THE CULT OF SPIRITUAL PERSONALITY - June 22, 2022

 

Lady of the Stars

by

Silver S. Parnell

(c) Copyright 1997

All rights reserved.

This topic is far-reaching and has affected my life dramatically, so this post is a bit of a ramble, and I hope you'll forgive me for that, but this IS a diary and there are days when the events of the day intersect with my chronic illnesses and the mental processes and developments that occur, on occasion, with someone given over to a great deal of mental prayer.

Not Seen but Felt

There is an unseen reality of the spiritual universe that we sense is there, even when no one has told us specifically that there is such a thing. The physical world and its goings on sometimes hint at it but my experience is that some people correctly perceive the yearning to dive into it as a yearning for God and others are more confused. They try to find God in the emoluments of the world, and this is why we are warned constantly, in all the religious traditions, really, not to look for the Divine in the transitory things and doings of the world, but to "dive deep."

I sometimes find that people whose business it is to advance the spiritual objectives of humans and who ought to be examples of holiness have personalities and habits that point in another direction. This week I've run into a few of these folks, and I'll explain later, but first I offer today's Gospel reading, which just happens to give Jesus's point of view about this topic:

Jesus said to his disciples:

"Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing,

but underneath are ravenous wolves.

By their fruits you will know them.

do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?

Just so, every good tree bears good fruit,

and a rotten tree bears bad fruit.

A good tree cannot bear bad fruit,

nor can a rotten tree bear good fruit,

nor can a rotten tree bear good fruit.

Every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down

and thrown into the fire.

So by their fruits you will know them."

~Matthew 7:15-20~

The Fruits of the Holy Spirit

Even Children with no exposure to religion, have a sensitivity to these fruits of the Holy Spirit. Goodness is obvious to their innocent souls. In fact, children often experience this world of the spirit very profoundly, and that is why we sometimes marvel at the suddenly wise things they will say, on occasion, between doing stupid things that will get them killed, of course. Even in households completely devoid of spiritual or religious thought, such as the one in which I lived, their pure hearts will be tuned in the movement of the Divine that they sense underneath everything else. They don't have the language for it, of course, but the experience is there. I remember the lovely experience of just being that comes upon us when we are quieted in nature. Eventually we are given to understand that it is God.

The Scientology Cult of L. Ron Hubbard

I seem to have been born interested in God, but I was raised by abusive people who hated religion, so of course the first thing I did when I left home was to fall into the first religion I encountered, which was the cult of Scientology. I ended up doing a "special mission" for the founder L. Ron Hubbard on the Scientology "Sea Org" flag ship that traveled between Spain and Portugal, with regular stops at the Canary Islands and  Portugal's island of Madeira.

My strongest memory of Hubbard was that he had a bevy of nubile, young "messengers" who hung on his every word and waited on him meticulously. In addition to running messages from one end of the twin-screw motor yacht to the other, they did all kinds of personal errands for him and were ready at hand when he needed his tobacco lit. 

The thing that alarmed me was that the young teen's uniforms were extremely tight, with derriere and décolletage nearly bursting out. It didn't seem appropriate because it pointed away from the divine and to the world of biology and crass material instead. After getting to the "heart" of that group and finding that its emperor wore no clothes, I remember thinking, "well, this isn't it!" It took me a another six months to escape THAT group. First, I had to get off the ship!

View from El Dorado Hills

California, 1995

(c) Silver S. Parnell

All rights reserved.

Cults and Sexual Perversions

I also got a chance to watch friends and acquaintances make some unusual choices over the years. When I was in my early 20's, I worked for an attorney from an office on his property. He and his family were marginally involved with an old Indian man whom everyone called "Father" who had 7 young American "wives" that he had conned into buying his  self-serving, sexually perverted version of "Hinduism." It was a tiny little cult and it was weird. I happened to see that old man lay a big French kiss on one of his young "wives" and it revolted me. I remembered thinking, "I've gotta get OUT of here." Shortly thereafter, my boss died in a bizarre auto accident, and I moved on.

All Religions Subject to Clericalism

Something that all religions had in common, no matter the degree of legitimacy or cultishness, was the tendency for the devotees to practically worship every authority figure.  This was regardless of whether or not the spiritual celebrity warranted it, i.e., whether or not he or she actually followed the precepts of the faith and met general expectations for being a good human.  This sort of thing happens in every organized religion.

I have seen a certain degree of it recently in the Catholic Church, though "clericalism" has, admittedly, become a little less prevalent than it was before the pedophilia scandals.

Swami Swahananda

Hollywood Temple 1980's

(c) copyright Silver S. Parnell

All rights reserved

Meeting a Legitimate Saint

When one has known a person of legitimate spiritual bona fides, it is easier, later on, to identify the wolves in sheep's clothing when you meet them. On my spiritual journey, I have gotten to know people whose spiritual character was a wonderful example to others and who more than deserved the devotion that many of us had for them. One such person was Swami Swahananda. He seemed always to be absorbed in the Divine. Even when he was telling a joke, I would see him drop back into it quickly. By "it" I mean that vast unseen reality that I had been aware of since I was a kid. He would tell his silly joke and enjoy the laughter, and you could see it in his eyes, that he "returned to zero." He was wonderful to be with because he never tried to drag me into conversations of things that did not matter, such as what the other women would often do. While the nuns were absorbed in whether or not I would lose weight before entering the convent, for instance, he could not care less.

