THE FINAL POST - FOR THE TIME BEING

 

View from the hermitage

by

Silver S. Parnell

(c) copyright 2020

All rights reserved.

As much as I love researching and writing this blog diary of my life in the modern urban hermitage, this will be the last post for some time.

At some point I intend to re-work the information about the mostly little-known saints, paint or sketch some representatives of them, and publish a small book. 

I am not finished researching the lesser-known saints, so it is likely that I will return to writing when I am feeling more fresh.

Almost all my posts have involved many hours of research and creative writing, but it is hard to find the time for this, since I am physically disabled and it is taking me longer and longer to accomplish basic tasks of survival. This is the primary issue that challenges me at the moment.

On the other hand, because I am able to do little else than sit in this recliner, the time spent while sitting here may as well be dedicated to working for the glory of God when I am not praying. 

Two years ago, I was approved for a caregiver of 28 hours a week, and I have tried throughout that time to get a caregiver through the approved agencies, but there are none to be had in the present economy. I have written about some of these experiences.

The problem seems to be that no one wants to do this type of work for what Medicaid will pay, unless they are a family member who is already taking care of a relative. This is why, every time I signed up with another agency in hope of finding some help, they also asked me, "don't you have a relative you can bring with you? 

There ARE some caregivers doing this type of work in this town, but apparently, most are demanding CASH payment, then hiding their income to avoid paying taxes. This is short-sighted, because when they themselves become disabled or retire, they will have to live off the money that other folks have put into the system, and will thereby drain it of its resources and hurt the economy and the taxpayers as a result. Even if I had the cash to pay one of these people, I would not want to participate in an illegal scheme. I will say, however, that this trend of refusing to pay people a living wage has got to change in America. It really does. Far fewer people will feel compelled to dodge the taxman with illegal schemes if they don't have to go hungry to stay within the law while working a full time job!

To be honest, it was never my idea to have a blog to begin with. It was suggested by a friend who, aware of the tradition of the laity supporting monastics, thought  it might help support me, but I suspect that she was as uninformed as I was about the practicalities of how this would work.

Also, the interest in connecting with other contemplatives has lessened while there have appeared a new crop of automated "prayer" apps for one's computer and telephone. This mirrors a general trend of people shifting away from contact with other humans, and replacing them with mechanical servants, which is really too bad. I think we will find, in future, that it is detrimental to the human spirit to do this.

I am already finding that hardly anyone will answer a telephone call any more. They flatly refuse to respond to anything but a text, which is difficult for a disabled person, especially those of us who are blind in one eye!

I will keep this blog active, and you will still be able to contact me through the comments, if the need arises, and the DONATE button (underneath my photo, above right) will also work. 

Please pray for me, as I pray for you, and look for my books in future. I will come here and tell everyone about it when we have a publication date.

In the meantime, may we all be blessed!

Silver Rose

SAINT HENRY II - HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR - July 12, 2022

 

Henry II 

KING OF THE ROMANS

Duke of Bavaria

Holy Roman Emperor

Catholic Saint

Born May 6, 973 - Died July 13, 1024

Feast Day July 13

Patron of the childless, of Dukes, of the Handicapped

and those rejected by Religious Orders

my 1st cousin, 24 times removed

I have been having a particularly frustrating period of time in which contemporary events are just one nightmare on the heels of another. This type of cycle triggers my PTSD and reminds me of a long string of lifetime difficulties, frustrations and disappointments. It seems like everything I have tried to do over the last three decades has been summarily frustrated. One step forward, five steps back. It is exhausting.

My frustration had gotten so bad I spent 2 days unable to resist the weeping that seemed to be on the edge of my tear ducts every dang minute. Mind you, I wasn't incapacitated by it. As usual, I pushed through the inconvenient waterworks to take care of the daily grind, but I made a mental note to put a pin in it for a future day when I had time to unpack it all and figure out what to do with it so I could get on with life without bursting into tears every time I had to explain myself and why certain things are a problem for me. One disaster reminds me of another, and it all comes piling in on me.

When faced with a big life challenge, what I will typically do is spend some time in mental prayer and ask the Lord what He wants me to know at that moment, and I open my mind to the answer, sitting quietly and waiting. It could take days before I get some clarity - especially if I am at a significant crossroad in my life.

In addition to my mental prayer and meditation, I will usually also spend a bit more time in reading inspirational and/or instructive books and watching inspiring movies or documentaries.

I knew I was "in for" a significant message. I am coming up on my 20 year hermit anniversary, and it is both appropriate to review my life path, and somewhat urgent, since the difficulties of my hermit life, as a result of my health problems, mostly, have begun to really press in on me lately because they are unrelenting and I have so little help, except from a couple of friends, who themselves are loaded with family responsibilities and are already doing all they can.

I have also found it upsetting that friends I made when I first became Catholic really surprised me and stomped on my feelings by throwing me away when Trump came into politics and I made it clear that I do not approve of his methods. My friends mean a lot to me, since I have no family to speak of, and for them to throw me away because of a difference of opinion on politics is shocking - especially since the person for whom they threw me out is utterly morally bankrupt.

It is also important to note that I have not changed in the slightest since Trump came on the scene, other than becoming more physically disabled and having a few more wrinkles. I am as loving toward my friends as I ever was. I've never been a terribly political person per se, though I have had my share of marches for peace and justice when I was much younger. I am in favor of peace and justice, but I do not even have a favorite political party. It depends on the issue.

If people were throwing me away because I was a bad friend, it would be one thing - but to dispose of me because I do not share their devotion to a political figure seems, at the very least, unenlightened and more than a little off the mark. That alone is odd, but combined with all the cruelty and dishonesty in his methods, I wonder that they are surprised by my lack of approval of him. He threw little brown children in cages and made them sleep on cement floors, for crying out loud. He lied constantly and then he tried to overthrow our government. His reign was a nightmare.

But for some reason I will never understand, half of the Catholic world is in love with Trump and they justify every awful thing he does, which is another nightmare to add on top of the continual rejection I have gotten from the Church. I can understand those who believe that making abortion illegal will save babies and for this reason they support Trump. (I don't happen to agree that this method will save many (if any) babies because women will return to D.I.Y., the abortion pill, and traveling to areas where it is still legal), but I am pro-life and I do respect the initial impulse to try and do something about this trend.

