SAINT NICARETE - DECEMBER 27 - ANOTHER UNKNOWN SAINT

 

I have always been interested in the unknown saints; those who quietly, without fanfare or any sort of self-advertisement, have followed the will of our Lord and showed their love for Him by doing what he has commanded us.

I call her an "unknown saint" because Saint Nicarete is one of those saints about whom we know little, but whose feast day appears on our calendar once every year. She did not leave any writings, there are no stories about her except the bare bones facts of her existence. 

She was born in a fairly well-to-do family of Nicodemia then a part of Bithniya, which is now Turkey. Well known for her piety, she had originally traveled to the capital in order to take care of the poor with her medical skills. 

I don't know when she shifted her focus to taking care of Chrysostom and supporting and following him, but it is easy to imagine that she became aware of his great saintliness sometime around the period during which she was attending to his medical needs.

Later, she followed him into his exile from the Imperial capital of Constantinople, at which time she suffered greatly along with his other followers.

I appreciate this saint's self-effacing example. 

To humbly obey the will of the Lord, without inserting my own wishes into the mix, without believing in my own inclinations, but having faith in His alone, pertains to those spiritual disciplines that affect more of the surface aspects of my life.

There are various stages in the life of a contemplative living in the world, and this sort of life is, in some crucial ways, more difficult than that lived in an institutionally supported hermitage, convent or monastery. 

My overall spiritual discipline is to "pray without ceasing." There are many different types and levels of prayer involved in being able to do that, ranging from the deep silence of contemplative prayer that harkens back to Christ's instruction that we are to go into our closet and pray in secret to our Lord, to the active, physical prayers in which I am following the Commandments given by Christ of how I am to function in relation to other humans.

In the deepest stage of contemplation, the household is shut down, phone ringer "off" and sign on the door. I keep my attention on The Lord in order to just be with Him. 

Quietly sitting with God, his saints and angels, is a deep form of prayer in which no discursive thought is necessary. It would get in the way. 

Slightly above that type would be the sort of prayer that involves the verbal prayers with which we are all familiar. Some of the prayers praise God, and many ask him for His Blessings, etc. 

Some of this state can be carried into what I look upon, roughly, as a third stage of prayer in my "walking" life, as I perform the physical acts necessary to the functioning of the hermitage. This third state requires mostly rote physical work performed in silence, such as cooking, sweeping, and that sort of thing.

As we travel up the various stages of praying without ceasing, different parts of our brain are engaged, and the executive functioning is pulled into it. This is where Christ's instructions about how we relate to one another come into the mix, and this is where sin enters in, when we let it.

The monastic's mind is traveling up and down the rungs of this ladder all day, depending upon what is appropriate to the time of day and the schedule.

In order to get to the deepest form of prayer, we have to purify our thoughts and actions in the more superficial phases. The life of a contemplative person is a process of intentionally moving up and down through these various stages. In the more superficial stages, there are many helps that program the mind and heart and clear the way to travel down each rung of the Divine ladder. 

I would love to spend all my time in deep contemplation, or at least floating around in a blissful state of heavenly consolations, but I am a human being, and there is work to do here in this world. I have talent and treasure with which I have been gifted and which I am expected to spend here, and it is during times of action in the world that I have to coordinate my movements with what The Lord's will is for me. This is where the verbal prayers come into the mix of spiritual practice.

Many times, when we talk about prayer, people routinely talk about praying FOR something in particular. We pray to various saints for intercession so that we may be healed of various illnesses, or have success in our ministries or our working lives. I am far less interested in these types of prayers, as I have begun to feel that The Lord knows what is best for me and knows what I need. I love praying to Him, but mostly in the contemplative form in which I spend time with Him.

I do not pretend to be empty of all desires or that I am without convictions about this or that controversy or lack opinions about possible solutions for problems that we all seem to realize exist in our world and sometimes even in our church. I have these trends of mind, of course. But every day I lay them at the feet of the Lord and tell Him of my willingness to abandon them. I say, "do as you will." As time goes on, I pray less and less for any particular thing for myself, and I foresee a time when I will not express any preference at all, trusting Him completely to supply every need.

This is the practice: I admit to Him my preferences, because honesty is required and I do have visions of how I believe my vocation, ministries and art projects would best transpire, and I pray for those things, but always specifically within the context of His will.  I ask Him to please do for me whatever needs doing in order to bring about the overall dream, "but only if it is within Your Holy Will, my Lord."

This is reflected even in my expanded grace at meal times:

"Bless me, O Lord, and these thy gifts 

that I am about to receive.