Nothing in the perceptible world missed his notice, of course. He wasn't blind. It's just that he was so established in the enduring reality of the unseen spirit that he wasn't going to waste his time dealing with things that were transitory. How much my body weighed was not on his list of stuff that matters because my body was the least interesting thing about me. He saw my nature, and I saw his, and we had a wonderful friendship. Every once in a while he would imitate the pinched face of one of the nuns as she delivered her scathing criticisms of me, and we would both be overcome with the giggles, despite the fact that I was being positively roasted by the good lady nun. It drove them mad that I did not take their criticisms of me in a serious vein.

Swami at the beach, Kali Puja Immersion day

Ignoring his spiritual stature and only watching the way a close handful of people clung to him, a jealous woman used to speak disparagingly about the swami. She represents the other side of the coin of the cult of personality because she ALSO judged him on the basis of something other than his character, but in her case, she disparaged him, whereas most people obsessed with personality instead of principles almost deify their leaders, while ignoring their wretched moral and ethical behavior at the same time.  Same coin. Two sides.

"An honest witness does not deceive,

but a false witness pours out lies."

Proverbs 14:5

Every religious tradition I am aware of has a prohibition against lying, except perhaps the Scientologists. I seem to remember some written policy that says that if a lie is going to protect the survival of Scientology, it is OK to tell it. I don't believe in that idea for the preservation of any religion, but I also do not consider Scientology a religion because, while I was in it, they were talking about how ludicrous it was to suddenly start talking about God but that they had to do it in order to get a tax-free status. "God" played an extremely minor part in their philosophical discussions. The existence of God was acknowledged but I never heard a discussion of Him. He was in the background somewhere, I suppose.

One's moral and ethical behavior, and the gifts of the Holy Spirit are the calling cards of the soul. They tell you everything you need to know about a person. Swami Swahananda's ethical and moral life was beyond reproach. I have almost no criticisms of him, and none of the ones I DO have are important.

It is sad, really, that the beauty of the Lord is right here for the taking, and people waste their time on externals and petty egotistical squabbles. Jesus said that the kingdom of Heaven is among us, and I think that he was trying to get our minds off the gross stuff of the physical world and establish us in the spiritual world with HIM because Heaven is among us when HE is among us. He is among us when we incline our minds in his direction. It is very simple, really.

Balancing Body and Soul

It's a balancing act between body and soul. Humans have too much attention on the gross and not enough on the subtle planes.  We ARE body and soul, but a lot of people behave as if the only thing that matters is the physical plane.

The physical world has to be dealt with, of course. I think it is in this physical universe that we are meant to demonstrate the spiritual lessons, and it is important for that reason. If the world was completely unnecessary, God could have simply made us and kept us in heaven with himself. We are made to learn something in this world, but we are not meant to think of it as the be-all and end-all of existence. We are here for some time, doing what we do, and then we return to Him if we don't ruin ourselves here. 

By the way, all of this, the way I have expressed it and my perceptions about it are my own and do not represent any official religious interpretation of scriptures, theology or anything established by any church. I am only describing what I have experienced but I am not setting myself up as an authority for anyone else.

Meditation is Common Among Many Religions

While I have studied and experienced many religions, I was lucky to have stumbled across Vedantic Hinduism because everything was different after that. The meditation practice is really wonderful, and I was lucky to have had a relationship with someone established in the spiritual reality who deserved to be lionized a bit.  I feel grateful to have been his student and to have taken Sannyas (monastic) vows at his feet (many years after leaving the group.) After learning from him, it became easy for me thereafter to make an assessment of other spiritual personalities and people in general.

Twelve Bad Marriages at Once

I first heard about contemplative monastic life when I was 11 and, in a real fluke, started corresponding with a convent of Catholic Carmelite sisters. My mother had an absolute fit and objected, and that was the end of THAT. I stuffed my desire for monastic life until much later, when I discovered Vedanta and really fell in love with Vedantic meditation. 

A perverse person stirs up conflict, and

a gossip separates close friends.

~Proverbs 16:28~

It wasn't long before my monastic inclinations rose up again, and I found myself in the convent, after a grueling period of hazing by the nuns. I just could not understand their antipathy. If only there were spiritual personalities like Swami Swahananda in the convent, I might have stayed forever, but those nuns tormented me with a constant stream of petty criticism, gossip and superficial nonsense. I hadn't a moments peace.  It was like 12 bad marriages at once, and it shocked me because I expected at least a minimum of the divine attributes. I was not expecting it to be like returning to high school. It was mind boggling. No matter how hard I tried, they continued to torment me.

An example of someone's behavior being the opposite of what one would expect of a holy person:

I hurt my back working for them, and one of the nuns marched down to the swami to inform him that I was "faking." It was a lie, of course, but I cannot honestly tell you what this was all about. Why did she do that? Why did she even think such a thing? Why, after decades in a convent, does a senior staff member make something up out of whole cloth, and why, for the love of God, did she not have a speck of love or compassion in her for someone who was suffering? I was in a LOT of pain and had to be in a wheelchair half the time. 

Today, I am fully disabled, with chronic pain and debilitating arthritis. A lot of what I suffer is due to the hard work I did in that convent and the arthritis that began during that time. Clearly, I wasn't "faking" it, as the X-Rays tell the whole story.

Lies and gossip are signs of suspect motives for joining a religious group:

One funny story:  Apparently, they were telling all the devotees that I was eating all the chocolate in the pantry, and then the snootiest nun went on vacation and the chocolate just sat there. I had NO idea any of this was going on because I don't like chocolate very much and will only eat it if I am having a very strong urge for something sweet and my choice is either nothing or chocolate. They never spoke to me about any of this and I had been told I wasn't allowed to speak to the devotees, so none of them told me that the nuns were spreading rumors about me.  All I knew was that there was this roiling underlying tension and energy all the time which literally made me ill.

