VADE RETRO SATANA! PENTACOST OF 2025

 

If you are reading this blog, you are likely already aware that I have been a lay urban hermit ever since I became disabled a little more than 20 years ago, when I decided to dedicate the rest of my life to The Lord. 

The day I decided to dedicate

the rest of my life to God, in 2004

(Yes, I have lost a little weight since then.)

In 2006, I found a quiet little apartment in New Mexico, on the edge of town near the Rio Grande River. The view was of trees and mountains, and my particular unit had been built specifically for disabled people.

It was conducive to the quiet contemplative life, but recently we have learned that major construction is required. I may be asked to leave or I may be required to remain here while the rent continues to skyrocket, and the ambiance will become that of a noisy, vibrating, honking, beeping construction site, teeming with guys in hard hats.

Obviously, this is complicating my monastic routines and may even interfere with my physical disabilities.

As much as I really love researching the saints for this blog, and catching up with all of you, I will have to take a break for the time being. The worldly concerns pressing in on me may force me to move into another apartment, if I can find one that is the right size, with the right floorplan, and a safe neighborhood that is conducive to my peace and spiritual practices. 

So far, in my search for a new hermitage apartment, ALL of the reviews are just miserable for the low income apartments. Many folks moved to my town during and after Covid, an appreciable number of whom brought their big city income with them because jobs-from-home became much more available, turning a quiet, small, affordable city into a dirty, crowded, much more spendy destination for the work-from-home crowd. This caused the rents to skyrocket, along with other expenses, such as food.

When I first moved to this small city in the Southwest in about 1998, I could afford a decent apartment on a secretarial salary. My first place was about a 700 square foot, one-bedroom place that cost about $400 a month. There were about 6 apartments, in total, and the atmosphere was shaded by several large trees - a real bonus in this dry place.

That same apartment today would cost THREE TIMES that amount, but salaries have not tripled, and neither has Social Security! Everyone has been feeling squeezed.

At the same time, the homeless population has exploded. I don't know why this has happened suddenly, but along with it comes a really frustrating wave of petty thievery and vandalism. I can't even keep a garden statue in my portion of the community yard. Every garden angel disappeared, including a rather tall ceramic angel gifted to me by someone who moved to Texas.  It was a beautiful, high-quality ceramic that was stolen from the garden in the middle of the night.

Garden statue sitting in front

of bird bath - 

Statue was stolen after 2:00 a.m.

I have been told that the homeless bring all the flotsam and jetsam and tidbits they steal into the local pawnbrokers, who'll give them a dollar or two for something that might cost me $80 if I bought it online. And the disreputable pawnbrokers, KNOWING that these people are bringing them stolen goods, keep this whole thing going.

Then the homeless accumulate their dollars and their dimes and buy a pill or a whiff of something to make them high.

Then there are the hostile neighbors, one of whom took my Blessed Mother out of what I THOUGHT was a protected area of the garden.  Nope. He took it out of the pot where she had lived FOR YEARS and he smashed her to bits in the yard one night, shortly before he moved. (He had been harassing me for months before that time.)

Blessed Mother smashed by neighbor

Of course, if you are religious, some of the neighbors will attack you in one way or another, and the garden is accessible.

For the most part, I have given up putting decorations into the garden, unless I am prepared for it to be stolen, or the decoration is so big and unwieldy, it is hard to steal. At the moment, a neighboring friend is putting some decorations in my bird bath (pretty stone spheres) that I will have to bring into my apartment when I take the dog out for his last walk of the day. I'll put them in a bowl and set it on the table next to the door, then return them to the bird bath when I take out the dog for his first walk the next day.

It is a hassle, but that bird bath (and the bird feeders) are in view of my living room window, where I spend most of my day, and I love the idyllic peaceful scene.  I have some solar-powered fountains that turn the birdbath into a moving scene while keeping mosquitos at bay at the same time! I really enjoy the view.

When I had a car, the vandals broke our windows if they saw pocket change in the console between the seats!

Moving will also mean losing this wonderful view that soothes my heart. It is RARE to have any greenery adjacent to the apartment complexes in this arid place.

I will miss my occasional rainbow view!

I would like to buy one of those homes on the HUD special program, but this isn't something that I can do at the present time. After 20 years of disability and poverty, I don't have the necessary funds. Even a HUD house has some requirements.

The apartment where I have lived for the last 20 years has not been cared for properly and now requires major repairs. 

Half of the residents have already been forced to leave this lovely property. Another 11 apartments have just received a similar notice (after being made to move from a previous apartment into an apartment on another floor where they were under the impression they were going to be able to stay! They have only been there long enough to barely finish unpacking.)

I will miss the local birds and animals!

In addition, all of the residents with whom I have cordial relationships and who wish me well are among the ones being made to move out, leaving a small cabal of people who have behaved in an evil manner toward me. There is a saying that "no good deed goes unpunished," and I have a lot of experience with that!

So, it seems that it may be time to move to "higher ground," at least until this building is finished being repaired. I believe that part of the deal is that I get first "dibs" on moving back into my apartment - unless, of course, they tear down the whole thing, which I highly suspect may be a possibility!

Not my walk-in shower but 

I got this photo from UNSPLASH

There is just one fly in the soup and that is this: Because of my disabilities, I must have a walk-in shower, and those are few and far between in this city. Medicaid installed the one that I currently have in this apartment, but they will only do such a thing once every five years! So, unless I find another apartment with a walk-in shower, I may have to stay here and make some special arrangement. Everything is up in the air, and I have a lot of research to do, so I will just have to see what The Lord has in mind for me.

Fortunately, I have a lovely social worker helping me and making phone calls. I also have an advocate from Solace, as well as a caregiving agency that, to date, has not been able to get me a decent caregiver but who has been super about filling in the blanks for me, with some of the office gals coming in to take out the trash and do dishes for me. There is also an attorney at the Senior Citizen Legal Center who has helped me in the past and who I may call upon again, if things get difficult.

The problems are many, however, and I pray that they do not give up on me because of it. 

