While I always advocate for a more family-friendly government in my country, I wish, at the same time, that more thought was given to the many many seniors who come from very small or miserly and despicable families. I see these people all the time. They are the invisible older folks that walk their remaining years alone.

The other day, a very old man came wandering into the apartment complex, on foot, with a wooden walking stick. He was looking for the office and was saying that he had to move out of his place the very next day. I didn't quiz him. I was walking my little service dog with a good friend of mine who had come to visit. I urged the man to ask about the waiting list and about the low-income program. I am still worrying about the poor old guy and sending up prayers for him. Unlike me, he is able to walk with no problem, it seems, but he is obviously in extremis and there is little real help for someone in emergencies at that age. When one is younger, it is easier to find shelter.

On the other hand, there is that wonderful passage that I have found so helpful for so many years:

"For my father and my mother have left me,

but the Lord hath taken me up."

Psalm 27:10

We are never really alone. Even for those of us for whom our parents were absent, even when in the same room, when parents have not behaved as parents, the moment they abandon us, even if we are babies or toddlers or teens, the Lord takes us up at that time - and He is the best parent of all.

A matter of urgency

I live in a crime-ridden neighborhood. I can't keep my car in the garage all the time because unless I move it, I can't use my mobility scooter or my walker. I can't get them out of the garage because it is too tight a squeeze. I have no room for them in the house.

The garage also houses the trash and I cannot move it out of there without also removing the car. Meanwhile, this is the land of the giant cockroach and enormous black widow spiders. I have had no one to help me tidy up the trash area or the garage - and God only knows what will crawl into my car while it sits there with no window all night!

The small triangular window in to the back seat is also missing from a night when I forgot to move the car into the garage and hoodlums broke in and stole EVERYTHING, including the service dog's car seat! (I thought that was particularly mean.)

The list of work that needs doing:

Fix the mechanical mechanism inside the door that raises the window.

Replace the back little window piece.

Replace the catalytic converter

The turn signals do not work.

The power steering has not really worked for some time, although we jerry rigged a partial solution some years ago, and it hurts my arms and shoulders any time I have to do much of a turn.

The brakes have not been examined in YEARS.

The fluids should probably be checked.

The tires are low in air.

I am estimating that I will need $2,000. It could be more, if I can't find someone to do it "on the cheap," but once I have the $2,000 I can start, at least. It sounds like a lot, but it is a heck of a lot cheaper than buying a new car, so what choice do I have?

I have reached out to a couple people in search of someone to do repairs "on the cheap," but so far no luck. It's just as well, however, because when I have done that in the past, it has not worked out well. It is best to pay for a legitimate mechanic/repair person and get the job done right the first time.

I will start working on the GOFUNDME

In the meantime, if you are able to donate to the car repair project, I would be most grateful. You could use the DONATION button ABOVE RIGHT, UNDER MY PHOTO. It is a bit rusty, as no one has contributed in more than a year, but Paypal is reliable.

If you have any questions, you can certainly contact me on Facebook at:

THIS FACEBOOK LINK

Just send me a message there, and I will try to be routinely available for chatting most of the time.

I hope ya'll are having a better week than I am at this point in time. It is only through prayer, gritting my teeth, and pushing on that I am able to endure.

I hope you all have a beautiful Sunday

God bless you all!

Silver Rose
Sannyasini Kaliprana

Silver Cottage Hermitage

P.S. All of the blog posts I write are independently researched and written by me and all of them are protected by legal copyright and may not be copied for any purpose by any person for any reason, so please just enjoy them here and leave them here where you found them.

(c) Copyright 2022, Silver S. Parnell

All rights reserved.

No copying for any purpose by anyone is allowed.

THE SEVEN YEAR CYCLE - UPDATE

 

"Appearances"

by

Silver S. Parnell

Copyright (c) 1996, all rights reserved.

My entire life has been devoted in a search for the Divine. No matter what my employment happened to be at the moment, my vocation has always been that of the spiritual seeker. 

When I was 11, I was corresponding with the Carmelite nuns in Carmel, California (much to the ire of my Catholic-hating mother!) In my late teens, I spent time with L. Ron Hubbard on his "Sea Organization Flagship." I studied Nicheren Shoshu Buddhism for a short while in my late teens, but found the chanting was not as mentally stimulating and spiritually inspiring as I would have hoped.