I had already been cast aside by Hindu friends because I became Catholic - only to find myself out in the cold by many of the Catholics. I have at times wondered if becoming Catholic was the biggest mistake of my life. Don't get me wrong. The faith of Jesus is what I believe in, but many of the people in His church don't seem to share that belief. And there is so much politicking going on that the last time I was getting the Eucharist brought to me, the woman brought the good news of Trump rather than the Gospel, and priests are STILL giving homilies about politics instead of Jesus, turning their tongues into pretzels to justify the politicization of the faith.

I became Catholic because of the mystical contemplative heart of the faith that I read about from St. Teresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross, Jane de Chantal, Therese of Lisieux, Hildegard of Bingen, Teilhard de Chardin, Mechtilde of Magdeburg, Julian of Norwich, and many others. But I never hear a homily about any of those folks. Instead it is a constant litany about abortion and politics. It makes me sad.

I believe that the Catholic Church is under demonic attack from the inside. It has probably ALWAYS been, don't you think? Every horrible thing the church has done can likely be traced back to the work of Satan. Satan hates the Catholic Church and misleads Catholics of all stripe. I have run into a lot of Catholics who do not believe in Hell or Satan or Demons, but they still believe in Heaven and the heavenly reward that awaits them when they die. Jesus Himself talked about Hell and Satan quite a bit.

Anyway, the subject of Satan and how he messes around with the people in our church is a topic for another day or two or three, and I know that, to some people, it just sounds nutty - the idea of demons - but there has been so much cartoonish treatment of the topic that it is hard for many people to take it seriously, but we really need to.

So - back to my week: The weight of all my limitations, roadblocks, disappointments, etc., had begun to feel too much for me to handle by myself but what was I to do?

                                                                                                              

My monastic life does not look like I thought it would, two decades ago when I decided that my inability to work outside the home gave me an unanticipated space to live as a hermit. I had WANTED to start a Catholic contemplative ashram, similar to the Hindu places where I had lived. This would be more of a residential situation for retired senior ladies who wanted to live a dedicated life and spend time in shared meditation and prayer. I had an entire plan, and I was to use part of the inheritance my father promised me to carry it out.

By the way, this idea of a Catholic ashram is not new, nor  did I invent it. There is a long tradition in India of similar things. Father Bede Griffiths, a remarkable modern mystic (now gone on to his heavenly reward) created a monastic institution based in an Indian model while in India and also wore the gerua (orange) color robes, as I do on occasion. The Catholic ashram model is attractive to those of us with a background in Hinduism, and also for people of Indian ethnicity.

Gradually, it became obvious that it was not going to happen, especially when my father died about ten years into my hermit life, and I learned that he had previously been taken to an attorney to write me out of his will when he was suffering from dementia.  It really depressed me and it distracted me from my purpose. He died under suspicious circumstances, which was very sad, and it weighed on me, because I did not even know that he had died until after he had been cremated. I had no opportunity to say goodbye to him or to later request an autopsy. This time of year is rough on me, when that anniversary comes around.

Those of us who die poor should be grateful not to have any money because no one will have a reason to get rid of us. Poverty is a blessing in some ways.

At times like this, I turn to the saints, especially those in heaven to whom I am related, and also those that are the patron saints of issues I struggle with, such as Wednesday's saint.

I also try to learn something from ordinary people  - people who have confronted a string of disappointments and disasters and experience a lot of rejection.

One such person was a man by the name of Stuart Long. His entire life was one disaster after another - kind of like mine - and he died from a terrible wasting disease. Mark Wahlberg, a devoted Catholic, portrays him in the movie "Father Stu" that was written by Mel Gibson's girlfriend. Mel is also in the movie.

Here is an interesting article comparing the Hollywood version of Stu's life with what really happened, and they are pretty dang close, which is unusual for Hollywood:

(CLICK on the link below the photo.)

ARTICLE HERE

Stuart Long cannot catch a break. He comes from a broken family with an alcoholic, somewhat vulgar father and a doting mother. First he is a boxer, then gets "too old" for that, then decides he wants to be an actor, and that does not work out, but after his terrible accident, and a big spiritual experience, he realizes that he is destined to be a priest.

Then, he is a new Catholic, and they reject him at first, but he gets accepted to the seminary. (YAY!) He starts to do well. He really "gets" it. He is INSPIRED, but earthy and real at the same time. Gradually, the brash and foul mouthed man begins to earn the grudging respect of his new friends in the Church - THEN he is diagnosed with a terrible and incurable wasting disease and  they're going to kick him out because his disability is going to interfere with his career as a priest. He does really well in the seminary and has gone through Hell to get through it all, but after all that, they can't ordain him. 

What happens next is a wonderful payoff and because the name of the movie is "Father Stu," you KNOW that he DOES get ordained, but the payoff is much better than that, so you really must see that film. I watched it twice yesterday and cried through the last third of it each time.  Ugly cry.

I just can't tell you any more details because I don't want to ruin it for you. Toward the end of the movie, Wahlberg delivers a gorgeous soliloquy, and I wish I could quote it here. I wrote it down in my diary, but, again, I just can't rob you of the opportunity to have a good cleansing cry. Please go see that film.

What I will tell you is that Stuart Long tells us that disability is a blessing. Is that what I need to hear or what?  Of course, I myself have said the exact same thing MANY times, though not in as eloquent a manner, but of course we all know these important spiritual facts, but we have to be reminded every now and then because Satan's demons are always whispering into our ears, making us think that negative and self-defeating thoughts are our own.

They say, "I am not worthy to devote my life to God" or "I'm too sick," or "I just can't do it. I am not able." None of it is true, especially that bit about it being too hard for me. I can dedicate myself to a life devoted to God, but that does not require that I do it in a perfect manner.   I will do it in my own way, the way that God created me to do. I will do it to the best of my ability.