I hope to keep my indoor garden alive

during the move

That company, "A Place for Mom" was calling me for a couple days, offering their free service, until they found out that I could not afford to pay more than $700 a month for an apartment, and even THAT is a terrible stretch for me, but I think my social worker is more than capable to help me.

Even if I do not end up moving out of this apartment, I must put in some extra work on my writing and my painting because, if I am ever going to get my projects off the ground, I had better concentrate on my creative work. At the very least, I must finish at least ONE of the novels I have started because I really need to generate some income in addition to my Social Security because the more my disabilities become severe, the more my finances appear to be inadequate for my care!

I keep telling myself that, if only I had not been written out of my father's will by a third wife AFTER he got dementia, then I would not be going through this. They knew I was disabled, and because I was in another state and unable to travel back to see my father and learn what they were doing to him, his body was cremated before I knew he had died under EXTREMELY SUSPICIOUS circumstances!  

Photo of pill doctor from UNSPLASH.COM

The quack "pill doctor" that wrote prescriptions for him is the same one who signed his death certificate. That "doctor" ended up going to prison for writing prescriptions for patients he had never seen. I could not do anything about it because all the evidence had gone up in smoke by that time! 

It looks like one of my relatives was "in on" the plot to write me out of the will but then found out that she ALSO had been written out, functionally, by her partner in crime, so she then concocted a very clever scam that locked me out, legally, from being able to win a court case because she was the one who had the direct, first-hand witness evidence! It is a long story, but all I have to say is that Hanibal Lector doesn't hold a candle to this person!

From Amber Kipp on Unsplash

I can only remind myself that God brings all things to the good for those who love Him and believe! ALSO, God loves the poor and must have loved me a lot to make me one of his favorite people.

Training myself to think in this way has taken many years and a lot of work. If you are not able to instantly adopt this posture, don't worry about it. It will come. And do not think that you must be inscrutable and unemotional either. We are still human.

The most valuable thing we have, when dealing with these traumatic life events and circumstances, is the firm attachment to God. It isn't just belief that is necessary. Belief is primarily an intellectual assent. We must BE WITH the Lord all the time.

In any case, I have faith in The Lord and I am willing to surrender myself to His Will. I prefer to be "in on" the plan, but if I cannot, I must relax and trust Him while I do my part of it. I have to talk to myself a LOT during these difficult times when so many circumstances are piling on top of me.

This brings up the topic I wanted to discuss with you before I take this little break. I just want to remind you to be prepared for Satan and his minions to have an extra special interest in you the moment you begin to devote yourself most strenuously to your spiritual disciplines. If you have relied upon me for any spiritual advice or comfort, the moment I step away, the Dark One will target you.  If you have been gaining spiritual strength through a regular attendance at mass, he will do something to interfere with it and throw off your rhythm. Beelzebub and his minions will intrude into everything that supports your sacred routine.

If you have people in your environment that are servants of darkness, you can count on them to  hinder your progress, your plans, your meditations and your dreams. They hate to see you communing with the Divine. The light that shines from you when you are in the flow, just enrages them.

They will come after you as soon as you become holy. Don't give up your efforts!  Continue your prayers and your meditation. Say your Angeles and the Regina Coeli, whichever is appropriate at the time in the calendar. Try to go to confession as often as possible.  Keep your soul whistling clean, but don't be surprised when Satan's minions start to harass you in direct relation to the amount of effort you put into your spiritual life.

Those under the influence of Satan will try to detract you from your holy path. Don't let them sway you.  When they attack you and speak ill of you, just start praying for them even more than you already do. 

People who have been influenced by the New Age religions mistakenly believe that, if they are doing it "right," that their spiritual disciplines will prevent Satan from bothering them. While it is true that there are some disciplines that help keep the demons at bay. (I recommend Father Ripperger, the exorcist, for information about those practices) what typically happens is that the demons who have taken up residence in the people around you will become enraged when they see you making spiritual progress.

Just remember: they want to detract you from all those things that are helping you to become holy.

Satan has no need to bother those who are already under his influence. It is the holy ones he tries to knock off their feet! Do not think that your "bad luck" or lack of success or string of unfortunate circumstances are a sign of God abandoning you!  It isn't GOD we are dealing with when fighting off the meanies of the world.

Mohammad Metri on Unsplash

I will check in, now and then, in case you have sent me messages. You can also reach me on Facebook. After I finish my novel, I will return, God willing, and resume my blog posts about the saints and the life at Silver Cottage Hermitage.

Don't forget the Amazon grocery list under my picture at the top right of the blog page. I will have to save money for the new hermitage location, and it will help if some groceries are donated. Later on, I may add some packing supplies.

In the meantime, please pray for me as I pray for you! 

Silver Rose

Stairway to Heaven

The Contemplative life!

DO NOT GIVE POWER TO SUPERSTITIONS

Orchids, petrified trees, quartz crystal and obsidian

on my kitchen shelf

I particularly love the beauty of our natural world, especially in the form of stones, rocks, gems, and crystals. These things have been used to decorate the human person and our household wares for eons. Sometimes, we even find them in our churches, and their purpose is to decorate and honor those items which hold the holy things, such as the body and blood of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ in the chalice and on the other objects on the altar of our church during mass.

JEWEL ENCRUSTED CHALICE

Property of

the Infanta Urraca of Zamora

my 30th Great Grandaunt who was

daughter of my 31st Great Grandfather

Ferdinand I "The Great" - King of Leon

The above picture is of a chalice that was the property of my 30th Great Grandaunt, daughter of my 31st Great Grandfather, Ferdinand I "The Great" King of Leon. Her brother, Alfonso, was my 30th great grandfather. How I wish I had inherited THIS particular family jewel. It was purported to have been constructed of the cup from which Christ drank, and another cup, both made of semi-precious onyx stone, gold and gems. It was in the possession of the Basilica of San Isidoro in Leon for a thousand years before authors Margarita Torres and Jose Ortega widely advertised in their book the possibility that this chalice was actually THE Holy Grail.

