Our Lady of Mount Carmel - July 16, 2022

 

Our Lady of Mount Carmel

Feast Day - July 16th

I became aware of our Lady of Mount Carmel when I was 11 and had discovered the Carmel Mission in Carmel by the Sea, where I rode my Schwinn bicycle from our house in Carmel Valley. I've told various chapters of the story on this blog, but it pertains to today's blog, so I'll expand on it a bit.

As I have said before, my parents were extremely hostile toward religion, and Catholicism in particular, which is odd, because both family lines were extremely religious until my grandparents' generation and I am, in fact, descended from quite a few saints and a cousin to many others.

My grandparents, on my father's side, were not religious at all that I was aware of. They had very difficult peasant lives in the mountains of Northern Italy, with rather brutal parents of their own, who came to America and struggled to put together a life as immigrants, then farmers in the U.S. I will assume that previous generations probably had very strong Catholic background.

My mother's line, however, which I have traced back to the first couple hundred years after Jesus, is full of actual saints, both in my direct ancestry and with a lot of cousins also.  There are dozens, actually. But something happened in the time of the great grandparents in which religion was not a feature.

My mother and her parents and some grandparents were heavily involved in Freemasonry. Uncles and cousins in that family line were likewise involved, with several holding leadership positions.

Carmel Mission

Carmel, California

National Historic Monument

Founded June 3, 1770

Photo by Burkhard Mucke

I have just recently learned from a prominent exorcist that Freemasonry may have some demonic elements to it, though I haven't studied this aspect of things and, as I faithfully steer clear of anything smacking of cosmic controversy, I can't comment about it. My grandmother was a member of the Order of the Eastern Star, and my mother was in Rainbow girls. They took it very seriously and never would discuss ANYTHING about those closely related organizations with me because of vows of secrecy they took.

The Catholic Church believes Freemasonry to be antagonistic to the principles of the Catholic Faith and that their principles and rituals are "irreconcilable with the doctrines" of the faith. (Wikipedia)

Wikipedia: PAPAL BAN ON FREEMASONRY

Catholic.com: What Does the Church Say About Freemasonry?

THE ACCIDENTAL HERMIT "ACCIDENTALLY" FINDS CARMEL

You know, I found the Carmel mission entirely by accident. I had no idea what a "mission" was. I was just riding my bike one day, and there it was. I wandered inside and became enthralled - and that was the beginning of my love of Our Lady of Mount Carmel and the contemplative life that her order supports, exemplifies and protects. And the Catholic contemplative life NEEDS protecting because a good portion of the Church appears to have entirely forgotten its mystical heritage. The Carmelites and other contemplative orders keep this heritage alive, often in a very hidden fashion.

I have often meditated on the significance of my "finding" the Carmel Mission and my subsequent correspondence with the cloistered nuns nearby, and I am sure that I was led there through Divine Intervention. I strongly suspect that my saintly ancestors, as well as Our Blessed Mother in Heaven, and our Heavenly Father, all cooperated to bring me to the foot of the cross, where Mary also stands, to begin my contemplative journey. 

All of these were, no doubt, anxious to return my family to the love of God they had enjoyed for centuries.

When my father and my mother forsake me

then the Lord will take me up.

Psalm 27:10

MY HOLY FAMILY OF SAINTS IN HEAVEN

When I learned that I am descended from many remarkable saints, I gradually became convinced of their heavenly assistance, in lieu of my parents who were absorbed with their own issues. 

I have felt the Divine Accompaniment and influence in my life, but I grew to understand it only during the last 20 years of my hermit sojourn. I rely upon the love and guidance of my sainted great grandmothers and great grandfathers, as well as the friendship and examples of my divine cousins to get me through an extremely difficult set of life circumstances which started with a cruel mother and an absent father, followed by a series of puzzling pieces of "bad luck," several near-death experiences, and for the last 20 years has been marred with chronic illness and pain, mobility difficulties and growing blindness. I have lost most of the vision in my left eye and am scrambling to retain what remains in the right.

I did not know about my sainted ancestors and cousins until I had been researching my ancestry for more than 30 years, and the internet became available for more in-depth research.

Saint Margaret of Scotland statue

My 29th great grandmother

Here are some of the ancestors, not in any particular order:

• Saint Olga of Kyiv "Equal to the Apostles" is my 34th great grandmother, and the patron saint of converts
• Saint Margaret of Scotland, English Plantagenet princess, Queen and wife of King Malcolm of Scotland, is my 29th Great Grandmother.
• Saint and King Louis IX, of France, is my 4th cousin (22 X removed) was closely allied with the Carmelite Order, interestingly enough.
• Saint Ida of Lorraine is my 33rd great grandmother.
• Saint Ferdinand III of Castille is my 25th great grandfather.
• Saint Adella Capet, is my 27th great grandmother.
• Saint Alfred the Great, King of England, is my 33rd great grandfather
• Saint Ealhswith, Alfred's wife and queen, is my 33rd great grandmother.
• Saint Clothilde, Queen of the Franks, is my 42nd great grandmother.
• Saint Hedwiga of Germany, is my 32nd great grandmother.
• Saint Adela of Normandy, daughter of William the Conqueror, is my 25th great grandmother.
• Saint Dode, the Abbess of Saint Pierre de Reims, is my 41st great grandmother
• Saint Edgar "The Peaceful," King of England, is my 33rd great grandfather.
• Saint Begga of Landen is my 38th great grandmother.
• Saint Doda of Metz is my 38th great grandmother.
• Saint Arnulf of Metz (Doda's husband) is my 38th great grandfather
• Saint Aelfgifu (Elgiva), Queen of England, my 34th great grandmother.
• Saint Alfred the Great, my 33rd great grandfather.

I am still learning about these saints and trying to keep the details of their lives in memory, but have not committed much of it to memory yet. I will work on that and also may write a little book about them if I can think of a cohesive concept for it.

THE BATTLE I AM FIGHTING

How could I NOT be Catholic with all of these ancestors and relatives looking after me? The answer, of course, is that after winning over THIS family line, cutting off the family line from all those beautiful saints, first with my great grandparents, and then grandparents and my parents, my attraction for The Faith enraged The Evil One.

I have been tormented in retaliation for my devotion to God - because I am quite sure that my mother and father were surrounded by demons. They certainly lived as if they were. Just as Satan tempted Jesus in the desert, he and his demon pals whisper into the ears of humans any thought or idea they can imagine in order to encourage us to reject God as they did, to disobey God, and to hurt people.

When I was a little girl, I was mystified by the cruelty with which I was treated by my parents. I was good. I knew I was good. I never skipped school. I got good grades. My room was always clean and my bed was always made. I was talented and produced beautiful artworks. I was polite. But I was continually tormented.

My mother, a disabled woman with physical and mental weaknesses, was susceptible to the methods of Satan. 

THE PURPOSE AND METHODS OF SATAN

In the book, Manual for Spiritual Warfare (Paul Thigpen, TAN Books, (c) 2014) the author explains these methods. He tells us that the purpose of Satan and his Demons is to "see as many human beings as possible join them in rebelling against God - and in their everlasting misery separated from Him in Hell." 

They are creatures originally created by God to be Angels, but they rebelled against God. Why would any creature do such a thing? I think it is probably ego. Satan and his minions crave the obedience, devotion and love given to God. It is the supernatural version of worldly jealousy and desire for power.

When Satan and the other angels were created, they were given free will, just as God's human children were. In order to truly love God, it must be a choice, otherwise it is slavery. So, there is this great battle going on the spiritual plane that affects our activities here on earth. 

HOLINESS REPAID WITH MALTREATMENT

My entire life, from childhood onward, I have been the recipient of all sorts of evil that Satan and his dark little pals could inspire humans to do. For so long, I wondered why it is that the more loyal to God I became and the more spiritually inspired I was, the worse I was treated by all sorts of people. My "reward" for holiness appeared to be punishment. I could not understand it. In strictly human terms, it gave me a whopping big case of PTSD, and I am handling that with medical care and coping mechanisms. But the evil that inspired humans to  assail me has its roots in Satan's fury.

I now understand what has been happening all these years and just how high the stakes are. My holy family, chock full of saints, going back hundreds and hundreds of years, is under attack and has been for quite some time.

FORGIVENESS AND REPARATION

This is why it is so important to offer up all the sufferings I endure and, instead of succumbing to the disillusionment I have felt as a result of my fellow co-religionists' heresies and hatreds, I have to pray for them with much more fervor and understanding than I previously had. Unbeknownst to them, they have entered into a bargain with Satan. Jesus's admonition to pray for one's enemies takes on fresh context.