On thing Father Stu says, which I will share with you, is not to pray for an easy life, but for the grace to handle a difficult one. (I am paraphrasing here.) We know this is divinely inspired thought. After all, Jesus could have arranged an easy life for himself but that's not what he did, is it? Instead, he took on the sins of the entire world and died in reparation for them, in a very gruesome way.

I am always telling people that almost ALL of the saints had difficult lives, so we should not think that proof of holiness is a stress-free, easy life. That kind of thinking - that God rewards holy people with easy lives - is heresy with a capital "h." It is not Catholicism. Sure, some people will tell you it is true and they will publish all kinds of New Age memes on Facebook that make that claim - but they are wrong. Those kind of memes are calculated to throw coals on the heads of suffering people that Jesus told us to love.

At the same time I have been binge watching "Father Stu", I am also re-reading my copy of "Manual for Spiritual Warfare."  Very early in that little book is a discussion about how, exactly, the demons insinuate themselves into the thoughts and minds of humans and how they encourage the creation of situations that lend themselves to pushing humans to do the exact wrong thing, They get into your head and make you think that their whispered accusations are actually your own.

Why does God "allow" this? Well, he has engineered free will into all the lives of his creation. If he did not give us free will, that would make us slaves, and we could not love Him freely. We have to choose Him. The demons are only angels that made the wrong choice. They did not want to obey God. They wanted to be in charge.

So we need to learn from this - not to get too big for our britches and decide that we know better than God. Also, it's not a good idea to blame God. Stuart tells us that he blamed his constant bad luck and roadblocks on God - as if it was his fault. He blamed God for all of it, and I think he was mad at him for it.

I am glad that I have yet to blame God for any bad thing that has happened in my life - and I do not say "why me?" but I am rather more prone to saying, "why not me?" I credit the Swami with teaching me that. He also used to say, "just know that something good is going on, even when you can't see it." That has helped me a great deal over the last few years. Something good is going on.

Today I am appealing to my cousin, Saint Henry II of Bavaria who also wanted to be a monk but was discouraged from the priesthood and monastic life - and by "discouraged" I mean they denied it to him. He tried a couple of times but he was advised to continue with his royal duties and leave the monastic prayers to others. He could have demanded it, I suppose, but it shows a bit of humility that he did not insist on it. He followed through with the life that was peculiarly suited to him, and he ended up being Holy Roman Emperor and did a wonderful job of it.

And what will I do? Well, I will continue to do that work that The Lord obviously wants me to do because He has left no possibility for anything else. Evidently, he does not trust me to decide on my own and follow through with it.  I am to continue on as an Accidental Hermit and devote my disabled body to Him, offering up my pains and disappointments in reparation for my sins and the sins of the world, and I will continue to develop gratitude for all of it.

It will take some work to be grateful for the humiliating financial situation, but I will learn.

Currently, my car is missing two windows on the driver's side. In fact, halfway through writing this diary entry, I had to run out and put it back into the garage. Forgetting that the open window meant that the seat would be WET from the heavy summer monsoon rain, I sat right down in it. 

After driving it into the garage, I had to change my clothes, as I was sopping wet! It is embarrassing to be driving a broken down old jalopy, missing hub caps and windows and turn signals. But what can I do?

So, I hobbled back into the house with my soggy butt and had to change clothes and hang the wet pants.

I will be advertising a GOFUNDME as soon as I get some idea of how much it will cost to get everything fixed. It just kills me to always have to beg. You'd think after two decades of disability, I'd be used to it by now - but no. Aside from the discomfort of begging, I find it rather awkward to be driving around in a car that is obviously ill cared-for. Caught between a rock and a hard place.

I worked my whole life so I could pay for the maintenance on my cars, and ever since I got to New Mexico. I've been having car problems. I took SUCH good care of the Toyota that I drove here but then some guy in a truck decided to back into my car without looking in his rear view mirror and accordion it while I was in it, and that was the end of THAT! Because the car was SO OLD, the insurance company would only give me $200.00 for it as a total loss! It did not matter how well cared-for it had been or what low mileage it had on it. 

Ever since I lost that really good, reliable car, It has been one ugly jalopy after another, because I was already disabled and would never again have the money to buy a decent car. If I sell my novel and get the movie rights sold, things may change. In the meantime, I ride jalopies.

What I could use is a van that I could drive my mobility scooter into, and I thought about trying for it again, but the last time I tried to pull the money together for that I got NOTHING for all my effort, so I am just praying to fix the jalopy I've got already, rather than advertise for what I really need because experience has told me I won't get it anyway. (My friend Jane would probably say I am being "negative" at this point, but I believe I know what to expect, based on the wisdom of long experience, so there is no point in disappointing myself unnecessarily.)

If you've a mind to help me before I get the GOFUNDME up and running, then I will very much appreciate a donation. You'll find a DONATION button underneath my photo, above right.

I know there are a lot more tragic stories floating around out there, but I need this just as much as anyone in my position would. I am disabled and cannot use public transport for MANY reasons, the sun van  buses for seniors is also impossible for me. I just cannot write the eight or ten paragraphs I would need to write to outline all the issues and the physical realities. So, while I do not drive much more than 1,000 miles a year, those miles are essential - because I have no other method of having that transportation. I have friends who take me to the eye doctor and the very rare lunch but there are certain short trips for which I just have to have a car. I live on a low retirement income that just doesn't cover car repairs. The last time I took the car in to be repaired, it cost an entire month's income. 

SO - I will get up the GOFUNDME as soon as I can. I am not feeling well at all and moving slowly. I am also working on some art and jewelry projects, which I have to finish and then try to sell, as well as start a Facebook page for them. It is going to take me some time to get all the projects up and running. Then there is the NOVEL I am still writing, albeit slowly. I will let you know when those things are ready for you.

In the meantime, if you are interested in watching that movie FATHER STU, you can rent it from Amazon:

 FATHER STU MOVIE HERE

If you would like to learn about my cousin, Henry II of Bavaria, here are a few good pages about him:

CATHOLIC ONLINE

WIKIPEDIA

BRITANNICA

Reading about Henry will disabuse you of the notion that saints are all perfect. Of course, most of the saints that REALLY appeal to me are a bit more perfect than our man Henry here - but it is very difficult to maintain perfection whilst embroiled in politics. Also, the separation of church and state is not considered a thing to be desired here in the USA, but Henry was appreciated by the church partly because of his involvement of the political world with that of the Catholic Church.

