COLD FISH IN A HOT CLIMATE

 

I have noticed lately that, here in New Mexico, fewer people exhibit warmth or smile at you. I believe it may be a cultural thing.

It can be very offputting, especially when dealing with the medical profession. I have run into this at the "Senior Health Center" of the local university, where the staff is cold and lacks empathy. It makes me wonder why these people entered this profession, but there are pockets of this coldness in other areas, so it could just be a local trait.

This clinic is attached to a teaching hospital, and you could imagine that their attention is more focused on their personal educational goals, except that, in the 25 years I have been getting my medical care through various clinics of the university hospital, I have had a couple very kind and compassionate doctors, but ever since the last one retired, I have had a awful time getting comfortable with a doctor.

The people at the Senior Health Clinic seem particularly hard and unfeeling, which is sad when you remind yourself that they are dealing with a most vulnerable population.

Coming from California originally, I have also had some wonderful medical care and was accustomed to staff and doctors having a lot of personality and exhibiting great personal warmth.

Perhaps this hard bitten attitude toward seniors is just a reflection of the direction of American culture at this time. It does not help to have authority figures in the news denigrate various groups of vulnerable people. It is only a matter of time before they start advocating for old people and the disabled to be eliminated through euthanasia.

The greatest offense, according to people in some areas of government, seems to be uselessness or vulnerability. It makes me wonder how our seniors and the disabled will end up, when everything is said and done. I have the comfort of the familiarity with The Lord, and of course I will endure through the strength that God gives me - but I often wonder what life would be like if the people who were being paid to care for me at least pretended to actually CARE.

Of course, when hiring staff for any hospital clinic, you can't mandate compassion, caring or warmth. It's just unfortunate that the culture of that particular clinic, which is a fairly new one, has developed into one that is hostile toward their chosen demographic.

I recently had a really horrible experience with them. There was a hugely incompetent thing that happened, and the staff was clearly not interested in fixing it. I went through weeks of phone calls trying to get the situation normalized, and then my doctor and the clinic director ambushed me at my appointment and harassed me about it.

They were trying to mask the ineptitude of their staff, but I am not buying it. I am even having a hard time getting switched to a different clinic. They say that, even though I do not feel safe at that clinic, they have decided I will remain there.

Apparently, I have reached the age where people are starting to try to exert their will over me - for things that are within my freedom to choose for myself. Since I am nowhere near losing my marbles, I will keep a grasp on my freedoms, thank you very much.

You read about such things happening to seniors, but it is still a surprise when it occurs to oneself.

Unfortunately, I will have to look outside this rabbit warren of clinics and hospitals where I have gotten my care for the last 25 years. Apparently, in those decades, UNM has reached a size where it is unwieldy and a corporate mindset has settled in.

There are never enough doctors in this town, it has grown so big so fast, and it may be a while before I can find something that suits me, but I ask that you all pray for me so that I can find some facility where smiles are not so rare.

I also ask that you pray for my ministry for ELDER ORPHANS to be taken up by my parish. I keep hearing that it is a good idea. There are meetings and memos and all those things, yet no one calls me to discuss it with me. I know how to organize it without costing us anything at all, and yet weeks go by and nothing happens.

Things move VERY slowly in this arena, and now that the Christmas season is upon us, no one seems able to do anything "new" until Christmas and New Years are well behind us. I come from a very small, very secular and anti-religious family - and now I am a hermit - so the holidays have never occupied much more of my consciousness than any other feast day.

I have already had discussions with the manager of the elder care organization of which I am a client. They are ready for me to direct Catholic caregivers through their system. All that has to be done is to advertise on the back of the church bulletin for volunteers, but the parish drags its feet like a very old and very tired woman.

I suppose this is common with religious organizations. I encountered the exact same thing when I was in the Hindu convent. It took forever to get anything done, and when it came to individuals cooperating with one another, it was like pulling teeth!

