NEW DIRECTIONS

 

I have enjoyed writing my diary entries and publishing them here, but just like yesterdays newspaper that today is used to wrap the table scraps for disposal, this blog has grown stale. I have less news to share, as the days wear on, because I am doing nothing but meditating and praying, creating art works, and doing some housework on the side.

The book I began years ago has ALSO begun to accumulate some dust, and I am beginning to wonder if I have enough interest in it to finish it - but, more important, whether or not there is anything of sufficient value to put out into society.

Most pertinent, however, is the fact that I have lost most of my vision in my left eye. It is as if I am trying to gaze through a puddle of water. This makes it very difficult to see my work here. I am still able to type without looking at the keyboard, but peering at the computer screen has become a headache.

The time has come to order my life toward accommodating the loss of vision. Thanks be to God, I don't need my eyes to meditate or pray - but everything else has become more complicated.

It is possible I will start an entirely NEW blog with another focus. But I need to rest for a while first.

In the meantime, feel free to wander over to my Facebook page and we can chat there. If you have any meditation questions, I will be available for recommendations.

God bless us all.

Silver

Sannyasini Kaliprana

SHOWERED WITH SMALL MIRACLES

SAINT LUCY

Martyr

Patron Saint of the Eyes

THAT FUNNY FEELING

I haven't wanted to mention something, because i didn't want to presume upon the grace of God, nor to "jinx" it, but for the last couple weeks I have experienced two unusual streams of awareness. The first was the distinct impression that I was being lifted on the wings of the prayers of my friends and the saints upon whom they were calling for intercession. My macular degeneration sprang a leak some weeks ago, and we have been storming heaven for a cure.

The second was the impression - a very strong impression - that my eyesight had improved since the injection that I was administered in my left eye a few weeks ago. (Thank you, Saint Lucy!) I was unsure, at first, since my vision in that eye was really bad for the first few days after the injection...but then it seemed to become better than before the shot and I began to entertain the possibility that perhaps the shot had jarred my body into getting rid of that blood leak in my eye.

MY EYE SPECIALIST IS ALSO A VETERINARIAN....APPARENTLY!

Today when I went to the eye doctor's office, ostensibly to have another shot in my left eye, the technician took photographs of the interior of my eye and we discovered that, aside from the primary damage (which is permanent, I am told), the secondary damage from the blood leakage into the eye had simply disappeared. There was no trace of the pool of blood that had shown up in the previous test.

I wasn't surprised. I had this feeling. I just KNEW.

One reason I was not surprised is because I know my body and I know how sensitive it is - especially to drugs and chemicals of any kind. This plays two ways. First, this sensitivity sometimes causes allergic reactions, anaphylaxis and asthma attacks, especially if the dose is large. On the other side of that coin is that my body will often respond very well to a very small dose of medication, because it takes less to get an organic response from my system.

The primary cause of my lack of surprise is rooted in my connection with the Lord. I KNOW He is with me at times, and this week is one of those times.

But not only do I host the Lord in my heart, but I feel a deep connection with many of the saints who observe all from heaven, particularly Saint Lucy, to whom I have directed many pleas for her intercession.

SAINT LUCY

Saint Lucy, originally known as Saint Lucia of Syracuse, is the patron saint of the blind. The oldest record of her is in the Acts of the Martyrs from the fifth century, but most accounts agree that a rejected admirer reported her for being a Christian and she was martyred in Sicily in 304 a.d., when Diocletian was rabidly persecuting Christians. It is in the medieval stories that we first learn that her eyes were gouged out before being murdered.

I have been asking for her intercession regularly during the last few months when I have been struggling with my vision and other issues, as have many of my friends. Some day I hope to write a blog post specifically and only about her.

Coincidentally, her feast day is fast approaching on December 13th.

I had asked my Facebook community to pray for me and also my friends "in real life" for a cure and to buck up my bravery factor. Injections into my eyeball is a tough one for me. Needles have always been a challenge.

THE EYE DOCTOR REFUSED TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS OR SPEAK TO ME:

I told the technician that I wanted to speak to the eye doctor before I got another shot in my eye. My idea was to regularly go to the office for checkups and, if this blood leakage happens again, to then begin a series of shots at that time. It hardly seemed necessary now. There wasn't a trace of the previous problem!

The doctor refused to see me, UNLESS I would agree to mutely sit there while he would just sweep in and give me a shot and then sweep out of the room.

HE REFUSED TO SEE ME. HE REFUSED TO TALK TO ME.

The technician says that monthly shots are what he does. He does it for everyone and he won't do anything in any other way for me....and he won't discuss it with me. When i asked the technician why I would have to have more shots if the eye is no longer bleeding, he said something something something something about "just in case" it starts again!