Lies and Gossip Follow Their Target for Years

When I left the convent, I was very lonely. I had spent years living with people who behaved with hatred toward me, so I soon thereafter started dating one of the local men, and, before I knew it the nuns were saying that I had been secretly dating this man while I still living in the convent! A complete lie. I am not capable of this, nor have I done anything similar to it at any time in my life. Whoever started the rumor knew it was a lie. They knew that it was something they had invented. Lies are just the worst.

I often tell folks that THIS habit of women toward jealousy, gossip and lies is why men are in charge of the world.

Being Alone With God is Sometimes The Only Route to Take

Hearing about those lies, years later, was validation for my having left the convent. When you go to place so that you can get closer to God, and all the people living with you are immersed in lies and ill-will, it becomes impossible to do the very thing you came there for to begin with. Living now as a hermit, I have much more spiritual companionship than when I lived in that place, surrounded by supposedly holy women - or at least women who had presented some sort of good intention when they arrived.

After leaving the convent, one of them admitted to me that they had all been afraid that I would "rule the convent from the bottom" because I was close to the Swami. They hounded me out of the convent due to that jealousy and fear but none of it had anything to do with me. It is a terrible shame because I loved convent life, but after 20 years as a hermit, I recognize now that the solitary path is probably my destiny, if not what I wanted for myself.

Many of these circumstances led to my going to the Catholics. I thought SURELY Catholic organizations are better ordered. But now I am not so sure. I think perhaps people are the same everywhere and that the saints are just those people who actually follow the religion.

All these experiences taught me a LOT about human beings in religious institutions. So YOU get to benefit from my distressing experiences. I bring a lot to the table in this regard.

Swami Swahananda

making a point during class

(c) Silver S. Parnell

All rights reserved

Motives for Joining an institution or profession Vary

Something that happens in spiritual life and in politics is that callow individuals seeking the status of celebrity and the power that comes along with it, will pursue advancement in convents, monasteries and other institutions and they use the credibility of those institutions to paint themselves in a more respectable light than what they would typically earn on their own. The problem with this is that these people damage the reputations of those institutions that they use in this way. 

We have examples of this in many fields. For instance, in politics, we have a cynical con man in Donald Trump, who has destroyed the reputation of the Republican party. In the spiritual field, the first thing that comes to mind are the many pedophiles that have used the Catholic Church as "cover" for their vile activities.  People have been known to murder for profit, and then hide behind religious robes, a police uniform, or a political position.

The many saints that I write about in this blog have our respect because of their spiritual character. They are reliable witnesses to the faith in what they do and say. Wearing a costume or having a title is irrelevant. They are called "Saint" because of what they do and say and not because they wear a religious garb.

Farmland in Placerville, CA

(c) 1995, Silver S. Parnell

All rights reserved.

Choosing to be Intentional When Choosing One's Associates

We live in an era in which wolves in sheep's clothing have multiplied dangerously. We have to watch people very carefully and do not give them our allegiance or lend them even our attention until we have ascertained that their character warrants it. Are they truthful? Are they kind? Do they follow the commandments of their faith? We need to be more deliberate and intentional when allowing people into our lives, hearts and minds.

Obviously, I am not saying that perfection is required but with respect to LIES, in particular, there is no way to accidentally "lie" because when you invent a lie, you know that you have done this deliberate thing (unless you are insane, which is a different problem!) When a person lies, they are choosing to do evil. I think this is why it is said in the Bible that Satan is the father of all lies.

Perhaps this is why lies bother me so much. The person knows it is not true, but they say it anyway.

Generally speaking, the person's actions should typically tend toward the attributes described as the "fruits of the Holy Spirit" in St. Paul's letter to the Galations, which are: 

Love, 

Joy, 

Peace, 

Patience, 

Kindness, 

Generosity, 

Faithfulness, 

Gentleness, 

and Self-Control.

These fruits of the Holy Spirt are shared, in other forms, with the philosophies of Buddhist and Hindu faiths, as well as others. 

There is a nice article about these at the following link:

FRUITS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

It occurs to me as I write this that it would not be a bad idea for me to list these 9 fruits and post them somewhere prominently to remind me, in my daily self-examination, to compare my behavior and thoughts to this list. Taking this list in hand and comparing the actions of supposed leaders and "holy" people is a pretty good idea also.

Another thing to watch are those infernal memes on Facebook and elsewhere. Don't absorb these obnoxious, simplistic maxims unthinkingly. Many times, the person to whom a quote is attributed has not had those words come out of their mouth or their pen. Sometimes, the quote makes no sense outside of the larger document to which it belongs. Most of the time, these pat little memes get their energy from some type of criticism of others that is toxic. Many times, the memes appeal to an underdeveloped ego that looks to make itself feel superior to other humans, and if we take these ideas on board, it will be deadly to our spiritual development.

A few days ago, I read a long quote from a supposed homily of Pope Francis that a nun living in a convent had published to the internet, with her own enthusiastic recommendation for the supposed wisdom of the words. Immediately, I could tell that it was a fake. It spoke in a way that was not our Pope's manner of speech, and the underlying ideas were "New Age" in some spots and Calvinistic in others. A quick Google search proved my suspicions were accurate It was an heretical post. Memes like this are spiritual poison for the soul.

