Our Lady of Mount Carmel - July 16, 2022

 

Our Lady of Mount Carmel

Feast Day - July 16th

I became aware of our Lady of Mount Carmel when I was 11 and had discovered the Carmel Mission in Carmel by the Sea, where I rode my Schwinn bicycle from our house in Carmel Valley. I've told various chapters of the story on this blog, but it pertains to today's blog, so I'll expand on it a bit.

As I have said before, my parents were extremely hostile toward religion, and Catholicism in particular, which is odd, because both family lines were extremely religious until my grandparents' generation and I am, in fact, descended from quite a few saints and a cousin to many others.

My grandparents, on my father's side, were not religious at all that I was aware of. They had very difficult peasant lives in the mountains of Northern Italy, with rather brutal parents of their own, who came to America and struggled to put together a life as immigrants, then farmers in the U.S. I will assume that previous generations probably had very strong Catholic background.

My mother's line, however, which I have traced back to the first couple hundred years after Jesus, is full of actual saints, both in my direct ancestry and with a lot of cousins also.  There are dozens, actually. But something happened in the time of the great grandparents in which religion was not a feature.

My mother and her parents and some grandparents were heavily involved in Freemasonry. Uncles and cousins in that family line were likewise involved, with several holding leadership positions.

Carmel Mission

Carmel, California

National Historic Monument

Founded June 3, 1770

Photo by Burkhard Mucke

I have just recently learned from a prominent exorcist that Freemasonry may have some demonic elements to it, though I haven't studied this aspect of things and, as I faithfully steer clear of anything smacking of cosmic controversy, I can't comment about it. My grandmother was a member of the Order of the Eastern Star, and my mother was in Rainbow girls. They took it very seriously and never would discuss ANYTHING about those closely related organizations with me because of vows of secrecy they took.

The Catholic Church believes Freemasonry to be antagonistic to the principles of the Catholic Faith and that their principles and rituals are "irreconcilable with the doctrines" of the faith. (Wikipedia)

Wikipedia: PAPAL BAN ON FREEMASONRY

Catholic.com: What Does the Church Say About Freemasonry?

THE ACCIDENTAL HERMIT "ACCIDENTALLY" FINDS CARMEL

You know, I found the Carmel mission entirely by accident. I had no idea what a "mission" was. I was just riding my bike one day, and there it was. I wandered inside and became enthralled - and that was the beginning of my love of Our Lady of Mount Carmel and the contemplative life that her order supports, exemplifies and protects. And the Catholic contemplative life NEEDS protecting because a good portion of the Church appears to have entirely forgotten its mystical heritage. The Carmelites and other contemplative orders keep this heritage alive, often in a very hidden fashion.

I have often meditated on the significance of my "finding" the Carmel Mission and my subsequent correspondence with the cloistered nuns nearby, and I am sure that I was led there through Divine Intervention. I strongly suspect that my saintly ancestors, as well as Our Blessed Mother in Heaven, and our Heavenly Father, all cooperated to bring me to the foot of the cross, where Mary also stands, to begin my contemplative journey. 

All of these were, no doubt, anxious to return my family to the love of God they had enjoyed for centuries.

When my father and my mother forsake me

then the Lord will take me up.

Psalm 27:10

MY HOLY FAMILY OF SAINTS IN HEAVEN

When I learned that I am descended from many remarkable saints, I gradually became convinced of their heavenly assistance, in lieu of my parents who were absorbed with their own issues. 

I have felt the Divine Accompaniment and influence in my life, but I grew to understand it only during the last 20 years of my hermit sojourn. I rely upon the love and guidance of my sainted great grandmothers and great grandfathers, as well as the friendship and examples of my divine cousins to get me through an extremely difficult set of life circumstances which started with a cruel mother and an absent father, followed by a series of puzzling pieces of "bad luck," several near-death experiences, and for the last 20 years has been marred with chronic illness and pain, mobility difficulties and growing blindness. I have lost most of the vision in my left eye and am scrambling to retain what remains in the right.

I did not know about my sainted ancestors and cousins until I had been researching my ancestry for more than 30 years, and the internet became available for more in-depth research.

Saint Margaret of Scotland statue

My 29th great grandmother

Here are some of the ancestors, not in any particular order:

• Saint Olga of Kyiv "Equal to the Apostles" is my 34th great grandmother, and the patron saint of converts
• Saint Margaret of Scotland, English Plantagenet princess, Queen and wife of King Malcolm of Scotland, is my 29th Great Grandmother.
• Saint and King Louis IX, of France, is my 4th cousin (22 X removed) was closely allied with the Carmelite Order, interestingly enough.
• Saint Ida of Lorraine is my 33rd great grandmother.
• Saint Ferdinand III of Castille is my 25th great grandfather.
• Saint Adella Capet, is my 27th great grandmother.
• Saint Alfred the Great, King of England, is my 33rd great grandfather
• Saint Ealhswith, Alfred's wife and queen, is my 33rd great grandmother.
• Saint Clothilde, Queen of the Franks, is my 42nd great grandmother.
• Saint Hedwiga of Germany, is my 32nd great grandmother.
• Saint Adela of Normandy, daughter of William the Conqueror, is my 25th great grandmother.
• Saint Dode, the Abbess of Saint Pierre de Reims, is my 41st great grandmother
• Saint Edgar "The Peaceful," King of England, is my 33rd great grandfather.
• Saint Begga of Landen is my 38th great grandmother.
• Saint Doda of Metz is my 38th great grandmother.
• Saint Arnulf of Metz (Doda's husband) is my 38th great grandfather
• Saint Aelfgifu (Elgiva), Queen of England, my 34th great grandmother.
• Saint Alfred the Great, my 33rd great grandfather.

I am still learning about these saints and trying to keep the details of their lives in memory, but have not committed much of it to memory yet. I will work on that and also may write a little book about them if I can think of a cohesive concept for it.

THE BATTLE I AM FIGHTING

How could I NOT be Catholic with all of these ancestors and relatives looking after me? The answer, of course, is that after winning over THIS family line, cutting off the family line from all those beautiful saints, first with my great grandparents, and then grandparents and my parents, my attraction for The Faith enraged The Evil One.