The message I received, loud and clear was this: STOP TALKING, STOP ASKING INCONVENIENT QUESTIONS AND TAKE THE SHOT OR GET OUT OF THE OFFICE!

I chose to leave, but did make a future appointment which I am not sure I will keep.

UNIVERSITY OF NEW MEXICO HOSPITAL OFTEN TREATS PATIENTS LIKE CATTLE

Being treated like a cow being forced through a metal chute with a string of other cows,, in a living assembly line of sorts, is not how I envision the conditions of my personal medical care, and I am going to have to decide what to do about this state of affairs. I am getting awfully tired of fighting with the University of New Mexico to be treated like a human being instead of a test subject or an excuse upon which someone creates their medical career.

GRATITUDE TO GOD

Putting aside the dilemma with this doctor who refuses to address my personal needs in favor of his assembly line approach, my heart is full of love and gratitude to the Lord for cutting me some slack - even if only for a little while - and letting me retain my vision for a bit longer, without having the screaming emergency of having to have injections in my eyeball. Who knows what the future will bring? I could well be back there in short order, submitting to those horrifying shots, if the bleeding in the eye resumes. In the meantime, however, I am given at least a small reprieve.

I want to thank all of you who have prayed for me in this difficult situation. I DID feel your prayers, and I love you for them! Thanks so much.

CHRISTMAS FAST APPROACHES AND THE CUPBOARDS ARE MOSTLY BARE

On another topic - this month is Christmas, and I would dearly love to treat the other disabled, elderly and poor residents in this apartment complex, at the very least to provide some snacks and drinks. Many of them do not have any Christmas "programs" at all. They spend most of their lives alone and they are left out of family events, either through geography or estrangement.

Food is always a headache, especially for those of us who are intent on eating healthy foods in order to combat serious health worriments. I have lost 90 of the 100 pounds I gained when I stopped smoking tobacco, and I intend to keep it off, but it would be lovely to be able to celebrate the Christmas season with some special FOOD, especially to offer to my neighbors and others who are alone during this glorious season.

In that line, I offer you the following link to my Amazon Christmas food list. I would be most grateful for anything you may be able to contribute. On the other hand, if you would like to contribute FRESH food items, you could donate for that purpose on the paypal link, above-right, just below my photograph.

Here is the link to the Christmas food wish list on Amazon. They have my address and will ship to me direct:

CLICK HERE FOR THE AMAZON CHRISTMAS WISH LIST FOR FOOD

Thank you again, most of all, for your prayers.

God bless us all, and have a very merry Christmas!

SHOCKING NEWS - UPDATED

Saint Lucy

Patron Saint of the blind

I had imagined that the increased blurriness of my vision and my inability to read street signs lately was just a part of my "ordinary" bad eyesight, which has been worse than 20/500 since I was a child. (They don't or can't measure beyond that point) but I was shocked to learn, recently, that my macular degeneration has progressed from "dry" to "wet" in my left eye, which means that blood is seeping into that eye and destroying my vision, starting with a black area in the center. Eventually, barring a miracle, I will be functionally blind.

I am still able to drive, but I am unsure how long that will continue, because I have already started having trouble seeing the writing on the street signs.

UPDATE:

When I first wrote this post, I had anticipated undergoing a series of shots in my eye and, since writing it, DID get one of these shots in a very traumatic procedure at my doctor's office.

Communication with the employees at the eye clinic at the local university hospital has been a nightmare. They're very nice when you show up for your appointment, but God save you if you try to telephone them.

The afternoon that I learned of these shots, I called and asked that patient materials about the drug be mailed to me. They should have given it to me during the appointment, but failed to do that. The clerk mailed it to me without my apartment number on the envelope AND NO POSTAGE! I didn't receive it until more than a week later, on the Monday afternoon before the Wednesday morning appointment!

I almost cancelled the appointment because I didn't have enough time to thoroughly read the patient materials, and I couldn't get anyone to return my telephone call. In fact, one of the clerks hung up on me Tuesday afternoon during my 3rd attempt to get someone to talk to me. As of today's date, no one has even opened the messages that I sent them through the patient portal 8 days ago.

The injection in my eye was very painful and remained so for more than 24 hours. I wish now that I had not followed through with that procedure because, according to the patient materials I was finally able to study, there is something in this medication that can cause stroke or heart attack. It is not just a matter of some patients having experienced a stroke or heart attack coincidentally during the study period (which is what the doctors' assistant had told me the morning of the appointment!)

In addition, only 3,000 patients were part of the study and this medication is still very new.

I have numerous syndromes and allergies, most of which are odd and atypical. If anyone were to react badly to a medication, it would likely be ME. This fact, combined with the disorganized office procedures and difficulty getting questions answered, I have decided not to have any more of these shots at this time.