Pope Francis recently meeting with Buddhists

I attached a link to the post of a journalistic article about this spurious "homily" and sent a private message to the sister, asking her to please remove the post because it was fake. What she did instead was to immediately remove me from her "friend list" without a word in response. I was unable to communicate further with her. I suspect that a religious who behaves this way has perhaps chosen her vocation for the wrong reason.  Who knows? In any case, her behavior was wholly inappropriate.

It used to surprise me when people behaved in this way. If I was told I had published a fake quote to the internet, I would have THANKED the person and removed the post. I would be grateful to have the truth.  But for some people, the truth is not something in which they have much interest. Other things, like their ego needs, are more important to them.

You find this sometimes with people who start groups online as well. They use the groups to satisfy ego needs that have not been met. Today I joined a group modeled after Bede Griffith's ashram-style Catholic institutions. Bede wrote  some WONDERFUL books, and I felt a great kinship with him when I left the Hindu convent to become Catholic, but the one comment I made on a meme in today's Facebook group was met with such rudeness and snotty arrogance that I immediately left the group. (It wasn't Bede Griffiths that did this. He died years ago. It is some man with whom I have no experience except his rude response to a comment I'd given considerable thought. .) I wanted so much to talk with people of like minds, but everywhere is pretense and posing instead of authentic spiritual interest.

Fr. Bede Griffiths, a Catholic Sadhu

I took the same type of vows and wear the

same color, when it is available.

Bede Griffiths books are just wonderful. He is a very deep thinker, and anyone interested in contemplative life will find him interesting, I believe. On the following link, there is a clip of a lecture of his:

Fr. Bede Griffiths

With regard to fake memes on Facebook: 

Many years ago, a former friend with monastic aspirations posted an even more noxious meme that ALSO had a picture to accompany the fake story. The picture was of some other person and not the "pastor posing as a homeless person outside his church" that the fake "true story" claimed. The meme targeted Christianity and made the point that Christians are hypocrites. While some Christians ARE hypocrites, I am sure, it is not right to negatively paint the entire faith with a lie.

Here is an article about the fake meme that she used:

PASTOR JEREMIAH STEEPEK HOAX

This is the photo from the fake meme. It is

supposedly "Jeremiah Steepek" but is

actually a photo of an English homeless man

When I approached that former friend about the lie she was perpetrating, she became extremely hostile, called me names, made up stories about me and my supposed motives, and was generally vile. It does not matter how polite, how correct, how loving the method by which you approach these kind of people because approaching them about their dishonesty enrages them. At least, that has been my experience - and the reaction is particularly strong if the person has some kind of monastic aspiration or has a yearning for another type of celebrity.

While we have to watch these people carefully, and avoid internalizing whatever dishonesty they are peddling, I wouldn't walk through life with suspicion. That would be exhausting and of little or no benefit. I would just say to continue to behave with respect and deference toward ALL humans but to just be very careful about what ideas you take on board. Guard your soul from trojan horses filled with toxic dogma.

I have witnessed circumstances in which philosophical concepts that are allowed to sink into our soul without challenge or examination can wreak havoc down the line. A LOT of people believe fervently in a few popular "New Age" theories that directly contradict the Catholic faith, for instance, and they are unaware of it. I am not saying you cannot have an independent thought. I am suggesting that you ought to KNOW that it is an independent thought!

As far as the spurious memes that are endemic on Facebook, you may decide to do what I have decided to do, and that is to curtail my Facebook activity. I'm not joining any more groups, because you never know who is sitting at their computer creating these "Catholic" groups without having any bona fides to back up their "leadership." And I am going to resist the urge to make comments on other people's posts, unless it's about animals or art. I can't go too far wrong there.

The final comment on which I want to end is to turn around all the negative experiences and reframe them in the positive which will be obvious, but I feel that I am not doing my job if I am not pointing toward the Divine, rather than the absence of the Divine - because that is EXACTLY how I have learned to cope with all the negative experiences I have had around this topic, with people who should have loved me but worked to make me miserable instead.  

Here is what I want to say: even if there is no one in your arena who exhibits the fruits of the Holy Spirit, that is perfectly fine because we ourselves can turn this around and do my favorite thing, and that is "incline the mind to God!"

We can get going with our mental prayer and turn this into a 9-day novena and meditate on one fruit of the Holy Spirit each day. Isn't that a good idea? By meditating on the fruits of the Holy Spirit, it will help each of us develop those characteristics within ourselves, and we can radiate it out to the universe. 

As usual, all situations devolve into a call to become better ourselves, and I hope you join me in the effort. Let me know how this works for you, if you decide to try it, won't you?

May God bless us all!

Silver Rose

THE SEVEN YEAR CYCLE - UPDATE

 

"Appearances"

by

Silver S. Parnell

Copyright (c) 1996, all rights reserved.

My entire life has been devoted in a search for the Divine. No matter what my employment happened to be at the moment, my vocation has always been that of the spiritual seeker. 

When I was 11, I was corresponding with the Carmelite nuns in Carmel, California (much to the ire of my Catholic-hating mother!) In my late teens, I spent time with L. Ron Hubbard on his "Sea Organization Flagship." I studied Nicheren Shoshu Buddhism for a short while in my late teens, but found the chanting was not as mentally stimulating and spiritually inspiring as I would have hoped.

I had no religious input in my childhood, but as soon as I left home at barely 17, I entered onto the mystical and contemplative path, and I have loved every minute of it and I have learned a LOT about many different religions and philosophies, concentrating, for the most part, on Vedanta style contemplation which can be suited to any religion, really. The object of one's contemplation is what is key. Catholics will focus on Christ or God the Father or the Holy Spirit or Mary. Vedantists may fixate on Ramakrishna or another saint. The possibilities are  endless because contemplation and meditation are techniques.