Please pray for me that this thing does not "die in committee" for lack of interest in my demographic or by others less familiar with this area squashing it in favor of other things they find more interesting.

In the meantime, I pray for you, as you pray for me.

God bless you all!

Silver Rose

FEAST OF SAINT RITA OF CASCIA, SUNDAY, MAY 22, 2022

 

SAINT RITA OF CASCIA

1381 - MAY 22, 1457

Patron of impossible causes,

abused wives, loneliness, the

sick, bodily illnesses, wounds,

and widows.

Saint Rita is one of those saints who had a remarkably difficult life, full of extreme circumstances. She wanted to be a nun from an early age but her parents forced her into an arranged marriage to an awful man when she was only age 12. She must have been very pretty or domestically talented because she had already been pursued hotly by at least one other man prior to her marriage.

Her husband was wealthy, which is probably why her parents forced him on her. He was also foul tempered, and immoral, cheating on her with various women and abusing her savagely.

She worked to convert him and made some progress with that. At the very least, she was able to raise their two sons in The Faith. She tried to convince him to put aside the vendetta and resentments he had against another family, with only partial success. Ultimately, he was murdered by one of that opposing family, even after his feelings of resentment had cooled.

After the death of her husband and then their sons (from dysentery), Saint Rita tried to enter the nearby Monastery of Saint Mary Magdalene in Cascia, but they refused her because of the violence of her husband's death and the fact that she was not virgin.

So, at this point in the story, I have to bring up a pet peeve. Men are not required to be virgin before joining a monastery, and this obsession with the virginity of women is highly objectionable. It still exists in modern times, along with many other inconsistencies and prejudices. I have told the story several times about how that nun pulled me out of the RCIA class 30 years ago, when I first tried to convert, and refused to let me get BAPTIZED because I'd been married and divorced in a secular fashion. She told me that non-sacramental marriages must be annulled by the church before one could become baptized, which is ridiculous and untrue. But she seemed to enjoy kicking me out of the class. What an awful and unjust humiliation. I had to get baptized by the Episcopalians down the street. "Those Catholics," they would exclaim and then roll their eyes at my predicament.

Expecting non-Christians to behave like Christians and then punishing them for NOT doing so is one of those things that deter people from converting and which saddens those who have converted. It is almost as if some Catholics prefer to keep the faith small and elite - like an exclusive country club. Converts are very often NOT welcome if their lives prior to seeking membership in the faith do not look like the life circumstances of lifelong Christians.

These prejudices are common with human beings and they remain even after converting, in some circumstances. Variations of lifestyle, such as people who remain single, are not well received. If you don't bring money or children to the faith, and you are not able to offer your labor, you can count on being discounted. If you were divorced prior to becoming Catholic, you have no chance of joining a convent either, no matter the circumstances. I am sure there are a tiny number of people for whom this is not true, but over the decades, I have found it so. Catholicism is still obsessed with virginity and related topics.

In the end, Saint Rita was allowed to enter the convent in her late thirties. The legend says that she was transported by levitation into the garden of the Monastery at night, but her acceptance into the convent alone is miracle enough for me! 

Stories of Saint Rita's mystical life while in the convent are very engaging. It is wonderful what mystical experiences can be had when leading a contemplative life. When she was about sixty, she was meditating on an image of Christ crucified when a wound suddenly appeared on her forehead and it came to be considered a partial stigmata. Some of the paintings of her depict her with Christ's crown of thorns.

Saint Rita is one of "the incorruptibles," as her body shows no sign of deterioration. It is kept in a glass-enclosed case.

I doubt I'll be buried in a special glass case. I can't even get my parish to mail the weekly bulletin to me. (It is hard for me to read it online, and when I have a hard copy, I feel connected to my community.)  Anyway, they do it for a few weeks, then it stops and I have to call and remind them. Then they do it for a few weeks, and it stops again. And I call them again. Finally, after 4 or 5 go-arounds like this, I have given up.