Have you ever wondered about YOUR ancestors in Heaven? Does it not occur to you that they may be in Heaven, on their knees before God, interceding on your behalf?

INTRODUCTION TO CONTEMPLATIVE LIFE

By the time I found myself at the Carmel Mission, my parents had already been divorced about five years, and a parade of predatory men had begun to filter into my mother's household. My father, in turn, was pursuing scores of would-be starlets and was never faithful to any of them, married or not. I had terrible examples of family life and was treated cruelly by my mother.

In contrast, the peace and blessedness that I felt when I walked into the mission struck me powerfully. I felt subsumed in the enormity of the Love of Christ....taken up into a foretaste of Heaven. I can say that now, but at the time I had no words for it. I did not even understand it. I just experienced the bliss.

This is the tiny little store in the Mission

The man behind the counter was my angel. He gave me all sorts of little bookmarkers, prayer cards, 3rd class relics. I don't know if I even knew his name, but he was so kind to me! That man was my introduction to Catholicism. I doubt he ever had the slightest inkling how very important he was in the scheme of things. I did not receive much kindness in my life - and certainly no love, except for the occasional attention of my beloved grandmother who lived in San Francisco and I rarely got to see. 

I was a sponge for the Divine Love that permeated that blessed place and the simple human kindness of that nice man behind that counter. It makes me happy to imagine him in Heaven, gazing on the beatific vision for the rest of eternity. You know, it only takes a little bit of kindness to make a world of difference to a person. That man is partially responsible for my becoming Catholic and he doesn't even know it - or perhaps he does now. I doubt he is still on this earth.

One of the items he gave me had the address of the Carmelite nuns on it, and I ended up corresponding with the nuns of the cloistered Carmelite convent affiliated with that mission.  They sent me pamphlets about the holy life of Carmel - the life of silence and prayer. It sounded like Heaven to me!

My mother quickly put an end to it though. She was absolutely furious that I had started writing them! But I was able to stay with them just long enough for my heart to catch fire with the inspiration of the contemplative life and that is what I needed, evidently.

Of course, it took me some time to find my way to the Catholic faith. The people in our faith are remarkably fond of rejecting anyone that appears to be different to what they're used to. My mother was right when she said I would be rejected by them, but it was not for the reason she thought it was. But I just kept pursuing it and here I am, living as a religious hermit, no less, devoted to the faith and still feeling the bliss!

SATAN ATTACKS THE CHURCH FROM WITHIN

Although I am a Catholic in good standing, to this day I have been unable to find a parish where I have not been subjected to "surprisingly" bad treatment. This has been, at times, superficial, pertaining to me alone, but in most cases it reflects a trend in the church, in general. The church is bleeding members. 

Non-Catholics, when they learn I am Catholic, assume that I share the pro-Trump, "force and punishment" authoritarian model of politicized evangelization to which many of my co-religionists subscribe and advertise on social media like Facebook, and they rake me over the coals accusing me of supporting all sorts of things I do not support. It's like a war. "If you're not with us, you're against us."

Meanwhile, my fellow Catholics, when they learn that I disapprove of Trump's methods, treated me harshly. People I loved very much shunned me. It was brutal. I think I have one Catholic friend who voted for Trump. The rest were very clear that they no longer wanted to know me if I did not support Trump. In the past, friends had occasionally drifted away, when I left the state or converted from Hinduism to Catholicism, but I have never experienced anything like the verbal assaults I got from the people who threw me over for Trump.

Invisibility is another way of disheartening a Catholic who tries to make connections with their parish, with no luck. For example, I have spoken to the office of my current parish many times, explaining I am blind in one eye and it is hard to read the parish bulletin online. They will send me a bulletin for 2 or 3 weeks, and then it stops. I call again. Same thing happens. After 4 or 5 efforts, one DOES give up. At times, I have called, only to be told that I am not registered with the parish! I AM registered with this parish, but Satan can and does mess with the perceptions or he will distract a person,

When I was pursuing "official" status as a Diocesan Hermit, I can't tell you how many phone calls I made to the Bishop's office. I spoke to the right people and said the right things. I was promised return phone calls that never happened. First one bishop, then the next bishop. I have a friend who claims that this invisibility is partially because I am poor and have no money to offer and I have no family in the church and no one to advocate for me. I can't say whether or not that is true, but money does seem to have that effect on people.

In a church that has lost its respect for the contemplative life, the idea of a woman living as a religious hermit is often met with derision. One very worldly priest once told me "don't tell anyone you're a hermit because they'll think you're a kook!"

The adoration of Trump is not something I share, and the politicization of American Catholicism is not something I appreciate. But if it was not this it would be something else because it is in Satan's best interests to keep me as far from other Catholics as possible in his effort to break me away from the faith and to break the faith itself by perverting it.

I feel very sorry for all the other cousins of mine who are likewise descended from this family line of saints. I can well imagine the difficulties they endure.

Satan has been busy attacking Holy Mother Church for centuries. The relatively recent pedophilia scandals are just one of the latest campaigns of his. 

I would venture to say that most Catholics do not believe in the existence of Satan and his demons, primarily because they are not educated in the nature of those creatures and they have been influenced by all sorts of fanciful movies and books that feature demonic personalities.

Icon of the descent of Christ into Hell

Thinking of Satan as a person like a human person is usually the first mistake they make. Satan was created as an angel. We have to remember that. I recommend reading the book I mentioned, above.

Also remember that Jesus spoke about Satan and Hell many times.

WHY I PRAY FOR THOSE THAT HURT ME

If people who hurt me are in league with the Devil, why should I pray for them?

To be under a lifetime of attack by Satan is probably the worst thing that can happen to a person EXCEPT for the fate of those people who, through Satan's influence, have done his work and attacked me, stolen from me, lied about me, were cruel to me, etc. The consequences for them are far worse than the discomfort I have experienced, which is exactly why Jesus told us to pray for those that harm us!

To ally oneself with evil is to choose Hell. Even those who do not understand that they have made a tacit pact with the Devil are consigning themselves to Hell because they have chosen evil. But many folks these days tell themselves that there is no Satan, there is no Hell and there are no consequences for choosing evil, which is wishful thinking. Jesus spoke about hell more than any other topic. Unless those nay-sayers think Jesus is a liar, they had better reconsider this opinion that only Jesus, God and Heaven exist, but not the rest of it.

One woman who stole from me then lied about it once told me that Jesus was going to let her into heaven whether she lied or not - that lying was no big deal and it was "just a story." She did not appear to understand that choosing evil is choosing Hell. Jesus does not send us there. We do that ourselves.

SIN OF PRESUMPTION

So I pray for the welfare of all these people who deliberately harm me. I can't imagine how horrible it will be for them to endure eternity without God. I hasten to say, however, that I dare not presume to know the mind of God or to know whether or not, in His infinite mercy, he may not allow anyone and everyone into Heaven, whether they repent of their sins or not. This is not for me to say. I do recognize that presumption upon God's mercy or lack thereof is a terrible sin, in itself, so I am not positively asserting that any person is destined absolutely for Hell. I just don't like the idea of anyone going to Hell and, in the tradition of intercessory prayer, I choose to offer up my pain and suffering in reparation for my own sins and for the sins of those who have hurt me, in imitation of what Jesus did for all of us.

The church folks who have tried to make me leave the faith because of Trump will get many prayers said on their behalf. The priest who gathered an audience around himself, then told a long and vulgar "joke" about the size of my derriere, complete with pantomimes, is in dire need of my prayers. Parishioners who laughed at the joke about the size of my derriere and did not defend me - they are in need of my prayers. The neighbors that have stolen from me. The neighbors that attacked me in a gang. The thieves who broke my car windows and stole everything within the vehicle. The people who spread untrue rumors about me. Those who caused my father's death. The people who stole my inheritance. All of them are in great need of my prayers. I have only lost money, comfort, reputation, and the peaceful enjoyment of my living space. They have lost everything of value.

At this point in the narrative, one could not be blamed for thinking that this writer has got a screw loose and the reason for her bad luck is because of that. I don't blame you. I did wonder about that myself, early in my Catholic life. But I realized that the more holy, honest and ethical I became, the more bad things happened to me. I was being punished every time I turned toward the good. On the other hand, every time I let up on my spiritual disciplines, relaxed my schedule, gave in to small temptations, I was "rewarded" with lucky turns of fate. It became obvious to me who was to blame for all the bad luck. I was doing all the right things and getting the wrong results. It was not me. It was Satan, trying to get me to lose heart and to give up on chasing good. Instead, he was encouraging me to choose the bad.