I keep hearing from people that they believe that meditation is the process of "emptying your mind," but my meditation lessons with the Buddhists and the Hindus do not resemble that at all.

I have been blessed and extremely grateful to keep company with remarkable people like Zen Master, Roshi Prabhasa Dharma, beloved friend of blessed memory - and Swami Swahananda, probably the most influential person in my life, with whom I practiced and studied the mystical life of the Vedantic Hindus. When he allowed me to take the final sannyasa vows and gave me the monastic name of "Kaliprana", it was the happiest day of my life. Later, I became enamored of the Catholic mystics and began to trod that path. It has been a wonderful, rich, journey - full of joy and hope.

Swami Swahananda

My Hindu (Vedanta) teacher

About seven years ago, another Vedantist encouraged me to write a blog, as a way of gaining support. I have not received much "support" but writing this blog has helped give me an incentive to study my favorite saints and get back in the habit of writing on a daily basis. In the process, this HAS helped me develop research and writing techniques, as well as fed my soul with the examples of female mystics through the ages. Eventually, I began to feel fairly competent and realized that my lifelong writer's block with which I had struggled terribly, had been eased by the process of writing almost 400 blog posts.

At some point, I intend to take all the information I have gathered during my research for these blog posts and write a book about the rather more "unknown saints," accompanied by my own paintings of them. In the meantime, I was afraid that the posts themselves, which are a running diary of my days seen through the lens of saints who have feasts on those days, might be somewhat stale. I reverted them to draft state until I had a chance to review them and have decided to leave them "as is." They reflect what they are - a diary of thoughts, prayers, musings and research conducted over the years. The character of this blog will change and it will certainly be added to less frequently, but what has gone before will remain.

I am entering into a new phase. I have lost most of the vision in my left eye, due to macular degeneration, and the right eye is likewise threatened. I am faced with having to get shots in my one good eye in an attempt to retard the progress of the disease. The doctors tell me that I have to get a lot better nutrition than I have mostly gotten during all these poverty years and take some vitamins and supplements that I have not been able to afford. (More about that later.)

When I first became disabled, I had a vision of what my monastic life would look like, but, gradually, over the decades since I took monastic vows, It has been pretty much impossible to maintain a proper monastic schedule because most of my time is spent in the laborious process of dragging myself through my painful days and caring for the body which has begun to fail. The mind, however, is still fresh, and I have reverted to living my monastic vocation in imitation of Brother Lawrence, who said that he was as much with the Lord, among his pots and pans, as he would have been if he'd been talented enough to chant in a choir stall. My mind rests with the Lord, and "walking meditation" has become my constant habit.

I practice the presence of God. Lately, I have begun the habit of chanting the Angelus in Latin. The ideal is to do this three times a day, but I admit to being only able to do it twice, due to wretched insomnia that keeps me up all night. I also pray the Jesus Prayer of the Orthodox Church, as well as the Rosary of Mother Mary and Chaplets for various saints. Also, the Chaplet of Our Lady of Sorrows.

Blessed Mother Mary and Baby Jesus

by

Silver S. Parnell

Copyright (c) 2020, All rights reserved

Becoming a hermit was an afterthought. I never aspired to it. But circumstances forced me into that role and I have done the best I could with it over the last two decades. I hope that all the prayers and the pains that I have offered up on behalf of the world have found favor with The Lord.

Mystic Saint

by

Silver S. Parnell

Copyright (c)1996

All rights reserved

I have not even been able to have a caregiver in the house to help me because the agencies have no caregivers to send, except for the occasional ne'er do well who has had to produce a paycheck to show the court that she is working and thereby will get one step closer to getting her children back from the state. 

These people that occasionally appeared stole from me, harassed me and tried to push me around. Even the daughter of friends of mine managed to "disappear" some of my belongings, including a glass candle shade that belongs on my shrine, though I have no clue how she did that! Perhaps there is something about vulnerability that is too much of a temptation for people, or maybe she broke it and secretly threw it away and was ashamed to admit it.

I have also discovered that for some people, thievery is a way of life. Even when it risks much more than they gain by it, they steal.  It is an ingrained habit, apparently. So, it is perhaps better not to have anyone come into the house to help me. I will struggle along by myself, as I have done for more than 20 years.

A good friend of mine came by several times to get my dishes cleaned up. Since then, as a method of reducing the number of dirty dishes, I have resorted to eating frozen prepared meals because my back and knees cannot stand for cooking and cleaning.

At the same time, my Social Security income is really not enough to address my needs, and I have to try to improve my financial situation before I lose the rest of my vision. I am writing a novel, which I hope to be adapted to a film after publication. (I grew up in the film industry and wrote for television in my early 20's, so I am prepared for the pitfalls.) I also have plans for a series of paintings of New Mexico, my adopted state, and there is the possibility of a small limited line of art jewelry on the side, sold in a local store or online. I will have to see about that. 

These creative projects don't require that I adapt myself to any schedule and can be done when I am feeling well enough to sit and do them. These days, a week might go by when I am not able to do anything but get myself fed and bathed. The pain cycle has its ups and downs, often in response to the weather.

Lunch at the Vedanta Convent

during one of Swami's visits.