I had no religious input in my childhood, but as soon as I left home at barely 17, I entered onto the mystical and contemplative path, and I have loved every minute of it and I have learned a LOT about many different religions and philosophies, concentrating, for the most part, on Vedanta style contemplation which can be suited to any religion, really. The object of one's contemplation is what is key. Catholics will focus on Christ or God the Father or the Holy Spirit or Mary. Vedantists may fixate on Ramakrishna or another saint. The possibilities are  endless because contemplation and meditation are techniques.

I keep hearing from people that they believe that meditation is the process of "emptying your mind," but my meditation lessons with the Buddhists and the Hindus do not resemble that at all.

I have been blessed and extremely grateful to keep company with remarkable people like Zen Master, Roshi Prabhasa Dharma, beloved friend of blessed memory - and Swami Swahananda, probably the most influential person in my life, with whom I practiced and studied the mystical life of the Vedantic Hindus. When he allowed me to take the final sannyasa vows and gave me the monastic name of "Kaliprana", it was the happiest day of my life. Later, I became enamored of the Catholic mystics and began to trod that path. It has been a wonderful, rich, journey - full of joy and hope.

Swami Swahananda

My Hindu (Vedanta) teacher

About seven years ago, another Vedantist encouraged me to write a blog, as a way of gaining support. I have not received much "support" but writing this blog has helped give me an incentive to study my favorite saints and get back in the habit of writing on a daily basis. In the process, this HAS helped me develop research and writing techniques, as well as fed my soul with the examples of female mystics through the ages. Eventually, I began to feel fairly competent and realized that my lifelong writer's block with which I had struggled terribly, had been eased by the process of writing almost 400 blog posts.

At some point, I intend to take all the information I have gathered during my research for these blog posts and write a book about the rather more "unknown saints," accompanied by my own paintings of them. In the meantime, I was afraid that the posts themselves, which are a running diary of my days seen through the lens of saints who have feasts on those days, might be somewhat stale. I reverted them to draft state until I had a chance to review them and have decided to leave them "as is." They reflect what they are - a diary of thoughts, prayers, musings and research conducted over the years. The character of this blog will change and it will certainly be added to less frequently, but what has gone before will remain.

I am entering into a new phase. I have lost most of the vision in my left eye, due to macular degeneration, and the right eye is likewise threatened. I am faced with having to get shots in my one good eye in an attempt to retard the progress of the disease. The doctors tell me that I have to get a lot better nutrition than I have mostly gotten during all these poverty years and take some vitamins and supplements that I have not been able to afford. (More about that later.)

When I first became disabled, I had a vision of what my monastic life would look like, but, gradually, over the decades since I took monastic vows, It has been pretty much impossible to maintain a proper monastic schedule because most of my time is spent in the laborious process of dragging myself through my painful days and caring for the body which has begun to fail. The mind, however, is still fresh, and I have reverted to living my monastic vocation in imitation of Brother Lawrence, who said that he was as much with the Lord, among his pots and pans, as he would have been if he'd been talented enough to chant in a choir stall. My mind rests with the Lord, and "walking meditation" has become my constant habit.

I practice the presence of God. Lately, I have begun the habit of chanting the Angelus in Latin. The ideal is to do this three times a day, but I admit to being only able to do it twice, due to wretched insomnia that keeps me up all night. I also pray the Jesus Prayer of the Orthodox Church, as well as the Rosary of Mother Mary and Chaplets for various saints. Also, the Chaplet of Our Lady of Sorrows.

Blessed Mother Mary and Baby Jesus

by

Silver S. Parnell

Copyright (c) 2020, All rights reserved

Becoming a hermit was an afterthought. I never aspired to it. But circumstances forced me into that role and I have done the best I could with it over the last two decades. I hope that all the prayers and the pains that I have offered up on behalf of the world have found favor with The Lord.

Mystic Saint

by

Silver S. Parnell

Copyright (c)1996

All rights reserved

I have not even been able to have a caregiver in the house to help me because the agencies have no caregivers to send, except for the occasional ne'er do well who has had to produce a paycheck to show the court that she is working and thereby will get one step closer to getting her children back from the state. 

These people that occasionally appeared stole from me, harassed me and tried to push me around. Even the daughter of friends of mine managed to "disappear" some of my belongings, including a glass candle shade that belongs on my shrine, though I have no clue how she did that! Perhaps there is something about vulnerability that is too much of a temptation for people, or maybe she broke it and secretly threw it away and was ashamed to admit it.

I have also discovered that for some people, thievery is a way of life. Even when it risks much more than they gain by it, they steal.  It is an ingrained habit, apparently. So, it is perhaps better not to have anyone come into the house to help me. I will struggle along by myself, as I have done for more than 20 years.