GOD BRINGS ALL THINGS TO THE GOOD

God's goodness is so complete that He is able to bring the greatest good out of the greatest evil. Satan's efforts to get me to abandon the faith by tormenting me through Catholics and others has boomeranged on him. Instead, I am more determined than ever to remain within the bosom of The Church and to devote myself even more to my contemplative practices. If that makes me a "kook," so be it.

I write all this in the context of our Lady of Mount Carmel because the Carmelites probably know more about intercessory prayer and the necessity for contemplative practices for the purpose of union with God than any other order or system of thought in The Church, and it is through my early exposure to Carmel that I was able to gear my life toward religion from an early age.

Of course, it took me a long time to get into the Catholic Church, first as a result of my parents' interference, and then as a result of The Church itself. I've told the story many times about how I left the Hindu convent to become Catholic and the nun that ran the RCIA class would not allow me to be baptized because she had this crazy idea that my divorce of a non-sacramental marriage had to be "annulled" before I could be baptized, contrary to all "rules" of The Catholic Church. 

I was living a perfectly chaste life and intended to join a Catholic Convent - Definitely in a "state of grace" - but she could not see it.  In fact, she seemed really angry with me for being a divorced person. How DARE I presume to live like a non-Christian person before I became a Christian? Her attitude seemed to be that I needed to be punished for having been divorced and I had to pay the price of spending "many" years appealing for an annulment of my non-sacramental marriage in order to make up for it. THEN she deemed I would be worthy to receive BAPTISM. I knew enough to tell her that this was not the rule of the church, but I could not get her to see it. She just got more and more huffy and angry with me. This is exactly how Satan tries to keep people away from the church. He appeals to the ego and the anger of minor functionaries in the institution.

Rather late in the game, I have realized that remaining Catholic is and will continue to be very painful and lonely, especially because I am physically disabled, half blind, and in chronic pain, all of which makes it difficult to travel. On top of my personal disabilities, all of us are dealing with Covid and its limitations as well. Satan is not going to give up his efforts to discourage me. He has put a lot of years and effort into disconnecting my family line of saints from The Church. He will continue to try to turn Church folks against me. 

So, if past experience is a predictor of what I can expect in future, the more effort I put into my spiritual practices, the more "bad luck" I can expect him to visit upon me. It will be stressful, but God will not allow it to break me.

I will pray for the strength to endure it, and I am thinking it is time to re-read the book of Job and related works to see what wisdom I may get from that. I continue to look to Our Lady of Mount Carmel for assistance with my contemplative practices, which typically provide relief.

THE PERFECT MODEL OF INTERIOR LIFE

The Wikipedia page about Our Lady of Mount Carmel says that "The Carmelites consider the Blessed Virgin Mary to be a perfect model of the interior life of prayer and contemplation to which Carmelites aspire."

Father Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalene de' Pazzi OCD, writes that "our Lady wants us to resemble her not only in our outward vesture but far more, in heart and spirit. If we gaze into Mary's soul, we shall see that grace in her has flowered into a spiritual life of incalculable wealth: a life of recollection, prayer, uninterrupted oblation to God, continual contact, and intimate union with Him."  Her soul is a "sanctuary reserved for God alone." Isn't that beautiful?

Prayer to Our Lady of Mt. Carmel:

O most beautiful flower of Mt. Carmel, fruitful vine,

splendor of Heaven, Blessed Mother of the Son of

God, Immaculate Virgin, assist me in my necessity.

O Star of the Sea, help me and show me you are my

Mother. O Holy Mary, Mother of God, Queen of 

Heaven and Earth, I humbly beseech you from the 

bottom of my heart to succor me in this necessity 

(make request). There are none that can withstand

your power. O, Mary conceived without sin, pray for

us who have recourse to thee. Sweet Mother, I place

this cause in your hands. Amen."

There are many gorgeous and educational things written about Our Blessed Mother, and her role as the Lady of Mount Carmel. Rather than trying to reinvent the wheel with my own version, I would like to spend the next few days in contemplation and meditation, honoring our Mother, seeking her wisdom and assistance with the many issues with which I am grappling these days, and expressing gratitude for her intervention in my life that day, so many years ago, when I wandered into the Carmel Mission.

SATURDAY IS OUR MOTHER'S DAY

You know, Saturday is typically HER day, and I think it is very special that the 16th happens to fall on a Saturday this year. I highly recommend saying at least a few "Hail Marys," if you can spare the time, and practicing the presence of God and the Saints.

If any of you are interested in learning more about the contemplative life and mental prayer, feel free to contact me through the comment function on this website or go to Facebook and look me up. I am happy to help.

Here are a few helpful web pages that talk about this special feast day:

Wikipedia

Franciscan Media

Catholic News Agency

Discalced Carmel

I will try to clear the decks tomorrow so that I can spend Saturday in my own private retreat, and I hope you are able to do the same.

May you all experience the bliss of union with God.

Please pray for me, as I pray for you.

May we all be blessed!

Mother Silver Rose

Sannyasini Kaliprana

P.S. All of the blog posts I write are independently researched and written by me and all of them are protected by legal copyright, so please just enjoy them here and leave them here where you found them and do not copy any of it to any other place for any purpose.

(c) Copyright 2022, Silver S. Parnell

All rights reserved.

SAINT HENRY II - HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR - July 12, 2022

 

Henry II 

KING OF THE ROMANS

Duke of Bavaria

Holy Roman Emperor

Catholic Saint

Born May 6, 973 - Died July 13, 1024

Feast Day July 13

Patron of the childless, of Dukes, of the Handicapped

and those rejected by Religious Orders

my 1st cousin, 24 times removed

I have been having a particularly frustrating period of time in which contemporary events are just one nightmare on the heels of another. This type of cycle triggers my PTSD and reminds me of a long string of lifetime difficulties, frustrations and disappointments. It seems like everything I have tried to do over the last three decades has been summarily frustrated. One step forward, five steps back. It is exhausting.

My frustration had gotten so bad I spent 2 days unable to resist the weeping that seemed to be on the edge of my tear ducts every dang minute. Mind you, I wasn't incapacitated by it. As usual, I pushed through the inconvenient waterworks to take care of the daily grind, but I made a mental note to put a pin in it for a future day when I had time to unpack it all and figure out what to do with it so I could get on with life without bursting into tears every time I had to explain myself and why certain things are a problem for me. One disaster reminds me of another, and it all comes piling in on me.

When faced with a big life challenge, what I will typically do is spend some time in mental prayer and ask the Lord what He wants me to know at that moment, and I open my mind to the answer, sitting quietly and waiting. It could take days before I get some clarity - especially if I am at a significant crossroad in my life.

In addition to my mental prayer and meditation, I will usually also spend a bit more time in reading inspirational and/or instructive books and watching inspiring movies or documentaries.

I knew I was "in for" a significant message. I am coming up on my 20 year hermit anniversary, and it is both appropriate to review my life path, and somewhat urgent, since the difficulties of my hermit life, as a result of my health problems, mostly, have begun to really press in on me lately because they are unrelenting and I have so little help, except from a couple of friends, who themselves are loaded with family responsibilities and are already doing all they can.

I have also found it upsetting that friends I made when I first became Catholic really surprised me and stomped on my feelings by throwing me away when Trump came into politics and I made it clear that I do not approve of his methods. My friends mean a lot to me, since I have no family to speak of, and for them to throw me away because of a difference of opinion on politics is shocking - especially since the person for whom they threw me out is utterly morally bankrupt.

It is also important to note that I have not changed in the slightest since Trump came on the scene, other than becoming more physically disabled and having a few more wrinkles. I am as loving toward my friends as I ever was. I've never been a terribly political person per se, though I have had my share of marches for peace and justice when I was much younger. I am in favor of peace and justice, but I do not even have a favorite political party. It depends on the issue.

If people were throwing me away because I was a bad friend, it would be one thing - but to dispose of me because I do not share their devotion to a political figure seems, at the very least, unenlightened and more than a little off the mark. That alone is odd, but combined with all the cruelty and dishonesty in his methods, I wonder that they are surprised by my lack of approval of him. He threw little brown children in cages and made them sleep on cement floors, for crying out loud. He lied constantly and then he tried to overthrow our government. His reign was a nightmare.

But for some reason I will never understand, half of the Catholic world is in love with Trump and they justify every awful thing he does, which is another nightmare to add on top of the continual rejection I have gotten from the Church. I can understand those who believe that making abortion illegal will save babies and for this reason they support Trump. (I don't happen to agree that this method will save many (if any) babies because women will return to D.I.Y., the abortion pill, and traveling to areas where it is still legal), but I am pro-life and I do respect the initial impulse to try and do something about this trend.

