NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED

 

Our Lady of Lourdes

Because of my religious and philosophical nature, it has been my customary habit, throughout my life, to serve others, in concert with a search for God in several religions. None of it was grand and no one will be writing books about me, but I have done my best to be of service to my fellow humans, within my limited range of abilities.

HOWEVER, my health and financial conditions have worsened over time, and a few years ago, I reached the point where I myself need some serious help which is not being provided by the agencies whose job it is to provide that, nor did I ever have much family, and the few I had were not loving people. My needs overtook my desire to be of service to others.

I am grateful to have a couple friends who behave like loving family members, but they already do much more than anyone could expect of them, and I owe it to them not to drain their resources by increasing my needs due to efforts I make on the behalf of others. It would not be fair to these generous people who have adopted me.

I am no longer able to help every neighbor that has a need, and it has become obvious that I may never again be in such a position to do whatever favors I was able to do previously. I don't believe that situation is unique, since many seniors are in the same position.

In fact, since every step brings with it considerable pain and instability, despite pain medication, and since I have had several falls as a result, I had to start being very careful with all my activities, and have endeavored to explain this to the people who come to me for favors during the last couple of years.

Unfortunately, when I tell them I can no longer assist, I have been surprised by the anger I have received in response. They refuse to understand I am not able to do these things any longer. It is puzzling to me, but I never have understood human psychology.

PRAYER CORNER

In addition, I have a prayer schedule that is inevitably disturbed when I have someone calling me frequently to come and assist them. Up until this time, I have chosen to look upon these calls as calls from Jesus himself, but I doubt Jesus would ask me to hurt myself so someone else who has more resources than I do could benefit.

When I first tell them "no," some of these people have tried to pressure me, but when I stand my ground, they realize it is pointless and just stop speaking to me. The friendship is over.  Evidently it is and always was, for them, an entirely utilitarian relationship. To be clear, I was the one that was to be of use to them, otherwise they literally had "no use for" me.

Sometimes a person will pretend to be a friend until they get their hands on a large piece of furniture or something else of value, and they stop speaking to me, as soon as they get the big thing they had their eye on before they started to make overtures of friendship.

Because I am on the autistic spectrum, though very high functioning, I tend to be very trusting of others' intentions and motives, and I am still trying to learn how to protect myself and differentiate between a true offer of friendship and something else. It has been a difficult but educational 18 years at this apartment complex where I live.

A close neighbor, who is senior and has a serious neurological syndrome, has started pressuring me to give her personal services. When this neighbor's friend had to move out of state to stay with her relatives because of her own health concerns, the neighbor turned to me and suddenly began to treat me as if I was responsible to then take up the duties of her friend who had left town.

I don't think she realizes how jarring and sudden the change was for me. I have been unable to get her to understand that I am not able to take on these responsibilities, nor was I asked if I was willing. She goes mute when I tell her, as if she has not heard me. When I try to get her to engage, she goes silent.

PRAYER CORNER

Because of my Asperger's, it often takes me some time to "catch on" to what is happening with other people. Soon after my neighbor's friend moved out, before I understood the nature of the situation, my neighbor asked me to hold onto a set of her house keys for her. I thought it was a sign of trust and an insurance for rare emergencies between 2 friendly neighbors. But when I reciprocated and attempted to give her a set of my own "emergency" keys, she refused to take them! This threw me off, and it would be several months before I comprehended the full situation.

Up until that point, I had told her many times, "I am not going to be able to help you on a regular basis, since I am disabled myself, but when I make something yummy for dinner that I think you will enjoy, or some soft dessert you can eat, and I am well enough to bring it to you, I will offer, otherwise you can't ask, because I am generally not able." 

In the early days, I DID often call her when I made a soft dessert or a meal that I thought she might like. She does not have any teeth and her dentures cause her pain. Because of the bare gums, she is sensitive to any amount of spice at all, and I would make an effort to leave out the spice when cooking so that I would add it to my own portion after making her a plate and bringing it to her. But I cook less and less these days, as I am usually not able to do all the standing necessary.

Still, I tried to maintain a "normal" friendship with the woman. When there was a holiday or a birthday, I would gift her with one of my craft items that I have spent many hours making these things especially for her - sometimes a lace shawl I had made with thread the color of a Monet painting she loved, other times a piece of silver and gemstone jewelry I made.  I ignored the imbalance in the relationship. I don't know why. It probably has to do with my Asperger's and my uncertainty in divining the meanings behind the actions of other people. I also resolved, some time ago, to think well of others.

"Nothing is Sweeter than to think well of others"

Saint Therese of Lisieux

My neighbor began to call upon me more often to ask for personal services to her, acting as if she had not heard me each time I explained that walking in my own apartment, even to answer the door, brings with it a certain amount of pain with every step and that I have to ration out my steps in service to my own needs and cannot spend that ration on her needs because I do not have money to hire anyone to come care for me and my own growing needs,  nor do I have a  loving family that will step in.

She would just go mute and refuse to acknowledge me when I explained my limitations.

I understood, of course, that she was feeling panicked, as her own illness, after nearly 3 decades, had taken a frightening turn for the worst. I also began to see that her difficulty speaking in an understandable way had more to do with cognitive decline than problems with her dentures. The whole situation threw me off and I did not know what to do.

The thing is, in addition to personal financial resources, she has friends, a cousin, a sister who lives in this state, as well as other relatives who live elsewhere. I have none of that, but apparently I look like a convenient option because the relatives don't know what to do for her. I think they have been surprised by the fact that there are just no services for most poor people when they grow old and feeble.

PRAYER CORNER

At one point, my neighbor called me, in a panic, and said she was having an emergency, I asked her what was going on, and our call was dropped or she hung up.  So I dragged myself over there to help her. She had forgotten to take her medication and was having trouble getting out of her chair. She wanted me to render personal services to her, including bringing her water and medication and re-arranging some article of clothing she was wearing. This is why she was so insistent that I have her keys. She expected to use me as a personal caregiver, yet, for me, every step and movement caused me pain. 

Adjusting her clothing on her body caused my back to go into spasm, and my back was "out" for more than a week after that incident. It doesn't take much to throw my back out, since I have had chronic back problems for nearly 5 decades. In any case, however, the things that she was asking me to do are in the realm of what is expected of an in-home caregiver.

Two years ago, I was approved for an at-home caregiver through Medicaid, due to my own health issues, something that my neighbor is well aware of.

I tried to explain to her, again, about my health, and she again went mute, as if she had not heard me.  She just would not respond.  It was bizarre. So I told her that although I was not able to help her, I would try to help her get some services that would make her more independent. 

During the next two or three weeks, I put in at least 40 hours making phone calls for her, making arrangements for her to have a medic-alert system and bracelet set up for her, as well as obtaining for her a free lock box to hold her house keys around the outside of her door knob for those times when she fell and needed the paramedics to come and lift her from the floor. Going back and forth to her apartment so she could be present for these phone calls cost me a lot in time, physical pain and suffering, but I was making what I thought was to be a last ditch effort to provide her with methods to independently get herself some help. 

I also suggested a rolling cart to house her medications or a bag she could wear around her neck to hold them. But when it came right down to it, she did not want to use these methods. She wanted me to do it.

VIEW FROM THE HERMITAGE

She did not like the bracelet. As soon as it arrived, she complained to me that she had worn it into the bath and broke it, she did not "like" it, would not use it and intended to send it back. She complained about the lock box, saying that "everyone in the apartment complex" knew the combination, which was not true. She said that a stranger came into her apartment using the keys from the lockbox (not true.) She claims that she has mice living in her bed and even giving birth there while she was in the bed!(a fantasy.) Clearly, she was having some cognitive issues, which REALLY complicated this situation for me.