I have been tormented in retaliation for my devotion to God - because I am quite sure that my mother and father were surrounded by demons. They certainly lived as if they were. Just as Satan tempted Jesus in the desert, he and his demon pals whisper into the ears of humans any thought or idea they can imagine in order to encourage us to reject God as they did, to disobey God, and to hurt people.

When I was a little girl, I was mystified by the cruelty with which I was treated by my parents. I was good. I knew I was good. I never skipped school. I got good grades. My room was always clean and my bed was always made. I was talented and produced beautiful artworks. I was polite. But I was continually tormented.

My mother, a disabled woman with physical and mental weaknesses, was susceptible to the methods of Satan. 

THE PURPOSE AND METHODS OF SATAN

In the book, Manual for Spiritual Warfare (Paul Thigpen, TAN Books, (c) 2014) the author explains these methods. He tells us that the purpose of Satan and his Demons is to "see as many human beings as possible join them in rebelling against God - and in their everlasting misery separated from Him in Hell." 

They are creatures originally created by God to be Angels, but they rebelled against God. Why would any creature do such a thing? I think it is probably ego. Satan and his minions crave the obedience, devotion and love given to God. It is the supernatural version of worldly jealousy and desire for power.

When Satan and the other angels were created, they were given free will, just as God's human children were. In order to truly love God, it must be a choice, otherwise it is slavery. So, there is this great battle going on the spiritual plane that affects our activities here on earth. 

HOLINESS REPAID WITH MALTREATMENT

My entire life, from childhood onward, I have been the recipient of all sorts of evil that Satan and his dark little pals could inspire humans to do. For so long, I wondered why it is that the more loyal to God I became and the more spiritually inspired I was, the worse I was treated by all sorts of people. My "reward" for holiness appeared to be punishment. I could not understand it. In strictly human terms, it gave me a whopping big case of PTSD, and I am handling that with medical care and coping mechanisms. But the evil that inspired humans to  assail me has its roots in Satan's fury.

I now understand what has been happening all these years and just how high the stakes are. My holy family, chock full of saints, going back hundreds and hundreds of years, is under attack and has been for quite some time.

FORGIVENESS AND REPARATION

This is why it is so important to offer up all the sufferings I endure and, instead of succumbing to the disillusionment I have felt as a result of my fellow co-religionists' heresies and hatreds, I have to pray for them with much more fervor and understanding than I previously had. Unbeknownst to them, they have entered into a bargain with Satan. Jesus's admonition to pray for one's enemies takes on fresh context.

Have you ever wondered about YOUR ancestors in Heaven? Does it not occur to you that they may be in Heaven, on their knees before God, interceding on your behalf?

INTRODUCTION TO CONTEMPLATIVE LIFE

By the time I found myself at the Carmel Mission, my parents had already been divorced about five years, and a parade of predatory men had begun to filter into my mother's household. My father, in turn, was pursuing scores of would-be starlets and was never faithful to any of them, married or not. I had terrible examples of family life and was treated cruelly by my mother.

In contrast, the peace and blessedness that I felt when I walked into the mission struck me powerfully. I felt subsumed in the enormity of the Love of Christ....taken up into a foretaste of Heaven. I can say that now, but at the time I had no words for it. I did not even understand it. I just experienced the bliss.

This is the tiny little store in the Mission

The man behind the counter was my angel. He gave me all sorts of little bookmarkers, prayer cards, 3rd class relics. I don't know if I even knew his name, but he was so kind to me! That man was my introduction to Catholicism. I doubt he ever had the slightest inkling how very important he was in the scheme of things. I did not receive much kindness in my life - and certainly no love, except for the occasional attention of my beloved grandmother who lived in San Francisco and I rarely got to see. 

I was a sponge for the Divine Love that permeated that blessed place and the simple human kindness of that nice man behind that counter. It makes me happy to imagine him in Heaven, gazing on the beatific vision for the rest of eternity. You know, it only takes a little bit of kindness to make a world of difference to a person. That man is partially responsible for my becoming Catholic and he doesn't even know it - or perhaps he does now. I doubt he is still on this earth.

One of the items he gave me had the address of the Carmelite nuns on it, and I ended up corresponding with the nuns of the cloistered Carmelite convent affiliated with that mission.  They sent me pamphlets about the holy life of Carmel - the life of silence and prayer. It sounded like Heaven to me!

My mother quickly put an end to it though. She was absolutely furious that I had started writing them! But I was able to stay with them just long enough for my heart to catch fire with the inspiration of the contemplative life and that is what I needed, evidently.

Of course, it took me some time to find my way to the Catholic faith. The people in our faith are remarkably fond of rejecting anyone that appears to be different to what they're used to. My mother was right when she said I would be rejected by them, but it was not for the reason she thought it was. But I just kept pursuing it and here I am, living as a religious hermit, no less, devoted to the faith and still feeling the bliss!

SATAN ATTACKS THE CHURCH FROM WITHIN

Although I am a Catholic in good standing, to this day I have been unable to find a parish where I have not been subjected to "surprisingly" bad treatment. This has been, at times, superficial, pertaining to me alone, but in most cases it reflects a trend in the church, in general. The church is bleeding members. 

Non-Catholics, when they learn I am Catholic, assume that I share the pro-Trump, "force and punishment" authoritarian model of politicized evangelization to which many of my co-religionists subscribe and advertise on social media like Facebook, and they rake me over the coals accusing me of supporting all sorts of things I do not support. It's like a war. "If you're not with us, you're against us."

Meanwhile, my fellow Catholics, when they learn that I disapprove of Trump's methods, treated me harshly. People I loved very much shunned me. It was brutal. I think I have one Catholic friend who voted for Trump. The rest were very clear that they no longer wanted to know me if I did not support Trump. In the past, friends had occasionally drifted away, when I left the state or converted from Hinduism to Catholicism, but I have never experienced anything like the verbal assaults I got from the people who threw me over for Trump.

Invisibility is another way of disheartening a Catholic who tries to make connections with their parish, with no luck. For example, I have spoken to the office of my current parish many times, explaining I am blind in one eye and it is hard to read the parish bulletin online. They will send me a bulletin for 2 or 3 weeks, and then it stops. I call again. Same thing happens. After 4 or 5 efforts, one DOES give up. At times, I have called, only to be told that I am not registered with the parish! I AM registered with this parish, but Satan can and does mess with the perceptions or he will distract a person,

When I was pursuing "official" status as a Diocesan Hermit, I can't tell you how many phone calls I made to the Bishop's office. I spoke to the right people and said the right things. I was promised return phone calls that never happened. First one bishop, then the next bishop. I have a friend who claims that this invisibility is partially because I am poor and have no money to offer and I have no family in the church and no one to advocate for me. I can't say whether or not that is true, but money does seem to have that effect on people.