I had already been cast aside by Hindu friends because I became Catholic - only to find myself out in the cold by many of the Catholics. I have at times wondered if becoming Catholic was the biggest mistake of my life. Don't get me wrong. The faith of Jesus is what I believe in, but many of the people in His church don't seem to share that belief. And there is so much politicking going on that the last time I was getting the Eucharist brought to me, the woman brought the good news of Trump rather than the Gospel, and priests are STILL giving homilies about politics instead of Jesus, turning their tongues into pretzels to justify the politicization of the faith.

I became Catholic because of the mystical contemplative heart of the faith that I read about from St. Teresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross, Jane de Chantal, Therese of Lisieux, Hildegard of Bingen, Teilhard de Chardin, Mechtilde of Magdeburg, Julian of Norwich, and many others. But I never hear a homily about any of those folks. Instead it is a constant litany about abortion and politics. It makes me sad.

I believe that the Catholic Church is under demonic attack from the inside. It has probably ALWAYS been, don't you think? Every horrible thing the church has done can likely be traced back to the work of Satan. Satan hates the Catholic Church and misleads Catholics of all stripe. I have run into a lot of Catholics who do not believe in Hell or Satan or Demons, but they still believe in Heaven and the heavenly reward that awaits them when they die. Jesus Himself talked about Hell and Satan quite a bit.

Anyway, the subject of Satan and how he messes around with the people in our church is a topic for another day or two or three, and I know that, to some people, it just sounds nutty - the idea of demons - but there has been so much cartoonish treatment of the topic that it is hard for many people to take it seriously, but we really need to.

So - back to my week: The weight of all my limitations, roadblocks, disappointments, etc., had begun to feel too much for me to handle by myself but what was I to do?

                                                                                                              

My monastic life does not look like I thought it would, two decades ago when I decided that my inability to work outside the home gave me an unanticipated space to live as a hermit. I had WANTED to start a Catholic contemplative ashram, similar to the Hindu places where I had lived. This would be more of a residential situation for retired senior ladies who wanted to live a dedicated life and spend time in shared meditation and prayer. I had an entire plan, and I was to use part of the inheritance my father promised me to carry it out.

By the way, this idea of a Catholic ashram is not new, nor  did I invent it. There is a long tradition in India of similar things. Father Bede Griffiths, a remarkable modern mystic (now gone on to his heavenly reward) created a monastic institution based in an Indian model while in India and also wore the gerua (orange) color robes, as I do on occasion. The Catholic ashram model is attractive to those of us with a background in Hinduism, and also for people of Indian ethnicity.

Gradually, it became obvious that it was not going to happen, especially when my father died about ten years into my hermit life, and I learned that he had previously been taken to an attorney to write me out of his will when he was suffering from dementia.  It really depressed me and it distracted me from my purpose. He died under suspicious circumstances, which was very sad, and it weighed on me, because I did not even know that he had died until after he had been cremated. I had no opportunity to say goodbye to him or to later request an autopsy. This time of year is rough on me, when that anniversary comes around.

Those of us who die poor should be grateful not to have any money because no one will have a reason to get rid of us. Poverty is a blessing in some ways.

At times like this, I turn to the saints, especially those in heaven to whom I am related, and also those that are the patron saints of issues I struggle with, such as Wednesday's saint.

I also try to learn something from ordinary people  - people who have confronted a string of disappointments and disasters and experience a lot of rejection.

One such person was a man by the name of Stuart Long. His entire life was one disaster after another - kind of like mine - and he died from a terrible wasting disease. Mark Wahlberg, a devoted Catholic, portrays him in the movie "Father Stu" that was written by Mel Gibson's girlfriend. Mel is also in the movie.

Here is an interesting article comparing the Hollywood version of Stu's life with what really happened, and they are pretty dang close, which is unusual for Hollywood:

(CLICK on the link below the photo.)

ARTICLE HERE

Stuart Long cannot catch a break. He comes from a broken family with an alcoholic, somewhat vulgar father and a doting mother. First he is a boxer, then gets "too old" for that, then decides he wants to be an actor, and that does not work out, but after his terrible accident, and a big spiritual experience, he realizes that he is destined to be a priest.

Then, he is a new Catholic, and they reject him at first, but he gets accepted to the seminary. (YAY!) He starts to do well. He really "gets" it. He is INSPIRED, but earthy and real at the same time. Gradually, the brash and foul mouthed man begins to earn the grudging respect of his new friends in the Church - THEN he is diagnosed with a terrible and incurable wasting disease and  they're going to kick him out because his disability is going to interfere with his career as a priest. He does really well in the seminary and has gone through Hell to get through it all, but after all that, they can't ordain him. 

What happens next is a wonderful payoff and because the name of the movie is "Father Stu," you KNOW that he DOES get ordained, but the payoff is much better than that, so you really must see that film. I watched it twice yesterday and cried through the last third of it each time.  Ugly cry.

I just can't tell you any more details because I don't want to ruin it for you. Toward the end of the movie, Wahlberg delivers a gorgeous soliloquy, and I wish I could quote it here. I wrote it down in my diary, but, again, I just can't rob you of the opportunity to have a good cleansing cry. Please go see that film.

What I will tell you is that Stuart Long tells us that disability is a blessing. Is that what I need to hear or what?  Of course, I myself have said the exact same thing MANY times, though not in as eloquent a manner, but of course we all know these important spiritual facts, but we have to be reminded every now and then because Satan's demons are always whispering into our ears, making us think that negative and self-defeating thoughts are our own.

They say, "I am not worthy to devote my life to God" or "I'm too sick," or "I just can't do it. I am not able." None of it is true, especially that bit about it being too hard for me. I can dedicate myself to a life devoted to God, but that does not require that I do it in a perfect manner.   I will do it in my own way, the way that God created me to do. I will do it to the best of my ability.

On thing Father Stu says, which I will share with you, is not to pray for an easy life, but for the grace to handle a difficult one. (I am paraphrasing here.) We know this is divinely inspired thought. After all, Jesus could have arranged an easy life for himself but that's not what he did, is it? Instead, he took on the sins of the entire world and died in reparation for them, in a very gruesome way.

I am always telling people that almost ALL of the saints had difficult lives, so we should not think that proof of holiness is a stress-free, easy life. That kind of thinking - that God rewards holy people with easy lives - is heresy with a capital "h." It is not Catholicism. Sure, some people will tell you it is true and they will publish all kinds of New Age memes on Facebook that make that claim - but they are wrong. Those kind of memes are calculated to throw coals on the heads of suffering people that Jesus told us to love.

At the same time I have been binge watching "Father Stu", I am also re-reading my copy of "Manual for Spiritual Warfare."  Very early in that little book is a discussion about how, exactly, the demons insinuate themselves into the thoughts and minds of humans and how they encourage the creation of situations that lend themselves to pushing humans to do the exact wrong thing, They get into your head and make you think that their whispered accusations are actually your own.

Why does God "allow" this? Well, he has engineered free will into all the lives of his creation. If he did not give us free will, that would make us slaves, and we could not love Him freely. We have to choose Him. The demons are only angels that made the wrong choice. They did not want to obey God. They wanted to be in charge.

So we need to learn from this - not to get too big for our britches and decide that we know better than God. Also, it's not a good idea to blame God. Stuart tells us that he blamed his constant bad luck and roadblocks on God - as if it was his fault. He blamed God for all of it, and I think he was mad at him for it.

I am glad that I have yet to blame God for any bad thing that has happened in my life - and I do not say "why me?" but I am rather more prone to saying, "why not me?" I credit the Swami with teaching me that. He also used to say, "just know that something good is going on, even when you can't see it." That has helped me a great deal over the last few years. Something good is going on.

Today I am appealing to my cousin, Saint Henry II of Bavaria who also wanted to be a monk but was discouraged from the priesthood and monastic life - and by "discouraged" I mean they denied it to him. He tried a couple of times but he was advised to continue with his royal duties and leave the monastic prayers to others. He could have demanded it, I suppose, but it shows a bit of humility that he did not insist on it. He followed through with the life that was peculiarly suited to him, and he ended up being Holy Roman Emperor and did a wonderful job of it.

And what will I do? Well, I will continue to do that work that The Lord obviously wants me to do because He has left no possibility for anything else. Evidently, he does not trust me to decide on my own and follow through with it.  I am to continue on as an Accidental Hermit and devote my disabled body to Him, offering up my pains and disappointments in reparation for my sins and the sins of the world, and I will continue to develop gratitude for all of it.