I did not want to abandon my neighbor because she IS alone in her apartment, but ALL of the hours of work I did to help her do as much as possible for herself were rejected, and she continued to call me and say she was having an emergency, but it was usually because she had forgotten to take her medication and wanted me to come over and do various personal tasks for her.

Several years ago, I gave her the phone number of the agency that helps disabled seniors get onto Medicaid, but I had trouble getting her to follow through with it. At one point, she said she had been approved, but she did not sign up with the agency I told her to pick to administer the Medicaid funds, and the one she picked may refuse to pay any of the doctors that this woman uses. 

I don't know why she chose the other insurance agency, but she will either have to pay her own doctor bills or will have to switch doctors - not an easy feat during Covid in a town that has lost a LOT of medical practitioners. I mention this because this is a perfect example of why her family needs to either step up and organize these things for her OR a guardian needs to be assigned to her to help smooth the way.

Getting services in place for disabled seniors takes a lot of work in the form of telephone calls, mainly. It is complicated if you are trying to assist someone who is a little paranoid,  intensely independent of mind,  or just not dialed into reality all the time.

In an attempt to offload some of these duties onto her relatives, and to be of service in the only way I am really able, I several times asked one of them to come have a chat with me about it and I would give them all the information, but it just never happened. The one relative to which all this has fallen appears to be overwhelmed with it all.

The neighbor has gradually been calling me more and more frequently because she has become temporarily paralyzed in her chair or has fallen in her apartment. I kept telling her there was nothing I could do for her and instead of calling me, she needed to call 911 so they could lift her off the floor. This is why I had gone to such effort to get her a medic alert bracelet. But when she called, if it was 2 in the morning or 2 in the afternoon, I would call 911 for her and get them to come over.

It finally became apparent to me that she was calling on me so that I would organize every aspect of each rescue effort. In her mind, she would call me, and then I was supposed to handle all the aspects of the operation. I was to call 911 and her relatives, open the doors for the paramedics, and assist her at her apartment and keep her company, bring her water and medication, adjust her clothing, gather her papers, telephone, charger, and other personal effects she wanted to bring with her, pack things for the ride to the hospital, etc.

If this happened once a year, maybe I could manage it, but she has been falling almost every month, in addition to getting stuck in her chair and unable to reach her medications nearly every week, something that I believed could have been easily rectified but which she refused to cooperate with!

RELIGIOUS DECORATIONS

Eventually, I had to resolve to just start saying "no," and simply refusing to go over there AT ALL so that she would be forced to either use those things I had arranged for her independence, or one of her relatives would take her home or put her in a nursing home. She also has some savings and could pay for someone to come in and care for her for a little while but it looks like she did not want to use up her small nest egg. (No one does, but most seniors end up doing that when they become seriously ill.)

Even on my good days, when I was feeling better, I would restrain myself and refuse to go there because, on those few occasions when I HAD acquiesced and gone over there, she would immediately start calling me all the time again. As soon as I got near her, it was like Velcro. Once, she invited me to dinner, but when I got there, I had to prepare and serve it.  It is an exhausting and painful round of unwanted duties.

After I started to say "no" to her, she apparently told her cousin that she was mad at me, which I was surprised to learn later on, since I had worn myself out doing all sorts of things for her while ignoring my own needs. It did not matter that I had told her dozens of times that I am not physically able to take care of her. She would interpret it as something else.

The phrase, "no good deed goes unpunished" rings a bell, doesn't it?

Several of her people asked me if they could call me whenever they can't rouse my neighbor on the phone so that I can "go over there and check on her."  I told each of  them definitely NO, and explained to them everything I have explained here. I reiterated it several times, but I could never get the full attention of anyone I tried to talk to. They routinely interrupted me, and one actually waved me away with a hand gesture that communicated dismissal. They would say they understood and refuse to let me finish a sentence.

After all this, one of her relatives called me yesterday, woke me from a much-needed nap, saying she hadn't been able to reach her for 24 hours and she wanted me to "go over there and check on her." Just a few weeks earlier, she had asked me if she could do this and I had told her definitely NO. I was flabbergasted.

How many times must I say the same thing before SOMEONE hears me?

It also makes me sad that none of these people seem to care in the slightest about how much all this has cost me in personal time, pain and exhaustion - while my own needs go unmet, although I have told them many times.

As most of you are aware, I am physically disabled; mobility challenged; in constant chronic pain; I have auto-immune conditions that are worsening over time; I have lost most of the vision in my left eye while the right eye that suffers from the same disease has to get injections in order to slow the progression of the disease so I don't go blind sooner than I have to; I suffer from PTSD resulting from childhood trauma and 3 close personal brushes with death, as well as other violence that scarred me and made it difficult for me to negotiate my way around life. Underneath it all is the slight case of Asperger's Syndrome, which contributes its own challenges.

Meanwhile, the two friends who have kindly helped me over the last couple years are already older than I am, with health and family challenges of their own, and I myself am trying to find ways to be more independent so that I do not stress these friendships. I am feeling really squeezed by all this and definitely NOT HEARD.

I suppose this woman's relatives are ALSO feeling very squeezed - but they are trying to offload their family duties onto someone who is not related and, though not as sick as their relative, has serious health issues of her own and fewer resources to handle them.

JEWELRY PENDANT I MADE FOR SALE

I am concerned about my OWN future care, so the last couple years have found me scrambling to try to sell some crafts and to finish a novel that I hope will make me enough money to hire people to care for me in my old age. 

I am loathe to ask for favors so that I will not be perceived as too much of a burden by friends. It is only when I absolutely cannot do without something and I have done everything in my own power to satisfy my own needs, to no avail, that I will ask anyone else to step in. 

Usually, I gratefully accept whatever is offered without my asking for it and live without whatever does not come naturally. I would never dream of trying to force anyone to supply my needs. 

Truthfully: I am baffled by all of these experiences with this neighbor, but as I said earlier, she is not the only one.  

When I think back over my experiences since I dropped into a lower socio-economic bracket, I see a trend:

LIVING IN LOW INCOME HOUSING:

As soon as I moved into my first lower-income apartment complex in this town, about 20 years ago, I was shocked by the number of neighbors who approached me like pan-handlers, within days of moving in. In fact, THE day I moved there,  I was accosted at my car by a raggedy, jail-tattooed wretch. I was just parking my little car across from my new apartment, when his hairy and unwashed self appeared in my window.  He was asking for something before I could roll up my window. Months later, he was shot in an alley and left to die there.

I had never been exposed to this kind of thing before, and I am definitely out of my element. Although I now live in another low-income apartment, I remain the target of resident thieves. Several residents have stolen from me, one of them conned me out of a practically unused, expensive piece of furniture (long story), another has some unknown grudge and is spreading destructive lies to anyone who will listen, another stole from me (and others) while I was paying her to clean my house. 

I watched from my living room window, as one neighbor strolled into my garden on a dusky summer eve, picked up a plate I was using as a saucer for one of my potted plants, examined it, then walked away with it.  Bold as brass. That person still lives here.

I bought a small angel sculpture and nestled it into a large potted rose bush. The "landscapers" came, and when they were gone, so was the statue. A generous friend gave me a very large and heavy angel statue that I placed in my garden, facing my main window. One night, I went to sleep at about 2:00 in the morning and it was still there. By the time I woke at 10:00, it had vanished.

LARGE BROWN CERAMIC ANGEL

STATUE NEXT TO WALKWAY

STOLEN IN THE WEE HOURS

One night, I heard a noise outside my secluded foyer, and by the time I was able to open the door to check it out, I saw a large white truck zooming away, with my (expensive) seated walker stashed in the back that I had forgotten to bring inside.

One new neighbor got angry when I reported their children for bullying me and blocking my access to my mailbox, so they sent me hate mail through the U.S. Post Office - mentioning this blog! The neighbor that spreads rumors about me to anyone who will listen, got hold of her. (She has tried to cause a lot of problems for me over the last 16 years by spreading lies. She used to be Christian, but I believe she gave it up during her divorce.)