But I would remind people that when the Church WAS in charge in the political arena, it did a lot of horrible things in the name of God, so I rather think it obvious that too much power in the control of any institution is too much a temptation and should not be repeated.

Henry was ill for most of his reign. He also wanted to retire to a monastery but was rejected. And he was known to break out into Bible verse in the middle of a political speech. He accepted his role in life and brought his spiritual inclinations to the job he was given. He sounds to be quite something, and I wish I could have seen him. I count on meeting him in Heaven, when the time comes.

As for my mood, I don't much feel like crying at the drop of a hat any more.  It occurred to me that when one decides to dedicate the rest of their life to God, your life belongs to Him from then on and He can do whatever He likes with it. It seems bad manners to complain about his decisions after the fact. Otherwise, I have not GIVEN him anything, have I?

SURE, my life does not look like I planned it would, but whose plan is to be followed, anyway? I've decided to follow Father Stu's example and go one step further than accepting God's will for me life. I have decided to celebrate it just as it is, because the fact that it is what God has decided for me automatically makes it a wonderful thing.  Something good is going on.

So - that's my ramble for the next few days. Have a beautiful week , everyone, and God bless you all.

Silver Rose
Kaliprana
Silver Cottage Hermitage

SAINT MELITINA - SEPTEMBER 15

 

Saint Melitina

Today's saint is a woman about whom we know almost nothing except that she died sometime in the 2nd century, she was a virgin and a martyr. My guess is that she was likely very young, as were most of the martyrs in this era....at least the ones we know about.

I believe she is one of only two female saints on a day when there are more than a dozen celebrated on the official Catholic calendar. Some days, the paucity of female saints and the tiny bit of information available about those few women, irritates me. At worst, it depresses.

SAINT EANSWIDA AND THE MOST HOLY NAME OF MARY - SEPTEMBER 12

 

Saint Mary's Church

Folkestone

Bones of the saint found here

Also known as Eanswythe or Eanswith, she was the first female monastic in all of England, establishing a convent at Folkestone England in the 7th century.  She was the daughter of Kind Eadbald of Kent and, like most daughters of kings, she was sought as a marriage partner. In fact, a pagan prince came to Kent to ask her father for her hand, but she, of course, refused. These saintly ladies wanted nothing to do with marriage, most of them. 

Eanswida remained at her abbey her entire life, but her monastery was abandoned before the 10th century, as it had begun to be disintegrated by the action of the ocean waves. An attempt was made to rebuild it in 1095, but that also proved to be no match for the sea.

Folkestone Priory, a new foundation in this area, was established in 1137, and I believe it is still there. In fact, I seem to remember a Facebook acquaintance mentioning it, as she lived in that town, a lovely quaint English town. Of course, the priory went the way of the rest of the Catholic establishments in England and is now part of the Church of England, Folkestone Parish Church.

Recent osteoarcheology has found the bones of this young saint, who died in her early 20's, and studies are ongoing, which is rather exciting. I am including a link to an article in THE GUARDIAN about how her bones were found:

GUARDIAN ARTICLE OF THE DISCOVERY OF HER BONES

I am related to her, marginally, as I am to most of the obscure English saints that are descended from nobility. There was so much intermarriage, you know, that I am a cousin to myself 100 times over, as are many Americans whose ancestors arrived in this country from England in the 17th century.

THE FEAST OF THE MOST HOLY NAME OF THE MOST BLESSED VIRGIN MARY

Today is also a Marian Feast Day celebrating the Most Holy Name of the Most Blessed Virgin Mary and there is a lot of information online about it.

Silver Rose

SAINT ROSE OF LIMA - AUGUST 23

 

Saint Rose of Lima

[b. Isabel Flores de Oliva]

(1586-1617)

Patron of Latin America and the Philippines

Saint Rose of Lima is one of the saints I love and, although a few days will have passed before I have the time to finish this blog post, thereby "missing" her feast day of August 23, I am going to write about her nonetheless.

Born in Lima to a Creole mother and a Portuguese-born father of no particular distinction, a member of the cavalry of the day, Isabel Flores de Oliva developed into an intensely religious child. Even in infancy, there were remarkable signs attendant on her. A servant saw the child's face turn into a rose and told everyone of this so that it became her nickname, which she took formally when she was confirmed in The Faith.

Catherine of Sienna captured the young girl's imagination, and she tried to copy her ascetic practices, such as fasting three days a week. There were also "severe penances" practiced in secret, behind closed doors. I am not sure what those practices were and how anyone knew of them, but in any case, this is where any similarity between myself and this lovely saint quickly falls by the wayside because, aside from offering up the constant pain of my physical conditions, I have no interest in increasing my pain and discomfort. Like most human beings, I do what I can to avoid extra pains, as I feel I have quite enough coming to me already. 

In particular, the enjoyment of food is something I have never been able to curtail, which has resulted in my zaftig physique. In fact, by the time I was five, my mother was calling me "fat" and this is the way I have remained for the majority of my life (except for about 7 years when I made what seemed to me to be a HUGE effort and I was substantially thinner.) I have been told by a few doctors that the abuse I endured as a child is largely responsible for this excess adipose tissue, but there remains the conviction in my mind that if I was really religious I would be able to get a handle on this problem. However, I am not dead yet, and we shall see if I am ever able to conquer this defect and follow the examples set by many of our saints.

There are all sorts of things to make Saint Rose dear to our hearts. She rebelled against the common practice of the day and refused marriage, preferring instead to stay home and commune with the Lord, engaging in spiritual practices under the disapproving eyes of her parents who preferred to have married her off. But all she wanted was union with the Divine.

Contrary to the imaginations of some, spiritual people who reject the usual parade of husband, children and grandchildren, will typically have some work to do. They don't float around their homes, toes inches from the floorboards. Labor is a healthy aspect of life, the need for which is shared by secular folks and monastics alike. In some of the icons painted of this saint, she is sewing.