A good friend of mine came by several times to get my dishes cleaned up. Since then, as a method of reducing the number of dirty dishes, I have resorted to eating frozen prepared meals because my back and knees cannot stand for cooking and cleaning.

At the same time, my Social Security income is really not enough to address my needs, and I have to try to improve my financial situation before I lose the rest of my vision. I am writing a novel, which I hope to be adapted to a film after publication. (I grew up in the film industry and wrote for television in my early 20's, so I am prepared for the pitfalls.) I also have plans for a series of paintings of New Mexico, my adopted state, and there is the possibility of a small limited line of art jewelry on the side, sold in a local store or online. I will have to see about that. 

These creative projects don't require that I adapt myself to any schedule and can be done when I am feeling well enough to sit and do them. These days, a week might go by when I am not able to do anything but get myself fed and bathed. The pain cycle has its ups and downs, often in response to the weather.

Lunch at the Vedanta Convent

during one of Swami's visits.

About 1989

A monastic schedule, on the other hand, is a more rigorous daily set of hours dedicated to specific spiritual disciplines. I can no longer pretend that my inability to keep to a schedule is TEMPORARY or that my health is likely to improve. Instead, my illnesses and syndromes are steadily worsening, and whatever efforts I make to improve the situation seem only to lessen the degree to which my health is going downhill.

I don't intend to change my lifestyle. I won't be going for boyfriends or husbands. You won't find me hanging out in bars or sitting through concerts. I will remain at home but I will give up the struggle to meet the requirements of a typical monastic schedule because I just can't do it any more.

The Lord will accompany me, as He always has, and it will be alright. I can still keep my mind occupied with Him in whatever activity I find myself. 

THE PLAN, GOING FORWARD

Originally, I had decided not to write this blog any more, but I have since realized that what I need to do is to cut down on the more ambitious elements of it. For instance, the research of the lives of the saints, for which I wrote quite a few biographies. That isn't necessary for an online diary that is, by definition, an account of things that have happened in the author's life - not in the life of someone who lived 500 years ago, or some such.

I have kept diaries constantly throughout my life, I enjoy doing it, and there is no reason I shouldn't keep it up - at least in a more modest form. It helps me come to grips with the daily challenges and is helpful to keep my writing abilities honed a bit. So - I will write when I feel inspired, and I am going to try to keep it more brief. Let's see how successful I am!

MY HEALTH COULD USE SOME HELP!

In addition to the wide-ranging arthritic conditions, the macular degeneration that is robbing me of my vision has been proven to respond to special diet and supplements, most of which I can not afford, and I have a wish list on Amazon for food, visual aids, and some necessary household items. Amazon has my address and will mail to be direct. Follow the link below, and it will be self-explanatory:

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IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO GET IN TOUCH WITH ME:

Please feel free to leave a comment on this blog and I will be notified. You are also welcome to contact me on my Facebook page.

Here is the link to my Facebook profile:

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God bless you all.

Silver S. Parnell

Copyright (c) 2021
All rights reserved.

NEW DIRECTIONS

 

I have enjoyed writing my diary entries and publishing them here, but just like yesterdays newspaper that today is used to wrap the table scraps for disposal, this blog has grown stale. I have less news to share, as the days wear on, because I am doing nothing but meditating and praying, creating art works, and doing some housework on the side.

The book I began years ago has ALSO begun to accumulate some dust, and I am beginning to wonder if I have enough interest in it to finish it - but, more important, whether or not there is anything of sufficient value to put out into society.

Most pertinent, however, is the fact that I have lost most of my vision in my left eye. It is as if I am trying to gaze through a puddle of water. This makes it very difficult to see my work here. I am still able to type without looking at the keyboard, but peering at the computer screen has become a headache.

The time has come to order my life toward accommodating the loss of vision. Thanks be to God, I don't need my eyes to meditate or pray - but everything else has become more complicated.

It is possible I will start an entirely NEW blog with another focus. But I need to rest for a while first.

In the meantime, feel free to wander over to my Facebook page and we can chat there. If you have any meditation questions, I will be available for recommendations.

God bless us all.

Silver

Sannyasini Kaliprana

SAINT TANCA AND NATIONAL HANDBAG DAY

 

Today is one of those days on the calendar when the female saints are once again given short shrift. There is only one female saint among the handful of other saints and, as per usual, it is a young girl who died "protecting her virginity" and for whom that is all that is known except her name which, in this case, is Tanca. In fact, she is so obscure, I could not find a single painting pretending to represent her. So, the picture at the top of today's entry is of a really cute handbag, in celebration of National Handbag Day!