Someone who used to work here, to whom I had ALSO been very kind, watches this blog and informs residents whenever I mention anything having to do with problems here. (I know who you are, and so do the police, by the way.)

A couple years ago, some young toughs moved into my building. One of their cars has emblazoned across their windshield the motto, "F - - K THE POPULATION," with the whole thing spelled out. One day, 4 of them came streaming out of their apartment to attack me and keep me prisoner in my car for 20 minutes because I had told their visitor that she could not park in front of my garage door and block me from using it. 

Later one night, the big white truck stole the traffic cones that management had given me to prevent further encroachment. That was the second set of cones. The first had been stolen by another next door neighbor the night she moved out. I had seen them moving out, in the dead of night, and it was about 2 in the morning when I heard them dragging the cones, throwing them into the vehicle, and speeding away for the final time.  I had been very generous to that neighbor, especially when her cat was dying, taking her to my favorite vet and advocating for a discount rate for her.

You see, it does not matter if you do favors for these people. If you are kind and generous, it just makes you a "sucker," and they push you and push you to give them more and more until you say "no," and then they steal whatever you won't give them willingly while spreading untrue rumors about you to others.

All my years of living in Los Angeles never prepared me for a small town that has so many poor people in it, they routinely steal from one another and have a very laissaz faire attitude toward criminality.

PRAYER CORNER

Due to these experiences and the many others I have not mentioned here, no one should be surprised that I am feeling conflicted about loving and serving my neighbors.  I have come to the conclusion that The Lord would not want me to facilitate the sins that some of these people will do in response to my helping them.

I am on good terms with several people, but it is long past time to say "no" to others. I do not have the money to move or to pay an elevated rent, so I need to retreat into my apartment and be a little less available to everyone here. I will be polite. I long ago stopped putting things in the garden that my neighbors could steal, and I am not going to invest any more of myself than I have to out there. I will just have to endure their spite resolutely and offer this peculiar suffering to God as a sacrifice. 

I will be returning my neighbor's keys to the apartment manager, since the neighbor is currently in a nursing home or a hospital (as a result of the most recent emergency) and her door requires a key to lock it from the outside. I can't just drop the keys inside the apartment and leave them there.

When one takes an airplane trip, they always tell you that, in case of emergency, put on your own oxygen mask before attempting to help others.  I am stopping now to put on my own mask.

I will continue to pray for all concerned, and especially to ask for the assistance of Our Lady of Lourdes for healing. That is all I can do.

May we all be blessed.

Silver Rose

INVISIBILITY IS NOT A SUPER POWER

TUESDAY

The doctor walked into the exam room and introduced herself.

I said, "hello," and she said, "I'm fine, how are you?"

I hesitated for a moment then said, "I said hello."

She dissembled into a word salad that meant nothing and I just had to proceed with the conversation because clearly I was alone in the room.  Or she was. Either way - I knew that my invisibility had kicked in again and that I would probably not be able to get this woman to see or hear me. She was in her own head.

We talked about a couple things, but most important was the 3-month renewal of my medication. I told her several times what they were and how often they are taken. There are only two, but she could not keep more than one in her head. Of course, that information is in my file, but someone who is preoccupied with what is going on inside her head won't be able to see that either. 

We finished the "conversation," and she left the room saying that the medical assistant would be in shortly.

I waited. And I waited. And I waited. 20 minutes passed, and I just knew that when the doctor left the office she had promptly forgotten me and moved on to the next patient without telling the assistant that she was done with me. I wandered out into the echoing, empty halls and wondered if they'd closed for lunch and just locked me in!  Fortunately, no.  I wandered around saying, "anybody here?"  "Hello?" My voice echoed against beige medicinal walls. The rooms were empty. The nurse's station was unmanned.

Finally, I found my way to the waiting room and told the front desk clerk I had been forgotten. She looked at me blankly.  The assistant walked PAST me and I had to grab her and tell her, "did you guys forget me?"

She said that the doctor had not given her my file to let her know that she was done with me. I told her I had been waiting for 20 minutes, and her eyes opened wide at that news.

I told her that I would stay in the waiting room.

More chaos ensued.

She brought me a piece of paper that was supposed to have my future appointments and my medications on it. I tried to get her to stay with me and answer some questions, but she was just too busy, so she left me there to contemplate a list of appointments with doctors I have never heard of, and a long list of medications that I do not take.

"Hey!" I yelled after her, "This is somebody else's."

It took her a minute to understand, but when she did, she rushed over to grab it back from me.

From across the waiting room, another senior patient was watching this circus. I caught her glance.  She rolled her eyes and looked heavenward in an expression I completely understood. I was not invisible to her, and felt grateful for it.

I explained to the medical assistant that one of the medications was missing. ("How many times and to how many people do I have to repeat this?" I asked myself.) She left to fix it and returned with another paper that she thrust on me, then quickly left.

I sat down to read it, determined not to leave without it being fixed.

Sure enough, one of my two medications was still missing and there was no appointment listed with my regular doctor - the two things for which I had this appointment.

I called her back but she said she could not fix it and I would have to speak to someone later.

That was two days ago and the medication snafu is still not fixed. More phone calls to ensue!

WEDNESDAY

THE DAY AFTER the medical appointment, I dealt with invisibility again. There was a man sitting in a truck outside my apartment, with his truck sitting right in the middle of the lane, with various tools and a randomly placed red barrier sitting cattywumpus in relation to nothing in particular. "Mobile Screen and Glass" was emblazoned on one door. 

When I left on my mobility scooter, with my dog trotting alongside me,  he had been there for half an hour, reading his phone that was in his lap. I hoped he would not be there much longer because I needed to leave, but when the dog and I returned 20 minutes later, he was still there, meditating on his lap, blocking everyone.

I kept trying to talk to this guy to ask him if he could move to the curb instead of just sitting in the middle of the only exit lane, but every time I opened my mouth, he closed his window on me!  I could also direct him to a CLOSER parking spot, but could not get his attention. At one point, he said he wasn't going to move unless and until someone needed to leave, but I was obviously not going to be able to walk up two flights of stairs to FIND him and tell him when I needed him to move, so I got him to roll down the window again and asked him not to roll it up on me. He announced, "well, I was finished," and he rolled it up again, as I began to try to get a sentence out of my mouth. This was a different variety of invisibility. This was a self-involved, distracted man who wanted me to disappear and got mad at me for not complying with his wish. 

When people behave like this, the temptation is to take it personally. People will blame this invisibility on old age, presuming that old age is so unattractive that it calls out for invisibility. But that is not what is happening here, with this man or with the doctor I had to deal with the day before. The apparent invisibility is part of the overarching problem of egotism and self-involvement of the seer, not anything having to do with the SEEN. It just expresses itself in different ways, depending on the situation.

This is not something I concluded by my own little self.

THE PRESCRIPTION OF JESUS

One thing that helped me greatly while I was in the Hindu convent was the exposure to Catholicism that I received through the many books about the Catholic and Orthodox monastics and mystics which later inspired me join the Catholic Church, where Jesus addresses natural egocentrism with a prescription that is echoed throughout the New Testament in which he constantly admonishes us to get our minds off of ourselves.

He tells Peter to feed his sheep and feed his lambs. He tells us not to invite anyone to a banquet who can afford to pay us back. He tells us to feed the hungry, give water to the thirsty, welcome the stranger, clothe the naked, care for the sick and visit the prisoner.  He tells us to examine the big plank in our own eye before taking the speck out of the eye of the other. He tells us only to criticize if we ourselves are without sin. He continually points our attention to "the other" who is unable to reciprocate. 