In a church that has lost its respect for the contemplative life, the idea of a woman living as a religious hermit is often met with derision. One very worldly priest once told me "don't tell anyone you're a hermit because they'll think you're a kook!"

The adoration of Trump is not something I share, and the politicization of American Catholicism is not something I appreciate. But if it was not this it would be something else because it is in Satan's best interests to keep me as far from other Catholics as possible in his effort to break me away from the faith and to break the faith itself by perverting it.

I feel very sorry for all the other cousins of mine who are likewise descended from this family line of saints. I can well imagine the difficulties they endure.

Satan has been busy attacking Holy Mother Church for centuries. The relatively recent pedophilia scandals are just one of the latest campaigns of his. 

I would venture to say that most Catholics do not believe in the existence of Satan and his demons, primarily because they are not educated in the nature of those creatures and they have been influenced by all sorts of fanciful movies and books that feature demonic personalities.

Icon of the descent of Christ into Hell

Thinking of Satan as a person like a human person is usually the first mistake they make. Satan was created as an angel. We have to remember that. I recommend reading the book I mentioned, above.

Also remember that Jesus spoke about Satan and Hell many times.

WHY I PRAY FOR THOSE THAT HURT ME

If people who hurt me are in league with the Devil, why should I pray for them?

To be under a lifetime of attack by Satan is probably the worst thing that can happen to a person EXCEPT for the fate of those people who, through Satan's influence, have done his work and attacked me, stolen from me, lied about me, were cruel to me, etc. The consequences for them are far worse than the discomfort I have experienced, which is exactly why Jesus told us to pray for those that harm us!

To ally oneself with evil is to choose Hell. Even those who do not understand that they have made a tacit pact with the Devil are consigning themselves to Hell because they have chosen evil. But many folks these days tell themselves that there is no Satan, there is no Hell and there are no consequences for choosing evil, which is wishful thinking. Jesus spoke about hell more than any other topic. Unless those nay-sayers think Jesus is a liar, they had better reconsider this opinion that only Jesus, God and Heaven exist, but not the rest of it.

One woman who stole from me then lied about it once told me that Jesus was going to let her into heaven whether she lied or not - that lying was no big deal and it was "just a story." She did not appear to understand that choosing evil is choosing Hell. Jesus does not send us there. We do that ourselves.

SIN OF PRESUMPTION

So I pray for the welfare of all these people who deliberately harm me. I can't imagine how horrible it will be for them to endure eternity without God. I hasten to say, however, that I dare not presume to know the mind of God or to know whether or not, in His infinite mercy, he may not allow anyone and everyone into Heaven, whether they repent of their sins or not. This is not for me to say. I do recognize that presumption upon God's mercy or lack thereof is a terrible sin, in itself, so I am not positively asserting that any person is destined absolutely for Hell. I just don't like the idea of anyone going to Hell and, in the tradition of intercessory prayer, I choose to offer up my pain and suffering in reparation for my own sins and for the sins of those who have hurt me, in imitation of what Jesus did for all of us.

The church folks who have tried to make me leave the faith because of Trump will get many prayers said on their behalf. The priest who gathered an audience around himself, then told a long and vulgar "joke" about the size of my derriere, complete with pantomimes, is in dire need of my prayers. Parishioners who laughed at the joke about the size of my derriere and did not defend me - they are in need of my prayers. The neighbors that have stolen from me. The neighbors that attacked me in a gang. The thieves who broke my car windows and stole everything within the vehicle. The people who spread untrue rumors about me. Those who caused my father's death. The people who stole my inheritance. All of them are in great need of my prayers. I have only lost money, comfort, reputation, and the peaceful enjoyment of my living space. They have lost everything of value.

At this point in the narrative, one could not be blamed for thinking that this writer has got a screw loose and the reason for her bad luck is because of that. I don't blame you. I did wonder about that myself, early in my Catholic life. But I realized that the more holy, honest and ethical I became, the more bad things happened to me. I was being punished every time I turned toward the good. On the other hand, every time I let up on my spiritual disciplines, relaxed my schedule, gave in to small temptations, I was "rewarded" with lucky turns of fate. It became obvious to me who was to blame for all the bad luck. I was doing all the right things and getting the wrong results. It was not me. It was Satan, trying to get me to lose heart and to give up on chasing good. Instead, he was encouraging me to choose the bad.

GOD BRINGS ALL THINGS TO THE GOOD

God's goodness is so complete that He is able to bring the greatest good out of the greatest evil. Satan's efforts to get me to abandon the faith by tormenting me through Catholics and others has boomeranged on him. Instead, I am more determined than ever to remain within the bosom of The Church and to devote myself even more to my contemplative practices. If that makes me a "kook," so be it.

I write all this in the context of our Lady of Mount Carmel because the Carmelites probably know more about intercessory prayer and the necessity for contemplative practices for the purpose of union with God than any other order or system of thought in The Church, and it is through my early exposure to Carmel that I was able to gear my life toward religion from an early age.

Of course, it took me a long time to get into the Catholic Church, first as a result of my parents' interference, and then as a result of The Church itself. I've told the story many times about how I left the Hindu convent to become Catholic and the nun that ran the RCIA class would not allow me to be baptized because she had this crazy idea that my divorce of a non-sacramental marriage had to be "annulled" before I could be baptized, contrary to all "rules" of The Catholic Church. 

I was living a perfectly chaste life and intended to join a Catholic Convent - Definitely in a "state of grace" - but she could not see it.  In fact, she seemed really angry with me for being a divorced person. How DARE I presume to live like a non-Christian person before I became a Christian? Her attitude seemed to be that I needed to be punished for having been divorced and I had to pay the price of spending "many" years appealing for an annulment of my non-sacramental marriage in order to make up for it. THEN she deemed I would be worthy to receive BAPTISM. I knew enough to tell her that this was not the rule of the church, but I could not get her to see it. She just got more and more huffy and angry with me. This is exactly how Satan tries to keep people away from the church. He appeals to the ego and the anger of minor functionaries in the institution.