I would like to be able to say something wise or pithy about just why it is that there are so few women saints and why so many of the ones we DO know about died defending themselves from the importunities of men. I, myself, wish to know why - out of all the things that might be said about a person -THIS fact is what someone chose to remember about so many of these practically unknown saints.

Suddenly, I am reminded of how many times in my life men have taken credit for my creative process and my work. For instance:

When I was living in one of the Vedanta houses in Hollywood, just prior to joining the convent, I was put in charge of "All Gurus Day" which was sometimes known as "Fathers Day" and I did a huge amount of work, especially with my creation of a multi-media show. In addition to organizing and scripting the program, I created, completely from scratch, a beautiful slide show about the underlying influence of "The Unknown Saints among us," complete with a music score underneath it, which I linked to particular slides with the help of a machine that a borrowed from one of the Vedanta men who happened to have access to this equipment.

I wrote the script for this creation, engaged an actor, directed her voiceover performance, created the program for the other aspects of the event, and even created and printed the flyers advertising it. The theme for the show itself had been my creation. Indeed, the entire thing was my "baby."

It was a gorgeous show, very meaningful, with a peaceful vibe. It had been a huge amount of work over several weeks and I was happy with the result.

After the show was over, I was standing outside the temple next to the man from whom I had borrowed the equipment. As the audience came out of the temple, they automatically looked to HIM and congratulated HIM on the beautiful program! It was bad enough that these people gave this ancillary guy the credit, even though these people had SEEN me do the work, had all kinds of conversations with me about it, and to whom it should have been more than obvious who had created it. What really astonished me is that he took the credit, as if he HAD actually created it even though he did nothing! Incredible. I was so astonished, I just looked at him, wide-eyed, with my mouth agape, as one after another, people came out of the temple, turned to him, and praised him for the wonderful slide show. To this day, I am sure this guy, who did nothing but lend me some equipment, would tell you that he did it all.

Later, I created a Vedanta magazine that another man took from me, brought to a bunch of other men and it is being published to this day. Stealing the brainchild of a woman is nothing to them. It happens all the time.

This tendency of men to assume unto themselves all the credit for the work produced by, created by and inspired in the minds of women is infuriating. Humans have been civilized for thousands of years, yet the male of our species continues to act like the head of the chimpanzee troupe. Because men are typically physically stronger and bigger than the women, (and I suppose because of all the damn testosterone), they forcibly take all the prizes, earned or not, and then distribute the crumbs of the remainders to the women they automatically assume it is their right to dominate. It is one thing to be proud of one's own work, but to abrogate to oneself the creation of others is the height of arrogance - and this is more common than dirt.

If a woman dares to complain about any of this, she is fiercely admonished, her worth as a person attacked - and there are all sorts of derogatory names heaped on  her head. Men employ these mechanisms of shame to keep us in line because women WILL often hesitate to challenge the man when he takes the credit for her work. We are often more retiring and we hesitate to demand recognition. And we don't want to abase ourselves by whining about it. What was I going to say to those people who came out of the temple and thanked that guy for all the work I did? "Hey, congratulate me! I'm the one that did it!" How would THAT have sounded? Would I have had to have a fight outside the shrine of the Lord? No. It wasn't my temperament.

Coincidentally, in monastic life, I've noticed a decided propensity to lauding character traits that are more typical of traits that men possess over those of women. For instance, in the Hindu tradition, the giving up of jewelries and cosmetics is part of the process of taking sannyas - but since when are these things customary for a man to use in any case? The cutting off of all hair is another one of these rather convenient "sacrifices." Most men wear their hair short, and women tend to let theirs grow. A large percentage of men go bald as they age, something over which they have NO control. How convenient of them to attribute spiritual currency to the shaving of their heads! It costs a man next to nothing to shave his head, but in many societies it is considered a great humiliation (and is often meted out as a punishment) to cut the hair of a woman.

Likewise, women are usually more interested in the "nesting" aspects of life than men. Many of us are clever about equipping and decorating our homes. A great number of us have a bit of the Mary Poppins about us and carry a virtual drug store in our handbags, from which we dispense hand lotion, tissues, aspirins, combs, and a vast array of useful items for our families. 

So, when I notice that there are TONS more male saints than female saints, my experience with the male of the species tells me that THIS is not all there is to the story. I am quite sure that there are just as many female saints as there are male saints (maybe more), but the men push the women back into the corners and push themselves and their companions forward to take the praise and the prizes, which makes me far less interested in the male saints and also makes me suspicious of the wonderful characteristics attributed to them.