"For I was hungry and you gave me food,
I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink,
I was a stranger and you welcomed me,
I was naked and you gave me clothing,
I was sick and you took care of me,
I was in prison and you visited me."
Matthew 25:35-36

I have read many times about how older folks "become invisible," but I believe it has much less to do with the seen than the seer.  It isn't "My" invisibility at all! It is just a by-product of the self-absorption of other folks whose minds are preoccupied with the dance of the mind that the Hindus and Buddhists called "Monkey Mind."

When the attention of the "seer" is focused on their own inner turmoil, what is seen is not the person in front of them. It is only when the SEEN appears to be able to satisfy that inner turmoil inside the SEER that the seer will turn their attention outward, but they are still really only seeing THROUGH their their own personal impulsions, desires, chaos...whatever. Rarely will they "see" the actual person standing there.

SEEING THE OTHER IS AN ACT OF LOVE

But isn't is wonderful when one feels seen and heard? You can tell when someone sees you. It is magical, partly because it is so unusual and, as such, an incredible release. It is the stuff that love is made of. Not specifically romantic love...but all love.

So - if we are going to love our "Neighbor," which means everyone with whom we come into contact, we have to make an effort to see them. Really see them.

As a side note, I will point out that gossip is typically a violation of love because it is not grounded in a love that sees the person being slandered.

The training that I received in  how to coach the mind to move off of itself and onto The Lord helped to demonstrate to me the remedy for the selfishness that is natural to most of us. (There are other ancillary bennies also, but I won't focus on those.)

When you think about it, this struggle toward purification of the ego and clarifying of vision harkens back to the stories about Satan who is the personification of egotism which, one way or another, we are encouraged to abandon. When we renew our baptismal vows, we renounce Satan. In doing that, we renounce egotism and every other evil thing Satan represents. The degree to which we are able to do that is the degree to which we grow closer to God and become "perfect, as our Heavenly Father is perfect."

It is a long process, and it is not easy. There are lots of bumps and hiccups on the way, but it is worth the effort.

Even Jesus's prescription to forgive those who have hurt us and pray for our enemies also serves to take our attention, once more, from ourselves (our feelings) and onto the other, instead. 

Knowing what I know about this process has enabled me to detach from the frustration I experience when I am treated as if I am invisible. At the very least, it is difficult to get the business of life accomplished, such as the right prescriptions for the right patient! 

I am reminded by Jesus to pray for these frustrating people, and, when possible, advocate for them and their welfare. 

Since becoming disabled and falling into a lower socio-economic strata, prayer and teaching meditation are the only things I can do for others. At times, I miss the other service projects, but I am working hard on accepting God's will for me in all things, including this, so, in addition to remembering to pray for friends and other good people, I have to make a point to pray for the people who exorcise their mental chaos on me.

Feel free to contact me if you have the need, and I will be happy to add you to my prayer journal. Likewise if you have any questions about meditation, I will be happy to talk about that as well. Leave your email address with a message in the comment section, which will NOT be published, and I will contact you.

In the meantime, may we all be blessed!

Amen.

Silver Rose

TELL ME WHO YOU ARE

The Annunciation

by Merode

Every day, lately, individuals are standing up and announcing who they are and who they serve. These are fractious times, with tumult, political infighting and disputes in government, on the one hand, and a dangerous, never before seen pandemic virus on the other.

Leading us is an insane, unstable despot, which is no "leadership" at all. What we choose now comes entirely from our natural stores of energy, spiritual wisdom and discretion. We do not have a shining example, or a light on The Hill.

Some people chose the way of selfishness by running to the store and sweeping all the shelves clean of essential products necessary to basic survival. Water. Toilet Paper. Frozen food. Hand sanitizer. They took more than they needed so that the rest of us would have none, thus exacerbating an already frightening situation.

About a week ago, I went on the hunt for canned food and frozen vegetables. First, I went to my neighborhood Walgreens, and discovered that the food shelves were completely empty. It was as if giant locusts had swept through the place. I was able to buy some over-the-counter medicines I needed, some cleaning supplies and a tin of cookies, but when I checked out, I discovered that Walgreens had attached very tall pipes to each shopping cart so that I was not able to get my purchases to my car. I asked the checkout clerk how I was supposed to get all the bags to the car.

She just looked at me and said, "You can't take the carts out of the store
any more," as if that response answered my question.

"Everywhere I go, no one cares about the disabled old people," I announced. Two clerks looked at me, slack-jawed and unresponsive.

Despairing of getting some help, Juggling my purse, my cane, my hat, my sunglasses, and 2 bags of miscellaneous non-food items, I hobbled to the car. I still needed canned foods and frozen vegetables. I was already exhausted, and the throbbing pain in my legs and hips was making its opinion known.

Less than a mile from that Walgreens is a Lowes neighborhood grocery. It is a small store, much easier to navigate than the large supermarkets that proliferate in this town, but you pay for it with very high prices and ancient expiration dates.

I asked the clerk working in the canned food aisle to notify the manager of the grime that was caked on top of the cans of corned beef hash. I was hoping they may have had some cans that didn't look like they were leftover from WWII. She mumbled a word salad of completely unrelated concepts and did nothing. Even when I nudged her about getting the manager for me, she burbled another word salad and made no move to get him.

Completely grossed out by the disgusting sediment on top of the cans, but realizing I could wash them and that I should not be so delicate, I gingerly put a supply of canned beans in my cart and prayed that the dirt wasn't some sort of contagion. The prices were shockingly high.

Standing in front of the cashier, I pointed to my cane and asked her if she would please pack the bags lightly because of my bad back and knees.

Incredibly, the woman said to me, "I am going to bag them to the top. If you want something different, you can do it yourself." Then she pushed the cans toward me and started barking orders at me, making clear her wish that I should hurry up, shut up and bag my own damn groceries. I was a bit stunned. This is not the typical response one gets in grocery stores.

When I am surprised by some sort of mistreatment, I tend to go quiet - which is not my usual personality, which is rather more bubbly and animated. But if I am shocked or upset, I don't want to emote anger into the scene. I slow down and consider the situation and my options.

The checker realized I was not obeying her commands and said, "you understand what I am saying, right?"

Quickly, I calculated the angle I would have to bend over the round carousel that used to hold a series of plastic bags. I would have to bend over it, and lift cans into a bag on the other side and then lift that bag from the counter, over the carousel, and down into the shopping cart. I realized that I physically could not do it.

Rather than try to make this woman understand the situation when she was obviously not in the mood to be the slightest bit sympathetic, I quietly answered her question by saying, "Yes, I understand exactly what you mean," whereupon I turned and walked out of the store, leaving all those dirty cans on the counter. I got into my car and headed toward another store, my pain level rising. I hoped it would subside during the ride in the car.

The next store was Sprouts, a medium-size health food store on Lomas Blvd. I noticed that there were none of the sales that they typically have and, while there was a supply of fresh vegetables, they had NO frozen veg, except one forlorn bag of corn that was suspiciously mushy. I wondered if it had been defrosted and refrozen, but decided to buy it anyway. There was a pile of 4 bags of okra. Unless you fry the heck out of it so that the texture is no longer gelatinous, okra makes me gag, so I left the okra in the freezer for the next brave soul.

Several Sprouts employees were unpacking food into the refrigerated sections. I asked three of them if they had any frozen vegetables. They each refused to help me in any way. There were frozen vegetables on the pallet, but the clerks weren't going to search for them. I took my pathetic little overpriced 2-cup bag of corn, a few cans of plain beans, and some fresh broccoli and checked out, somewhat depressed and in a huge amount of pain.

I had gone shopping for frozen vegetables and canned goods and, because of the hoarders, was not able to find these simple items at any of the stores! I had already surpassed my pain limit and was suffering too much to continue searching.