Ferdinand I "The Great"

King of Castile and Leon

Abt 1015 - 1065

In 2014, when Torres and Ortega aired their suspicion, it caused a considerable uproar. Most authorities dismiss the claim, and there are another 200 or more supposed "Holy Grails" scattered across Europe.

No matter WHO was the original owner of the chalice and its pieces, it is an incredible work of art that begs to be viewed, not only for the sake of its beauty and the value of its compositions, but because of the spiritual implications. Would you not be drawn to something used by Christ himself during the famous Last Supper? Would you be accused of a novel idea if you thought that by touching it some special energy may be conveyed to you? No one could blame you.

When I used to go hiking - long before my disabilities permanently felled me, I would frequently return home from a trek with my pockets heavy with stones. I often would decorate the windowsill - typically encircling the potted plants that grace the sill. I have some natural obsidian, quartz crystals, rose quartz, jade, and several other varieties. 20 years ago, I made a visit to a field of petrified wood in a special area of New Mexico famous for these stones. I wear turquoise stones in my earrings, and the tree sap that became stone from the work of time has been turned into beads that I have made into a chaplet for Our Blessed Mother of 7 Sorrows. Perhaps some of these things carry a meaning, but it is a meaning that my mind has attached to them. They have no self-determined power of their own, and there is no monarch of the stones that rules them!

Chaplet of our lady of Seven Sorrows

Made from tiny beads of amber

Lately I see a lot of natter on Facebook among Catholics convinced of themselves about how "crystals" being kept in the home opens up the residents to "demonic possession." It strikes me as odd that confirmed Catholics would impute such power to a natural object, regardless of whether or not the person in possession of the crystals actually USED them for divination or any other mystical purpose.

The fact is that these crystals are beautiful and they have always attracted humans because we DELIGHT in beautiful things. Wouldn't it be lovely if they could magnify prayers and some kind of good mojo? They probably DO, in the sense that everything on which we train our minds will radiate meaning for us. It's a self-perpetuating, circular condition. If these little beauties somehow help us to perpetuate the dominance of the seven deadly sins in our life, I can see a demon entering into our lives through them.  For instance, if we love the jewels so much that we STEAL them?

In the end, these are inanimate objects that rely upon us for whatever meaning, by some stretch of the imagination, they can be thought to possess. 

If you are unfamiliar with the line of thought with regard to the power of crystals, check out the link below this photo from the blog "How Stuff Works" and you'll get a glimpse into the cosmic poo-poo regarding the power of stones!

"How Stuff Works - Unlock Your Love Life With

the Power of 20 Crystals for Love in 2023"

There are similar ideas being passed around about yoga exercises. Priests who claim expert status on Catholicism are opining about Hindu yoga exercises while not having anywhere near the expert status in that other religion that they have with their own. Some of these priests are telling people that yoga exercises  are tantamount to the worship of "demons" and that if you do these exercises you will be POSSESSED. Apparently, yoga stretches are more powerful than Catholicism, in their minds. It's ludicrous - especially since the Hindu yogas consist of at least 4 separate, entirely different paths of thought and practice which are too complex to give explanation here but, broadly speaking, Hindu yogas consist of Jnana Yoga, Karma Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, and Raja Yoga (the yogas of wisdom, action (service), love and self-control.) Those yoga stretches that you do in class form part of a practice originally part of the Raja Yoga path. Divorced from the religious element, they are simply bodily movements that stretch the muscles, and that's about it.

The above picture is from the article "10 Yoga Poses to Ease Lower Back Pain" by Eve Lynn Chrust, CPT - for Women's Health Magazine. Notice it is not a religious magazine, but a health publication.  Take a look at the clothes she is wearing.  Pretty much what you would expect when you go to the gym for your daily exercise session, right? This woman pictured here is not bowing to Satan. She's trying to stretch her muscles.

These priests are claiming that if you do the stretches, even without any of the religious background or the mantras (Sanscrit utterances) or even knowing anything about the religion, that by simply taking the pose you are welcoming devils into yourself. Preposterous.

It isn't that I am not a believer in the devil and demons and all the fallen angels of Catholicism. There is some level in which this is all true. Whether the Devil is real in a concrete sense and has a demonic body and a will and a spirit is less important than whether or not I am in concert with evil in my actions and beliefs. Satan is reputed to be the father of all lies, for instance, and I know that when I am confronted with a liar, I am confronted with Satan in some sense. But he has no power over the unwilling. Sin has no power over the unwilling. It cannot force itself on a person. In order for a demon to possess you, your mind and will must be in concert with sin. 

If my mind is deliberately tending to righteousness, peace and blessedness and I am determined to avoid sin at all cost, I am pretty sure that those crystals that I pocketed during a hike and which rest now on the windowsill in the kitchen are NOT some magic portal into Satan's realm! When I do those stretching exercises that are good for discouraging the blood clots that have come on me since I had Covid, I am pretty sure it isn't an invitation for Satan to take up residence in my knees (although it sometimes feels as if he is already tormenting me in all my joints!)

Spiritual progress is an inside job. It isn't something that is done TO us, and superstition is the brainchild of the indolent. It takes effort to avoid sin and positively do good and be good. The only way that the demons can take hold of you is if you disobey the commandments and make no effort to keep yourselves sinless. It has nothing to do with crystals or stretching exercises.

I'm not suggesting that you don't take care with these things. I'm just saying that they have no power on their own. It is the disposition of your mind, will, and intentions that matters. They should be trained upon your Catholic faith and not the philosophies of other paths. 

Silver Rose

Copyright 2024

INVISIBILITY IS NOT A SUPER POWER

TUESDAY

The doctor walked into the exam room and introduced herself.

I said, "hello," and she said, "I'm fine, how are you?"

I hesitated for a moment then said, "I said hello."

She dissembled into a word salad that meant nothing and I just had to proceed with the conversation because clearly I was alone in the room.  Or she was. Either way - I knew that my invisibility had kicked in again and that I would probably not be able to get this woman to see or hear me. She was in her own head.