Now, sewing is one of my creative outlets, in addition to being a wonderfully FUNCTIONAL skill to have. At this moment, I have about 20 yards of linen waiting for me to unroll it, wash, cut and sew it! When I see even a very pedestrian activity like this in one of our saints, my attention grabs onto it. Anything that will help me to feel confident that I can follow the path of the mystics is important to me. Saint Rose worked at embroidery in order to help support the family, but of course it did not provide the kind of income that comes with a wealthy and/or hard working son-in-law, and I don't imagine Rose's parents were at all mollified by whatever small sums were brought into the household as a result of her work.

Any person who displays a radical disparity between the family traditions and expectations and their own is going to be the object of constant pressure and sometimes ridicule within the family structure, even a devout Catholic family. Not every family wanted their children to become nuns, priests or some other kind of monastic. I am guessing that they may have been counting on the small dowry and the relief of having one less mouth to feed when their daughter reached marriageable age and a man took her out of this household, but there is also this tendency in human beings to try to force the nonconforming child into the mold of their tribe.

Further thoughts on this saint will be added at a later date.

Silver Rose

SAINT LIMBANIA - HERMITESS - AUGUST 16

 

SAINT LIMBANIA

Virgin, Hermitess

This post is a place mark, for the insertion of text at a later date.

King Saint Stephen I of Hungary - August 16

Saint Stephan of Hungary

977-1038

Saint Stephan was the husband of my first cousin, 29 times removed - Gizela von Bayern. They were the parents of Saint Emeric. I get a kick out of the variety of people to whom I have some familial connection. We call him a "shirt tail relation" when the person is related to us by marriage.

He was raised a Christian, as the son of a Magyar Chieftain named Geza, and Stephan was estimated to be between 20 and 22 when he succeeded him and became the last Grand Prince of the Hungarians in 997. Just the year before, he had married my cousin, Gisela of Bavaria, the daughter of Duke Henry II of Bavaria. Shortly after succeeding his father, he became the first King of Hungary in the year 1000, anointed by Pope Sylvester II.

Stephan was a tremendous supporter of the Christian faith during his reign, warring against various tribes and chieftains, building churches, advocating for the rights of the Holy See, and fighting against the pagan reaction to Christianity. It was concerning to me that he is reported .to have forcibly converted the Black Hungarians and was rewarded for it by Pope Sylvester II.

I often try to emulate virtues of the saints that are celebrated for the day, but I believe I will leave off the forced conversions! Saints make heroic efforts toward the ideal, and often there are miracles associated with them, but no human being is perfect, and the saints are not immune from this common imperfection.

If even the saints have failings, we can acknowledge our own without getting hysterical about it. None of us is so great that we are expected to be flawless. We all just do the best we can and hope for the best.

The way I figure it, if I can find a way to draw close to the saints, make them real to me and find some link to them, the inspiration may be greater. And I need all the help I can get. Sometimes, finding a point of commonality with a saint like King Saint Stephen of Hungary can be a challenge. I typically gravitate toward the mystics, the hermits and the anchoresses.  Contemplating Stephen's life story, I think I would like to emulate his strong faith, which he MUST have had in order to actually go to war over it, build churches and monastic institutions, and all the other efforts he made to normalize a new Christian culture in his country.

The Holy Right Hand of Saint Stephen of Hungary

Found to be incorrupt upon examination in his crypt

and thereafter "removed" and stored in this reliquary

Today I am coming to grips with some of my physical conditions that are gradually growing worse and making function difficult. I dropped my new computer last night and cracked the casing, so at only 3 months old, the poor baby has to go in to be fixed, which is terribly complicated because I have to back it up and encrypt it and arrange some kind of special security "key" to get back into it when it is returned to me. The man at Hewlett Packard who took my repair order has to call me back on Monday when the packaging is due to be delivered, and then he will walk me through it because I have hit the techno wall, something I thought would never happen.

I am breaking a lot of things lately. The long-term carpal tunnel syndrome has reduced the feeling in my fingers and makes me drop a lot of things. I can't count the number of phones I have cracked.

I used to get really mad at myself every time I dropped something or broke another phone, but I have decided to accept the reality of my situation. I am not being careless. I am not doing it deliberately. I am just old and broken - very broken, in some regards. I USED to be quite graceful, but no more. I have to accustom myself to the new reality and just deal with it. I am full of flaws, and there's little I can do about it. I used to be much more in charge of the direction of my life, but with the disabilities and aging, this is no longer the case.

Meanwhile, I hope you are enjoying these diary entries that juxtapose the saints with my daily doings. I hope to bring you into my life in these musings. I know I have nothing particularly grand to expound, but we are all together in this ordinary, daily grind of life, and it is in the ordinary production of our duties that we exhibit our faith. Saint Stephen did this in his kingly way, dealing with matters of state. and we do the same thing, but on a much less grand scale.

I hope this day finds you happy and serene.

God bless you all.

Silver Rose

Copyright (c) 2021

All rights reserved.

OUR LADY, REFUGE OF SINNERS - AUGUST 13

When I was in the Vedanta (Hindu) convent, I distinctly remember reading in many of the publications the idea that there is no such thing as sin. This was a popular idea among them, developed in many lectures, books and advertisements. Their theology is much different in this respect than the Catholic faith.

Purely from a psychological perspective, it may sound like a relief to have our sins dispensed with so easily - by pretending they don't exist - but it seems to me that being reminded that humans are not perfect goes a long way toward helping us cultivate humility, which is an absolutely necessary virtue for anyone who is serious about their spiritual life - no matter which religion has captured your heart.

"Humility is the foundation of all the other virtues hence in the soul
in which this virtue does not exist there cannot be any other virtue
except in mere appearance."

- Saint Augustine

It's obvious to most of us that if we can make an honest appraisal of ourselves in preparation for confession, it's very helpful to establish ourselves in Truth. If you don't know that you need forgiveness, you won't seek a refuge. You won't feel the need, and that would be a mistake because you lose the psychological advantage of being able to wipe the slate clean and start fresh. As long as our repentance is honest and sincere, we get unlimited "do overs."