About 1989

A monastic schedule, on the other hand, is a more rigorous daily set of hours dedicated to specific spiritual disciplines. I can no longer pretend that my inability to keep to a schedule is TEMPORARY or that my health is likely to improve. Instead, my illnesses and syndromes are steadily worsening, and whatever efforts I make to improve the situation seem only to lessen the degree to which my health is going downhill.

I don't intend to change my lifestyle. I won't be going for boyfriends or husbands. You won't find me hanging out in bars or sitting through concerts. I will remain at home but I will give up the struggle to meet the requirements of a typical monastic schedule because I just can't do it any more.

The Lord will accompany me, as He always has, and it will be alright. I can still keep my mind occupied with Him in whatever activity I find myself. 

THE PLAN, GOING FORWARD

Originally, I had decided not to write this blog any more, but I have since realized that what I need to do is to cut down on the more ambitious elements of it. For instance, the research of the lives of the saints, for which I wrote quite a few biographies. That isn't necessary for an online diary that is, by definition, an account of things that have happened in the author's life - not in the life of someone who lived 500 years ago, or some such.

I have kept diaries constantly throughout my life, I enjoy doing it, and there is no reason I shouldn't keep it up - at least in a more modest form. It helps me come to grips with the daily challenges and is helpful to keep my writing abilities honed a bit. So - I will write when I feel inspired, and I am going to try to keep it more brief. Let's see how successful I am!

MY HEALTH COULD USE SOME HELP!

In addition to the wide-ranging arthritic conditions, the macular degeneration that is robbing me of my vision has been proven to respond to special diet and supplements, most of which I can not afford, and I have a wish list on Amazon for food, visual aids, and some necessary household items. Amazon has my address and will mail to be direct. Follow the link below, and it will be self-explanatory:

AMAZON WISH LIST

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO GET IN TOUCH WITH ME:

Please feel free to leave a comment on this blog and I will be notified. You are also welcome to contact me on my Facebook page.

Here is the link to my Facebook profile:

FACEBOOK - CONTACT ME HERE

God bless you all.

Silver S. Parnell

Copyright (c) 2021
All rights reserved.

BLESSED MARIA CRISTINA BRANDO IS MY EXAMPLE TODAY

 

BLESSED MARIA CRISTINA BRANDO

Of the dozen or so remarkable people whose feast day is today, Blessed Maria Cristina Brando is my easy choice because she and I have much in common, with one glaring difference. While she came from a devout family and already knew by the time she was 12 that she wanted to become "a saint," my family was rabidly anti-religious and anti-Catholic in particular. When I was 12, I felt the tug of desire for spiritual life but had no context in which to place it.

I have written in detail about my first experiences with religion in my previous blog post titled "SCIENTOLOGY, HINDUISM, BUDDHISM, CATHOLICISM AND ME." When you read that post, you see that, by the time I was 12, I was also yearning toward walking the path of perfection but while Blessed Maria Cristina Brando was supported by her early childhood experiences, mine were the type that have to be transcended and overcome over many years of investigation, study and experimentation.

My adoption by a spiritual father was crucial to this process, and I am forever grateful to Swami Swahananda of blessed memory, a celibate monk and swami who joined the Ramakrishna Math when he himself was only 13. When he originally initiated me into the meditation practices of the Hindus, he evidently saw my destiny and initially gave me a Christ mantra, despite my never having attended any Christian Church. I wondered why he had done that, and it only became obvious much later.

When I juxtapose the basic framework of my life experiences with those of Maria Cristina, it is glaringly obvious that early childhood education in faith is essential for the spiritual health of each individual so that they don't have to spin their wheels reinventing said wheels later in life.

Having studied and practiced major world religions and lived a curriculum of comparative religions, I have seen the remarkable similarities between them all. If the ground is prepared in childhood, any seed that is planted afterward more easily grows.

Maria Cristina used to say, "I must become holy; I want to be a saint." She kept trying to enter religious life but was turned back many times due to her poor health, a situation to which I can certainly relate. She was sent home by the Poor Clares AND the Sacramentine nuns.

This is what we have most in common - a strong vocation for monastic life, but having physical weakness and/or bodily disfunction that prevents us from being welcomed by any extant group we might like to join.

Most often when spiritual personalities encounter this difficulty (and many of them HAVE) they will typically form the center of a new organization that is formed when others start to follow, or they continue in a solitary state as a hermit or anchoress, which is my condition.

Blessed Maria Cristina Brando ultimately ended up starting her own congregation with her sister and a few others called the "Sisters-Expiatory Victims of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament." Their focus was both contemplative and active, concentrating on the adoration of the Blessed Sacrament in the Tabernacle and also the education of young women. The work of the contemplative, inner life seems contradictory to the outward going and very busy engagement of teaching children - but it obviously suited these young women who were still in their 20's when this occurred.

This is the wonderful thing about a monastic vocation. There is a monastic expression available for everyone who desires one because, while it is oft-times easier to conform one's life to a holy purpose when in the company of others in a deliberately "spiritual" atmosphere, we do not have to join a group  to live out that vocation. We can be like the desert fathers or desert mothers.  Who is going to tell you that you cannot live your life for God alone or dictate what work or service project you may legitimately pursue as an expression of your vocation? While Blessed Maria Cristina and her fellow sisters devoted themselves to the education of children, I paint and write about religious topics. I have become convinced that God prepares the ground for a monastic vocation from the very beginning.

God sees the barriers that other people or circumstances may erect in our path, interfering with an easy answer to His call but He provides us with the ability to overcome them in some fashion. What many do not understand is that because He has granted all of us free will, He does not force our hand, nor does He force others to accept us.