We talked about a couple things, but most important was the 3-month renewal of my medication. I told her several times what they were and how often they are taken. There are only two, but she could not keep more than one in her head. Of course, that information is in my file, but someone who is preoccupied with what is going on inside her head won't be able to see that either. 

We finished the "conversation," and she left the room saying that the medical assistant would be in shortly.

I waited. And I waited. And I waited. 20 minutes passed, and I just knew that when the doctor left the office she had promptly forgotten me and moved on to the next patient without telling the assistant that she was done with me. I wandered out into the echoing, empty halls and wondered if they'd closed for lunch and just locked me in!  Fortunately, no.  I wandered around saying, "anybody here?"  "Hello?" My voice echoed against beige medicinal walls. The rooms were empty. The nurse's station was unmanned.

Finally, I found my way to the waiting room and told the front desk clerk I had been forgotten. She looked at me blankly.  The assistant walked PAST me and I had to grab her and tell her, "did you guys forget me?"

She said that the doctor had not given her my file to let her know that she was done with me. I told her I had been waiting for 20 minutes, and her eyes opened wide at that news.

I told her that I would stay in the waiting room.

More chaos ensued.

She brought me a piece of paper that was supposed to have my future appointments and my medications on it. I tried to get her to stay with me and answer some questions, but she was just too busy, so she left me there to contemplate a list of appointments with doctors I have never heard of, and a long list of medications that I do not take.

"Hey!" I yelled after her, "This is somebody else's."

It took her a minute to understand, but when she did, she rushed over to grab it back from me.

From across the waiting room, another senior patient was watching this circus. I caught her glance.  She rolled her eyes and looked heavenward in an expression I completely understood. I was not invisible to her, and felt grateful for it.

I explained to the medical assistant that one of the medications was missing. ("How many times and to how many people do I have to repeat this?" I asked myself.) She left to fix it and returned with another paper that she thrust on me, then quickly left.

I sat down to read it, determined not to leave without it being fixed.

Sure enough, one of my two medications was still missing and there was no appointment listed with my regular doctor - the two things for which I had this appointment.

I called her back but she said she could not fix it and I would have to speak to someone later.

That was two days ago and the medication snafu is still not fixed. More phone calls to ensue!

WEDNESDAY

THE DAY AFTER the medical appointment, I dealt with invisibility again. There was a man sitting in a truck outside my apartment, with his truck sitting right in the middle of the lane, with various tools and a randomly placed red barrier sitting cattywumpus in relation to nothing in particular. "Mobile Screen and Glass" was emblazoned on one door. 

When I left on my mobility scooter, with my dog trotting alongside me,  he had been there for half an hour, reading his phone that was in his lap. I hoped he would not be there much longer because I needed to leave, but when the dog and I returned 20 minutes later, he was still there, meditating on his lap, blocking everyone.

I kept trying to talk to this guy to ask him if he could move to the curb instead of just sitting in the middle of the only exit lane, but every time I opened my mouth, he closed his window on me!  I could also direct him to a CLOSER parking spot, but could not get his attention. At one point, he said he wasn't going to move unless and until someone needed to leave, but I was obviously not going to be able to walk up two flights of stairs to FIND him and tell him when I needed him to move, so I got him to roll down the window again and asked him not to roll it up on me. He announced, "well, I was finished," and he rolled it up again, as I began to try to get a sentence out of my mouth. This was a different variety of invisibility. This was a self-involved, distracted man who wanted me to disappear and got mad at me for not complying with his wish. 

When people behave like this, the temptation is to take it personally. People will blame this invisibility on old age, presuming that old age is so unattractive that it calls out for invisibility. But that is not what is happening here, with this man or with the doctor I had to deal with the day before. The apparent invisibility is part of the overarching problem of egotism and self-involvement of the seer, not anything having to do with the SEEN. It just expresses itself in different ways, depending on the situation.

This is not something I concluded by my own little self.

THE PRESCRIPTION OF JESUS

One thing that helped me greatly while I was in the Hindu convent was the exposure to Catholicism that I received through the many books about the Catholic and Orthodox monastics and mystics which later inspired me join the Catholic Church, where Jesus addresses natural egocentrism with a prescription that is echoed throughout the New Testament in which he constantly admonishes us to get our minds off of ourselves.

He tells Peter to feed his sheep and feed his lambs. He tells us not to invite anyone to a banquet who can afford to pay us back. He tells us to feed the hungry, give water to the thirsty, welcome the stranger, clothe the naked, care for the sick and visit the prisoner.  He tells us to examine the big plank in our own eye before taking the speck out of the eye of the other. He tells us only to criticize if we ourselves are without sin. He continually points our attention to "the other" who is unable to reciprocate. 

"For I was hungry and you gave me food,
I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink,
I was a stranger and you welcomed me,
I was naked and you gave me clothing,
I was sick and you took care of me,
I was in prison and you visited me."
Matthew 25:35-36

I have read many times about how older folks "become invisible," but I believe it has much less to do with the seen than the seer.  It isn't "My" invisibility at all! It is just a by-product of the self-absorption of other folks whose minds are preoccupied with the dance of the mind that the Hindus and Buddhists called "Monkey Mind."

When the attention of the "seer" is focused on their own inner turmoil, what is seen is not the person in front of them. It is only when the SEEN appears to be able to satisfy that inner turmoil inside the SEER that the seer will turn their attention outward, but they are still really only seeing THROUGH their their own personal impulsions, desires, chaos...whatever. Rarely will they "see" the actual person standing there.

SEEING THE OTHER IS AN ACT OF LOVE

But isn't is wonderful when one feels seen and heard? You can tell when someone sees you. It is magical, partly because it is so unusual and, as such, an incredible release. It is the stuff that love is made of. Not specifically romantic love...but all love.

So - if we are going to love our "Neighbor," which means everyone with whom we come into contact, we have to make an effort to see them. Really see them.

As a side note, I will point out that gossip is typically a violation of love because it is not grounded in a love that sees the person being slandered.