Rather late in the game, I have realized that remaining Catholic is and will continue to be very painful and lonely, especially because I am physically disabled, half blind, and in chronic pain, all of which makes it difficult to travel. On top of my personal disabilities, all of us are dealing with Covid and its limitations as well. Satan is not going to give up his efforts to discourage me. He has put a lot of years and effort into disconnecting my family line of saints from The Church. He will continue to try to turn Church folks against me. 

So, if past experience is a predictor of what I can expect in future, the more effort I put into my spiritual practices, the more "bad luck" I can expect him to visit upon me. It will be stressful, but God will not allow it to break me.

I will pray for the strength to endure it, and I am thinking it is time to re-read the book of Job and related works to see what wisdom I may get from that. I continue to look to Our Lady of Mount Carmel for assistance with my contemplative practices, which typically provide relief.

THE PERFECT MODEL OF INTERIOR LIFE

The Wikipedia page about Our Lady of Mount Carmel says that "The Carmelites consider the Blessed Virgin Mary to be a perfect model of the interior life of prayer and contemplation to which Carmelites aspire."

Father Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalene de' Pazzi OCD, writes that "our Lady wants us to resemble her not only in our outward vesture but far more, in heart and spirit. If we gaze into Mary's soul, we shall see that grace in her has flowered into a spiritual life of incalculable wealth: a life of recollection, prayer, uninterrupted oblation to God, continual contact, and intimate union with Him."  Her soul is a "sanctuary reserved for God alone." Isn't that beautiful?

Prayer to Our Lady of Mt. Carmel:

O most beautiful flower of Mt. Carmel, fruitful vine,

splendor of Heaven, Blessed Mother of the Son of

God, Immaculate Virgin, assist me in my necessity.

O Star of the Sea, help me and show me you are my

Mother. O Holy Mary, Mother of God, Queen of 

Heaven and Earth, I humbly beseech you from the 

bottom of my heart to succor me in this necessity 

(make request). There are none that can withstand

your power. O, Mary conceived without sin, pray for

us who have recourse to thee. Sweet Mother, I place

this cause in your hands. Amen."

There are many gorgeous and educational things written about Our Blessed Mother, and her role as the Lady of Mount Carmel. Rather than trying to reinvent the wheel with my own version, I would like to spend the next few days in contemplation and meditation, honoring our Mother, seeking her wisdom and assistance with the many issues with which I am grappling these days, and expressing gratitude for her intervention in my life that day, so many years ago, when I wandered into the Carmel Mission.

SATURDAY IS OUR MOTHER'S DAY

You know, Saturday is typically HER day, and I think it is very special that the 16th happens to fall on a Saturday this year. I highly recommend saying at least a few "Hail Marys," if you can spare the time, and practicing the presence of God and the Saints.

If any of you are interested in learning more about the contemplative life and mental prayer, feel free to contact me through the comment function on this website or go to Facebook and look me up. I am happy to help.

Here are a few helpful web pages that talk about this special feast day:

Wikipedia

Franciscan Media

Catholic News Agency

Discalced Carmel

I will try to clear the decks tomorrow so that I can spend Saturday in my own private retreat, and I hope you are able to do the same.

May you all experience the bliss of union with God.

Please pray for me, as I pray for you.

May we all be blessed!

Mother Silver Rose

Sannyasini Kaliprana

P.S. All of the blog posts I write are independently researched and written by me and all of them are protected by legal copyright, so please just enjoy them here and leave them here where you found them and do not copy any of it to any other place for any purpose.

(c) Copyright 2022, Silver S. Parnell

All rights reserved.

CORPUS CHRISTI, A MOVEABLE FEAST, AND SAINT LUTGARDIS - JUNE 16, 2022

 

Corpus Christi is a "moveable feast." Today is the actual day, i.e., the Thursday just following Trinity Sunday UNLESS the Sunday after Trinity Sunday is free from another obligatory feast, which is the case THIS year, but Corpus Christi is such a pivotal and rather important aspect of our faith, that I tend to start on Thursday and maintain the mood through the next Sunday. In fact, the time period between Pentacost Sunday (which marks my entrance into the church) and Corpus Christi, has a deeply personal significance and cause for celebration for me.

Today is one of those days when I really wish that my physical condition was a bit better, just so I could attend church and have the blessing of the Eucharist. Of course, I do believe that, having received it once, it is of enduring benefit, but humans tend to appreciate the blessings that are repeated at regular intervals.

Because of Covid 19 pandemic, I have not tried to get anyone to visit me with the Eucharist on a regular basis. The last person who was bringing it started delivering it with the good news of Donald Trump instead of the day's Bible reading, and I objected to the substitution.

The Gospel reading for today is Matthew 6:7-15 in which He gives us the Our Father prayer and says that it is how we are to pray:

"Our Father, who art in Heaven

Hallowed be thy name

Thy kingdom come

Thy will be done

On earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread

and forgive us our trespasses

as we forgive those who trespass against us

and lead us not into temptation

but deliver us from evil."

Forgiveness of others is a wonderful message that is obviously extremely important to our Lord. Every time I ask something of God I remind myself to advocate also for those who have hurt me or others. To be able to put aside all resentment and the urge for retaliation is SO important. One cannot always enjoy the idea of repaying evil with good, but I can make that positive decision for it, regardless of feelings.

Every time this topic comes up, I have to work on my own capacity for forgiveness, especially with regard to some really big and shocking things done in a deliberate effort to hurt me and to also hurt my poor father who suffered from Alzheimer's and Parkinson's Disease. His whole life he said, "when I die, kid, you're gonna be rich!" He said it all the time. Provisions in his will reflected it, giving each of his daughters a third of his estate and another third for someone else.  It would have come in handy for someone like me who is disabled, but it is not what happened.

After my father got Alzheimer's he was taken to an attorney entirely unknown to him and I was written out of his will . Shortly thereafter, my poor father died under EXTREMELY suspicious circumstances.  His death certificate was signed by a quack doctor who later went to prison for writing prescriptions for patients he never saw!  I was not notified of my father's death until his body had been cremated, and it was too late for me to get the police involved. 