I could give several more examples of  how male traits are given all sorts of honorifics and feminine traits are disparaged, but I'm sure you don't need me to do that.

There are those who opine that monastic life isn't appropriate for women and there have even been some writers in the Eastern traditions who say that women who DO take up monastic life are really men after all. It's silly, I know, but I didn't create this situation. I mention this obscure text as another example of how it is assumed that being a man is so much better than being a woman. It is hogwash, of course.

I have to categorically state that I am not saying that all women are the same or that all men are the same or that the character traits I have attributed to some men or women apply to ALL men or women. I am not saying that. I would never say that sort of thing about any topic because there are ALWAYS exceptions that prove the rule in any topic concerning groups of people - in the same way I would never say that all Republicans feel, think, act and speak a certain way - or Democrats. Variety is not dead and we are not manufactured beings. I am just noting tendencies that occur in the vast number of cases - not all cases.

I'd love to say that I have a solution for all the societal ills to which I have alluded with regard to men taking all the credit and for pushing women down and so forth, but I don't. I have no idea what to do (if anything) about this situation. I'm just observing and reporting it.

But I do wish to say one thing. I would like to encourage women to avoid taking all the prejudicial treatment "on board." To whatever extent we are maligned and discounted, we owe it to ourselves to keep our hearts pure and unsullied by the negative traits assigned to us by the opposite sex. 

Hindu Holy Woman

In fact, this persistent degradation of women is so pervasive that women themselves will often malign others of their sex and perpetuate the negative stereotypes. I see this in the obsessional support Donald Trump has with a certain type of woman. They even look the same. Bleached blonde hair, false eyelashes, tight clothing, high heels, lots of makeup. I am not a psychiatrist, but I am sure a psychiatrist might have something to say about women who gush over a man who treats women like dirt, calls them vulgar names, and is especially hard on women who don't pump up the volume on their sex appeal.

So, I am winding back to "the unknown saints among us." I would like to send a message out to all my sisters in spirit. Please don't take it to heart. Don't buy into what the misogynists are saying about you. Remember that there are misogynists in BOTH camps and keep your own counsel. Don't pick yourself apart with self-loathing and bemoan how little like a man you are. True, we don't have a lot of role models to pattern ourselves after, but once you've done the best you can, take confidence in the fact that the Lord sees everything you do, say and think. He knows you in your innermost being and is acquainted with your best self. Hold onto that and ignore the constant slurs of an uneven, unfair and illogical society.

May we all be blessed.

Silver Rose

P.S. I was struggling before the pandemic hit. Now groceries are even more expensive than they were before, the dog needs to go to the vet for his yearly shots, my car has had no maintenance for several years, and the electric bill for a very hot summer was $200.00 EACH month! Please consider contributing to my Amazon donation list. They have my address and can mail to me directly.

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SAINT AUREA OF PARIS FEAST DAY - OCTOBER 4 - NOTES ON CONTEMPLATIVE MONASTIC LIFE

 

Relic of the saint in a decorative housing

Saint Aurea of Paris celebrates her feast day today, along with Saint Frances of Assisi and at least half a dozen other saints, all male, as far as I can tell. As you know, I am keen to make the female saints a bit better known than they are presently. Of course, there is only so much one can say about a saint for whom not much information has been passed down to us over time - not because they are any less saintly than other saints, no doubt, but because women just don't get much recognition in a church run entirely by men.

I used to make a joke out of this, saying that women are more naturally saintly, so that when a man lives a saintly life, that fact alone is a miracle! While humorous, I won't claim that it is true. I am just casting around for some reason besides the obvious - that women are not celebrated nearly as much as the men...for whatever reason.

Why does this matter? Everyone needs a source of inspiration, and I find nothing more inspiring than another woman living the Christian ideals most assiduously - especially monastic women, and CONTEMPLATIVES, since that is my path.

Saint Aurea of Paris

Of particular interest with regard to today's saint is that she died of the plague. Considering that we are currently beset with a modern day epidemic, we can certainly relate to what she must have been feeling, especially since 160 of her monastic sisters also died of it.

Saint Aurea was originally Syrian but relocated to Paris, France and was put in charge of St. Martial convent as Abbes by Saint Elegius in 633, where she ruled for 33 years (a number I find interesting because when our Lord died, HE was 33, I believe.)

Saint Elegius

(Sometimes called "Eloi")

I find Saint Elegius himself to be a most interesting person, having been a metalsmith, and this is an area that interests me. I am currently contemplating learning how to make punched tin frames for my religious paintings and am trying to calculate whether all the time and money will be worth doing it, since I have already lost the vision in my left eye and doctors anticipate that I will likely lose it in my right as well.