The next day, one of my neighbors flew down from the second floor to speak to me. He'd seen me with my dog near the mailboxes. He wanted to make sure and exchange telephone numbers, in case I needed anything during the social isolation period of the pandemic. Another neighbor also offered assistance. A friend from a church I used to attend has arranged to get me some frozen vegetables and will get them to me on Friday - probably about the same time I run out of the fresh ones I purchased at the health food store. A couple people from Facebook have responded to my Amazon wish list and are sending me emergency food items.

Other neighbors make a different choice. Yesterday afternoon, I happened to see a neighbor on the second floor step out onto her patio and, open mouthed with no effort to cover it, make a huge sneeze that she directed down onto all our mailboxes. This morning, the sidewalk beneath that patio is heavily littered with sunflower seed hulls that have been chewed and spat out.

It seems to me that everyone is announcing who they are every day, in their actions and their words, and it is in this atmosphere of emergency and dangerous contagion that these actions and words are highlighted, more significant, and of greater consequence than is customary.

Today is the Solemnity of the Annunciation of the Lord. The Angel Gabriel comes to Mary and tells her that she will bear the Christ Child, and she says yes to God's call.  She will sacrifice herself for the sake of mankind, by bearing Him into the world. Her selflessness and surrender to the will of The Divine for the sake of mankind, earning profound gratitude through the ages, is an example for those whose typical reaction to the misery of the world is selfishness and self-dealing.

When we emerge on the other side of this epidemic, I believe we will have been changed by the experience, and we will know one another in a more compelling manner than we did before the Covid virus entered the scene in the middle of the Traumatic Trump times.

Until then, we all have to try and survive, as best we can. Even Amazon is being cleaned out of food supplies and every time I add something to my emergency wish list, it is a matter of days or even mere hours before their stock is depleted and there is a message next to it that Amazon does not know when or if they will get more. Even so, I will, once again, post the link to that wish list and hope that some of the basic items will eventually make their way to me in enough quantity that I can share with the other isolated, single disabled ladies who live in this apartment complex.

Thank you for helping us get through this dangerous situation.

Find my Amazon wish list HERE

I encourage you to take care of yourself and one another as best you can and to use this unexpected retreat from social life as an opportunity, of sorts,to grow closer to the Lord. He is the only one who can't give you the virus or catch it Himself, so spend some time with Him!

God save us.

Silver Rose

AYN RAND: APOSTLE OF SELFISHNESS AND HERO OF THE ALT. RIGHT

Ayn Rand

Russian-American novelist, promoter of selfishness, 

hero of the alt. right

1905-1982

Russian educated atheist Ayn Rand believed that selfishness was a positive virtue. She hated Christianity, championed abortion and, in addition to writing a few toxic novels and a small volume about selfishness, she also started a club that was dedicated to the promotion of selfishness. That the right wing lauds her and follows her selfish prescriptions for American society is a jarring contradiction, ESPECIALLY since the majority self-identify as Christian, and Rand's philosophy is the antithesis of Christianity.

"Abortion is a moral right which should be left to 

the sole discretion of the woman involved; 

morally, nothing other than her wish in the

matter is to be considered."

~ Ayn Rand ~

Several of America's contemporary government leaders have been remarkably affected by the fantasies of this novelist whose world view, if widely enacted, would regress the civilizing influence of Christianity on mankind back to the beginning of time.

Rand wasn't an economist and, in fact, her imaginative pronouncements on this field are dismissed by professional economists who have studied the history of economic systems and who know that we are stronger together than we are individually. It is the positive glory of human beings that we aim to enable every one of our members to succeed, and we lift up one another because we know that, in doing so, the human species becomes more successful. The dog-eat-dog world of Ayn Rand produces the opposite result.

"Jesus said unto him, 'thou shalt love the Lord thy God

with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy

mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the

second is like unto it, thou shalt love thy neighbor as 

thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law

and all the prophets.'"

~ Matthew 22:37-40 ~

Because selfishness, xenophobia, racism and misogyny that are promoted by the alt right are damaging to the human race, as a whole, the alt. right movement, as typified in its most virulent form in the ravings of Steve Bannon, has to discredit and discount the experts in crucial fields of knowledge, even Biblical scholards. This bizarre subculture lionizes opinion without foundation while deriding experts in favor of fiction writers.

Steve Bannon and Marie LePen - 2018

"Let them call you racists. Let them call you xenophobes. 

Let them call you nativists. Wear it as a badge of honor."

~ Steve Bannon, 2018 ~

Ayn Rand was famously racist and nationalistic. She spoke against Native Americans, Arabs and indigenous people, in general. Her brand of politics is for white people only.

Followers of alt. right personalities resolutely ignore professional opinion in favor of people whom they perceive to be the common man, in whom they see themselves in some capacity. The pleasing mirage that the alt right personalities project, caters to the ordinary white guy, who then feels that maybe he too can rule the world without the bona fides typically required to do so. Slovenly Steve Bannon, with his baggy clothes and unkempt mop of hair, is their spokesman.

What is really going on here? At the heart of the modern alt right movement is the fight of the wealthy to grab even more wealth than they already have. The disparity of income in America is already the second worst in the world among all nations, but the wealthy are using hot button issues to coerce the white majority into helping them in the biggest smash-and-grab since before the French Revolution. The poor, disabled and elderly are hungry and poorly housed, yet the wealthy want to eliminate social programs that help alleviate their suffering. Ayn Rand disparages the charity that would help them.

"Those who shut their ears to the cries of the poor, will

themselves call and not be heard."

~ Proverbs 21:13 ~

Ayn Rand is the figurehead upon which the right hangs its political hat because her philosophy is conveniently hostile to poor people and minorities. According to Rand, it is immoral to make a man contribute to the welfare of the poor, vis-a-vis taxes. This is contrary to the Christian ethos, but the followers of the alt right are so mesmerized by the smoke and mirrors of Paul Ryan and people like him that they fail to call this movement into account for its violation of the central tenets of Christianity.

"You shall give generously [to your poor brother] and your

heart shall not be grieved when you give to him, because

for this thing the Lord your God will bless you in all your

work and in all your undertakings."

Deuteronomy 15:10

On Facebook and other social media, I have had too many conversations with supporters of the lies of the alt. right mouthpieces who blame everyone's troubles on lazy, criminal poor people, minorities, and the like.

When faced with hard facts that disprove the myth of "massive fraud in the disability system," for instance, supporters resolutely cling to the lies. The payoff for believing poor-hating propaganda is too great to give it up, since those lies serve to elevate the status of the common man without any effort - somewhat like the video games that allow us to be big winners by the flick of a finger on a button. To be a winner, without having to bend one's head to any authority, without having to accept inconvenient truths that emphasize our lack of status, and without exerting a lot of effort, is too heady a wine for people who have chaffed under the annoying limitation of being ordinary for such a long time. Why accept facts when the lies let us believe that the poor are to blame for all our difficulties?Having a scape goat that possesses less power than we do allows us to look down upon them and pretend to some superiority. It is also far easier to withdraw assistance from the poor than to reclaim the ill-gotten gains of the wealthy.

"For all those who exalt themselves shall be humbled,

and those who humble themselves shall be exalted."

~Luke 14:11~

The psychology of Christianity is brilliant. People of real religious faith and comprehension already know this, but it also stands the test of objective examination. We can reject selfishness, not just because Jesus said so, but because it doesn't produce good fruit for humanity as a whole. We can embrace modesty and humility, not just because Jesus said to do it, but because those virtues propel us in a positive direction that is healthy for the individual as well as the group. We can share our wealth with the poor, not just because it is emphasized continually throughout the Old AND the New Testaments, but because it makes sense for the survival of our species.

The authorities upon whom one bases one's world view and activities is a clue to one's heart, so I ask you: Who is your authority? Is it Jesus, or is it Ayn Rand?