In the process of trying to get information about my father's suspicious death, I also learned about some outrageous lies that were told about me - to my father before he died, and to family after the fact. Supposedly, I had called and screamed at this person, when telephone records will confirm that this never happened. I DID try many times to reach my father, leaving concerned messages, but I never heard back. I did not realize that my messages were being erased by someone else.  I did not know that my father had dementia or that he was being told lies about me in order to position him into an emotional state that would allow someone else to write me out of his will.  During this time, that person ALSO contacted me and told me, "your father does not love you. He used to have a picture of you by the bed, but he threw it away."

The person responsible for this was obviously trying to manipulate my father (and everyone else) before his death and cover their tracks afterwards.  They were successful in this, as many people are because, face it, Americans don't really care about disabled people or old people. A LOT of people think it is perfectly OK to kill a person with dementia. They say things like, "he wouldn't want to live like that." I know my father really well, and he definitely would not want to be killed. He would expect that people he took care of with the money earned from his hard work would, in turn, take care of him until his natural death. But when the money is rushing out the door for 24 hour, around-the-clock care, certain types of people start to say that "ending his (or her) misery" is the compassionate thing to do.

Every year around this time, I have to endure the emotional distress surrounding the suspicious circumstances of his death. It aggravates my PTSD something fierce. I have this vision in my mind of my father being moved into a room by himself, given an overdose of some medication from that quack doctor, the same doctor who later signed the death certificate, and then he was allowed to struggle and die, alone and unloved. And there is nothing I can do about it because his body was cremated before I knew anything. I was 3 states away, disabled and poor, without the wherewithal to travel to see him.

Imagine the type of personality who could plan and then carry out something like this! Yet, I can freely write about it because it is so common that my description could describe any one of thousands of people who met their death in the exact same way, under the exact same circumstances. These days, our society counts it as a "favor" when disabled and demented people are "helped to die." Doctors are often 'in on' the schemes. The victim typically leaves money and property behind. How convenient.

Given all this, I often feel grateful to be poor. No one will be murdering ME for my money, because I do not have any. I own no property. I leave behind only bills.

To make matters worse, other family members intervened after my father's death and compounded the injury, benefitting financially with despicable machinations originally framed as something supposed to "help" me but which were designed to back me into a corner and rob me instead. This too is quite common. The moment someone dies, it is often the trigger for the worst character traits to suddenly come out by anyone involved. I wasn't expecting it because my mind does not operate in this way. It took me far too long to realize the grift that was being perpetrated on me, on top of everything else. This is the stuff of which murder mysteries are made.

I have learned from this experience and others that human beings "become" avaricious when someone dies. They're like cockroaches scavenging a dead bug. It is a perfect example of why humans need the forgiveness of God and why having money is more of a curse than a blessing.

It is not easy to pray for the welfare of people responsible for heinous acts against myself and people I love, but I can decide to forgive without feeling happy about it. I keep having to make that decision, over and over again, every year around the anniversary of my poor father's death - chipping away, each time, at the tendency for unforgiveness. The happiness I do feel is in obeying the commandments of my Lord. He will deal with the cruel perfidious people responsible for everything that happened to my Dad and all the other dads that meet their fate in that way. Life is short, but eternity is very very long.

The Feast of Corpus Christi is the celebration of the Eucharist, so I plan to watch mass online and take advantage of spiritual communion. I am exhausted from the aftereffects of the booster shot I received yesterday. I can barely move, but I have many things to do. I pray for the energy to do what is necessary.

Saint Lutgardis

b. 1182

d. 16 June 1246

Today is also the feast day for Saint Lutgardis, who is the patron saint for people who suffer from blindness, disability, handicaps, and physical challenges, which is right up my alley, isn't it?

When she was only twelve years old, she was placed in a convent because her family had "lost" her dowry in a failed business deal, and there was no hope of finding her a good marriage. It is SO sad to read these stories about how women were treated as property until a very short time ago. Here in America, for instance, a woman could not have a credit card in her own name until the 1970's, nor could she sign pretty much any legal document without a co-signature from her father or her husband.

In the Middle Ages, when Lutgardis lived, a family had to PAY a man to take their daughter off their hands. Women were considered a burden on the family and, in the case of poor families especially, a useless extra mouth to feed. It didn't matter how much work a woman did in the household. She was never credited with the benefits of it. (To be fair, marriages were more credibly looked upon as the merging of two families rather than just individuals - and love matches were fairly rare.)

The ONE way a woman could be perceived as having any value was when she became a nun, but Lutgardis had little real interest in religion. An attractive young woman who enjoyed nice clothing and entertainment, she lived in the convent as if it was a private apartment, coming and going, hosting visitors, and generally being a scandal.  I suspect this was not an unusual state of affairs, considering the spot that women were in at that time. There were a LOT of children placed in convents who had not the slightest interest in any sort of religious vocation, but living as a nun was better than living in the world as an unmarried girl, which carried the weight of disgrace.

But suddenly, one day, while relaxing and enjoying conversation with a gentleman caller in the parlor, she was struck with a vision of Jesus Christ, showing his wounds to her. She dispensed with the ersatz lover and, from that point forward, she was transformed. Of course, the other nuns were skeptical, even after she made her solemn profession as a Benedictine. But she continued to have many visions of Christ, the Blessed Virgin Mary and St. John the Evangelist. When Pope Innocent III died, he came to her to thank her for her prayers and sacrifices that she had offered for him while he was still alive.

Pope Innocent III

I love this story of Lutgardis being visited with mystical visions, despite being a pleasure-loving young woman. I relate to this very much, since I came to monasticism later in life. I find her a good example for me. I also love it that the Lord came after her and graced her with visions.  It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and will lead her

into the wilderness: and I will speak to her heart."

Hosea 2:14

Don't we all wish that the Lord would lure us away from the world and speak to our hearts in this way? Clearly he wanted Lutgardis for his own because he interfered with her flirtation with that young man in the parlor. I used to carry in my wallet a little slip of paper with this Bible passage written on it. Then I knew it by heart and gave it away to someone who needed it.

, 

Lutgardis is credited with having many mystical experiences, levitating into the air and a type of stigmata. When the Benedictine convent where she lived was trying to make her an abbess, she did not want the honor, and she shortly thereafter left them to join the Cistercians, which is an intensely contemplative order. Still, she became known for her spiritual wisdom and the miracles she performed. 