Saint Elegius was extremely gifted in many areas and is the patron saint of metalsmiths, craftspeople, horses, and is credited as a gifted spiritual teacher. Saint Godeberta was one of his pupils.

Interior of Saint Paul Saint Louis Church in Paris, France
Photo by David Iliff

License: CC BY-SA 3.0

The Saint Martial convent where Saint Aurea of Paris was Abess is no more. I offer you the following etching from 1850 which depicts a narrow impasse called the "Impasse Saint-Martial" which was all that remained of the Saint-Martial convent by 1850.

artist: 

Theodor Joseph Hubert Hoffbauer

(1839-1922)

It does make me a little sad to see how this convent that held such holy women, saints and martyrs to the faith, has just disappeared - eaten up, as it were, by the city of Paris. Over time, these holy institutions could not be maintained. In addition to the terrible EXPENSE, there is no longer the enthusiasm for it. The faithful don't feel inspired to support the monastic institutions as they once did because they no longer understand the absolute value of the spiritual work of men and women who have set themselves aside for the sole purpose of contemplation of the Divine and prayers for the faithful. Intercessory prayer isn't valued in the same way it once was.

In addition, from the other side of things, the monastics have been sullied by the corruption of a small number of priests who were predators of children, who snuck into the ranks of the holy ones, causing untold damage to innocents. The monolithic institution of "the church," in turn, did not deal with these predators in an appropriate way, which highlighted some degradation that had occurred in the church, over time.

You see, monastic life in the Christian tradition actually started out being mostly composed of independent hermit-type Christians who set themselves apart from society, initially going out into the dessert to live a penitential, solitary existence dedicated to prayer and ascetic practices. Later, hermits are found housing themselves in caves, such as in the fairy chimneys of Cappadocia, in present-day Turkey. In some countries, they retreated to the forest. 

Hot air balloons float over the caves of

former religious hermits

in the "fairy chimneys" of Cappadocia, Turkey

At times, a particularly holy person would attract followers who would cluster around them in their own hermitages. Various types of organization were employed. Things grew from there, and I suspect that at least a partial return to the earlier manifestation of independent monastics is more than due. The corruptions of monolithic institutions need to be addressed, at least in the West.

In the Catholic Church, the home of the Christian mystics and saints, there are STILL official "diocesan hermits" provided for in the canon, but it appears that the institution is loathe to confer that designation. As in other traditions, if you are willing to give a small fortune to The Church, it will quickly dispense with any impediment that it imagines for anyone else  who might approach it. Even so, as a Diocesan Hermit, you are not all that "independent" because every detail about your life has to be approved by the bishop. You can't blame them for wanting to be in control of anyone pretending to be a part of the official institution, though. Mentally unstable people are often attracted to extreme forms of religious expression, and it takes a lot of work to establish whether or not an individual is of sound mind. 

Hindu sannyasini - holy woman

at the Kumba Mehla celebration

There are many independent holy men and women who have taken sannyas in India. A great number belong to large institutions. Some merely belong to the tradition. My sannyas was an independent thing approved by my swami, who had hoped that I would open a Vedanta Center in Arizona, but which turned out to be more physically taxing than I would be able to endure. Plus, I would be living in what was, essentially, a very small but very public space that I would have to share with a male swami who would visit once every 4 to 6 weeks. The master bedroom was to be reserved for the visiting swami, and this reminder that I was to do all the work while the man got all the benefits was something I did not wish to revisit in my life.

It isn't that I don't like people, by the way. I like people too much, and it would have pulled my focus dangerously off-kilter. The swami knew this, however, and I don't think he was surprised when I ultimately declined his offer to open the center in Arizona. When I had left the Hollywood convent, he said to me, "who will smile at the devotees if you leave?" He knew my nature.

Hindu holy woman - Sannyasini (renunciate)

In American culture, the general lack of value placed on the contemplative path is unfortunate. Just the presence of a person who has dedicated themselves to this way of life has a positive effect on everyone who comes in contact with him or her. But I remember hearing from many of the devotees who frequented the Vedanta temple that there was a good deal of resentment against the monks and nuns because it appeared as if they lived a higher standard than the devotees. The devotees didn't have to live in close quarters under constant criticism and, while the housing appeared to be grand, it is well known in monastic circles that we could use all sorts of things but couldn't actually have anything. Bottom line? The grass is greener, as they say. (Personally, I was thrilled at the freedom that this granted me. It was a delight to only have 2 or 3 keys on my key ring and not to have to pay a single bill.)