MEDITATION FOR LENT - THE PURPOSE OF LIFE

Carmelite nun, praying in her cell

When I was young and writing for television, I used to see a lot of movies. It was part of the job to stay abreast of what was being made, and it was a good method of keeping the writing chops honed. I used to love French films because they didn't usually have a convenient sweet ending that tied up all the loose ends. The boy didn't always get the girl. The business venture did not always work out. Sometimes the hero ended up poor and disheveled at the fag end of his life. Most of the actors and actresses also looked like real people, rather than genetic marvels. The films were, in my estimation, more real, more authentic, than American films and television.

For the most part, we have a formula for American films in which there is usually a feel good "happy ending." There are a few remarkable exceptions to this rule, such as THELMA AND LOUISE and GRAN TORINO, both of which are examples of really fine films that have a considerable edge to them. Even at that, however, the protagonists in both these films "win" in the end, leaving us with a  satisfying feeling, albeit tinged with a bit of sadness. Bittersweet.

The American formula for films and television reflects the American ideal of the "right" to pursue happiness. It is what our country was founded upon. While happiness is a good thing, it is a pathetic goal, when you think about it. There is nothing grand in it. On the face of it, it is a narcissistic goal, but it is a goal that many people I've encountered in life have swallowed.

When I was in the Hindu convent, the purpose of life was to get oneself to a state of "realization of God." Taking anyone else along with you wasn't a focus and, although the occasional feeding of the poor was practiced, the goal was a solitary one. It was selfish at its heart, and this is what disenchanted me about the Vedanta philosophy, in the end.

A Mormon relative once said to me that "the purpose of life is to have as many fun experiences as possible," to which I replied that the purpose of life is get yourself, your family and your neighbor to heaven. It just popped out of my mouth, but I now realize that this is the profound difference between Catholicism and many other religions and philosophies.

The Catholic faith is like those French films I enjoyed when young. It is real. It is authentic. It doesn't promote the rainbows and bubble gum Jesus to whom so many people cling. It doesn't promise a happy life or wealth or "prosperity" because Jesus didn't promise those things. He promised the cross and the sword. Later, we enjoy the bliss of living with our heavenly father for eternity, provided that we follow his commandments, especially the two that he most emphasized.

"Jesus said unto him, thou shalt love the Lord thy

God, with all they heart, and with all thy soul, and

with all thy mind. This is the first and great

commandment. And the second is like unto it,

Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On

these two commandments hang all the law and

the prophets."

~ Matthew 22:37-40 ~

These greatest of commandments points away from oneself and toward God and neighbor, going so far as to decree that we love our neighbor as much as we love ourselves. In an era when conservative Catholics are promoting the idea that we all have the right to pursue success but the poor do not have the right to live as well as others, it is clear that we have lost our way, but what can I do about that, aside from mentioning it in my blog?

My meditation for this Lent will concentrate on what Jesus said are the two most important commandments. I plan to put this scripture passage before my eyes every day during the lectio divina portion of my prayers, and I will endeavor to listen to what the Lord has to say to me about these greatest of all commandments and how I may better practice them in my life.

What will YOU do for lent?

Silver Rose Parnell
Copyright (c) 2017
All rights reserved.

AMERICA'S THUG CULTURE

Cars blocking emergency exit

I have recently noticed that people are regularly parking in front of the only emergency exit on the property where I live, placing their fat, toadish SUVs right on top of the red cross-hatching and directly in front of the signs that say NO PARKING - FIRE EXIT.

When I first approached the new apartment manager about this safety issue almost a month ago, she was outside with her dog, which was not on a leash and which was wildly chasing after my little poochon who, though normally quite calm and dog-friendly, was cowering and trying to escape. She said she didn't know who was parking there, but I was later told that several of those cars belonged to her family and/or friends. Indeed, the very next morning, those same cars were lined up on the OTHER side of the parking lot, this time blocking all of the garages of the residents, giving the distinct impression that she had, indeed, recognized that the cars had been noticed and she had told her family and friends to block the residents' garages instead of the emergency exit.

I tend to be someone who follows the rules and I am civic minded. I won't typically make a big fuss over an issue that is strictly personal to myself, but if the matter is one which affects a class of protected persons, such as the elderly or the disabled, I am more inclined to speak up.

Reporting a problem that impacted the health and safety of all the tenants seemed a natural thing to do. Several weeks went by, however, and the cars continued to park there, night after night.

One morning, I happened to see the owners of one of the vehicles, with husband and children in tow, climbing into one of the little SUVs, and I respectfully asked to speak with her, telling her that it was not legal to park in the fire lane and was dangerous. In a colorful, coarse and loud manner, she told me off and claimed that the office manager had given her permission to park there.

[It is ironic that I recognized her as the daughter of one of our residents who stole from me when she visited my house, despite my having been incredibly generous toward her. That daughter has been sleeping on an expensive day bed and sheets that I gave her mother a couple years ago, and now she was giving me the ugly face, yelling at me like a fishwife. I never have believed in that adage that "what goes around, comes around." Usually, the opposite is true.]

Safety issues have become important to me since becoming disabled. I always need to know that I can GET OUT if I need to do so. Having tried to handle it with the woman directly (and failing), I made a detour to the apartment office to follow up with the manager on our previous conversation.

The first thing I noticed was the manager's sullen expression when I walked into the office and gave her a cheery "good morning," using her name and smiling. I asked her, "Remember a few weeks ago when we discussed the people parking in front of the emergency exit?"

She strongly asserted that we definitely did not have any such conversation.  This comment came just a few days after her telling me that an email I sent her asking for a work order was not received. I was beginning to see a pattern of lies from this woman. Not a good sign.

First, I tried to see if I could disarm her obvious hostility by expressing concern. I asked her if the new job was stressing her out. She just got more irate. There was no saving the conversation, which went downhill, with her lobbing sarcastic, demeaning and insulting comments at a very puzzled little hermit. She was talking very fast, interrupting every sentence I tried to get out of my mouth, and acting like an obnoxious teenager on the playground...the kind that used to rat their hair up really high on their head so they could hide knives in it.

Her perspective was that (a), it was none of my business; (b) she didn't think it was any big deal (she called it "petty"); and, (c) there aren't enough parking spaces for the number of cars people own (and therefore it was OK.)

The woman got nastier and nastier, and I could see there was no sense in continuing the interaction. I had run up against someone highly influenced by America's thug culture once again. 

Thug culture has a "value structure" that is completely narcissistic and runs counter to Christian values. Thugs will never admit to doing anything wrong and will go to great lengths to cover up any error they may have made. Apologies are simply not in their wheelhouse, and lies are their stock in trade. They use high levels of hostile behavior to mask their own crimes. They are highly prejudice against religious folks. They may tattoo huge pictures of our blessed mother on their bodies or even claim to be Christian, but these are cultural constructs and are not reliable indicators of any faith in the theology of the Christian church.  Rather, they employ religious imagery as magical talismans meant to get them what they want out of life. Praying to escape punishment for crime would be typical, not prayer for assistance in giving up crime. Their God is a vending machine, and prayer is the currency. If they don't get what they want, they'll get mad at God also because even God is supposed to revolve around them, like a satellite. In the more extreme cases, a member of the thug culture will go on the attack against someone who has discovered some wrongdoing of theirs. It is all about them.

How did this culture evolve?

The first thing I think about when the topic of thug culture comes up, aside from nearly everyone having a chip on their shoulder, is the incredible difference in music from my generation to theirs.  The music of my youth was all about peace and love, respect and gentleness, which is a far cry from today's disgusting thug music. It can't even be rightly called music, since the snippets of videos I have seen feature men talking to a beat while mostly naked women pose and dance in revolting positions meant to simulate sex acts. The words are primitive, violent and offensive. Women are called whores, and enemies are meant to be shot and killed. The imagery is filthy, dark, and depressing.