It will take some work to be grateful for the humiliating financial situation, but I will learn.

Currently, my car is missing two windows on the driver's side. In fact, halfway through writing this diary entry, I had to run out and put it back into the garage. Forgetting that the open window meant that the seat would be WET from the heavy summer monsoon rain, I sat right down in it. 

After driving it into the garage, I had to change my clothes, as I was sopping wet! It is embarrassing to be driving a broken down old jalopy, missing hub caps and windows and turn signals. But what can I do?

So, I hobbled back into the house with my soggy butt and had to change clothes and hang the wet pants.

I will be advertising a GOFUNDME as soon as I get some idea of how much it will cost to get everything fixed. It just kills me to always have to beg. You'd think after two decades of disability, I'd be used to it by now - but no. Aside from the discomfort of begging, I find it rather awkward to be driving around in a car that is obviously ill cared-for. Caught between a rock and a hard place.

I worked my whole life so I could pay for the maintenance on my cars, and ever since I got to New Mexico. I've been having car problems. I took SUCH good care of the Toyota that I drove here but then some guy in a truck decided to back into my car without looking in his rear view mirror and accordion it while I was in it, and that was the end of THAT! Because the car was SO OLD, the insurance company would only give me $200.00 for it as a total loss! It did not matter how well cared-for it had been or what low mileage it had on it. 

Ever since I lost that really good, reliable car, It has been one ugly jalopy after another, because I was already disabled and would never again have the money to buy a decent car. If I sell my novel and get the movie rights sold, things may change. In the meantime, I ride jalopies.

What I could use is a van that I could drive my mobility scooter into, and I thought about trying for it again, but the last time I tried to pull the money together for that I got NOTHING for all my effort, so I am just praying to fix the jalopy I've got already, rather than advertise for what I really need because experience has told me I won't get it anyway. (My friend Jane would probably say I am being "negative" at this point, but I believe I know what to expect, based on the wisdom of long experience, so there is no point in disappointing myself unnecessarily.)

If you've a mind to help me before I get the GOFUNDME up and running, then I will very much appreciate a donation. You'll find a DONATION button underneath my photo, above right.

I know there are a lot more tragic stories floating around out there, but I need this just as much as anyone in my position would. I am disabled and cannot use public transport for MANY reasons, the sun van  buses for seniors is also impossible for me. I just cannot write the eight or ten paragraphs I would need to write to outline all the issues and the physical realities. So, while I do not drive much more than 1,000 miles a year, those miles are essential - because I have no other method of having that transportation. I have friends who take me to the eye doctor and the very rare lunch but there are certain short trips for which I just have to have a car. I live on a low retirement income that just doesn't cover car repairs. The last time I took the car in to be repaired, it cost an entire month's income. 

SO - I will get up the GOFUNDME as soon as I can. I am not feeling well at all and moving slowly. I am also working on some art and jewelry projects, which I have to finish and then try to sell, as well as start a Facebook page for them. It is going to take me some time to get all the projects up and running. Then there is the NOVEL I am still writing, albeit slowly. I will let you know when those things are ready for you.

In the meantime, if you are interested in watching that movie FATHER STU, you can rent it from Amazon:

 FATHER STU MOVIE HERE

If you would like to learn about my cousin, Henry II of Bavaria, here are a few good pages about him:

CATHOLIC ONLINE

WIKIPEDIA

BRITANNICA

Reading about Henry will disabuse you of the notion that saints are all perfect. Of course, most of the saints that REALLY appeal to me are a bit more perfect than our man Henry here - but it is very difficult to maintain perfection whilst embroiled in politics. Also, the separation of church and state is not considered a thing to be desired here in the USA, but Henry was appreciated by the church partly because of his involvement of the political world with that of the Catholic Church.

But I would remind people that when the Church WAS in charge in the political arena, it did a lot of horrible things in the name of God, so I rather think it obvious that too much power in the control of any institution is too much a temptation and should not be repeated.

Henry was ill for most of his reign. He also wanted to retire to a monastery but was rejected. And he was known to break out into Bible verse in the middle of a political speech. He accepted his role in life and brought his spiritual inclinations to the job he was given. He sounds to be quite something, and I wish I could have seen him. I count on meeting him in Heaven, when the time comes.

As for my mood, I don't much feel like crying at the drop of a hat any more.  It occurred to me that when one decides to dedicate the rest of their life to God, your life belongs to Him from then on and He can do whatever He likes with it. It seems bad manners to complain about his decisions after the fact. Otherwise, I have not GIVEN him anything, have I?

SURE, my life does not look like I planned it would, but whose plan is to be followed, anyway? I've decided to follow Father Stu's example and go one step further than accepting God's will for me life. I have decided to celebrate it just as it is, because the fact that it is what God has decided for me automatically makes it a wonderful thing.  Something good is going on.

So - that's my ramble for the next few days. Have a beautiful week , everyone, and God bless you all.

Silver Rose
Kaliprana
Silver Cottage Hermitage

SAINT OLGA OF KYIV - MY 34TH GREAT GRANDMOTHER - JULY 11, 2022

 

Saint Olga

"Equal to the Apostles"

July 11th

Patron Saint of Widows and Converts

My 34th Great Grandmother

Patron saint of converts

As as convert, I would naturally have an affinity for this saint, but knowing that she is ALSO my 34th great grandmother makes me very happy! I hope that I have inherited from her DNA some of the strength and one-pointedness that she exhibited in her life, as well as the willingness to turn a corner in life and to CHANGE - to become BETTER - and to aspire to something higher and finer. I ALSO hope that, as my loving great grandmother, she is interceding for me at the throne of God, pleading with Him to help me along on my spiritual path, and that when I speak to her in prayer, she listens to me and is present with me in the many trials I endure.

She is, in fact, one of several saints from whom I descend, including Saint Margaret of Scotland, an English Plantagenet princess who had intended to become a nun, but who was pursued by the king of Scotland when her ship went aground on his land, something that changed her destiny forever. There are several saints I've studied who had initially planned to become a monastic, but their life path made it impossible, yet that strong impulse toward the Lord remained a feature in their lives, even when their plans were thwarted.

Catholicism was in my genes, if not my household

I think back to when I was 11, and I was first enthralled with stories of the lives of the contemplative Carmelite nuns with whom I was corresponding. I had wanted to be one of them - but the only problem is that my parents hated religion, and hated the Catholic church, in particular, and they forbade me from communicating with those lovely nuns or becoming one of them. They were not even Christian. It was not possible.

Yet I am sure the Lord knew all this before it happened because I was born with a number of creative gifts that appeared when I was very young, because by the time I discovered the Carmelites, I was already painting oil paints, making beaded jewelry, and writing haiku poems. All of these things, I find myself doing in my current life circumstances. We all have some kind of work we are called to do, and I was given the gift of ART AND WRITING as mine.

Every monastic institution has a certain amount of work that the residents do to support themselves, as well as a certain amount of recreation. Those of us disabled and/or senior ladies who seek to emulate the monastic routines can easily follow along those lines. It does not LOOK the same as the lovely nuns with their obvious costumes, living in the institutions that communicate the life of the spirit in their very walls - but looks are not everything - and I want to encourage all of my far-flung sisters in spirit not to become dismayed by appearances and the limitations of trying to live a monastic life surrounded by secular nonsense, because what matters is what goes on within your souls.  You know that, of course, but I want to remind you and support you.  You can live a life in union with the Divine, but by necessity, each of you will express it in your own unique way.

The religion of unlimited "do-overs"

Another thing I love to keep in mind is that the religion of Jesus the Christ is the religion of perpetual "second chances." The process of stumbling, repenting, confessing, getting absolution, and then rising again, is unlimited in this faith. It is a religion of constant encouragement for Our Father who Art in Heaven! We are never doomed forever. Babies stumble and fall while Father encourages us to walk to Him and fall, instead, into his arms.

Saint Olga, before becoming Christian, was a wicked woman. In retaliation for the murder of her husband, King Igor, by the Drevlians, she embarked upon her campaign of revenge with cold fury and incredibly treacherous and cruel chicanery, killing most of those people and reducing the demoralized remnant to an enslaved population.

Rather than reinvent the wheel, I will give you this link to some of my sources for information about my great grandmother, and you can read about her more in depth.

Articles about Saint Olga

WIKIPEDIA

BRITANNICA

ORTHODOX WIKI

NATIONAL CATHOLIC REGISTER

CATHOLIC ONLINE

So complete was her conversion and subsequent efforts to Christianize Kievan Rus, that the Eastern Churches have named her "Equal to the Apostles,: which is a rare appellation. If SHE could turn herself around so thoroughly, there is certainly hope for each one of us, no matter how far behind we lag in our spiritual advancement.