In Jesus' precious name I pray:

may no one go hungry today O Lord,

may all souls become sincerely converted to thee

and to thy Holy Catholic Church, 

according to Thy Blessed will."

Reading about the saints we barely know, whose silence is mostly what we hear, down through the ages, helps me in the daily practice of expressing my willingness to lay down my judgments, speculations or even my personal point of view.

I present Him with my dreams. I tell Him that these are the things that I consider to be good and holy and it is these good and holy practices, services, and conditions that I hope He will help me to do or have, but if He does not want these things for me or if He wants other, better things for me, or even if He does not think I am worthy of aspiring to the goodness of these things, then I bow in obedience to Him in that.

I have my preferences and desires, but I am willing to dispense with them and be grateful for whatever else the Lord wants for me.

There are even some days when I start to pray for something, think better of it, and then tell Him, "never mind! Please just give me what you want me to have."

This is not to say that I do not advocate for anything and live a mute existence. No. I am not one of those silent people, though I DO spend most of my time in absolute silence throughout my hermit days, punctuated by good-natured chatter when the rare friend drops by.

I use today's saint as an example of someone who has the good sense to subsume their own talents and skills into the service of a greater person.

I have grown the habit of supporting the opinions of the experts: The Catechism, the Pope, The Bible, and the leading saints who point toward Christ, the Catechism, the Pope, the Bible.

When someone gets onto Facebook, for instance, and makes a claim on behalf of The Catholic Church that I know is not true, I will speak up and refer to the Catechism, preferably the exact numbered paragraph that speaks to it. There is way too much false information being bandied about, and I owe it to my church to at least offer the Truth to combat SOME of it.

More and more, I avoid issuing anything of my own opinion because, more and more, I realize that this is not my role. I am not the expert, the authority, the person with the most bona fides on any topic. I am human, however, and sometimes forget that my opinion is not required by anyone, and I have to backtrack and correct the record and delete the post. Keeping my attention on the "unknown saints" like St. .Nicarete, helps keep me in the appropriate attitude.

Today I thank Saint Nicarete for providing a lovely example of an intentionally humble attitude of an accomplished, intelligent woman who could easily have encouraged a retinue of admirers to follow and serve her, but instead chose to support a great saint who had come into her orbit.

God bless us all.

Silver Rose

THE CURRENT SITUATION

Fanciful cottage in the woods

For many years, I envisioned the institution of a contemplative ashram, where retired persons could gather together in a loose spiritual companionship to support one another, creating an environment conducive to prayer and welcoming of like-minded visitors. I had lived in a similar community in California and really loved the life. I wanted to share it with others.

After I became disabled, it became clear that I would not be able to realize this dream. I am financially limited, I am in constant pain, my mobility is impaired, and I am slowly going blind from macular degeneration. Bowing to the will of God, I resolved to live as a consecrated person by myself, at home, and I have done so, to the best of my ability, for the last 14 years.

Apartment living has grown increasingly more incompatible, as it is neither quiet enough nor private enough to live a life dedicated to prayer.   One of my neighbors is behaving in a bizarre fashion. She presses her face into my kitchen window while uttering incantations. One day, she was staring into my apartment while folding her hands in a prayer posture and SINGING something. Sometimes when she sees me, she crosses herself. If I actually open my windows, she can hear the noise from her apartment and comes running out to her patio and jacks up her radio. When I attach my hose to the faucet between our apartments, she sometimes comes flying out of her door and screeches like a witch doctor, several times, crosses herself, then hurries back into her house. Yesterday, I discovered that my patio had been vandalized, with potted plants thrown to the ground. It was her, no doubt, but what can one do? I just hope she doesn't start swinging her giant AXE around. (I saw her bring home a big axe with a long handle one day. The axe head was shiny, and glinted in the sun. Why does one need an AXE in an apartment, I wonder?)

When I walk the back side of the apartment, this pathetic woman bangs on a pile of noise makers until I disappear from her line of sight. Neighbors have reported to me that she has been spreading wild rumors and reporting conversations that we have never had. When she moved in, we had a lovely time together, but the resident gossip-monger told her a pack of lies about me, claimed I had gone to the office to "complain" about this neighbor, and the neighbor just went off the deep end. I begged her to go to the office and let the manager tell her the truth, but she refused. It's a strange situation.

Satan is alive and well, my friends. The more faithful you become to the commandments of the Lord, the more you will be harassed. Liars, thieves, gossipers, alcoholics and crazy people will target you. It has always been thus.

I have realized that what I need is a house, rather than an apartment, otherwise, I am just jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Who is to say that another apartment will be any better than this one? It could easily be worse, since all the affordable housing is in bad neighborhoods.