The "fashions" are the next thing that come to mind.  Men who wear their pants below their rump, with their underwear showing, are dressing in a style originally adopted in prisons where it was code for "I am available for anal sex." The women wear clothing that is as tight and revealing as possible. The DO dress like whores, who likewise are advertising sexual availability like animals do. I can tell you, I am just fed up with having to see mammoth exposed breasts and skin-tight clothing sticking to every roll and crevice whenever I go shopping in one of the local stores. It offends my eyes.

I think back to my childhood and to the months I spent in "charm school" which was the poor woman's version of finishing school. They taught us how to be ladies, how to walk and talk, how to improve ourselves and aim for the highest standard of carriage and behavior. I even learned to model on a catwalk, as a practice for developing grace of movement.

We did not learn how to twerk, pole dance, or lap dance in the charm schools, finishing schools and cotillions.  These dances, that have their origin in the sex trade and strip clubs, are being widely taught these days. Whereas we were encouraged to better ourselves, elevate our minds, and refine our behavior, thug culture directs the mind to the most venial, base and animalistic strata.

Instead of turning out refined, elegant, cultured and intelligent ladies, thug culture turns out grotesque, damaged and empty women. These women, who live on the plane of anger and hostility, have plenty to be angry about. They must compete with other women for who can be the raunchiest, in order to capture the attention of a male and avoid spending the rest of their lives alone. They know that if they do not give sex soon and freely, the men will quickly move on to another woman who will. Even if they DO pony up the sex on demand, the man may still leave them, since thug culture encourages men to put a lot of notches on the bed post.

The dismantling of the structure of moral life that was a natural part of society for thousands of years is, in large part, responsible for the rise of thug culture. When the protestant church abandoned its traditional stance against contraception in 1930, it was the beginning of the destruction of the family, which is the beginning of the destruction of society as a whole. Shortly thereafter, when the birth control pill began to be distributed, all connection between sex, children and the family was severed. This perversion of the intent of sexual activity has resulted in a perverted "culture."

This perversion of the structure of society caused the entire edifice to collapse. The perception of the purpose of one's life shifted from an awareness of one's place in and responsibility to the larger community, to one which encouraged selfishness and the pursuit of sensory pleasures and comforts.

In America's thug culture, everything is backward. The safety and welfare of society at large has taken a back seat to the individuals' personal convenience. It is perfectly OK to cause a dangerous situation that could result in the loss of lives to other people, if blocking the only emergency exit gets you closer to your apartment, or the apartment of your friend or relative. Parking in front of someone else's garage is also perfectly OK because your needs take precedence over the needs of anyone else. (I can't tell you how many times I have missed a doctor's appointment, missed mass or some other appointment because some idiot has parked their car in front of my garage, around which are multiple, blaring signs that say "NO PARKING" and "RESERVED FOR GARAGE NUMBER 6."

Thug culture has no compassion for anyone else, unless that compassion serves a purpose that benefits the individual. Thug culture is the more mild version of straight up sociopath.

Thousands of people are using their dead grandmother's parking placards so they can take handicap parking, rather than having to use their perfectly good legs and walk, thus causing the legitimately handicapped people to have to go home without getting their shopping done because they CAN'T walk that far.  This has happened to me. On the rare occasions when I have caught the culprit in the act, no one has the good sense to be ashamed of themselves.  Nope. The thug culture rules, and I am treated to the most disgusting language.

Not long ago, here in Albuquerque, a number of employees of the Department of Transportation were caught on camera by one of Larry Barker's "stings", as they parked in handicapped parking spots in downtown, where parking is very expensive in the lots and very scarce on the streets.  Imagine - the agency that is supposed to administer this kind of thing is full of people who flout the law, using phony, stolen or "borrowed" placards. When this intrepid journalist confronted them, they behaved as if HE was doing something wrong.

This attitude of personal entitlement has seeped into every part of our culture. Even the people whose job it is to help others less fortunate actually rob from them on a regular basis. I will never forget taking a car load full of high quality household items, jewelry and clothing into one of the local "charity" thrift stores, only to find out that NONE of it ever made it onto the floor.

When I called them on it, even the administrator refused to do anything about it, defending her employees despite being notified of the theft. In fact, the administrator was nasty toward me.  I was the bad person because I had brought it to her attention.  Perhaps the administrator was part of it.  I can picture her, rifling through the boxes and bags, claiming all the nice things for herself instead of putting it in the shop where customers would notice that good items were stocked and where business would improve as a result.  It is practically Dickensian.  I am reminded of various scenes in Victorian novels in which the dead are practically stripped naked so that their shoes, their jewelry, their money, and anything else of value can be taken right off the still-warm body.

Without exception, every time I try to report something that is illegal, dangerous, and/or criminal, the persons who SHOULD be saying, "thanks for letting me know. I will take care of that," instead defends the practice and finds fault with me in a hostile and often vulgar way.

Many people will participate in the crimes of others by actively hiding the actions of criminals. In the last apartment building where I lived, one of the women told me she had seen someone bury a handgun in the garden beneath her window and then come back for it a few days later. She didn't call the police, even though this guy could have gotten into the apartment and held us all up or killed us. She told me that to call the police just wasn't done.

In thug culture, you are supposed to protect the criminal.  If you follow the rules, respect the police, and report crime, you're a rat, the one who is "wrong" in this scenario. The "wrong guy" is the person with a sense of moral and ethical responsibility. The "wrong guy" cares about the health and safety of other people, including the disabled, the poor, the baby in the womb and the frail elderly. It is just crazy.

In thug culture, there is no moral imperative. No standard. Whatever the thug has to do to "win" in any situation, they will do, without any regard for the condition of their soul. Lie, cheat, steal...whatever. 

As far as I can see, thug culture spreads across all socio economic boundaries and is not limited to any ethnic group.

The religious leadership is certainly not free of this dark tendency to sacrifice others at the altar of one's own satisfaction and convenience!  Even in the rarified upper echelons of the Catholic hierarchy, I am learning that some bishops and cardinals are living like princes in exclusive, luxurious residences crammed with fine art and jet-setting around the world while scores of parishes are closing for lack of funds. They're living in luxury, thanks to the nickels of the poor being thrown into the collection plate. It is not what Jesus had in mind when he told the young man to sell all he owned, give it to the poor and follow him.  He did NOT say, "Call the moving men, have all your possessions packed up, and hire them to follow us all over the Holy Land while I preach...and make sure you've got the wine and cheese in a refrigerated compartment. I may get a bit peckish."

Cardinal Donald Wuerl

In a religion that is, supposedly, a religion of the poor, started by God who came into the world as a poor person with no entitlement, where the tradition is one of poverty, chastity and obedience, prelates like Cardinal Wuerl who lives in the penthouse of a building on Embassy Row, the most expensive neighborhood in Washington, D.C., might as well be in one of those rap videos where the gangster is peeling off dollar bills and bragging about how he's "gonna make it rain up in here."

Cardinal Wuerl lives in the 3rd floor penthouse of this

exclusive building that is valued at 43 million dollars

(photo from Churchmilitant.com)

http://www.churchmilitant.com/news/trending/category/14/cdl.-burke

The taxes ALONE for Cardinal Wuerl's residence were more than $67,000 in 2013. My entire yearly income in 2013 was less than $18,000, and I used to fret about not contributing more to my church.  I have a different perspective now.

Cardinal Wuerl's previous home, where he lived for nearly 20 years when he reigned over Pittsburgh, was a 39-room Morewood Heights mansion that "was filled with antiques, sacred art, Oriental rugs and elegant furniture from the 17th, 18th and 19th centuries." (quote from Church Militant)

39 room Mansion - home to Wuerl for almost 20 years

Thanks to the Vatileaks scandal, we now know that Cardinal Burke's residence is more than 4,000 square feet and Cardinal Turkson's is more than 3,000 square feet.