The training that I received in  how to coach the mind to move off of itself and onto The Lord helped to demonstrate to me the remedy for the selfishness that is natural to most of us. (There are other ancillary bennies also, but I won't focus on those.)

When you think about it, this struggle toward purification of the ego and clarifying of vision harkens back to the stories about Satan who is the personification of egotism which, one way or another, we are encouraged to abandon. When we renew our baptismal vows, we renounce Satan. In doing that, we renounce egotism and every other evil thing Satan represents. The degree to which we are able to do that is the degree to which we grow closer to God and become "perfect, as our Heavenly Father is perfect."

It is a long process, and it is not easy. There are lots of bumps and hiccups on the way, but it is worth the effort.

Even Jesus's prescription to forgive those who have hurt us and pray for our enemies also serves to take our attention, once more, from ourselves (our feelings) and onto the other, instead. 

Knowing what I know about this process has enabled me to detach from the frustration I experience when I am treated as if I am invisible. At the very least, it is difficult to get the business of life accomplished, such as the right prescriptions for the right patient! 

I am reminded by Jesus to pray for these frustrating people, and, when possible, advocate for them and their welfare. 

Since becoming disabled and falling into a lower socio-economic strata, prayer and teaching meditation are the only things I can do for others. At times, I miss the other service projects, but I am working hard on accepting God's will for me in all things, including this, so, in addition to remembering to pray for friends and other good people, I have to make a point to pray for the people who exorcise their mental chaos on me.

Feel free to contact me if you have the need, and I will be happy to add you to my prayer journal. Likewise if you have any questions about meditation, I will be happy to talk about that as well. Leave your email address with a message in the comment section, which will NOT be published, and I will contact you.

In the meantime, may we all be blessed!

Amen.

Silver Rose

Our Lady of Mount Carmel - July 16, 2022

 

Our Lady of Mount Carmel

Feast Day - July 16th

I became aware of our Lady of Mount Carmel when I was 11 and had discovered the Carmel Mission in Carmel by the Sea, where I rode my Schwinn bicycle from our house in Carmel Valley. I've told various chapters of the story on this blog, but it pertains to today's blog, so I'll expand on it a bit.

As I have said before, my parents were extremely hostile toward religion, and Catholicism in particular, which is odd, because both family lines were extremely religious until my grandparents' generation and I am, in fact, descended from quite a few saints and a cousin to many others.

My grandparents, on my father's side, were not religious at all that I was aware of. They had very difficult peasant lives in the mountains of Northern Italy, with rather brutal parents of their own, who came to America and struggled to put together a life as immigrants, then farmers in the U.S. I will assume that previous generations probably had very strong Catholic background.

My mother's line, however, which I have traced back to the first couple hundred years after Jesus, is full of actual saints, both in my direct ancestry and with a lot of cousins also.  There are dozens, actually. But something happened in the time of the great grandparents in which religion was not a feature.

My mother and her parents and some grandparents were heavily involved in Freemasonry. Uncles and cousins in that family line were likewise involved, with several holding leadership positions.

Carmel Mission

Carmel, California

National Historic Monument

Founded June 3, 1770

Photo by Burkhard Mucke

I have just recently learned from a prominent exorcist that Freemasonry may have some demonic elements to it, though I haven't studied this aspect of things and, as I faithfully steer clear of anything smacking of cosmic controversy, I can't comment about it. My grandmother was a member of the Order of the Eastern Star, and my mother was in Rainbow girls. They took it very seriously and never would discuss ANYTHING about those closely related organizations with me because of vows of secrecy they took.

The Catholic Church believes Freemasonry to be antagonistic to the principles of the Catholic Faith and that their principles and rituals are "irreconcilable with the doctrines" of the faith. (Wikipedia)

Wikipedia: PAPAL BAN ON FREEMASONRY

Catholic.com: What Does the Church Say About Freemasonry?

THE ACCIDENTAL HERMIT "ACCIDENTALLY" FINDS CARMEL

You know, I found the Carmel mission entirely by accident. I had no idea what a "mission" was. I was just riding my bike one day, and there it was. I wandered inside and became enthralled - and that was the beginning of my love of Our Lady of Mount Carmel and the contemplative life that her order supports, exemplifies and protects. And the Catholic contemplative life NEEDS protecting because a good portion of the Church appears to have entirely forgotten its mystical heritage. The Carmelites and other contemplative orders keep this heritage alive, often in a very hidden fashion.

I have often meditated on the significance of my "finding" the Carmel Mission and my subsequent correspondence with the cloistered nuns nearby, and I am sure that I was led there through Divine Intervention. I strongly suspect that my saintly ancestors, as well as Our Blessed Mother in Heaven, and our Heavenly Father, all cooperated to bring me to the foot of the cross, where Mary also stands, to begin my contemplative journey. 

All of these were, no doubt, anxious to return my family to the love of God they had enjoyed for centuries.

When my father and my mother forsake me

then the Lord will take me up.

Psalm 27:10

MY HOLY FAMILY OF SAINTS IN HEAVEN

When I learned that I am descended from many remarkable saints, I gradually became convinced of their heavenly assistance, in lieu of my parents who were absorbed with their own issues. 

I have felt the Divine Accompaniment and influence in my life, but I grew to understand it only during the last 20 years of my hermit sojourn. I rely upon the love and guidance of my sainted great grandmothers and great grandfathers, as well as the friendship and examples of my divine cousins to get me through an extremely difficult set of life circumstances which started with a cruel mother and an absent father, followed by a series of puzzling pieces of "bad luck," several near-death experiences, and for the last 20 years has been marred with chronic illness and pain, mobility difficulties and growing blindness. I have lost most of the vision in my left eye and am scrambling to retain what remains in the right.

I did not know about my sainted ancestors and cousins until I had been researching my ancestry for more than 30 years, and the internet became available for more in-depth research.