Many people in my generation became enamored of the mystical, contemplative life of the Hindus that was made popular in the hippie era. What many of us did not know is that the Christian church has its OWN mystics that are just marvelous. There is nothing in the Christian Church that cannot be perceived through the meditative methods of Vedanta. God is ONE.

[NOTE: While I am  happy to look at Catholicism through the lens of Vedanta, some Hindus whose tradition I am co-opting by this are, at times, peeved by it. Out of respect for that point of view, I offer THIS LINK TO A "HINDUISM TODAY" ARTICLE about this topic. It appears to be mostly a problem for those in India who object to the perceived efforts on the part of the Catholic Church to convert Hindus to the faith by using their own images and traditions "against" them.]

Sign outside Bede Griffiths' Shantivanam Ashram

in India

Unfortunately, parish life in America, on the other hand, is rule-bound with little support for the contemplative perspective. Pedestrian matters of sex, family life, contraception and abortion grab most of the attention, unlike in the early days of the church. I pray that one day they strike a better balance.

It had been my intention, in the early days of my hermitage, that I would start a small Catholic ashram catering to like-minded people, but I was robbed of a promised inheritance that would have purchased the house, and my physical disabilities worsened and multiplied. It isn't out of the question for the future, but at 66 years old, I am fast running out of future. I DO hope that my writings encourage others to explore this life, however.

Like the Church of Saint Martial, which housed so many women and so much prayer then disappeared into nothingness, I am of a certain age when I contemplate my own demise and anticipate that I will likewise disappear without much fanfare. The prayer corner where I spend my hours speaking with the Lord will be partitioned and distributed among the faithful, a statue here, an icon there, a rosary somewhere else. None of these things are permanent. What IS permanent are my prayers and the vibrations of my conversations with and meditations on the Lord.

What I hope to leave behind is an appetite for the contemplative life, and it is my hope that other women will be inspired to live the vowed life at home, like their friend, the accidental hermit.

May we all be blessed!

Silver Rose

Sannyasini Kaliprana

P.S. Food has gotten more expensive during the Covid virus, on top of a food budget that was ALREADY very tight here. I've long ago reverted to a vegetarian diet, but would welcome some canned fish, if wild caught (mercury free.) There are other necessary items listed on my donation list on Amazon. They have my address and will mail to me direct. Check it out on my donation list, link below:

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GOOD TROUBLE HAS CONSEQUENCES

In the background of all my days is the Covid-19 pandemic, but that isn't the first thing I think of when I wake up. I think of the nutty, conspiracy theory fueled, abusive authoritarian regime that has captured our government. It has scary implications for a poor disabled old lady who is going blind and has no power, except the power of my mind and my prayers....which is not "my" power at all, but the power of The Divine.

Hitler had his brown shirts. Trump has his white supremacists, Boogaloo Bois, neo-Nazis, Q-Anon conspiracy theorists, and pseudo militia men, tricked out in full camo and loaded assault rifles, who are now taking the law into their own hands and are murdering citizens who have the gall to protest the killings of black citizens by a trigger-happy, militarized police force.

The dangerously escalating situation started when a black man, George Floyd, was murdered by four policemen in broad daylight, on a city street, in full view of many witnesses, and memorialized by several videos.

While the prone, defenseless, unarmed and restrained citizen pleaded that he could not breathe and begged for his mother, one of the police officers, the murderer, pressed his knee into George Floyd's neck while the other police held him down. Onlookers can be heard on the videotape, trying to intervene, but the police officers spent a good six minutes strangling him. The cold, bloodless look on the face of the murderer is eerie.

Protests started to break out in response. It certainly wasn't the first black American to be murdered by police, but enough people had finally had enough of this travesty that they were willing to risk their own lives to protest with an eye to change.

The response of Trump, the police and the right wing "law and order" crowd was to kill more people and assault the peaceful protesters with gas, rubber bullets, and clubs.

Online, the right wing was complaining, not about the citizens who had been murdered in the street by the police that were supposed to protect them, but the tiny percentage of looting and violence that was occurring. This is typical of the alt right talking heads. They ignore the main issue and get it lost in the weeds of much less evident side issues. This is how the conspiracy theorists operate, as well. If they can find ONE instance of something happening, they blow it up to such an extent that, in their minds, at least, it becomes true for a massive number of people. It isn't truth, but they don't care about truth. They care about force and punishment, even if they have to manufacture an issue that they can then stomp on.