There ARE miracles, to be sure. I certainly believe in those, but I have yet to see a miracle that forces anyone to accept it. Think about the Virgin Mary. The entire Christian story was dependent upon her willingness - her "yes."

There were people in Blessed Maria Cristina's life who didn't think she was "suitable" for consecrated life. They rejected her for entry into the convent and they sent her home from other convents and they nattered about her in the town - but she didn't give up what her heart told her to do. If  none of the convents would accept her, she decided to start her own. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Although I have pursued my hermit-like vocation for more than 18 years, it is certainly not "perfected." That is a lifelong aspiration that can only be approached, but never accomplished. Even after all this time in this condition, I still require inspiration, and I am grateful to Blessed Maria Cristina for showing yet another example of a disabled woman who managed to live a life consecrated to God, despite the rejection or interference of others.

Ultimately, the monastic life is a conversation between the individual soul and the Lord. It is easiest to see this clearly when one is involved in a contemplative lifestyle, but it is true for all varieties of monasticism.

I derive great inspiration from this young blessed who simply did not give up on her dream to live for God alone.

May she and all the other holy people inspire us with their strength and determination!

Silver Rose
Sannyasini Kaliprana

Copyright (c) 2021
All rights reserved.

THE SUN STILL SHINES

"Rainbow in the Trees"

Photo taken by Silver Parnell

Copyright © 2020, all rights reserved

The real advantage of having had a wonderful spiritual teacher in one's life is that, if you've spent enough time with them, you can pretty much anticipate what their advice would be, even if they've died long ago.

My teacher, who was somewhat of a father to me, would brush off the recent political news. He would say that history is like this and that men have always broken laws and subjected people to tyrannical rule. The overbearing cruelty that is common with dictators isn't unique to Trump. Few people will escape. Once we have done what we can do, spiritual life remains the same. "Meditation, prayer, eating and drinking - all of these things still go on," he would say.

He was a practical man and, during this difficult time, I appreciate his practical example more than ever. Every day, he stuck to the same schedule, no matter what was going on around him. To be clear, he did have a lot of people attending to his needs. I don't think he ever had do any manual work like cleaning his own room or cooking a meal. But no matter how he was feeling, he stuck to his meditation and prayer routines. He attended the expected events, no matter how bored he might be by them or how pathetic was our rendering of the Sanskrit chants. (It must have sounded harsh and grating to his ear.)

It is both soothing and inspiring to conjure up Swami Swahananda in my mind and have a virtual conversation with him about the dictator that has suddenly come to power in my country and how this has affected me and most of my friends, as well as all the other difficulties that have arisen with my disabilities, chronic pain and looming blindness. I can feel the tension melt away, and it is much easier to just stick to my schedule, as much as I have one, and proceed.

Between this post and the last one, I have gained and lost another attendant. This one, although her work was excellent, was socializing in groups of hundreds of people in close quarters without masks. She belongs to a local big box protestant prosperity-gospel church where most of the people don't practice good Covid hygiene because they mistakenly believe that, because they are very good Christians, the Lord is going to protect them and He won't let them get sick with the virus. So, hundreds of people gather on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights, in close quarters, doing everything we are told NOT to do.

The agency that provided this woman immediately understood my concern and, in fact, they told me that, with the exception of people who had hired relatives to care for them, none of their other clients were availing themselves of their services during the pandemic. I resolved that I would try to also avoid it as long as possible. My apartment may be in chaos, but at least I will probably live to see the day when the virus is more under control.

In the meantime, meditation, prayer, eating and sleeping all go on.

Silver Parnell
(Sannyasini Kaliprana)
Copyright © 2020, All rights reserved

P.S. Getting food into the house is still an issue. Please do what you can to help. Amazon has my address and will mail to me directly. JUST CLICK THIS LINK FOR MY AMAZON WISH LIST

FEED THE GARDEN

Welsh Crywth and phighorn

I was horrified this morning by some political news, and I was going to write something about it in my diary, but prompted by something a friend said, I pleaded with the Lord to give me some guidance about this, and I was given it.  Feed the garden, not the weeds.

This principle is long familiar to me. As a student of meditation with the Vedantists, I soon learned that one wants to encourage the establishment of the Divine within oneself by putting your mind in the lap of The Mother.

So, let us all go toward the Divine and put our minds there, and not on the nightmare of our political situation, shall we?

There are no female saints whose feast day occupies either today or tomorrow, so I have settled on Saturday's lady, who turns out to be Saint Cointha (aka "Quinta" or "Cynthia"), a martyr who died being dragged by her ankles through the streets of Alexandria, during the persecutions of the Emperor Trajanus Decius in about 249 b.c.  The brutal Trajanus Decius registers with barely a blip on my radar. It is the holiness of the martyred girl to which we aspire, right?

Cointha is sometimes depicted with a horse in the picture, since she was dragged by one, her ankles tied to it somehow. I wasn't able to find many pictures of her, though. Her feast day is February 8th, and that is about all we know of her.

There are so many of these female saints who passed into the mist of time with barely a whisper of a history! I have often wondered why so little fanfare is given them, while rather more of the male saints have some history to hang onto. I have often wondered why.

At any rate, Christian chronicles don't dally too long with the goings on of kings and princes. Men like Trump are a dime a dozen in antiquity and they provide no inspiration. The saints, however, are another matter, aren't they?

What are we supposed to get from the scant information about Saint Cointha? She gave everything she had for the faith, and I suppose that is enough to know.