Instead, I am going to focus on things I can do to improve my situation. Mostly, it involves the special diet and supplements that the doctor prescribed to slow the process of the disease. It is the same diet prescribed by the doctors who are monitoring my arthritic conditions.

I could use some help with:

• The organic anti-inflammatory diet, vitamins and supplements prescribed by my doctors;
• Supplies for my writing and art, to assist me in resurrecting those careers, in order to attempt to fund my increasing needs, over time; and,
• Organizational items for the household, so that I can function independently now and in future, as my vision disappears.

If you would like to donate toward the supplies that I mentioned, above, please click on the DONATE button, above and to the right, and follow the prompts.

If you want to help but do not feel comfortable donating money, I would be very happy if you would take a look at my DONATIONS WISH LIST on Amazon. In fact, I would prefer it! It is one thing to tell you how I intend to spend the money, but it is more clear cut when you see for yourself that this is, indeed, where your money is going. 

AMAZON WISH LIST FOR DONATIONS

If you are not able to contribute, I would be MOST grateful if you would share this blog post on Facebook and twitter.

COPY AND SHARE THIS LINK

MOST OF ALL, I ask that you pray for me, as I pray for you.

[UPDATE: OCTOBER  5, 2020 - I have lost most of the vision in my left eye. It is like trying to look through a puddle of water.]

God bless us all.

Sister Silver "Rose"

(Sannyasini Kaliprana)

Silver Cottage Ashram Hermitage

Albuquerque, New Mexico

Copyright © 2019

All rights reserved

A PERSONAL NOTE

Garden photo, during a year

when we had some rain.

copyright (c) 2014

I am furiously working on all my creative projects in anticipation of the day when I will be too blind to do them. There are several conditions that are causing me to lose my sight, very gradually and, while I hope to stave it off as long as possible by protecting my eyes from the sun and avoiding strain, I want to do as many of my imagined projects as possible.

Currently, I am having real trouble even seeing that big 40 inch television that was given to me. I have to squeeze my eyes very tight, and even then, I can't make out very much of what is on the screen, though it is not far from my chair.

As most of you probably realize, Medicare doesn't pay for eyeglasses or dental work. Eyeglass insurance doesn't come anywhere near to giving me what I need.

Because of the complexity of my issues, I need three separate pairs of eyeglasses: One for computer work, one pair of really dark sunglasses, and one for daily activities and reading. The last two would be progressive lenses, while the computer glasses are measured according to how far from the screen I keep my eyes.

Each pair will cost about $250. I may be able to reduce the prices if the optometrist allows me to use some old frames that I have kept from years ago. Sometimes they don't want to do that, and they will not guarantee that they won't break them. I hope to use the old frames for sunglasses, at the very least.

Once I get the eyeglasses, I will need to campaign for some dental work, which I'm not looking forward to doing - but one thing at a time.

I realize there is a lot of need in the world at this time. So MANY people are suffering now! If I had any resources, I would definitely use those, but I don't. If you can give a bit toward my eyeglasses, that would be great. Please donate through the Paypal link on this page (above my profile picture.)

If you are unable to give, please consider telling your friends and/or posting my blog to your Facebook. I also have a gofundme page, if you'd like to use that. Just attach a comment to this post, and I'll figure out how to direct you to the right page on the gofundme site.

God bless you all!

Silver Rose

WAITING FOR THE LOCUSTS

The Plague of Locusts - Holman

In my last post I mentioned that I had been diagnosed with macular degeneration, but I somewhat "hid the lead" as there is so much going on right now, I hardly know what to mention first.

A few days before my doctor appointment, I was praying, and suddenly a voice came to me and said, "You have macular degeneration." I dismissed it as a trick of the mind. I refuse to be one of those people that clings to the oddly fantastical. I will not be oohing and ahhing over the face of Jesus appearing on a tortilla, nor am I interested in becoming an oracle for the entertainment of others. I just heard this voice and dismissed it.

A couple days later, however, when I heard the same words being said to me by the eye doctor, I was stunned. I have no idea what it means that I was given knowledge of this ahead of time. It could have been God talking to me or it could have been Satan. Chances are, it was probably Satan.

We sometimes forget that Satan will offer us powers and other emoluments to get us under his spell. When some people imagine the workings of Satan, they picture ugliness and horror. They forget that the Devil was originally created as an angel and has angelic powers. Even HE knows that you get more flies with honey than vinegar, so he will offer a person the chance to be admired by others, to be special in some way, to see the future, tell fortunes, etc. I imagine this is the reason that the Christian faith is firmly opposed to Ouija boards, palm reading, and all the related attempts at divination. This is Satan's territory, and you open yourself up to demons when you play around with these things.