I know one woman who achieved her dreams of owning a house of retreat by marrying a man with money.  I won't be going that route.

Monastic institutions and the odd mystics scattered here and there used to live on the donations of a grateful people, but our world is overpopulated with scam artists, hackers and thieves, so much so that Americans are suspicious.

Every day in my email there are several letters from Nigeria telling me I have won a lottery and there is money waiting for me, if only I will pay the postage or SOMETHING. Every day through snail mail there are pleas for donations from at least 2 deserving Catholic institutions. Every Sunday, Catholics have to face the outstretched donation basket. Every time you drive in your car, there is at least one raggedy person holding a cardboard sign, asking for money. To whom does one give?

There is a donation button on this blog, but it is rarely used. I did get a nice donation once from someone who then began to direct my life in a flurry of emails. That's the risk you run when you accept donations. Many people feel they are entitled to tell you how to live your life, as if their donation has purchased you. It is much easier and less demeaning to find some commercial endeavor than to accept charity, with all its strings and indignities.

I am going to shift focus to finishing a book and selling it. I have been saying I will do this, on and off, for some time now. It is time to stop procrastinating and just do it. I plan to write a bit less in this blog.

At the same time, I will take up my art projects once more. I have sold sketches and paintings in the past, and will concentrate on religious subjects, for the most part. In addition to this, I have begun making crocheted lace baptismal blankets and hats, as well as chapel veils and shawl for adults. Warm ponchos, scarves and hats made from a very nice wool/acrylic yarn will be produced for the cold months. Having previous experience with jewelry making, I have begun collecting the necessary materials to make unique, high quality rosaries. When I have accumulated enough stock to open an Etsy shop or something similar, I will give it a whirl and see if I can make a little money to supplement my immediate needs.  I will keep you apprised of my progress, now and then, through either this blog or my art blog, Silver Cottage Creations on Blogspot.

I continue to remain available for genealogy projects. See my Silver Cottage Genealogy blog on Blogspot for details about that.

I love the freedom of this blog, and the newsy, intimate feel. Blogs have an immediacy that appeals to the moment of inspiration. It has been hard to tear myself away from it because I enjoy it so much, and I feel some connection with people of like mind, but it takes a surprising number of hours to produce even the shortest blog post, when I factor in all the changes to design elements, the sourcing of factual material, and so on.

Years ago, I wrote for television and made some money doing it. I won't return to that medium, as I loathe the business end of things, but I've been saying for years that I am going to finish at least ONE of the many books I have started, and it appears that now must be the time to do it, before I go blind. I hope I am able to produce something that is commercially viable but also of some redeeming spiritual value, as I've turned out to be a rather serious person, and it makes a difference to me as to whether or not I contribute something worth having in the world.

While I write the book, I will learn, more and more, to pray on my feet, in the noise, in the hostilities, in the midst of constant interruptions. I will try to be more like Brother Lawrence, among his pots and pans in the kitchen, and less like Thomas Merton. I don't have Merton's spiritual and institutional support.

Throughout this process, I intend to continue to listen for the word of the Lord, for His guidance and His presence. I know that He permits or decrees everything that happens. If I am blocked from achieving a vision, it is because it is not HIS vision for me. I will take solace in the knowledge that His will is being accomplished in me. Not my will, but thine, O Lord.

In the meantime, I ask for your prayers. You know you have mine.

God bless us all.

Silver Rose

P.S. Don't hesitate to contact me on Facebook, where I maintain somewhat of a presence. I often post inspiring quotes and beautiful religious art.

THE JOY OF ABANDONING THE EGO

The older I get, the more I aspire to becoming humble. JUST as I have become accustomed to the idea that it is a great joy to bow my head to the inspirations and instructions of my Bible and my Church, I find that American society is going in the opposite direction!

Recently I watched a short talk by an expert of some sort. I am sorry, but I have forgotten what it is he does and his bona fides. I was impressed by them, but mostly I was riveted by what he had to say, the manner in which he said it, and his demeanor. He was discussing how Americans have come to discount, and in some instances almost despise, the advice of experts in their field. I sensed a tinge of wistfulness in his delivery, or perhaps sadness, for what this means for America and how it will affect us all, if appreciation for truth dies.

He said something to the effect that Americans think they are as smart as the experts, they know as much as the experts, and that their opinions are MORE valuable than the advice of the experts who have the education, the wisdom, the experience, and the specialized training in their field. To a great extent, these folks who consider themselves the ultimate experts on everything are responsible for the election of Donald Trump to the presidency. Donald Trump, who has no experience whatsoever in government, has no education in it, and no training, has strong opinions about government, nonetheless.