Saint Margaret of Scotland statue

My 29th great grandmother

Here are some of the ancestors, not in any particular order:

• Saint Olga of Kyiv "Equal to the Apostles" is my 34th great grandmother, and the patron saint of converts
• Saint Margaret of Scotland, English Plantagenet princess, Queen and wife of King Malcolm of Scotland, is my 29th Great Grandmother.
• Saint and King Louis IX, of France, is my 4th cousin (22 X removed) was closely allied with the Carmelite Order, interestingly enough.
• Saint Ida of Lorraine is my 33rd great grandmother.
• Saint Ferdinand III of Castille is my 25th great grandfather.
• Saint Adella Capet, is my 27th great grandmother.
• Saint Alfred the Great, King of England, is my 33rd great grandfather
• Saint Ealhswith, Alfred's wife and queen, is my 33rd great grandmother.
• Saint Clothilde, Queen of the Franks, is my 42nd great grandmother.
• Saint Hedwiga of Germany, is my 32nd great grandmother.
• Saint Adela of Normandy, daughter of William the Conqueror, is my 25th great grandmother.
• Saint Dode, the Abbess of Saint Pierre de Reims, is my 41st great grandmother
• Saint Edgar "The Peaceful," King of England, is my 33rd great grandfather.
• Saint Begga of Landen is my 38th great grandmother.
• Saint Doda of Metz is my 38th great grandmother.
• Saint Arnulf of Metz (Doda's husband) is my 38th great grandfather
• Saint Aelfgifu (Elgiva), Queen of England, my 34th great grandmother.
• Saint Alfred the Great, my 33rd great grandfather.

I am still learning about these saints and trying to keep the details of their lives in memory, but have not committed much of it to memory yet. I will work on that and also may write a little book about them if I can think of a cohesive concept for it.

THE BATTLE I AM FIGHTING

How could I NOT be Catholic with all of these ancestors and relatives looking after me? The answer, of course, is that after winning over THIS family line, cutting off the family line from all those beautiful saints, first with my great grandparents, and then grandparents and my parents, my attraction for The Faith enraged The Evil One.

I have been tormented in retaliation for my devotion to God - because I am quite sure that my mother and father were surrounded by demons. They certainly lived as if they were. Just as Satan tempted Jesus in the desert, he and his demon pals whisper into the ears of humans any thought or idea they can imagine in order to encourage us to reject God as they did, to disobey God, and to hurt people.

When I was a little girl, I was mystified by the cruelty with which I was treated by my parents. I was good. I knew I was good. I never skipped school. I got good grades. My room was always clean and my bed was always made. I was talented and produced beautiful artworks. I was polite. But I was continually tormented.

My mother, a disabled woman with physical and mental weaknesses, was susceptible to the methods of Satan. 

THE PURPOSE AND METHODS OF SATAN

In the book, Manual for Spiritual Warfare (Paul Thigpen, TAN Books, (c) 2014) the author explains these methods. He tells us that the purpose of Satan and his Demons is to "see as many human beings as possible join them in rebelling against God - and in their everlasting misery separated from Him in Hell." 

They are creatures originally created by God to be Angels, but they rebelled against God. Why would any creature do such a thing? I think it is probably ego. Satan and his minions crave the obedience, devotion and love given to God. It is the supernatural version of worldly jealousy and desire for power.

When Satan and the other angels were created, they were given free will, just as God's human children were. In order to truly love God, it must be a choice, otherwise it is slavery. So, there is this great battle going on the spiritual plane that affects our activities here on earth. 

HOLINESS REPAID WITH MALTREATMENT

My entire life, from childhood onward, I have been the recipient of all sorts of evil that Satan and his dark little pals could inspire humans to do. For so long, I wondered why it is that the more loyal to God I became and the more spiritually inspired I was, the worse I was treated by all sorts of people. My "reward" for holiness appeared to be punishment. I could not understand it. In strictly human terms, it gave me a whopping big case of PTSD, and I am handling that with medical care and coping mechanisms. But the evil that inspired humans to  assail me has its roots in Satan's fury.

I now understand what has been happening all these years and just how high the stakes are. My holy family, chock full of saints, going back hundreds and hundreds of years, is under attack and has been for quite some time.

FORGIVENESS AND REPARATION

This is why it is so important to offer up all the sufferings I endure and, instead of succumbing to the disillusionment I have felt as a result of my fellow co-religionists' heresies and hatreds, I have to pray for them with much more fervor and understanding than I previously had. Unbeknownst to them, they have entered into a bargain with Satan. Jesus's admonition to pray for one's enemies takes on fresh context.

Have you ever wondered about YOUR ancestors in Heaven? Does it not occur to you that they may be in Heaven, on their knees before God, interceding on your behalf?

INTRODUCTION TO CONTEMPLATIVE LIFE

By the time I found myself at the Carmel Mission, my parents had already been divorced about five years, and a parade of predatory men had begun to filter into my mother's household. My father, in turn, was pursuing scores of would-be starlets and was never faithful to any of them, married or not. I had terrible examples of family life and was treated cruelly by my mother.

In contrast, the peace and blessedness that I felt when I walked into the mission struck me powerfully. I felt subsumed in the enormity of the Love of Christ....taken up into a foretaste of Heaven. I can say that now, but at the time I had no words for it. I did not even understand it. I just experienced the bliss.

This is the tiny little store in the Mission

The man behind the counter was my angel. He gave me all sorts of little bookmarkers, prayer cards, 3rd class relics. I don't know if I even knew his name, but he was so kind to me! That man was my introduction to Catholicism. I doubt he ever had the slightest inkling how very important he was in the scheme of things. I did not receive much kindness in my life - and certainly no love, except for the occasional attention of my beloved grandmother who lived in San Francisco and I rarely got to see. 

I was a sponge for the Divine Love that permeated that blessed place and the simple human kindness of that nice man behind that counter. It makes me happy to imagine him in Heaven, gazing on the beatific vision for the rest of eternity. You know, it only takes a little bit of kindness to make a world of difference to a person. That man is partially responsible for my becoming Catholic and he doesn't even know it - or perhaps he does now. I doubt he is still on this earth.