It is not fashionable to believe in Satan these days. Even some men of the cloth will say they do not believe, but I assure you that Satan believes in YOU and wants nothing more than to steer you away from everything holy. He is delighted that people no longer believe in him, because it allows him to move among us unseen and unrecognized.

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

by Tracey Long

I steer clear of all mystics, visionaries and supernatural phenomena until The Church investigates and gives thumbs up or thumbs down on its origination. It bothers me that so many have thrown themselves wholeheartedly into the Medjugorje circus, as it has several signs of being a fraud, and it is going to really upset some people when The Church refuses to sanction it. Some will leave the church, probably, as they have made it their pet project. Some will defy The Church and continue promoting it. This is classic Satan side show. Give the people something that is fantastical and otherworldly, pretending to be of God, get them hooked, and then pull them away from The Church with it. I have friends who dearly love the Medjugorje thing, and I worry about them very much. I don't think they will give it up, if The Church's decision is against it.

Anyway, I digress.  Back to the macular degeneration. I really would have rather gone deaf than blind because noise really bothers me and I use my eyes a LOT in my art and my writing. We don't get to choose the crosses with which we are loaded down, however, so I must get used to this idea and try to prepare myself as best I can for what lays ahead.  My philosophy is to prepare myself for the worst case scenario, and then I will be ready for anything.

Don't think I am sanguine and all relaxed about this situation, however. I do try to look on the bright side of things and accept what comes, but I admit to being very unhappy about this latest development. My entire life, I have been overshadowed by a black cloud and have always felt an almost palpable pressure, as if a great big ugly toad was sitting on me and preventing progress. Even if I made the best decision in any given situation, I always got a bad result. The last 5 years or so has been the worst, with deaths, illnesses and financial setbacks galore. People have noticed and commented that if I did not have bad luck I would have no luck at all.

The deacon at my church suggested I may be under a family curse. On both sides of the family, we were devout Catholics.  In fact, I am descended from quite a few saints!  In the era of the great grandparents, all of them disconnected from The Church. Many divorces, alcoholism, children abandoned, and general moral decay followed.

Now, I have this disease in both eyes which will eventually blind me, and I think, "What's next? Locusts?"  There is a sweatshirt in the "Signals" catalog I received yesterday. It is black and has white lettering that says, "Oh, what FRESH HELL is this?" I don't usually buy t-shirts or sweatshirts with sayings on them, but I almost can't resist this one.

When I finish complaining about this latest news and I have adjusted myself, I plan to concentrate on getting a few things done before the sight gets worse. I need to work on memorizing a few things for which I currently rely on the written word. If I can, I need to memorize the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary or, in the alternative, make some CDs for myself, which necessitates learning how to do that particular thing. I would also like to memorize all the meditations and the days on which they belong on the rosary.

Of particular importance to me is some serious Bible study. I just received a free course in the mail today. It is a small book, so I don't how thorough it is, but I will start with this one and move on. I would also like to memorize some favorite Bible passages.

There are MANY books I want to read, most especially the fathers and mothers of the church. There is a very large, complete set on Amazon which is about $400. It is on my wish list. I will be asking a Catholic friend if they would be willing to get it for me.

Painting is liable to become more and more difficult for me. I would like to get some paintings finished, particularly those of the saints from whom I descend, and some patron saints for a few friends of mine.

I have a 75,000 person genealogy database and have a long list of corrections and additions to make to it, but this is not something at the top of my priority list and I may eliminate it entirely. I have a cousin who is interested in genealogy. I may just give her editorial capacity on it so that she can take it up and keep it going.

I do not know how much work I will put into this blog. I will meditate on it and decide later.

Most important is getting myself moved into a more suitable housing situation. This has been on the menu for several years because I am far away from shopping and friends, and the apartment management is almost hostile toward disabled people. This particular task is somewhat daunting, and I could use some prayers with regard to this.

I do not really want to remain in Albuquerque, for many many reasons. The climate is not good for me, particularly for my eyes, as I have allergic conjunctivitis because of the dryness and wind, in addition to the macular degeneration. I don't care for the culture, and there are not many services for the poor and disabled. I DO, however, have a few friends here that I dearly love.

I need heavenly guidance on WHERE to go, whether to stay in this town or try to relocate to Oregon, where I have wanted to live for some time. I would go back to Northern California, except that the expense is way beyond me. I do have a lot of long-time friends and distant but lovely relatives who live in California, however, which is a big bonus.

I need help with all of this, and I would dearly appreciate all the prayers that you can send my way so that I am given the wisdom to make the right choices. Please ask for the intercession of the saints that I may be receptive to the guidance that the Lord sends me. Thanks so much.

God bless us all,

Silver Rose Parnell