To be clear, humility is not the smarmy display of self-loathing or obsequiousness that is sometimes exhibited by con artists hoping to create the false image of humility in order to use others for their own purposes. Humility is not a personality trait of the bashful, "aw-shucks" kind that we sometimes see. Nor does it require that we pretend we know nothing, or that we have no experience or expertise in any topic, because that would not be True, and Truth is something that The Divine wants to see in us.

As a very holy person once told me, humility is the correct appreciation for one's own strengths and weaknesses. His prescription was to compare our positive traits to those of The Lord in order to keep things in perspective. We are good, but we can never be SO good that it rivals the glory of God. I have found this advice very helpful over the years, especially since there are some so-called "spiritual" people who try to manipulate others by insisting that you become submissive to THEM. Religious institutions are not immune from people looking to advance their own status, from the smallest cult to the largest world religions, this will always be the case.

Why the meditation on humility? Because this week, on August 13, we honor Our Lady in the form of the "Refuge of Sinners" and I feel the need to prepare just a little bit in order to take advantage of it.

Christianity is partially built upon the Old Talmudic Laws of the Jews. In the kingdoms of Israel and of Judah, there were six cities of refuge where you could go and claim asylum if you had committed accidental manslaughter. Maimonides applied this concept to include all 48 of the Levitical cities. This is a simplistic explanation of an ancient process which harkens back even further to the time before the "one true God" to the days when various deities had certain territory and the cities in those territories were automatically cities of refuge for anyone belonging to that God. "Sanctuary" was claimed from a small area around the altar of that God and eventually to the entire city of that God. This caused obvious problems, as these cities became hotbeds of crime, so that eventually only 6 cities were officially recognized as legitimate cities of sanctuary. This is the background for the concept we are dealing with when using this name of Our Lady as the "Refuge of Sinners."

But, in the Catholic faith, Mary is the sanctuary - not the God. There is a tremendous amount of confusion about this, as outsiders see our devotion to her as a sign that she is a God of some type, an idea which is completely without merit. Mary intercedes for us with The Lord and walks with us, holding our hand as a mother would, accompanying us and adding her pleas and her tears to our own. In the rosary, we ask her to pray for us:

"Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now

and at the moment of our death. Amen."

We love Mary, in imitation of how Christ loves her. She is an exemplar of an ideal disciple, and the perfect mother who gives birth to God and Man. If God trusts her to guide and protect his only son, He can trust her motherly hand with all his adopted children.

The Marian observance of Our Lady, Refuge of Sinners, is yet another lens through which I try to look at the world and my place in it, in addition to the process of my spiritual life. I find that the Marian observances and the feast days of the saints, as they appear on our calendar throughout the year, are worthy guideposts along the way. Each observance helps encourage me in my daily struggles.

Currently, I am dealing with some vulgar hate mail I received because of a woman I'd had to fire due to petty thievery and lying. The hate mail says they have been stalking me online, which isn't the first time, though receiving hate mail through the U.S. Postal system was a new twist in the story. It was also surprising to me that this woman continues to nurture hatred and retaliation against an old disabled lady she took advantage of. I've made sure that, if anything happens to me, the police have her name and the name of friends and relatives to investigate.

"Revenge not yourselves, my dearly beloved, but give

place unto wrath, for it is written: Revenge is mine,

saith the Lord." ~ Romans 12:19, 

Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition (DRA)

The most important thing I feel called to do under these circumstances, aside from ensuring my safety, is to FORGIVE these people and pray for their welfare, as we are called to do when faced with enemies intent on trying to hurt us. I will appeal to Our Lady, Refuge of Sinners, to intercede for me at the throne of God, but also I ask her to intercede for these people, as well. 

Forgiving these people and praying for them is an exercise in the humility I talked about earlier. I am not perfect. I crave the forgiveness of God for my own sins. How could I possibly place myself above the Lord and judge them harshly while expecting loving forgiveness from God for my OWN transgressions?

I am temperamentally inclined to wish for the happiness of all people, which makes it easier to forgive these folks and pray for them. Even before converting to Christianity, I knew that if I could not wish to see everyone in Heaven, I would be trapped by resentful attachment. My attention needs to be on The Lord - not on the evil that others may do. Even if I feel frightened or sad or damaged in any way by the cruelty of some other persons, I positively WILL myself to want their happiness and wellbeing. It is a decision, not a feeling, and nowhere in the scriptures can I find the assurance that I will feel great about deciding to pray for people who deliberately set out to wound me. You CAN forgive people and wish them well while feeling whatever emotion is real for you at the same time. They aren't mutually exclusive.

Don't think that it has not cost me. It isn't "easy" to forgive people who have tried to damage me after I have behaved in a loving way toward them. I have PTSD, and these kind of dark doings tend to set it off. It has been a challenge to assuage all the symptoms, as well as keep up my typical prayers and meditations. 

"Sin is what often divides family members, because sin is divisive

by nature - separating souls from God and from neighbor. But love

is unitive, and Our Lady of Refuge has such love for her sinful 

children, that she draws us all together around her, even with our

other differences intact, to partake of a common mercy."

~ Rev. John Henry Hanson, O. Praem.

I pray that you all have a wonderful week and that this Marian observance finds us all sheltered together under the mantle of Our Lady, the Refuge of Sinners. May she help to soothe all our hurts, fears and sinful souls, and may she stand before God and appeal to Him for our benefit.

Silver Rose

Copyright (c) 2021

All rights reserved

P.S. I am not an expert on this devotion, but if you would like to know more, please take a look at my reference list of links, below.

REFLECTION ON REFUGE OF SINNERS

TITLES OF OUR LADY FROM THE LITANY OF LORETO

OUR LADY, REFUGE OF SINNERS from Roman Catholic Saints

MARY, REFUGE OF SINNERS - Don Bosco College

FEAST OF OUR LADY, REFUGE OF SINNERS - Anastpaul.com

PRAYER TO MARY, REFUGE OF SINNERS - Catholic News Agency

HOMECOMING FOR THE CHILDREN OF GOD - Rev. John Henry Hanson, O. Praem.

SAINT MORWENNA - AUGUST 12 - BELOVED LOCAL HOLY WOMAN OF CORNWALL

Aerial view of the church at Morwenstow

and surrounding area.

