Saint Rita is one of those saints who had a remarkably difficult life, full of extreme circumstances. She wanted to be a nun from an early age but her parents forced her into an arranged marriage to an awful man when she was only age 12. She must have been very pretty or domestically talented because she had already been pursued hotly by at least one other man prior to her marriage.
Her husband was wealthy, which is probably why her parents forced him on her. He was also foul tempered, and immoral, cheating on her with various women and abusing her savagely.
She worked to convert him and made some progress with that. At the very least, she was able to raise their two sons in The Faith. She tried to convince him to put aside the vendetta and resentments he had against another family, with only partial success. Ultimately, he was murdered by one of that opposing family, even after his feelings of resentment had cooled.
After the death of her husband and then their sons (from dysentery), Saint Rita tried to enter the nearby Monastery of Saint Mary Magdalene in Cascia, but they refused her because of the violence of her husband's death and the fact that she was not virgin.
So, at this point in the story, I have to bring up a pet peeve. Men are not required to be virgin before joining a monastery, and this obsession with the virginity of women is highly objectionable. It still exists in modern times, along with many other inconsistencies and prejudices. I have told the story several times about how that nun pulled me out of the RCIA class 30 years ago, when I first tried to convert, and refused to let me get BAPTIZED because I'd been married and divorced in a secular fashion. She told me that non-sacramental marriages must be annulled by the church before one could become baptized, which is ridiculous and untrue. But she seemed to enjoy kicking me out of the class. What an awful and unjust humiliation. I had to get baptized by the Episcopalians down the street. "Those Catholics," they would exclaim and then roll their eyes at my predicament.
Expecting non-Christians to behave like Christians and then punishing them for NOT doing so is one of those things that deter people from converting and which saddens those who have converted. It is almost as if some Catholics prefer to keep the faith small and elite - like an exclusive country club. Converts are very often NOT welcome if their lives prior to seeking membership in the faith do not look like the life circumstances of lifelong Christians.
These prejudices are common with human beings and they remain even after converting, in some circumstances. Variations of lifestyle, such as people who remain single, are not well received. If you don't bring money or children to the faith, and you are not able to offer your labor, you can count on being discounted. If you were divorced prior to becoming Catholic, you have no chance of joining a convent either, no matter the circumstances. I am sure there are a tiny number of people for whom this is not true, but over the decades, I have found it so. Catholicism is still obsessed with virginity and related topics.
In the end, Saint Rita was allowed to enter the convent in her late thirties. The legend says that she was transported by levitation into the garden of the Monastery at night, but her acceptance into the convent alone is miracle enough for me!
Stories of Saint Rita's mystical life while in the convent are very engaging. It is wonderful what mystical experiences can be had when leading a contemplative life. When she was about sixty, she was meditating on an image of Christ crucified when a wound suddenly appeared on her forehead and it came to be considered a partial stigmata. Some of the paintings of her depict her with Christ's crown of thorns.
Saint Rita is one of "the incorruptibles," as her body shows no sign of deterioration. It is kept in a glass-enclosed case.
I doubt I'll be buried in a special glass case. I can't even get my parish to mail the weekly bulletin to me. (It is hard for me to read it online, and when I have a hard copy, I feel connected to my community.) Anyway, they do it for a few weeks, then it stops and I have to call and remind them. Then they do it for a few weeks, and it stops again. And I call them again. Finally, after 4 or 5 go-arounds like this, I have given up.
There are quite a few things about Saint Rita's life that remind me of my own. That is one of the wonderful advantages of having saints to whom one can point one's gaze. She had a thing for roses, evidently, and I have several potted roses in the garden of my apartment. She was also bedridden during the last years of her life, and I am nearly there myself. Once, in January, she asked a visitor to bring her a rose and although it was winter and roses are not expected at that time, the visitor found one beautiful rose in the garden and brought it back to Rita. So she is often depicted with roses.
In the 20 years that I have lived as a hermit in the city, I spent the first ten years trying to get a return phone call from the Bishop's office with regard to becoming a Diocesan Hermit, which is in the gift of the Bishop's discretion. First one bishop and then his replacement, with the same result. No matter how many people I called, I received no response - only broken promises of help.
The parishes have not been welcoming, with the exception of a handful of parishioners. In the particular case of the Byzantine Catholic Church, whose liturgy I enjoy much more than the standard Roman Rite, I was actually harassed by the young Ukrainian priest who made loud and bawdy jokes about the size of my posterior, in the company of half a dozen and more parishioners, male and female, complete with pantomimes and rude words. He laughed at me, as did the other parishioners (mostly the men) who stood around enjoying the protracted joke made at my expense. Joining the Catholic CHURCH has been a universally disappointing experience, with regard to the organization.
There is a part of me that feels embarrassed and humiliated by reporting this story. This is likely a result of PTSD to which this experience added a level of shame. It makes no sense that I should feel embarrassed by the obnoxious behavior of that callow young priest, but psychology is complicated. I have wrestled with including the story in my writings, but grit my teeth and bear the ignominy. Why should I feel shame for the reprehensible behavior of someone else?