I am just flabbergasted at these numbers. Americans, who tend to lionize the rich and hate the poor, often have no problem with these religious "executives" living like kings while the peasants scramble for bread.  I admit that, when I first heard of the flack about the expensive residences of some bishops and cardinals, I dismissed it, not realizing how extreme is the problem. I live in a 675 square foot apartment, so I imagined that the prelates were being criticized for a 5 bedroom house or something like that. When I learned the extent of the problem, I was more than a little upset.  First of all, the damn unfairness of it; to suck the life out of the church while we are going downhill financially and parishes are closing all over the place is just awful. I am quite sure that Jesus is NOT pleased about this situation.

I want to make it clear that I have no problem whatsoever with a beautiful, grand church building. I love them.  Churches are accessible to everyone. We can ALL enjoy the beauty of the place, the architecture, the fine paintings and statutes. This is a form of public art that lifts the spirit and sets the mind on the highest plane. A cardinal's personal residence is another thing entirely. Unlike a church, where I can become a member and sit and enjoy the surroundings during the mass and at other times, none of us will have access to the cardinals private residence.  Unlike a church, where I can just walk into it any time I like, I can't walk into the Cardinal's private residence and enjoy his artwork, comfy couches and delicious food. It is for his personal enjoyment.

So, I have wandered from cars blocking emergency exits, to handicapped parking, to stealing from the poor in small and great ways. What is the unifying factor in all this?  I will tell you what. SELFISHNESS. We have enshrined selfishness in our culture and have made graven images of ourselves which we worship daily. From the moment the Christian world gave up the high ground on morality, some time in the early 20th century, Americans have rapidly slid down that slippery slope of virtue, landing at the bottom of the heap, a bunch of malignant narcissists, a mere 85 years after the protestants reversed their position on contraception. It only took one generation to become a pagan nation and hand the whole thing over to Satan.

What is the solution?  As for myself, all I can do is write my little blog and pray, but I have an idea as to what is needed, and that is for the church to return to its authentic self. We started this whole mess when we let go of the moral reins and let the whole thing slide into a muddy ditch. I am kind of mad about it, on a personal level, because I was born into this insanity and it took me years to shake off the self-centered and promiscuous culture and recognize it for what it was. I had been raised by two religion-hating hedonists and then walked out into a world similarly inclined. How was I supposed to learn about Jesus and His church?

We have to go back to where we started. We need to preach and live and believe in the faith that Jesus gave us, which is the OPPOSITE of selfishness.

The very first thing that needs to be done is to de-Protestanize the faith. Something happened somewhere along the line where the Catholic Church began to copy the protestant church for some reason I cannot fathom. Some people blame Vatican II, but I can't render an opinion on that, since I wasn't around when Vatican II came down the pike, and I have not studied it in detail.

All I know is that the churches here in Albuquerque, many of them, look like Baptist meeting halls or empty Protestant churches. Statues, kneelers, and beautiful art and architecture has been replaced with some of the ugliest buildings I have ever seen. Some look like convention centers or theatre in the round. It is appalling. The music is dreadful. The atmosphere lacks reverence. The reserved host has been shuttled away from the altar. I could go on and on.

Most important, however, is that the Catholic Church is chock full of people who do not believe in the faith and, as such, should go elsewhere until and unless they experience a conversion of heart and mind that results in a sincere belief in the Catholic Church and the recognition that Jesus instituted it and gave power and authority to the Apostles to help them bring forth what he taught them and that Jesus, true to his promise, is with us "until the end of time."

Those who will not or cannot believe in the faith should go elsewhere. All those protestants in Catholic clothing, should just get out instead of trying to bend the faith to their sinful desires. Anyone, whether professional religious or lay person, who has decided that they know better than the doctrines of the church, and the Code of Canon Law, should rethink their position with great humility and, if they cannot repent, they should leave the church and go to the church they can believe in. Don't get me wrong. I am staunchly Catholic and I pray EVERY DAY that all people will become converted to Jesus Christ and to His Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church, but it does no one any good to ensconce non-believing heretics in the pews or the pulpit, and especially not in the hierarchy. You're just putting the wolf in the hen house when you do that.

When Pope Benedict was Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, he predicted that our church would have to become small again. It would have to become poor. I rather agree with him, because having a poor church is the only way to shake off the leeches that have attached themselves to it and are sucking it dry of all earthly resources.

The only salvation for the world is the Catholic church, but we cannot save the world if we do not believe and behave as authentic, faithful Catholics.

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, before he became Pope Benedict XVI

Cardinal Ratzinger prophesies:

"The church will become small and will have to start afresh more or less from the beginning.  She will no longer be able to inhabit many of the edifices she built in prosperity. As the number of her adherents diminishes...she will lose many of her social privileges...As a small society, [the Church] will make much bigger demands on the initiative of her individual members...

"It will be hard-going for the Church, for the process of crystallization and clarification will cost her much valuable energy.  It will make her poor and cause her to become the Church of the meek...The process will be long and wearisome as was the road from the false progressivism on the even of the French Revolution - when a bishop might be thought smart if he made fun of dogmas and even insinuated that the existence of God was by no means certain...But when the trial of this sifting is past, a great power will flow from a more spiritualized and simplified Church.  Men in a totally planned world will find themselves unspeakably lonely.  If they have completely lost sight of God, they will feel the whole horror of their poverty.  Then they will discover the little flock of believers as somethign wholly new.  They will discover it as a hope that is meant for them, an answer for which they have always been searching in secret."
"The church will become small." from Faith and the future (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 2009).

Please pray for the church and all its members, and remember that the Bible specifically speaks to this situation and tells us many times to warn the wicked:

"Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the people of Israel; so hear the word I speak and give them warning from me. When I say to a wicked person, "You will surely die," and you do not warn them or speak out to dissuade them from their evil ways in order to save their life, that wicked person will die for their sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood.  But if you do warn the wicked person and they do not turn from their wickedness or from their evil ways, they will die for their sin; but you will have saved yourself." Ezekiel 3:17-19

In 1 Corinthians 5:9-13, we are urged to "Purge the evil person from your midst:"

"I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people, not at all referring to the immoral of this world or the greedy and robbers or idolaters, for you would then have to leave the world.  But I now write to you not to associate with anyone named a brother, if he is immoral, greedy, an idolater, a slanderer, a drunkard, or a robber, not even to eat with such a person. for why should I be judging outsiders? Is it not your business to judge those within? God will judge those outside. Purge the evil person from your midst."

It is time for us to get serious about our Catholic faith and realize that it is not our own little personal faith and our own little personal club with lovey-dovey Jesus at the head of a small table. Those of us who actually believe in the faith and who do our best to follow the commandments of Jesus, form the body of Christ. Each of us is not a little island on which our individual interpretations of scripture and tradition rule. This is why it is called the "Catholic" church. It is UNIVERSAL TRUTH.

We must overthrow this thug culture and save the world. We must do some hard things and stick to the definitive teachings of the last 2,000 years, even if the rest of the world hates us. We have let the world sink into this morass of debauchery, lies and selfishness. Now we have to resurrect the moral life of our people and drag them to high ground, if necessary. Take the high road, speak strongly, and don't let the thugs convince you that right is wrong and wrong is right. Resist Satan.

Silver Rose Parnell
(c) 2015 All rights reserved.

UPDATE:

On Friday, the 27th of November, one of the neighbors who lives near the emergency exit and had, apparently heard about the great fence flack, evidently had visitors. They were parked in front of his garage, where he customarily parks, and he decided to block the emergency exit on the other side of the parking lot.

 

That same evening, at 11:30 p.m., there was an SUV I had not seen before, parked in front of the emergency exit and, I kid you not, it was a FIREFIGHTER'S CAR. New Mexico license plate number 1017. It was too dark to take a photo. Even a firefighter doesn't give a crap about fire safety. This world is ridiculous.

SRP