There are quite a few things about Saint Rita's life that remind me of my own. That is one of the wonderful advantages of having saints to whom one can point one's gaze. She had a thing for roses, evidently, and I have several potted roses in the garden of my apartment. She was also bedridden during the last years of her life, and I am nearly there myself. Once, in January, she asked a visitor to bring her a rose and although it was winter and roses are not expected at that time, the visitor found one beautiful rose in the garden and brought it back to Rita. So she is often depicted with roses.

In the 20 years that I have lived as a hermit in the city, I spent the first ten years trying to get a return phone call from the Bishop's office with regard to becoming a Diocesan Hermit, which is in the gift of the Bishop's discretion. First one bishop and then his replacement, with the same result. No matter how many people I called, I received no response - only broken promises of help. 

The parishes have not been welcoming, with the exception of a handful of parishioners.  In the particular case of the Byzantine Catholic Church, whose liturgy I enjoy much more than the standard Roman Rite, I was actually harassed by the young Ukrainian priest who made loud and bawdy jokes about the size of my posterior, in the company of half a dozen and more parishioners, male and female, complete with pantomimes and rude words.  He laughed at me, as did the other parishioners (mostly the men) who stood around enjoying the protracted joke made at my expense. Joining the Catholic CHURCH has been a universally disappointing experience, with regard to the organization.

There is a part of me that feels embarrassed and humiliated by reporting this story.  This is likely a result of PTSD to which this experience added a level of shame. It makes no sense that I should feel embarrassed by the obnoxious behavior of that callow young priest, but psychology is complicated. I have wrestled with including the story in my writings, but grit my teeth and bear the ignominy. Why should I feel shame for the reprehensible behavior of someone else?

After the first ten years, I realized I would have to live the solitary contemplative life without any corporate support whatsoever.  I am completely on my own EXCEPT, that is, from The Lord and from his messengers, the holy women who assist me and give me great encouragement in The Faith, because while the institution has abandoned me, God sees this and won't allow me to remain unsupported.  He is there for me ALWAYS, and I sometimes wonder if He has graced me with special favor because I have been abandoned by the institution.

There is a wonderful quote in Hosea about the woman who has previously lived a very indulgent life:

"Therefor I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into

the desert and speak tenderly to her."

The Lord goes on to promise that He will return to her the vineyards of her youth, and her lands, and that she will sing as in the days of her youth. Further, He says:

"You will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call

me 'my master.'"

In response to the world's abandonment of the solitary contemplative, The Lord brings her closer to Himself, in a more intimate encounter with Him.

I used to carry around these quotes on a small piece of paper in my wallet, until I memorized them and completely internalized them. They represent to me the beautiful advantages of solitary contemplative life.

Abandoned by the world and even by the hierarchy of The Church, The Lord rushes in to uplift the person in their solitary life that has been dedicated to God.

There is a similar idea reflected in Psalm 27:10, with regard to someone whose family has thrown them away:

"For my father and my mother have left me; but

the Lord hath taken me up."

This theme is repeated throughout the Bible and gives me tremendous encouragement, as do the stories of the lives of the saint who ALSO are very often abandoned by family, by society, by husbands, and by the institution and hierarchy of The Church. Alone and abandoned, He speaks to us in our heart and if we open our arms to Him He "takes us up" unto Himself and the Heavenly realms.

I clearly see this in the lives of the saints, such as Rita of Cascia, who wanted from a young age to join herself with The Lord and yet everyone tried to get in her way of it. (I also became interested in the Catholic Church when I was 11 and was corresponding with a convent of Carmelite nuns - much to the horror of my mother, who hated religion, and Catholicism in particular.)

Rita's parents, knowing her devotion to God and her desire to join the convent, married her off to a rich man instead, likely hoping to gain some financial advantage thereby. 