One thing in particular that I find inspiring about her is that she was the first female leader of what is now partially considered Russia. Some of her lands were Ukraine. To dedicate oneself to God while in control of vast wealth and power is a stunning achievement of personal will and determination. It tells me that her conversion was very real and that her devotion to the faith changed her from the inside out.

When you have as much power as she did, the temptation to succumb to selfish and dictatorial behavior is intense. That woman must have had some grit, don't you think? Of course, she was of Viking heritage.

I ask for the intercession of this strong and powerful queen and saint who was brave enough to seek forgiveness for incredible crimes against the people. I pray that she advocates for me at the foot of the throne of our Lord.

Also, I pray that some of the strength of her particular DNA has been communicated to me so that I can pull myself out of this tailspin I am in because the last 12 years have stripped me of every ounce of reserves that I possess.

Personal emergencies

This has been an incredibly difficult few weeks for me. The physical struggles and constant pain have worn me down. The financial difficulties add more stress, but I hasten to point out that every disabled senior lady is probably dealing with much of the same problems.

A couple days ago, while driving in my 28 year-old car to an errand, I heard and felt a loud THWACK against the driver's door. I thought someone had thrown something at the car or that an errant golf ball had found its way to me, but after I visited the drive-through ATM and then tried to roll up the window, it would not budge. The loud noise I had heard was the spontaneous breakage of the mechanism inside the car door.

I absolutely must get the car fixed

I do have groceries delivered, when possible, but this is extremely expensive. Between the membership monthly fee, the service fee, and the tip for the shopper/delivery person, I am now running out of food money before the end of the month. Aggravating this situation is the fact that we are ALL suffering through an enormous uptick in the cost of groceries, due to all sorts of factors, mostly having to do with Covid pandemic.

I am not able to use public transport

Most important to understand is that I am not able to use public transport. This is something that the uninitiated ALWAYS offer as the "obvious" solution - but I absolutely cannot do that. It is physically impossible for me - for many reasons. 

We do have senior buses that are sometimes available, but I am unable to use these also - not only because of the bumpy ride that throws out my back, but also because I am unable to stand for any length of time WAITING for the bus when it comes to pick me up. They tell you that you must be prepared to stand from 15 minutes BEFORE the pickup time until 15 minutes AFTER the pickup time. That is 1/2 hour of standing. I am lucky to stand for 5....ESPECIALLY if I am on an errand and have to stand inside an office or walk the aisles during a short shopping trip. I always need to have a car "at the ready" for when my body gives out.

Catholic Charities Transportation Department is very limited

I do have people to drive me to some of my doctor appointments but there are a lot of different sorts of errands, such as taking the service dog to the vet or the groomer, that Catholic Charities will not do.  

In addition, their Transportation Department rigidly require a full weeks' notice of any errand and there are only a few types of trips they will do. Furthermore - they will not STAY with you while you do your errand. You have to call them to come and pick you up, and you run the risk of waiting for a really long time.

Cheaper to repair than to buy new

As a friend pointed out to me, it is always cheaper to repair the old car, until parts can no longer be found for it, and since Toyotas are fairly plentiful in the U.S., we SHOULD be able to get it repaired - but this repair is only the latest, albeit the most urgent repair that must be done. There is an entire list. 

A vehicle that could carry my mobility scooter would be the best option

A Toyota Rav 4, with an electronic scooter carrying on the back, would work for me, but what would probably be the best is a van in which I can drive up the electric mobility scooter into the belly, so that I can be independent and go anywhere without having to cajole someone into driving me and carrying a walker with us. 

Since it now appears that my right eye is holding strong at 20/25 vision, and since my retina specialist says there is no problem with driving, especially during the day, I do want to try to get that van, when possible, or at least the Toyota Rav 4, but I don't even have the money for the repairs to the OLD car, what to speak of something new! But someday in future, if I manage to sell my novel and it does well, then these are the plans I have.  In the meantime:

Social Security Retirement Income barely covers survival mode

I loathe having to beg for help, but the novel proceeds very slowly, and the proposed new jewelry making "side hustle" is faltering a bit, since even the most ordinary beads and equipment are becoming hugely more expensive, more and more, every day. Decades ago, when I first learned how to make jewelry, the ingredients were affordable and a great way to start a small business. No more! In order to get any discount, one has to buy in huge quantity. The startup costs are enormous.

In addition, because I am disabled, I will have to do the majority of my sales and delivery of merchandise THROUGH THE MAIL, which has also gotten extremely expensive. Obviously, I would need a car to get the merchandise to the post office on those days when I am unable to put the parcel through the very small slot in the mailbox here at the apartment complex or arrange for a pickup by the mailman. Mailing it from my location also eliminates the possibility of providing a tracking number, which seems rather essential these days, with all the shipping snafus. There is a way to do that from home, of course, but that requires that you have a working printer to print postage, but the ink cartridges are so expensive I have not had one since the original half cartridge that came with my small printer wore out.

These are the sort of petty details that can drive one mad.

There is a small store in town that may take some of my things, but anytime you introduce a middle-man, you run the risk of making no profit at all because their conditions make it so that most or nearly all profit goes to them as the seller. If they buy the items outright, they only give you 50% of the final sale price, but the maker absorbs ALL the costs of the merchandise.

As an "artist," making one-of-a-kind jewelry, rosaries and wall art, I have a chance of turning a profit at someone else's store that a friend of mine has introduced me to. They sell some items in their small store/gallery - and on the weekends they go to a large craft/art fair with some of their wares. Small jewelry items that are affordable for the general population have to be dealt with in the manner described above. Up til now, I've taken my startup costs from a refund that I received (long story) that was money I had not counted on having. A few hundred dollars.

I have sold my paintings in the past and will also be producing some of those, God willing. FRAMING the paintings is a big expense that I will try to deal with by making my own. I am still designing that part in my head. Even if I make my own, there will be an expense.

Some day, I plan to get a gallery to handle the more expensive items, but I stand the best chance for the less expensive items if I get a business up and running on Facebook. Many people are doing it these days.

One could legitimately ask why don't I just forget all this and molder away in my apartment 'as is," praying the day away. After all, I am old, and how many more years do I have? Also, there is the fact that I've already lost the vision in one eye and may lose the vision in another. Why not just GIVE UP like so many others do in their retirement?

All I can say is that no one can tell me how long I will live, and as far as I can see, it could be DECADES more. I do not want to deliberately organize my life so that other people will be forced to care for me to a greater and greater degree. I have no family to speak of and there is NO SAFTEY NET. Plus, I still have an active mind and it is not my temperament to just sit and wait for death. I must at least TRY to make a success of things so that I do not presume on the generosity of others. It is not fair to them.

Between the prayer schedule, physical household tasks, writing the novel and making the art projects, my life is jam packed and, if I do not think too much about the razor's edge on which I walk, it is a happy life. But this week, the razor is a bit too sharp for me, and I've had the weepies for a few days. I am stressed and have been crying on the shoulders of friends - something that has not been characteristic of me during my life, but everyone has their breaking point.

I will have to get some help

I am contemplating another GOFUNDME campaign to get the car fixed and get some more tools to sell the art and jewelry. My independent temperament finds this VERY hard - to have to resort to this. I have been self-supporting my entire life. I never received financial help from family. 

Though my father was wealthy, he was a selfish man, and the one time I asked him for help in my early 20's, he screamed at me, "I don't owe you ANYTHING!" At the same time, he lied to his wife that he was giving me money so that he could hide the fact that he was spending a lot on other women and hotel bills for his many and frequent assignations. It is no wonder that he died under such suspicious circumstances. The wages of sin. 

One sociopathic family member did offer to help me, on two occasions, but both involved schemes to rob me of whatever minimal amount of money and dignity I had left. So there has never been a safety net. I have always walked the tight rope over a pit of ravening wolves.

Anyway, when one's family is so egocentric they won't throw a cup of water on you if you're on fire, it teaches you not to rely on humans, and I spent my previous working life in that mode, so that now, when I simply must ask for help, it is an extremely uncomfortable thing to do. Combine my experiences outlined above with my autonomous temperament and disability and you have a recipe for an extremely stressful situation. I am sure I am learning from it, though. It is chastening me and providing plenty of opportunity to learn humility through forced and constant humiliations.