For 11 years before her death, she was blind. Macular degeneration is the principle cause of blindness in older age. It is the disease I have that has destroyed the vision in my left eye, and I would just bet that Lurgardis had this same disease. She was 64 when she died. It is interesting that she is a patron saint of blindness. I should remember to discuss my eyesight with her!

She deliberately refused to speak the French that was used among the Cistercians so that she could practice an extremely solitary and quiet life. She continued to receive visions of Christ and the saints.

She was one of the first saints to be devoted to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, and the first recorded mystical revelation of His heart was hers. 

In the 13th Century, she was QUITE popular, and she is memorialized in art by several prestigious artists. There is a statue of her made by Matthias Braun, and she was painted by Goya.  To this day she is revered as one of the more famous mystics of the 13th century.

Painting of Lutgardis by Goya

There are many more stories of the really remarkable mystical life of this unexpected saint, caught unawares by the grace of God, and I hope I have time to read more about her! 

Less than two years after her death, a book was written about her by Thomas of Cantimpre, a Dominican friar and theologian. 

Thomas Merton, one of my favorite contemplatives, wrote What Are these Wounds? The Life of a Cistercian Mystic: Saint Lutgarde of Aywieres (Bruce Publishing Company, 1950.)

This is one of the books on my Amazon wish list for books, which you can see:

HERE IS MY WISH LIST FOR BOOKS ON AMAZON

Today has not been terribly productive. I am having some side effects from the Covid 19 booster shot I received yesterday. All I have managed to do is fill out this year's paperwork for my apartment lease renewal, make my daily meal, and go to the bank and get a little grocery money. All of that is in addition to my study for today's saint of the day, etc.

I did spend a short time on Facebook where I wrote a little public service message about these infernal fake memes that attribute quotes to Pope Francis that are actually New Age messaging invented out of whole cloth by some scammer on the internet. People really need to get their quotes (and their facts) from reliable sources - and we all need to remember that just because it sounds good does not mean it is true!

Speaking of truth: I watched the "January 6th" hearing today and was surprised to learn that nearly every close advisor in the Trump administration told him that "the big lie" was, well... a big lie... and that there was no legal way to force Pence to throw out the electors chosen by the people. Even after the mob had started killing people and were chanting, "hang Mike Pence," with a gallows in the background to emphasize the point, Trump egged them on. Advisors begged him to stop the violence, but he refused. It is hard to believe that anyone supports him now, but they do. The world puzzles me. What can I say but please, rely on facts in all things. Rely on TRUTH.

May you all have a blessed day, and I hope my little blog post has given you something helpful.

May we all be blessed!

Silver Rose
Sannyasini Kaliprana

Silver Cottage Hermitage

P.S. All of the blog posts I write are independently researched and written by me and all of them are protected by legal copyright and may not be copied for any purpose by any person for any reason, so please just enjoy them here and leave them here where you found them.

(c) Copyright 2022, Silver S. Parnell

All rights reserved.

No copying for any purpose by anyone is allowed.

Sources, partial list:

United States Conference of Catholic Bishops 

Catholic Online

Wikimili

Wikipedia

Catholic News Agency

Loyola Press - Saint Lutgarde of Aywieres

Jan. 6th - Day 3

MEDITATION ON THEFT - SAINT LANDRADA OF AUSTRASIA - JULY 8

 

"Saint Landrada - Teaching the Widows and the Young"

SAINT LANDRADA OF AUSTRASIA

(d. Munsterbilzen, abt. 690 a.d.)

Feast Day: July 8

I dearly wish I could say that dedicating my life to the spiritual path would have automatically smoothed my path, that angels would go before me, paving the way for a steady and serene life. The truth is that one leads a spiritual life in spite of the dramas of daily life. Ridding oneself of unnecessary physical aspirations does help, but physical disabilities have interfered terribly - plus they make me far less "useful" in a parish or a convent. Like the hermits of the very early church, I am on my own, with only God to help and guide me on a daily basis.

Part of the difficulty, in addition to the limitations of mobility and chronic pain, is that I live among other human beings, in close quarters, in an apartment where many low-income people live, and we are surrounded by a sizeable contingent of drug addicts and homeless people. In fact, according to a police officer I spoke with, there are more than 200 people camping alongside the bosque that lines the Rio Grande River which flows past my apartment.

I've lived in this location, devoting my life to prayer and contemplation, for 16 years now, and, over those years, the local crime has gotten worse and worse. Theft of personal items in our gardens, on our patios and in our cars has become a huge problem.

THE LATEST IN A LONG STRING OF THEFTS

Today I have finished processing the latest theft. On Monday, the local vulgarians broke into my pitiful 27 year-old car for the 5th time. It is quite easy to do now, since I am missing the small window in the back passenger door and it is only covered with clear packing tape. The first time they broke into my car, they smashed that little window, and since thievery is rampant and regular at this apartment complex, I did not feel it was worth the great expense of finding one for this old vehicle and installing it, only to have it broken again next time some drug-addled petty plunderer decided to cause me great expense for the sake of the possibility of finding less than a dollars worth of change rolling around the interior.

Customarily, when the hooligans don't find some easy change in the ashtray, they leave the rest of the contents alone. It might be that they are looking for partially smoked cigarettes. I do not smoke, but they don't know that. Cigarettes are expensive, and the homeless will pick up half-smoked butts and put them to their lips, regardless of whatever germs and viruses might cover them.

This time, however, they took EVERYTHING from the interior, from the small trash bag I leave on the floor of the front passenger seat, to the sunscreen, the dog's leashes and car seat and, most regrettably, my PRESCRIPTION SUNGLASSES (which are going to be extremely time consuming and costly to replace, since I need a new prescription and was not able to get an appointment with my eye doctor until NOVEMBER. I realize this may seem improbable to anyone who is NOT on the poverty spectrum, but the fact is that the only affordable doctors for someone in my position are, understandably, jammed with clients in a town like Albuquerque where such a high percentage of the population is poor. Because of my numerous serious eye diseases, it is also not feasible to go to just anyone for my care - even when it comes to my prescription needs.)

While sunglasses are marketed as a sexy accessory, my need for them is medical and crucial. I've already lost the vision in one eye, and when the other eye "goes" I will obviously not be ABLE to drive at all - at which point, survival becomes even more crushingly difficult than it is at present, so losing my sunglasses is somewhat of a disaster.