I am particularly interested in obscure female saints whose background has something in common with mine or from whom I am descended. Sometime in the 6th century, today's saint settled in Cornwall, U.K., not far from where my Great Grandmother, Eliza Jane Oliver, was born. Saint Morwenna was born in Wales, to King Brychan, a legendary 5th century monarch of Breconshire in "mid Wales." (I also have familial ties to Wales, and am quite interested in that small country as well.)

King Saint Brychan

Morwenna's father is considered a saint, as are all 24 of his children (born by either 3 or 4 women, depending on the tale), and  there appears to be quite a bit of local enthusiasm and devotion for his memory, though little documentation of the facts. He was said to be an Irish prince who came to South Wales after his family "took charge" of the kingdom of Garthmadrun (now called "Brycheiniog in honor of this saintly king.) Local legend tells that he was both extremely pious and a good and generous ruler after the death of his father, but he was also fierce in battle, so it looks as if it was not a good idea to cross him. There are so many fascinating stories associated with him and his family that I could spend a good deal of time studying them, which I hope to do in future, but for today I will "stick with" his daughter Morwenna.

HENNACLIFF

After some time of schooling in Ireland, Morwenna lived at the hermitage of Hennacliff (the Raven's Crag) which was associated with the small town of Morwenstow, which translates to "Morwenna's holy place" and is at the top of a very high cliff that surveys the Atlantic Ocean and the perpetually stormy Atlantic sea. In a peculiar and almost magical atmospheric condition that occurs occasionally, one can just see the coast of Wales from this perch.

VIEW OF WALES FROM MORWENSTOW

Legend has it that the local people were extremely poor and could not afford to build a church or shelter for the traveling priests, so she built a rough church with her own hands by carrying stones up the steep cliff, and her iconography often makes reference to this. She stopped to rest at one point, and a spring is said to have gushed up from where she lay her holy head. This spring, which has run dry long ago, is just west of the church.

Icon of Saint Morwenna

carrying stones to build her church

Morwenna does not appear to have retained much of the resources or trappings of her royal birth, otherwise she would not have had to carry these stones herself in order to provide a church for the people of this area. Of course, this is not surprising, as she was unmarried, and women rarely (if ever) inherited much of any wealth from their fathers, which is why marrying off one's daughters was such a preoccupation of parents during this time. I am guessing that the hermitage was granted to her by her father, but I will have to search through all the myths and the mists of time to get an answer on that score.

Morwenna's Spring

(now dry)

I have found a lot of pictures of this area on the internet, and the stark beauty of this place is remarkable, inspiring many to both the heights of spiritual feeling and to beautiful reams of poetry. The poet Robert Hawker (1803-1875) was ordained in the English church in 1831 and was curate of the church at Morwenstow, where he remained until his death. (Prior to his residency, there hadn't been a vicar in that place for a century!) Of particular interest to me is that he became a Catholic on his death bed in 1875. So, here is another fascinating person that I need to add to the list of those I wish to study in future.

Church at Morwenstow

Parson Hawker gave Christian burial to shipwrecked seamen who washed up on the shores of his parish. Before his time, the sailors were either buried forlornly on the beach or, more often, left to the sea and its creatures. Hawker describes the celebrated shipwreck of the Caledonia in his book, Footprints of Former Men in Far Cornwall.

I would have loved to have known this eccentric man who loved bright colours. While most clergymen were wearing nothing but black, the only black he wore were his socks! From driftwood found on the beach, he built a hut ("Hawker's Hut") on Hennacliff, where he spent many hours writing poems and letters. 

When one imagines a hermitage, it looks FAR more like Parson Hawker's little driftwood shed than my city apartment in Albuquerque, but we contemplate where we find ourselves, and it's more important to consider what's going on inside the person's soul than the prettiness of the environment. Granted, it IS so much easier to meditate in a serene place with beautiful simple furnishings but our crosses are many and varied, each working together to render us humble in some fashion.

Hawker's Hut

As gorgeous as her hermitage in Cornwall was, Morwenna retained a great love for the Wales of her birth, and when she lay dying, she asked Saint Nectan to raise her up so she could see its lovely coast. She is buried at the church in Morwenstow.

On the north wall of the Morwenstow church there was discovered a painting of her, clasping a scroll to her chest with her left hand, and her right arm raised in blessing over a monk kneeling before her. The description of this image speaks to me of the regard in which people held this saint but also her vocation of hermit and selfless builder of the church.

Saint Morwenna lays her head down to rest

from her labors carrying stones uphill

and a spring gushes forth from that place.

To be a hermit is something that anyone can do. It is simply the vocation of someone who has decided to live apart from society for some time for the sake of God - to be in union with Him, typically immersed in long periods of silence. Like Saint Morwenna, hermits are not without work or labor of some sort, which depends on the particular charism of the hermit and the requirements of their condition, and they are not entirely without human companionship at all times. We are not allergic to other human beings. We are just living a life that naturally lends to spending more time alone with God than most people have.

One does not need permission to be a hermit or have this kind of vocation. It does not have to be officially recognized and there are no rules for this kind of thing except that one is living alone in a completely chaste and contemplative life without husband and children in tow, intentionally dedicated to God. There are some historical exceptions to this, such as when a mother and daughter decide to ban together and live a religious life, but it is typically done in a solitary fashion for large periods of time.

Hermits do not always maintain a lifelong vocation. Very often, hermits were followed into the wilderness and great monastic institutions sprang up. It depends entirely on circumstance and the will of God.

The baptistry at the church at Morwenstow

When I became disabled nearly 20 years ago, and it was apparent that I had to spend the rest of my life alone, without outside work, I decided to make lemonade out of lemons by dedicating my life to God as a hermit. I had not intended to become a hermit before that time. In fact, I had wanted to start a Catholic ashram, but God led me to this mode of expression of my faith and it has stood me in good stead. My "work" has been various, from writing this blog to painting religious art, and I expect that it will continue in that vein, unless and until God leads me to some other expression.