One of the items he gave me had the address of the Carmelite nuns on it, and I ended up corresponding with the nuns of the cloistered Carmelite convent affiliated with that mission.  They sent me pamphlets about the holy life of Carmel - the life of silence and prayer. It sounded like Heaven to me!

My mother quickly put an end to it though. She was absolutely furious that I had started writing them! But I was able to stay with them just long enough for my heart to catch fire with the inspiration of the contemplative life and that is what I needed, evidently.

Of course, it took me some time to find my way to the Catholic faith. The people in our faith are remarkably fond of rejecting anyone that appears to be different to what they're used to. My mother was right when she said I would be rejected by them, but it was not for the reason she thought it was. But I just kept pursuing it and here I am, living as a religious hermit, no less, devoted to the faith and still feeling the bliss!

SATAN ATTACKS THE CHURCH FROM WITHIN

Although I am a Catholic in good standing, to this day I have been unable to find a parish where I have not been subjected to "surprisingly" bad treatment. This has been, at times, superficial, pertaining to me alone, but in most cases it reflects a trend in the church, in general. The church is bleeding members. 

Non-Catholics, when they learn I am Catholic, assume that I share the pro-Trump, "force and punishment" authoritarian model of politicized evangelization to which many of my co-religionists subscribe and advertise on social media like Facebook, and they rake me over the coals accusing me of supporting all sorts of things I do not support. It's like a war. "If you're not with us, you're against us."

Meanwhile, my fellow Catholics, when they learn that I disapprove of Trump's methods, treated me harshly. People I loved very much shunned me. It was brutal. I think I have one Catholic friend who voted for Trump. The rest were very clear that they no longer wanted to know me if I did not support Trump. In the past, friends had occasionally drifted away, when I left the state or converted from Hinduism to Catholicism, but I have never experienced anything like the verbal assaults I got from the people who threw me over for Trump.

Invisibility is another way of disheartening a Catholic who tries to make connections with their parish, with no luck. For example, I have spoken to the office of my current parish many times, explaining I am blind in one eye and it is hard to read the parish bulletin online. They will send me a bulletin for 2 or 3 weeks, and then it stops. I call again. Same thing happens. After 4 or 5 efforts, one DOES give up. At times, I have called, only to be told that I am not registered with the parish! I AM registered with this parish, but Satan can and does mess with the perceptions or he will distract a person,

When I was pursuing "official" status as a Diocesan Hermit, I can't tell you how many phone calls I made to the Bishop's office. I spoke to the right people and said the right things. I was promised return phone calls that never happened. First one bishop, then the next bishop. I have a friend who claims that this invisibility is partially because I am poor and have no money to offer and I have no family in the church and no one to advocate for me. I can't say whether or not that is true, but money does seem to have that effect on people.

In a church that has lost its respect for the contemplative life, the idea of a woman living as a religious hermit is often met with derision. One very worldly priest once told me "don't tell anyone you're a hermit because they'll think you're a kook!"

The adoration of Trump is not something I share, and the politicization of American Catholicism is not something I appreciate. But if it was not this it would be something else because it is in Satan's best interests to keep me as far from other Catholics as possible in his effort to break me away from the faith and to break the faith itself by perverting it.

I feel very sorry for all the other cousins of mine who are likewise descended from this family line of saints. I can well imagine the difficulties they endure.

Satan has been busy attacking Holy Mother Church for centuries. The relatively recent pedophilia scandals are just one of the latest campaigns of his. 

I would venture to say that most Catholics do not believe in the existence of Satan and his demons, primarily because they are not educated in the nature of those creatures and they have been influenced by all sorts of fanciful movies and books that feature demonic personalities.

Icon of the descent of Christ into Hell

Thinking of Satan as a person like a human person is usually the first mistake they make. Satan was created as an angel. We have to remember that. I recommend reading the book I mentioned, above.

Also remember that Jesus spoke about Satan and Hell many times.

WHY I PRAY FOR THOSE THAT HURT ME

If people who hurt me are in league with the Devil, why should I pray for them?

To be under a lifetime of attack by Satan is probably the worst thing that can happen to a person EXCEPT for the fate of those people who, through Satan's influence, have done his work and attacked me, stolen from me, lied about me, were cruel to me, etc. The consequences for them are far worse than the discomfort I have experienced, which is exactly why Jesus told us to pray for those that harm us!

To ally oneself with evil is to choose Hell. Even those who do not understand that they have made a tacit pact with the Devil are consigning themselves to Hell because they have chosen evil. But many folks these days tell themselves that there is no Satan, there is no Hell and there are no consequences for choosing evil, which is wishful thinking. Jesus spoke about hell more than any other topic. Unless those nay-sayers think Jesus is a liar, they had better reconsider this opinion that only Jesus, God and Heaven exist, but not the rest of it.

One woman who stole from me then lied about it once told me that Jesus was going to let her into heaven whether she lied or not - that lying was no big deal and it was "just a story." She did not appear to understand that choosing evil is choosing Hell. Jesus does not send us there. We do that ourselves.

SIN OF PRESUMPTION

So I pray for the welfare of all these people who deliberately harm me. I can't imagine how horrible it will be for them to endure eternity without God. I hasten to say, however, that I dare not presume to know the mind of God or to know whether or not, in His infinite mercy, he may not allow anyone and everyone into Heaven, whether they repent of their sins or not. This is not for me to say. I do recognize that presumption upon God's mercy or lack thereof is a terrible sin, in itself, so I am not positively asserting that any person is destined absolutely for Hell. I just don't like the idea of anyone going to Hell and, in the tradition of intercessory prayer, I choose to offer up my pain and suffering in reparation for my own sins and for the sins of those who have hurt me, in imitation of what Jesus did for all of us.