The response of Trump's administration and the right wing lie machine was to (1) express outrage against the protesters instead of the police who murder citizens on the street; and (2) express approval and encouragement for armed white supremacists to take the law into their own hands and come to the protests with loaded weapons to, supposedly, "protect property," but all I saw were pitched battles between them and protesters, initiated by the quasi-military goons who had taken it upon themselves to establish "law and order."

The response of the police was to (1) kill MORE black citizens; and (2) collude with the white supremacists so they would come in large numbers, bristling with weapons.

The protesters, seeing that there was no attempt to address the issues of racism and human rights abuses, but that, instead, the establishment had doubled-down, became enraged. (Who could blame them?)

Most recently, part of a group of white supremacists, a 17 year-old proudly came to a protest with an assault rifle and killed two protesters, after which he approached the police, who basically patted him on the head and sent him home. (You can well imagine if the kid had been black and had approached the police with an AR-15 slung around his neck, after killing two citizens. They would have shot him dead where he stood.)

Shortly thereafter, police can be heard thanking the armed civilians for coming out that night.

There is video and audio of all of this, and I have seen most of it.

Witnessing some of the recent murders of citizens by police, vis-a-vis video and audio tape taken by bystanders with their cell phones, had actually made me sick to my stomach.

The pandemic, a despotic fascist dictatorship, and the string of abuses against people of color, women, minorities, disabled folk, seniors, and anyone deemed too "different" to be allowed to live, is horrifying. This is not the America that the world has counted on to do the right thing. Starting with the kidnap and incarceration of babies and children at the border, we became the bad guys. I have cried every day since this started.

I have always been nonviolent. I have subscribed to Martin Luther King Jr.'s philosophy of nonviolent protest and resistance since I was a little girl. In response to the blood bath on the Edmund Pettus Bridge in which John Lewis, of blessed memory, was savaged and nearly killed, I participated in a protest march in the streets of Carmel, California. But now, since becoming old, disabled and nearly blind, I can't even do that. All I can do is meditate, pray and advise.

I admit that I sometimes feel demoralized and overwhelmed by the sheer volume of amoral, abusive language spewing out of Trump, but when I put my mind at the feet of the Lord, the way is clear. I have to continue to advocate for the vulnerable and the weak, even though I myself belong to those categories.

In Proverbs, there is a commandment to kings which I believe Jesus would agree that we follow:

Open your mouth for the dumb,

for the rights of all the unfortunate.

Open your mouth, judge righteously,

and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.

~ Proverb 31:8

Although I have not taken to the streets to protest, I have suffered reprisals for my words of protest. I used to have supporters, in my parish and here, online, who were helping me with small gifts and gestures of kindness. One of them bought me a reclining chair when mine broke, so that I would have something on which to sleep. (I can't sleep lying down.) Another gave me a couch she had inherited. A group of them took me to lunch or tea on my birthday - but because I advocate for the weak, the vulnerable and the marginalized, and because I call out Trump and the lies of the right wing, they all, (except one) called me "hateful" and shunned me. They blocked me on Facebook and never spoke to me again.

The last time I was able to go to church and actually sit through mass, I happened to encounter one of them in the hallway. She glowered at me ferociously, lifted her nose in the air, turned her back to me, and stomped out the door.

Another supporter, a woman in IRELAND, of all places, had somehow become a Trump enthusiast. She had been trying to help me find a decent place to live that would be helpful when I lose more of my vision, but she also sent me an angry screed.

The assistance of my "Christian" family has always been welcome, especially since my father's will had been changed after he got dementia, and I was written out. (Typical family greed. He subsequently died under very suspicious circumstances, and I didn't know he had passed away until his body had been cremated, destroying the evidence.)

It is ironic that I left the Hindu convent because of the lack of love exhibited by the people in that faith, only to find that Christians are, for the most part, no better. Just because they claim to follow the God of love, doesn't mean they actually DO. A good portion of them don't even advocate for Christian love and fellow-feeling, opting instead for the dark side of resentment, grievances, force and punishment. The few who actually follow Christ are a beacon of light to me, and I thank God for them daily.

I mention all of this because I want you all to know that there is a cost to advocating for truth and justice! I am not just "blowing hot air" because the internet enables me and it is therefore easy to get my opinion published. I have suffered and continue to suffer retaliation for my advocacy - so when I ask you to do the same, you understand that I am also paying a high price.

I offer up my prayers today for all who need them, especially for the black community that has endured so much for so many years, and I pray that they continue to protest without undertaking violence. I recommend the same to the rest of you, as well.

May God bless you all.

Silver Parnell
(Sannyasini Kaliprana)
Copyright © 2020 Silver Parnell
All rights reserved.