Reading about the lives of the saints who lived as hermits, especially the women, gives me encouragement and hope for my own vocation, since I have no support for it, financially, spiritually or emotionally. With the exception of my Social Security Insurance income, gathered from payments over three decades of work, I have nothing. It is up to me to keep up my spirits by seeking out the companionship of the saints like Morwenna.

Very often, people who are called to the eremitic life are unique personalities whose circumstances, talents and/or physical conditions would not be accepted by the Catholic officials. If you are a creative type like the colorful Parson Hawker who never wore black and was a celebrated poet, you will stand out like a sort thumb. I consider myself very similar to him in that regard. But he and Saint Morwenna were also compassionate people who dedicated a lot of their time to the welfare of the local people.

There are two Canon laws that allow for a hermit to take official vows "in the hands of" the local bishop, but one does not have to do so. As long as we don't represent ourselves as official representatives of The Church, it remains a personal, private religious vocation. I am Catholic and I am a hermit, but I am not an "official" Catholic hermit. This is exactly what Saint Morwenna did in her life - as did many other saints whose example I follow. It is a long tradition in the Catholic faith. 

Modern Catholics, so accustomed to family life and the contemporary parish setup, have a hard time understanding this vocation that was QUITE common throughout our history. Not everyone is destined for family life. In many cases, the saints lived a family life and then, on the death of their spouse, they retreated to a hermit style of life. Being a hermit is not equal to being a misanthrope, yet many people cannot imagine that a person who likes people could possibly be a hermit! I've gotten comments like that, over the two decades I have lived like this. Saint Morwenna, and those like her, keep me encouraged when no one else understands.

It is a challenge for a disabled person to live this vocation. Disability equates to poverty and lack of ability to do many things for oneself, so begging becomes part of the life. I worked for more than three decades, but my Social Security income is not enough for all my needs, so I find myself asking for help constantly. If I wasn't humble before, I sure have to be NOW. I have become a simple beggar, and there is nothing I can do to change it except for continue to work on my writing and my art and hope to improve the income into the hermitage. In the meantime, I have a GOFUNDME campaign, which you will find:

HERE - GO FUND ME CAMPAIGN

If you are unsure about donating money, which is understandable in this day and age, please go to my Amazon wish list. They have my address and will mail to me direct:

AMAZON WISH LIST

I encourage everyone who wants to follow the hermit path to get in touch with me. We may live alone but it does not mean we can't support one another in our vocation. I would love to hear about how you accomplish yours at home.

May God bless us all - hermits or housewives.

Silver Rose

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No use by other persons for any purpose under any conditions.

Saints Morwenna and Nectar

SAINT OLAF OF SWEDEN

 

Coin minted for

King Olaf of Sweden

c. 980-1022

FEAST DAY: JULY 30

My 32nd Great Grandfather

I am fascinated by my Swedish ancestors, such as today's saint, King Olaf Scotkonung, my 32nd great grandfather and the first Swedish ruler known to have ruled both the Swedes and the Geats (a northern Germanic tribe that are progenitors of the Swedes.)

King Olaf stands at the point in history where the Viking Age gives way to the Middle Ages, as the first Christian king of the Swedes. His line is where I get my 4% Swedish DNA, and, as one of the smaller percentages in my DNA profile, I know proportionately less about this ancestral line and culture than the others that are mostly based in the U.K. 

Researching today's Saint of the day gives me an opportunity to learn a bit about this grandfather and his cultural milieu.  Many Americans, if they are able to trace their ancestry professionally, may find that they are also descended from this great king. 

Sweyn Forkbeard, my 5th cousin, 32 times removed, was his step father. His biological father was King Eric the Victorious and his mother was said to be Sigrid the Haughty, though there is some dispute about that. Encyclopedia Britannica claims that his mother was a sister of Boleslaw, the Christian king of Poland (also a sort of shirt tail relation to me.) 

A fair amount is known about Saint Olaf, which can't be said about previous kings, so we are lucky in that regard. I can't do his memory justice in my little online diary blog, and I recommend researching him online, if he interests you.  (When researching, it is important to keep in mind that there ARE some sources online that have compounded THIS Olaf with another who ruled Norway, so care should be taken. There are also warring factions among the scholars, so it may take some unraveling. For our purposes, I am mostly interested in his religious life and how he became a saint.)

When Saint Olaf converted to Christianity, he was the last Scandinavian king to do so, though the old Norse beliefs persisted well until the 12th Century in some areas, and his people resisted any effort to force Christianity on them. The coin that was minted when he ascended to the throne seems to indicate that he was already a baptized Christian when he became King, but it should be noted that there are some conflicting stories about the circumstances and timing of his baptism.

TEMPLE AT UPPSALA

Olaf did try to have the pagan Uppsala Temple torn down, but there were so many citizens still very much practitioners of the old ways that he was not successful in doing so. 

"Catholic Online" website claims that King Olaf was "martyred at Stockholm by rebels because he refused to sacrifice to pagan idols," but this tale is specifically refuted in a Wikipedia page that claims the story is spurious. Certainly Saint Olaf did what he could to try to convert his country after becoming king.

Because I come from a very small family that was anti-religious, and I am therefore a convert to Catholicism, I am keenly interested in my ancestors in Heaven.  It is my understanding that we can just as easily ask our ancestors in Heaven to pray for us as we can our friends and loved ones here on Earth because people don't actually die. Our bodies disintegrate and return to the earth, and our spirits live on. It makes me tremendously happy to think that I can pray to my ancestors in Heaven so that they will intercede for me at the foot of the throne of God.

The story of my grandfather Olaf reminds me again of the topic of DESTINY also.  Are you born into a family of kings and queens, your destiny laid out before you? At the very least, the opportunities and resources are present for someone like Olaf. He was born to be king.

Sometimes I wonder what I was born to do, but none of us need to consider it, really. Each person is born with tendencies and talents, and it is from these, combined with our resources and opportunities, that we determine our earthly fate - but it does not determine our FAITH. Once again, it is the inner life where we have perfect freedom. We may be shackled by circumstances, as far as what we will DO with our lives, but our FAITH is a free choice, thanks be to God.

Silver Rose

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All rights reserved. May not be used for any purpose without
written permission from the author.