I do have a handful of remarkable Catholic friends that have been very helpful - but they can't do EVERYTHING....especially when it involves car repairs that I estimate will cost between 1 and 2 thousand dollars. Everything has its limit and, as one person pointed out to me the other day, it really is too bad that I come from such an awful family because they have cohesive families that require their attention, and I am not part of that group. While I always advocate for a more family-friendly government in my country, I wish, at the same time, that more thought was given to the many many seniors who come from very small or miserly and despicable families. I see these people all the time. They are the invisible older folks that walk their remaining years alone.

The other day, a very old man came wandering into the apartment complex, on foot, with a wooden walking stick. He was looking for the office and was saying that he had to move out of his place the very next day. I didn't quiz him. I was walking my little service dog with a good friend of mine who had come to visit. I urged the man to ask about the waiting list and about the low-income program. I am still worrying about the poor old guy and sending up prayers for him. Unlike me, he is able to walk with no problem, it seems, but he is obviously in extremis and there is little real help for someone in emergencies at that age. When one is younger, it is easier to find shelter.

On the other hand, there is that wonderful passage that I have found so helpful for so many years:

"For my father and my mother have left me,

but the Lord hath taken me up."

Psalm 27:10

We are never really alone. Even for those of us for whom our parents were absent, even when in the same room, when parents have not behaved as parents, the moment they abandon us, even if we are babies or toddlers or teens, the Lord takes us up at that time - and He is the best parent of all.

A matter of urgency

I live in a crime-ridden neighborhood. I can't keep my car in the garage all the time because unless I move it, I can't use my mobility scooter or my walker. I can't get them out of the garage because it is too tight a squeeze. I have no room for them in the house.

The garage also houses the trash and I cannot move it out of there without also removing the car. Meanwhile, this is the land of the giant cockroach and enormous black widow spiders. I have had no one to help me tidy up the trash area or the garage - and God only knows what will crawl into my car while it sits there with no window all night!

The small triangular window in to the back seat is also missing from a night when I forgot to move the car into the garage and hoodlums broke in and stole EVERYTHING, including the service dog's car seat! (I thought that was particularly mean.)

The list of work that needs doing:

Fix the mechanical mechanism inside the door that raises the window.

Replace the back little window piece.

Replace the catalytic converter

The turn signals do not work.

The power steering has not really worked for some time, although we jerry rigged a partial solution some years ago, and it hurts my arms and shoulders any time I have to do much of a turn.

The brakes have not been examined in YEARS.

The fluids should probably be checked.

The tires are low in air.

I am estimating that I will need $2,000. It could be more, if I can't find someone to do it "on the cheap," but once I have the $2,000 I can start, at least. It sounds like a lot, but it is a heck of a lot cheaper than buying a new car, so what choice do I have?

I have reached out to a couple people in search of someone to do repairs "on the cheap," but so far no luck. It's just as well, however, because when I have done that in the past, it has not worked out well. It is best to pay for a legitimate mechanic/repair person and get the job done right the first time.

I will start working on the GOFUNDME

In the meantime, if you are able to donate to the car repair project, I would be most grateful. You could use the DONATION button ABOVE RIGHT, UNDER MY PHOTO. It is a bit rusty, as no one has contributed in more than a year, but Paypal is reliable.

If you have any questions, you can certainly contact me on Facebook at:

THIS FACEBOOK LINK

Just send me a message there, and I will try to be routinely available for chatting most of the time.

I hope ya'll are having a better week than I am at this point in time. It is only through prayer, gritting my teeth, and pushing on that I am able to endure.

I hope you all have a beautiful Sunday

God bless you all!

Silver Rose
Sannyasini Kaliprana

Silver Cottage Hermitage

P.S. All of the blog posts I write are independently researched and written by me and all of them are protected by legal copyright and may not be copied for any purpose by any person for any reason, so please just enjoy them here and leave them here where you found them.

(c) Copyright 2022, Silver S. Parnell

All rights reserved.

No copying for any purpose by anyone is allowed.

Saint Anthelm and Our Lady of Perpetual Help - June 26, 27 - 2022

 

Our Lady of Perpetual Help

I love the name of Monday's Marian observance - Our Lady of Perpetual Help. The idea that she is perpetual - not limited in time or space - available at any time of day. She is there, waiting for us - ready to help us. What a wonderful concept!

Our Lady who is always open to us, who is giving us her "yes" just as she gave her "yes" to God, is a wonderful counterpoint to the terrible political turmoil that is happening right now. I welcome the opportunity to turn my back on all the political news that is legitimately captivating - but which does not speak to my vocation or my heart, really.

The balance of body and soul becomes disturbed when the news becomes inflammatory and there is a lot of controversies jockeying for our attention. It becomes impossible to tune into the blissful, slowly flowing and peaceful mood that typifies the meditative, contemplative life when there are excitable elements demanding our attention constantly.

I've noticed also that the mind, once it becomes involved with those energetic influences, tends to want to stick with that vibe, which isn't good for me, speaking from my personal point of view. So I have to gently call it back from the dramas that are unfolding in the world, then point it in the direction of the Divine.

My instruction to meditation students has always been "incline the mind to the Divine."  When we do this, we are with God. Rather, we recognize that God is always with us. We're just not paying attention most of the time. 

Our Lady of Perpetual Help is a wonderful intermediary - someone to hold our hand and soothe us in that process of detaching our attention from the 3-act play in front of us and onto our Lord. I think of her, in times like these, as a divine bridge.

Yesterday's saint is an example of a steady saint who exemplifies a balanced personality, spiritually speaking, and a wide range of skills. I sense that he must have been an extremely intelligent man. Saint Anthelm, like many of the saints, was a hermit for some time.

Time spent alone with God is like anchoring yourself at a very deep level, and after that you may travel anywhere and everywhere and do all sorts of business, yet still be attached to the Lord. Living as a hermit gives you a type of security that does not allow for other people or exciting events to throw you off balance.

Saint Anthelm started out as a priest, and then after visiting the Carthusian Charterhouse at Portes, he entered that contemplative order. A couple years later, he was made abbot of Le Grande Chartreuse, the most famous of the Carthusian order's monasteries. The Carthusians are ascetic and contemplative.

I remember watching a wonderful program about Le Grande Chartreuse when I was a monastic with the Vedanta Society. It really affected me. I remember thinking that male monastics have much grander establishments than the women, which may not be a bad thing. I've just noticed that, no matter what the religion, men always have more comfortable and grander living arrangements. Often, they've corralled the women to wait on them, including, in some instances, NUNS, who I don't imagine particularly enjoy that, having given up domestic life to join the convent.

Just to prove my point, I'll tell you that he made a lot of improvements to the place, including building a defensive wall and an aqueduct. It seems he was equally skilled as an organizer and administrator because he pulled together the various charterhouses and standardized the rules.

He may have worn himself out with all of that building and fixing and organizing, because it was after that episode when he lived as a hermit for a couple of years. He no doubt needed to anchor himself to The Lord after all of that!

After a couple years as a hermit, he got all busy with political stuff, defending Pope Alexander III against an "antipope." After this, he was appointed bishop of Belley, France. WHEW!

Was there anything this guy did not do? Building, organizing, contemplating, hermiting, bishoping. A remarkable man, by all accounts, and I've only told you half his story. Anyway, he is an example to me that, as much as I think I am overwhelmed with all the things I must do, while at the same time being unable to actually physically DO them, it is not impossible, and perhaps I need to just ask for the intercession of Saint Anthelm to help me organize.

So, my personal affiliation with this saint is much more tenuous than with the others that I typically discuss. He was sent to England to arbitrate a dispute between Henry II (my 26th great grandfather) and St. Thomas Beckett, but something curtailed that trip because he had to return to Belly where he took care of the poor and the local lepers.

Now, it seems to me that caring for the poor and the lepers is the sort of thing your superiors task you to do when you have gotten too big for your britches and you need to get in touch with your humble faith.  But who could blame this saint for being a little impressed with himself. Honestly, he really IS impressive, don't you think?

My takeaway from Saint Anthelm is that it may be possible for me to "balance it all," hermit-life and the maintenance of the physical plant, writing and study and all the other labors.

Speaking of which, I am coming up on my 20 year anniversary of hermit life. I need to renew my enthusiasm for the life and become more regular in my prayers, if that is possible when considering how my disabilities affect my schedule. But I think I can do better than I have done recently, and I plan to make some changes before my anniversary in February of 2023. I will ask Saint Anthelm to help me. I think he's just the guy.

In the meantime, I ask that you please pray for me so that I may become a better example of this life and thereby grow closer to God. I will pray for all of you also.

God bless us all!