After the first ten years, I realized I would have to live the solitary contemplative life without any corporate support whatsoever. I am completely on my own EXCEPT, that is, from The Lord and from his messengers, the holy women who assist me and give me great encouragement in The Faith, because while the institution has abandoned me, God sees this and won't allow me to remain unsupported. He is there for me ALWAYS, and I sometimes wonder if He has graced me with special favor because I have been abandoned by the institution.
There is a wonderful quote in Hosea about the woman who has previously lived a very indulgent life:
The Lord goes on to promise that He will return to her the vineyards of her youth, and her lands, and that she will sing as in the days of her youth. Further, He says:
In response to the world's abandonment of the solitary contemplative, The Lord brings her closer to Himself, in a more intimate encounter with Him.
I used to carry around these quotes on a small piece of paper in my wallet, until I memorized them and completely internalized them. They represent to me the beautiful advantages of solitary contemplative life.
Abandoned by the world and even by the hierarchy of The Church, The Lord rushes in to uplift the person in their solitary life that has been dedicated to God.
There is a similar idea reflected in Psalm 27:10, with regard to someone whose family has thrown them away:
This theme is repeated throughout the Bible and gives me tremendous encouragement, as do the stories of the lives of the saint who ALSO are very often abandoned by family, by society, by husbands, and by the institution and hierarchy of The Church. Alone and abandoned, He speaks to us in our heart and if we open our arms to Him He "takes us up" unto Himself and the Heavenly realms.
I clearly see this in the lives of the saints, such as Rita of Cascia, who wanted from a young age to join herself with The Lord and yet everyone tried to get in her way of it. (I also became interested in the Catholic Church when I was 11 and was corresponding with a convent of Carmelite nuns - much to the horror of my mother, who hated religion, and Catholicism in particular.)
Rita's parents, knowing her devotion to God and her desire to join the convent, married her off to a rich man instead, likely hoping to gain some financial advantage thereby.
NOTHING went her way, yet she persisted in her love of God and her desire for union with Him. It did not matter if the entire world refused to support her in this, she maintained her devotion and lived with The Lord in an intimate state.
Stories like hers help me to hang on and persist in keeping company with The Lord, who is here with me every day, accompanying me in my trials. I am able to talk to Him and ask Him for help and He unfailingly gives me encouragement.
Consequently, I have given up all effort to gain spiritual assistance from the institution of The Church. There is no point. Instead, I rely upon a wealth of spiritual and religious texts and historical documents, as well as the large number of movies and documentaries that are available on the internet.
There are a few very special holy women who assist me with great love and generosity, and I look upon them as messengers of God. Some days, I feel I am in bliss. The problems of life continue and I lament the constant trials, but do not lose my faith. Even on the more rare occasions when it seems that all my life circumstances look like absolute Hell, my faith continues unabated and serene because I have the company of The Lord in it. Always in the background, he speaks to my heart.
It no longer matters if a callow young priest characterizes me in a comical, disrespectful fashion and thereafter lies about it to his adoring fans who provide cover for his behavior. It does not matter if people who promise to help me fail to do so. If telephone calls are not returned, if people gossip and spread untrue rumors, if I'm discounted and disparaged at every turn - none of it matters any more. Nowadays, I can not imagine anything better than my quiet solitary life with The Lord. He has taken me up.
Of course, the Catholic Church in New Mexico has much bigger fish to fry than my pathetic case. My experiences are NOTHING compared to the abuse that children have suffered at the hands of pedophile priests. The New Mexico Catholic Church is currently paying out millions of dollars for its sins of covering up crimes and giving shelter and protection to criminal perverts. It is no wonder that I have been unable to get support for my contemplative spiritual life. I am careful to remind myself that this rejection does not elevate me or make me special. I am beside the point - an unnecessary and unimportant person, in the scheme of things.
Unfortunately, there are many people who see the contradictions of the behaviors of some of the humans in our institutions and they abandon the faith because of it, thereby losing "the pearl of great price." They do not understand that the faith is holy, whereas not all of the people responsible for the management of its dissemination are similarly holy. It makes me sad and I pray for them to see the difference and stay with The Faith. Let us pray for all these lost souls.
Saint Rita was well known for miraculous results to her intercessory prayers on behalf of others. She is particularly known for resolutions to "impossible causes," such as the cured blindness of a child while the saint was still alive.
She died of tuberculosis and immediately eleven miracles were attributed to her as the result of the prayers of the faithful who asked for her intercession.
One of the prayers to Saint Rita goes like this:
Also, I ask today for prayers for my neighbor who has Parkinson's for the last 29 years and is becoming seriously ill in her 69th year of life. I am doing what I can to make phone calls for some help to be given to her, but in the meantime, I appreciate very much the prayers of all of you.
God bless you, and have a wonderful week.
Silver "Rose"