The church folks who have tried to make me leave the faith because of Trump will get many prayers said on their behalf. The priest who gathered an audience around himself, then told a long and vulgar "joke" about the size of my derriere, complete with pantomimes, is in dire need of my prayers. Parishioners who laughed at the joke about the size of my derriere and did not defend me - they are in need of my prayers. The neighbors that have stolen from me. The neighbors that attacked me in a gang. The thieves who broke my car windows and stole everything within the vehicle. The people who spread untrue rumors about me. Those who caused my father's death. The people who stole my inheritance. All of them are in great need of my prayers. I have only lost money, comfort, reputation, and the peaceful enjoyment of my living space. They have lost everything of value.

At this point in the narrative, one could not be blamed for thinking that this writer has got a screw loose and the reason for her bad luck is because of that. I don't blame you. I did wonder about that myself, early in my Catholic life. But I realized that the more holy, honest and ethical I became, the more bad things happened to me. I was being punished every time I turned toward the good. On the other hand, every time I let up on my spiritual disciplines, relaxed my schedule, gave in to small temptations, I was "rewarded" with lucky turns of fate. It became obvious to me who was to blame for all the bad luck. I was doing all the right things and getting the wrong results. It was not me. It was Satan, trying to get me to lose heart and to give up on chasing good. Instead, he was encouraging me to choose the bad.

GOD BRINGS ALL THINGS TO THE GOOD

God's goodness is so complete that He is able to bring the greatest good out of the greatest evil. Satan's efforts to get me to abandon the faith by tormenting me through Catholics and others has boomeranged on him. Instead, I am more determined than ever to remain within the bosom of The Church and to devote myself even more to my contemplative practices. If that makes me a "kook," so be it.

I write all this in the context of our Lady of Mount Carmel because the Carmelites probably know more about intercessory prayer and the necessity for contemplative practices for the purpose of union with God than any other order or system of thought in The Church, and it is through my early exposure to Carmel that I was able to gear my life toward religion from an early age.

Of course, it took me a long time to get into the Catholic Church, first as a result of my parents' interference, and then as a result of The Church itself. I've told the story many times about how I left the Hindu convent to become Catholic and the nun that ran the RCIA class would not allow me to be baptized because she had this crazy idea that my divorce of a non-sacramental marriage had to be "annulled" before I could be baptized, contrary to all "rules" of The Catholic Church. 

I was living a perfectly chaste life and intended to join a Catholic Convent - Definitely in a "state of grace" - but she could not see it.  In fact, she seemed really angry with me for being a divorced person. How DARE I presume to live like a non-Christian person before I became a Christian? Her attitude seemed to be that I needed to be punished for having been divorced and I had to pay the price of spending "many" years appealing for an annulment of my non-sacramental marriage in order to make up for it. THEN she deemed I would be worthy to receive BAPTISM. I knew enough to tell her that this was not the rule of the church, but I could not get her to see it. She just got more and more huffy and angry with me. This is exactly how Satan tries to keep people away from the church. He appeals to the ego and the anger of minor functionaries in the institution.

Rather late in the game, I have realized that remaining Catholic is and will continue to be very painful and lonely, especially because I am physically disabled, half blind, and in chronic pain, all of which makes it difficult to travel. On top of my personal disabilities, all of us are dealing with Covid and its limitations as well. Satan is not going to give up his efforts to discourage me. He has put a lot of years and effort into disconnecting my family line of saints from The Church. He will continue to try to turn Church folks against me. 

So, if past experience is a predictor of what I can expect in future, the more effort I put into my spiritual practices, the more "bad luck" I can expect him to visit upon me. It will be stressful, but God will not allow it to break me.

I will pray for the strength to endure it, and I am thinking it is time to re-read the book of Job and related works to see what wisdom I may get from that. I continue to look to Our Lady of Mount Carmel for assistance with my contemplative practices, which typically provide relief.

THE PERFECT MODEL OF INTERIOR LIFE

The Wikipedia page about Our Lady of Mount Carmel says that "The Carmelites consider the Blessed Virgin Mary to be a perfect model of the interior life of prayer and contemplation to which Carmelites aspire."

Father Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalene de' Pazzi OCD, writes that "our Lady wants us to resemble her not only in our outward vesture but far more, in heart and spirit. If we gaze into Mary's soul, we shall see that grace in her has flowered into a spiritual life of incalculable wealth: a life of recollection, prayer, uninterrupted oblation to God, continual contact, and intimate union with Him."  Her soul is a "sanctuary reserved for God alone." Isn't that beautiful?

Prayer to Our Lady of Mt. Carmel:

O most beautiful flower of Mt. Carmel, fruitful vine,

splendor of Heaven, Blessed Mother of the Son of

God, Immaculate Virgin, assist me in my necessity.

O Star of the Sea, help me and show me you are my

Mother. O Holy Mary, Mother of God, Queen of 

Heaven and Earth, I humbly beseech you from the 

bottom of my heart to succor me in this necessity 

(make request). There are none that can withstand

your power. O, Mary conceived without sin, pray for

us who have recourse to thee. Sweet Mother, I place

this cause in your hands. Amen."

There are many gorgeous and educational things written about Our Blessed Mother, and her role as the Lady of Mount Carmel. Rather than trying to reinvent the wheel with my own version, I would like to spend the next few days in contemplation and meditation, honoring our Mother, seeking her wisdom and assistance with the many issues with which I am grappling these days, and expressing gratitude for her intervention in my life that day, so many years ago, when I wandered into the Carmel Mission.

SATURDAY IS OUR MOTHER'S DAY

You know, Saturday is typically HER day, and I think it is very special that the 16th happens to fall on a Saturday this year. I highly recommend saying at least a few "Hail Marys," if you can spare the time, and practicing the presence of God and the Saints.

If any of you are interested in learning more about the contemplative life and mental prayer, feel free to contact me through the comment function on this website or go to Facebook and look me up. I am happy to help.

Here are a few helpful web pages that talk about this special feast day:

Wikipedia

Franciscan Media

Catholic News Agency

Discalced Carmel

I will try to clear the decks tomorrow so that I can spend Saturday in my own private retreat, and I hope you are able to do the same.

May you all experience the bliss of union with God.

Please pray for me, as I pray for you.

May we all be blessed!

Mother Silver Rose

Sannyasini Kaliprana

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