Silver Rose
Sannyasini Kaliprana

Silver Cottage Hermitage

P.S. All of the blog posts I write are independently researched and written by me and all of them are protected by legal copyright and may not be copied for any purpose by any person for any reason, so please just enjoy them here and leave them here where you found them.

(c) Copyright 2022, Silver S. Parnell

All rights reserved.

No copying for any purpose by anyone is allowed.

ROE V. WADE OVERTURNED - JUNE 24, 2022

Blessed Virgin Mary and Baby Jesus

by

Silver S. Parnell

(c) Copyright 2021

All rights reserved.

Today's events have overshadowed everything else for the moment, and I have some comments.

First of all, if this had been the last instead of the only action in a series of real efforts to improve America's pro-family and pro-life efforts, we would have something to celebrate.

If overturning Roe was the last, instead of the only action, we would have a nationwide living wage that was more than adequate to support grownups and kids.

If it was the last, instead of the only action, families would not be forced to bankrupt themselves caring for a sick child or other family member because every family would have guaranteed health care.

If it was the last, instead of the only action, mothers and fathers would each have paid maternity/paternity leave for at least the first six months of the baby's life.

If it was the last, instead of the only action, education from Pre-K through college would be free at point of service. 

If it was the last, instead of the only action, the "pro-life" Republican Party would have proven that it actually cares about families and children with all those other actions, but the opposite is true. It has proven that it is hostile to families, hostile to children, hostile to the poor, the elderly, the disabled. It fights against all those actions I have listed.

The other industrialized nations take much better care of their citizens than we do, despite having far less wealth and natural resources than our country holds.  Our citizens struggle to put food on the table and a roof over their heads, while a handful of greedy corporate overlords is so bored and sated with life that they take vacations in outer space. The people who created the wealth with their work do not get their fair share of the wealth that they worked for. They are wage slaves.

It is no wonder that most women cite financial hardship as a reason for their abortion. We live in a culture that is hostile to children and families.

Forget for a moment the financial impossibility of raising a child on a food service workers salary. Women's bodies have always been under attack.  Every war involves the rape and unwilling impregnation of women. From their own households where countless children are raped by family members, to the rape by coercion during a date, to the workplace where employers make it clear that the woman will be fired if she does not give the boss sex, I have experienced all of these myself and I know how very common it all is, how dirty and hopeless it makes you feel, and how impossible it is to keep one's sanity while at the same time being forced to carry a growing thing within yourself that is put there by force. For the woman in this position, it is not a baby. It is a hostile invader, a parasite, a daily reminder of the humiliation, shame and trauma. But do these "pro life warriors" who go to war against these women give a damn about any of that? No. Women remain the spoils of war.

The big lie underneath all this is that the party that claims to be "pro-life" is nothing more than an agency that works on behalf of the wealthy overlord class. In a deliberate, cynical ploy to get voters to agree to remain poor and to work as wage slaves so that the rich can get richer, it lies and says it cares about babies and families. It lies and says it is "pro life."

Lying is how it routinely does business. Each of Trump's Supreme Court appointees lied in their confirmation hearing testimony. They claimed adherence to the doctrine of stare decisis and that Roe was established law, so they would respect that and Roe wasn't in their sites. But the first thing we heard from them thereafter was a leaked document that the doctrine of stare decisis would be trashed and Roe would be overturned, and today we get the final draft. Instead of respecting stare decisis, they have thrown out the principle of adhering to precedent. Because they have a political agenda, everything that has gone before is now up for grabs, despite their assurances that this would not happen.

Whoever would love life and see good days

must keep their tongue from evil and their lips

from deceitful speech."

1 Peter 3:10

I used to vote across both parties. I used to believe that both parties consisted of people of good will that were trying to better the country and that I could vote either Republican or Democrat, based upon the issue under discussion at the moment, but I can no longer do that. I have lost all respect for the politicians in the Republican Party, with the exception of a very small number of men and women who have distinguished themselves recently with their honesty, ethics, and (frankly) bravery in calling out their fellow Republican politicians.

When I watched the interviews with weepy but jubilant "pro-life" demonstrators, crowing about their "victory" using a variety of triumphal language, the journalists would often ask them how they feel about the people whose lives have been upended by this action by a radical right wing political set of jurists. Not one of them had a shred of understanding or compassion for the girls and women against whom they had just effected a hostile takeover.

One woman blithely talked about adoption and I wondered how SHE would like to spend 9 months carrying the offspring of a violent rapist? Besides which, who is going to pay the medical bills for the women and babies? Who will support them when they can no longer work?

The biggest lie of all is that overturning Roe will save those "dear precious babies." What it will do is push women into back alley abortions (again) and into amateur self-surgery with knitting needles or crochet hooks. Those who have the money and the connections and resources to travel hundreds of miles to another state where it remains legal (for now) will avail themselves of it. My point is that abortions have always been available and always will be. "Pro-life" activists are kidding themselves if they think they are saving the babies.

As before mentioned, if the GOP really cared about children and families, it would not have pushed so hard against the social programs that could have helped them. It would not have worked to keep wages low. It would not have worked so hard to give tax breaks to the rich. They did not want to pay for pro-family measures and they continue to try to rip social security out from under the elderly who paid into it for DECADES which, if they succeed, will leave people like me on the streets. The underlying, consistent theme is NOT "pro-life," it is pro-rich guy. The "pro life" aspect is a hook to catch gullible voters.

I predict that the number of children that are born through forced compliance will be smaller than the number of women and babies that die as a result of either back-alley abortions, suicide, or self-surgery misadventure.

Anyone reading this may (incorrectly) assume that I am pro-abortion. I am not. I am simply able to have compassion and empathy for people other than myself who live in ways other than the way in which I live and who have a point of view that I do not share. I respect, also, that the USA is a country that was founded on freedom of religion. It is one of the main reasons why the original settlers came from Europe. They were living under a repressive religious autocracy.

My personal philosophy around sex life is formed by my life experiences which have taught me that women are always the losers when they have sex outside of marriage, and that unwanted pregnancies are only one of the many problems that arise when people treat sex as if it was an entertainment. My solution for the huge number of abortions performed in America would be partially ameliorated by a return to the custom of waiting to have sex until one is married. But I realize that you cannot force people to live in a way they do not agree with, nor should we WANT to do that in a country supposedly founded on freedom of religion.

Obviously, this issue is complex, and a lot of different people have opinions about this. The philosophical differences are huge - and neither side seems positioned to even begin to try and understand the other, which brings up my final point:

Whatever happened to evangelization?

Jesus never advocated for a takeover of the government. In fact, the opposite is true. Neither did he recommend that his followers use force to make people comply with his commandments. He told them to kick the sand from their feet and move on. That is all. These "pro life warriors" have done the exact opposite of what Jesus commanded. They work against the social programs that sound a LOT like Jesus's commandment to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the prisoner, etc., and instead of evangelizing the culture, they go to war against it.

None of this looks like anything Jesus would recognize. It is hypocritical - something which non-Christians have noticed. If they disliked Christians before this era, they despise them now - because of the lying, manipulation, hate-filled bullying, and general hypocrisy. The manner in which one does things is important, and it is not ok to commit the evil of lying and manipulation in order to get something done that you consider to be "good." Catholics know this. It is in the catechism. Apparently, other types of Christians do not care about it.

If our culture is the opposite of something Jesus would like to see, the blame for that does not lay with the  "lefties." We failed to evangelize. We failed to demonstrate the glory of Jesus Christ. We consistently behave in unholy ways and we are responsible for this culture becoming more and more pagan.

Instead of crowing about how we "won" this culture war and overturned Roe, we should be on our knees, with apologies on our lips, for how poorly we have evangelized this nation and how badly we have treated one another, in direct disobedience to Jesus commands. We have forced a standard of behavior onto non-Christians using lies and manipulation instead of evangelizing.

In the end, few, if any, lives will be saved. The conditions in which the poor live will be far worse, and the rich guys at the top of the pyramid will continue to take vacations in outer space. It is mind boggling. With all the resentment that has built up against hypocritical Christians, is evangelization even POSSIBLE now?

The solution? Each of us need to do better, be better, follow Him better, and be better examples than we have been. No one will listen to us otherwise, if they will listen to us at all after this.

May we all be blessed!

Silver Rose
Sannyasini Kaliprana

Silver Cottage Hermitage

P.S. All of the blog posts I write are independently researched and written by me and all of them are protected by legal copyright and may not be copied for any purpose by any person for any reason, so please just enjoy them here and leave them here where you found them.

(c) Copyright 2022, Silver S. Parnell

All rights reserved.

No copying for any purpose by anyone is allowed.