NOTHING went her way, yet she persisted in her love of God and her desire for union with Him. It did not matter if the entire world refused to support her in this, she maintained her devotion and lived with The Lord in an intimate state.

Stories like hers help me to hang on and persist in keeping company with The Lord, who is here with me every day, accompanying me in my trials. I am able to talk to Him and ask Him for help and He unfailingly gives me encouragement.

Consequently, I have given up all effort to gain spiritual assistance from the institution of The Church. There is no point. Instead, I rely upon a wealth of spiritual and religious texts and historical documents, as well as the large number of movies and documentaries that are available on the internet.

There are a few very special holy women who assist me with great love and generosity, and I look upon them as messengers of God. Some days, I feel I am in bliss. The problems of life continue and I lament the constant trials, but do not lose my faith. Even on the more rare occasions when it seems that all my life circumstances look like absolute Hell, my faith continues unabated and serene because I have the company of The Lord in it. Always in the background, he speaks to my heart.

It no longer matters if a callow young priest characterizes me in a comical, disrespectful fashion and thereafter lies about it to his adoring fans who provide cover for his behavior. It does not matter if people who promise to help me fail to do so. If telephone calls are not returned, if people gossip and spread untrue rumors, if I'm discounted and disparaged at every turn - none of it matters any more. Nowadays, I can not imagine anything better than my quiet solitary life with The Lord. He has taken me up.

Of course, the Catholic Church in New Mexico has much bigger fish to fry than my pathetic case.  My experiences are NOTHING compared to the abuse that children have suffered at the hands of pedophile priests. The New Mexico Catholic Church is currently paying out millions of dollars for its sins of covering up crimes and giving shelter and protection to criminal perverts. It is no wonder that I have been unable to get support for my contemplative spiritual life. I am careful to remind myself that this rejection does not elevate me or make me special. I am beside the point - an unnecessary and unimportant person, in the scheme of things. 

Unfortunately, there are many people who see the contradictions of the behaviors of some of the humans in our institutions and they abandon the faith because of it, thereby losing "the pearl of great price." They do not understand that the  faith is holy, whereas not all of the people responsible for the management of its dissemination are similarly holy. It makes me sad and I pray for them to see the difference and stay with The Faith.  Let us pray for all these lost souls. 

Saint Rita was well known for miraculous results to her intercessory prayers on behalf of others. She is particularly known for resolutions to "impossible causes," such as the cured blindness of a child while the saint was still alive.

She died of tuberculosis and immediately eleven miracles were attributed to her as the result of the prayers of the faithful who asked for her intercession.

One of the prayers to Saint Rita goes like this:

"O holy Patroness of those in need, St. Rita, whose pleadings before thy 

Divine Lord are almost irresistible, who for thy lavishness in granting 

favors hast been called the Advocate of the Hopeless and even of the 

Impossible; St. Rita, so humble, so pure, so mortified, so patient and 

of such compassionate love for thy Crucified Jesus that thou couldst 

obtain from Him whatsoever thou asketh, on account of which all 

confidently have recourse to thee expecting, if not always relief, at least 

comfort; be propitious to our petition, showing thy power with God on 

behalf of thy supplicant; be lavish to us, as thou hast been in so many 

wonderful cases, for the greater glory of God, for the spreading of thine 

own devotion, and for the consolation of those who trust in thee. We 

promise, if our petition is granted, to glorify thee by making known thy 

favor, to bless and sing thy praises forever. Relying then upon thy merits 

and power before the Sacred Heart of Jesus, we pray thee grant that 

[mention your petition here.]  O pray for us, o holy St. Rita, that we may

be made worthy of the promises of Christ."

Also, I ask today for prayers for my neighbor who has Parkinson's for the last 29 years and is becoming seriously ill in her 69th year of life. I am doing what I can to make phone calls for some help to be given to her, but in the meantime, I appreciate very much the prayers of all of you.

God bless you, and have a wonderful week.

Silver "Rose"