When I asked the police clerk who took my report WHY they would take such non-salable items, she informed me they usually just throw them away and she doesn't know why. Unfortunately, although I DID check our dumpster immediately after discovering the vandalism, it was entirely empty. The garbage truck had already been to our property and took everything away.

I surmise that the thieves' method is to quickly sweep everything from the car and then go through it at their leisure in another location, hoping for something they can use, sell or smoke. Some years ago, police officers told me that there are more than 200 people living in the Bosque - camped out there - just yards from this complex. It is illegal, but they are skilled at evading the police. Once, this officer even stepped right onto the body of one of them who was hiding under a carpet of leaves!

It is also possible that the ruffians that have recently moved in here had something to do with this most recent vandalism.

THE SAGA OF THE NEIGHBORING HOODLUMS

There IS a garage attached to my apartment, but when I park my car in there I cannot get out again because the young hoodlums that have moved into my building recently are contemptuous of the other residents and regularly park their cars and the cars of their friends in everyone else's parking spots.  When they park in front of my garage, I can neither get in nor out.

Across the car windshield of those punk thugs is a motto in large white script that says (fully spelled out) "F - - K THE POPULATION."

There is a really vulgar "song" by that name, performed by "$uicideboy$" released in 2015, and a "street wear" company that uses that moniker, but the definition from the Urban Dictionary reads:

"A term used by a person who has seen through the bulls - - t" of humans who do not think and cause harm because they are so brainless. It means that you highly dislike humans as a whole because of the way they (go) about doing things."

One day, some months ago, when I was trying to get my car back INTO the garage, and I told some woman who is not a resident that she had to move, she became wildly hostile and began to screech at me that I don't own the apartment complex, that the space doesn't belong to me (which is actually DOES) ...and on and on. She was visiting the hoodlums on the upper floor, one of whom promptly came raging at me with two teenagers in tow, and the four of them swarmed me like cockroaches on a stale piece of bread, screaming at me, making pornographic gestures, threatening to hurt me, spitting at me, with the new resident taking a lead role. She was using the foulest language imaginable and screaming, "didn't I tell you this f - - king old b - - ch was gonna be a problem?" Yep. That's me. I'm the problem.

It occurred to me that the senseless vandalism of my car could have been instigated by these neighbors of mine. On the other hand, it could have been the "caregiver" I was assigned for all of 5 hours, a week or two ago. I meant to write about it at the time, but it was such a traumatic, exhausting experience that I wasn't able until now.

THE TALE OF THE DRUG-ADDLED "CAREGIVER"

I have gone without a caregiver for many more years than I have been able to adequately care for myself, and a couple weeks ago, the agency tasked with providing someone sent me a drug addict who, in her 37 years of life had never had even one job of any kind, much less as a "caregiver." I do not know why my agency thought that she would be equipped to help me because her 6 children were recently taken away from her and I am pretty sure that if she was doing a good job taking care of them, the legal system wouldn't have seen fit to have strangers care for them instead. (Her husband died not long ago in some heroin-related incident.) 

The woman was SUPPOSED to have been able to provide me with one errand a week, typically grocery shopping, but not only did she not own a car, she had not driven in 11 years! (I am guessing she lost the right to drive due to multiple infractions while impaired.) 

She was unable to follow directions and kept asking me for the definitions of the simplest words. I was at a loss as to how to explain these words to her as I could not imagine more elementary words to use! Throughout the day, I kept having to remind her to put things back where she found them, but she continued to scatter my tools and possessions around the apartment.

Oddly enough, she was either color-blind (which is rare for women) or (more likely) had so much brain damage from all the drug and alcohol abuse from such a young age that she was unable to link a color with its name.

[You may wonder how I know all this personal information about this woman, but it is simply what she told me when I said to her, "so tell me about yourself." It all came pouring out. She told me she was a drug addict and an alcoholic with three months of sobriety under her belt, that she had started "getting high" when she was 10, got married when she was 13, recently lost custody of her 6 children, is living in various motels around town, has never had a job of any kind, etc.]

Despite the really problematic background and its manifestations around the house, I kept trying to lift her spirits and tell her, "you can do this! Don't worry" and that sort of thing. I wanted to encourage her, and I did feel sorry for her, but it was exhausting.

Later in the afternoon, I realized that I HAD to go to the market for 3 urgently needed items, so I took her with me and told her that I would have her stand in line for me after I'd found them. She asked me if she could do her personal shopping while I waited in the car for her, but when I told her that she could not do this during the time she was being paid to take care of me, she continued to pressure me to agree, telling me that because she had no car, this was most convenient for her. When I continued to resist the big squeeze she was giving me, she became angry and remained in that state for the rest of the day. Her eyes were blazing, lips pursed and brow furrowed. Apparently she ALSO believes I was the problem.

Before she left, she put my garage door opener IN THE TRASH instead of back in the basket of the electric mobility scooter where it lives. I suppose she was trying to get back at me for not letting her do her shopping on my time. Either that, or this was just another example of her inability to put anything back where it belonged.

Lamentably, I did not find the garage door clicker until AFTER I had already replaced it, at a cost of $42.00 - which was obviously NOT in my budget and the cost of which must be taken from my grocery money.

ALL THEFT IS AN OFFENSE AGAINST THE FREEDOM OF THE PERSON

Ever since this happened, I have been asking myself, why is it I feel so violated when someone steals from me? It isn't as if I am terribly attached to physical objects. I am FAMOUS for giving everything away and starting over in a new place.

The entire history of my life has floated to the surface of my consciousness, and I was made to look at all the instances in which someone robbed me. It was absolutely haunting me. I had to come to terms with this, once and for all because this is a recurring theme in my life and I had been the victim of many predators. If I was going to put an end to it, I had to figure it out.

As I mentally slogged through the circumstances of all the many incidents, from my mother stealing my collection of silver dollars when I was 11, to the theft of my inheritance from my father after he became demented with Alzheimer's Disease, it became glaringly obvious that the reason thievery bothers me so much is that when someone steals from another person it robs the victim of the opportunity to give it to them willingly. It hijacks our FREEDOM!

I also realized that all sorts of people will steal from others. The only thing the scroungers have in common seems to be access and opportunity. Rich people, poor people, all sorts of people will steal from you. All they need is access and opportunity.

[This is also probably one of the reasons that Donald Trump disgusts me so much. He is an opportunist who is famous for cheating people.]