My guru, the Swami Swahananda, used to advise me to compare myself and my attributes to those of the Lord. In comparison to the Divine Mother, my gifts of spirit and character pale in comparison. So we shouldn't congratulate ourselves much, if at all, right? Even comparing oneself to the saints is an exercise in humiliation, for the most part.

My mood was greatly improved by the wonderful reminders of today. Feed the garden, not the weeds.

Also, it occurs to me that, instead of getting wrapped around the axle about this era's version of Trajanus Decius and letting him destroy my peace, it is infinitely more appropriate to celebrate and imitate the Lord's creative flow through the creative projects I so love. After all, even the saints need some artistic outlet, now and then. Think of  Hildegard of Bingen and those of her ilk.

The day started with serious mourning and weeping but transmuted itself into the happy creation of a Saint Patrick's day shawl with a crochet pattern and some yarn a friend gave me. In the tween times, I began to write a song - the first in many years. Musical instruments will follow. And sheet music. And things of that persuasion.

During ALL of it; the mourning, the weeping, the writing, the painting, the crochet and the music, my mind is in the lap of The Mother, and we are celebrating.

I hope all of you can transform your sorrows into celebrations today and every day.

God bless us all.

Silver Rose
Sannyasini Kaliprana

(c) copyright 2020 Silver Parnell
All rights reserved.

GO TO HEAVEN TODAY

Saint Teresa of Avila

Close-up, portion of statue

"Asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would

come, he said in reply, 'The coming of he kingdom of God

cannot be observed, and no one will announce, 'Look, here 

it is,' or, "There is its.' For behold, the kingdom of God is

among you."

Luke 17:20-21

Thirty five years ago, after a particularly traumatic life event, I decided I needed to learn how to meditate. I didn't know how to start or where to go, so I searched the yellow pages in the phone book. There, among a host of other strange-sounding options, was the Vedanta Society of Northern California. I misread the number, evidently, dialing what turned out to be the private number of the reigning swami at the time, Swami Shraddhananda. He kept saying, "how did you get this number?" I suspect divine intervention.

I learned a lot during my years with the Vedanta Society - mostly at the Southern California base in Hollywood. I lived on the  property in the Hollywood Hills, where I was also a nun in the convent for a few years. I write about that at length in my book.

It was surprising to me that there are so many similarities as regard to meditation practice, among the different world religions. I took to it right away and, I think partly because of the hyperconcentration of the PTSD sufferer, I was able to concentrate my attention.

In the decades since my introduction to meditation, I have been very grateful for my Vedanta training, especially the private instructions given me by my teacher, Swami Swahanandaji, a most revered swami. He was a surrogate father to me and, out of everything he taught me, the meditation is what I call upon most frequently.

Despite chronic illness and pain, the meditation practice has kept me hopeful, with the strong feeling that God is forever with me, that we are connected, that we are "one." After many years of practice, meditation can be done in any position, any time of day and during almost any other activity - at least activities that do not require discursive thought. Housekeeping and other repetitive tasks are the best.

If you have read anything about the Catholic Carmelite Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection, you will be familiar with the Practice of the Presence of God, which is a type of meditation. All he had to do was turn his attention to the Lord while he was washing the pots and pans or peeling potatoes or any one of a number of menial tasks that the other monks preferred not to do. Brother Lawrence was deemed unsuitable to become a priest. He could not sing the Daily Office as he had no facility with Latin. It is said that he wasn't very intelligent, but he was close to God. He said that he was as close to God, among his pots and pans, as if he were in the choir stall, singing the Gregorian Chant.

The kingdom of God is not something that happens for us at some future time. It is within us now, and "all" we need to do is turn our attention to it. When we want to connect with the Lord, we can confidently turn our attention to Him within and sit with Him. Buddhist students will find this very familiar, and it seems to me that, when Jesus said that the Kingdom of God is within us, He was telling us how to "go" to Heaven right now. The degree to which we are able to do this is the degree to which we are detached from the world.

Detachment, in Hinduism, Buddhism and Christianity, is variously described, but to illustrate it in Christian terms is to say that a perfect example of this is when it is announced in the Bible that the love of money is the root of all evil. It is not the money that causes the problem, it is our attachment to it. Detachment from it is so difficult that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.

Christianity talks about sins, and it seems to me that all of these sins are different ways in which we are attached to something other than the Divine. The concept is simple, but the practice is not, because we are expected to appreciate the world without being attached to it, and it is like walking on the razor's edge.

Those of you who were baptized as adults will remember that you were asked to renounce Satan, which is another way of saying that you resolve to be detached from evil, such as selfishness. Think of it: if you are attached to some evil, you cannot be submerged in God. God cannot accept into himself such darkness. The story about Satan being thrown from the Heavens is meant to convey that the evils of selfishness and arrogance can not be accommodated in the Kingdom of God, who is all Good, all Light, all Truth and all Beauty.



The more that we ourselves are attached to the goodness of God, the Light, the Truth and the Beauty of Him, the more we are part of that Heavenly realm. We do not "go" to Heaven. Rather, we open ourselves to be penetrated by and submerged in the Lord. Our behavior on this plane gives a clue to the disposition of our mind. If our mind continually rests on the Lord, it will express itself in a holy life. Everything is interconnected.

This topic is on my mind today, as I have entered a period of more intense pain and a gathering of ominous, new, and uncomfortable symptoms. But I have been able to rest in a blessed mood because of the mindful practice of the presence of God, for which I am very grateful.

The Kingdom of God is within us. It is my prayer that we are all able to throw off our dark attachments and meet one another in the light.

God bless us all

Silver "Rose"
Sannyasini Kaliprana