Also, and this may be hard to believe, but I am always very conscious of feeling sorry for the thieves because of how they have endangered their immortal souls. They may not believe in spiritual justice, but I do, and it makes me sad when I see someone endangering their immortal destiny.

The flood of memories that have assailed me over the last two days have been nightmarish to go through, but I did reach an important conclusion.

I USED to believe (and tell others) that "everyone is basically good," but I see now, with regretful sadness, that this is not true.  In fact, good people SEEM to be more rare than the bad in my life, but I think I should reframe this slightly and say that my naivete and gullibility likely attract these people to me and that someone who is more savvy and less trusting would probably have fewer of these kind of experiences than I do, leaving them with a slightly different subjective opinion. There are reasons why I have been such an easy mark, but there is no need to humiliate myself further by exposing all of that.

CLEANING UP THE MESS

Last night, I took a parcel of sanitizing wipes, a trash bag and another roll of clear packing tape to the car. I was horrified to see obvious evidence of bodily effluvia - the result of some kind of sexual activity - all over one window. I felt completely demoralized and revolted. Fortunately, I have plenty of disposable latex gloves, which I wore during the cleanup, but I wish to God I had the money to pay for a complete cleaning and sanitizing of the car.  In fact, I need a DIFFERENT car - a van that I can outfit with a ramp for my mobility scooter - but of course I have no such funds for that sort of venture.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DROP INTO DISABILITY

The evil that surrounds me now has something to do with what happened when I became disabled and thereby more poor. The heightened vulnerability attracted more predators. As I struggle against my physical limitations and chronic pain, the vibrations of that struggle can be seen and felt "in the waters" of life. Predators sense it.

I also realized that, in the midst of my frustration and grappling with the difficulty of accomplishing the basic physical tasks of life, I have dropped the ball when it comes to protecting myself spiritually with prayers against evil, so I have amped up the volume on those, and I offer you some examples for yourself, in case you have likewise found yourself the target of evil.

PRAYERS AGAINST EVIL

Saint Benedict Exorcism Prayer

I found a YouTube EIGHT HOUR exorcism prayer that may be helpful. If you are enduring a living Hell and also want to try it, FIND IT HERE

 

Prayer to Saint Michael

"Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil; May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; And do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all evil spirits who wander through the world for the ruin of souls. Amen."

I also have an entire book of prayers for Spiritual Warfare, which I am digging into today. Coincidentally, I purchased it in 2015, shortly after moving into my current apartment. You can get your own, which I bought personalized. It doesn't look like they are personalizing them any more, but you can get the book here:

MANUAL FOR SPIRITUAL WARFARE - Tan Books

One of the prayers from this book that I intend to recite regularly is:

"Hear us, oh Holy Lord, almighty Father, eternal God, and deign to send your holy angel from heaven, to guard, cherish, protect, visit and defend all who dwell in this house. Through Christ, our Lord, amen."

 

TODAY'S GOSPEL READING

When I am struggling to figure something out or to look for some guidance on a particular day, I will scour the official readings for that day and try to pull something from it that I can use to solve my dilemma.  It isn't that I expect some sort of magic confluence, but there is often something of value I can take away that, if not actually a solution for that particular problem, might give me a fresh perspective.  So, here is todays:

Matthew 10:7-15

7 And going, preach, saying: The kingdom of heaven is at hand.

8 Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out devils: freely have you received, freely give.

9 Do not possess gold, nor silver, nor money in your purses:

10 Nor scrip for your journey, nor two coats, nor shoes, nor a staff, for the workman is worthy of his meat.

11 And into whatsoever city or town you shall enter, inquire who in it is worthy, and there abide till you go thence.

12 And when you come into the house, salute it, saying: Peace be to this house.

13 And if that house be worthy, your peace shall come upon it; but if it be not worthy, your peace shall return to you.

14 And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words; going forth out of that house or city shake off the dust from your feet.

15 Amen I say to you, it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city.

After reading today's Gospel, I have to say there are quite a few nuggets in it, but I won't hurry to analyze it here. Instead, I will sit with it until I've worked it all out.

SAINT OF THE DAY

Usually, there are few, if any, female saints to celebrate in the official church calendar of the feasts of the saints. Today there are a lot of women. Several of them belong to a group of Chinese martyrs that were beheaded during the Boxer Rebellion, and almost nothing is known of most of them. Others are barely known at all. And then there is Saint Landrada of Austrasia.

Saint Landrada of Austrasia

(died ca. 690)

Abbess/founder of Munsterbilzen Abbey (Belgium)

Munsterbilzen Abbey

[These buildings were erected in the 18th century at

the original location of Landrada's Abbey that she

founded in about 670.]

It looks like this abbey may be the oldest known Abbey of Dutch-speaking nuns. Historically, the Abbess who ruled there exercised lordship over the village of Munsterbilzen and four others until 1773 when forced to accede to the Prince-Bishop of Liege. It always annoys me when I learn of the men pushing out the women and asserting ownership and/or control in place of the nuns. On the other hand, I also suspect that women sometimes give it up too easily. We are afraid of being told we are not "nice" and we cave under pressure to be pliable instead of strong.

Landrada must have been a remarkable woman to have exerted such leadership during the 7th Century, don't you think? My little problems seem miniscule to what she must have had to endure. The Abbess had been a "Princess of the Holy Roman Empire" in addition to leading the nuns in their spiritual life.

I will be reading more about Landrada later in the day - and I encourage you to Google her also!

A SAD BIT OF BUSINESS

I am perpetually low on funds. That's no secret. But now that the car has been defiled and other needs have piled up, I have to start another GOFUNDME to pay for these things. Prior to becoming disabled, I never asked anyone for anything - even when my father was alive. He was very wealthy, but I never asked him for a dime. Now I am asking everyone for everything. It could be discouraging, except that I cling to my relationship with God and I trust in His love and plan for me.

The art work and the writing of the novel continue - but until something big is finished and brings in some funding, I rely upon the generosity of kind people.

If you are reading this and you got anything out of it, would you please consider a donation? Click the yellow "Donate" button below my photo (above, right.) I will add the GOFUNDME link when I have put it together. I JUST finished a campaign to replace my computer, which was successful, and it hurts my heart to have to do this again, but I have no choice and I can't afford to be proud.

God bless us all.

Silver Rose