I have to ask myself, "from whence did these opinions arise?" From what I have seen so far, everything that he has sought to do has been in service to his personal agenda, i.e., those things which will benefit him, his family, and his billionaire friends and acquaintances. He was elected as a representative, in a bizarre sense, of "the common man," but the only thing he has in common with the common man is that the common man does not have expertise in governing, and that is where the similarity ends.

I see this trend in Catholicism where people feel it is their right to demand of the Pope that he adhere to a political orientation that these individuals think he ought to bow. Instead of opening their minds to the wisdom and guidance of the Pope, who is an expert in Catholicism and whose choosing has been inspired by the Holy Spirit, I am saddened to read criticisms of him by those who consider themselves his superiors and the arbiters of all his behaviors and guidance. This type of arrogance is the hard-heartedness discussed in the Bible at great length and with frequency, throughout the Old and New Testament.

I keep telling people that unless the Pope gets all liquored up and goes careening through Rome in a convertible with three ladies of the evening and sells indulgences so he can hire troupes of tango dancers to entertain him and his friends, we need to shut up and listen. Just shut up and listen. It is his role to guide, and it is our role to be led. While we would, perhaps have a right to comment on obvious mortal sins, we have no right to criticize his guidance. He is our shepherd, after all. Even I have the occasional befuddlement over something he has said. Sometimes his meaning is incomprehensible to me, but it isn't an occasion for criticism. I just wait for the Lord to inspire my understanding, and hope that understanding comes. If it does not, I endeavor to say nothing.

So, as usual, I am out of step with my culture. Ever the outsider, I now find myself in the weirdly surreal position of encouraging people to heed the words of experts.

Many people are terribly uncomfortable with truths that are not pretty, that do not entertain. This avoidance of unpleasant truth bespeaks a lack of emotional maturity. Everything must be bubble gum, unicorns and rainbows. Many people have turned Jesus into a vending machine covered with glitter. It's too bad, really. What He said about Himself is nothing like sweet candy man Jesus that dispenses gum drops on demand. Just insert one prayer. He said:

"Do not think I came to send peace upon earth; 

I came not to send peace but the sword. For I 

came to set a man at variance against his father, 

and the daughter against her mother, and the 

daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 

And a man's enemies shall be they of his 

own household."

Matthew 10:34-36

Becoming Christian, standing up for the truth, standing up for what is right, is not popular in an evil family, for instance. The aspiration to goodness is a slap in the face of selfish narcissistic family members, and you will be the black sheep for it. This is common, and Jesus promised this. Hearing this unattractive scenario is not popular, particularly among those Christians who do not stand up for Christian values in their families, but go along to get along.

Not only will your own family shun you, but Christians in name only will also shun you because your devotion to truth will convict them in their falsities. Jesus puts the sword in your hand, and life is a battle from then on, because it seems that everyone will fight you, even some of those who call themselves your brothers and sisters in Christ.

Despite the constant battle, we must learn to love truth because God is pure. There is no falseness in him. There are no lies. Satan is the father of lies, not God.

Climate change is an area of discussion in which a lot of people refuse to heed the warnings of the experts. 99.99% of climatologists say that global warming is mainly accelerated by the activities of man and that the situation is almost at the tipping point where, even if we DO stop our bad habits and invest ourselves completely in reversing the damage, we may still experience permanent damages. There are a large number of climate change deniers who tout the opinions of the tiny tiny percentage of "scientists" or pseudo-scientists in order to bolster their nutty idea that man has no or very little impact on the environment. It is ridiculous. It is dangerous.

Republicatholics quickly turned against the Pope when he wrote Laudato Si because it included an admonishment about heeding the advice of the climatology experts about global warming. Doing something about global warming will decimate the Republican agenda that caters to the oil companies and their billionaires. The Pope applies spiritual principles to weighty issues such as whether or not to destroy the planet that the good Lord gave us. He doesn't think it is a good idea.

Another aspect of that teaching was that the poor have been relegated to the world of cement, glass, asphalt and dirt, while only the wealthy have any ownership of the beauty of nature. Wealthy Republicatholics and their minions weren't happy about that, despite the clear Catholic teaching that the world has been given to every human being and was not meant for all its resources to be hoarded by a tiny percentage of people while everyone else drinks water with lead in it.

Ever since Laudato Si, social media has been ablaze with Republicatholic derision of the Pope. Some of the talk is extreme. A somewhat smaller faction is claiming that he is not the authentic Pope. It is all nonsense - just like the birther nonsense about our last president - just like the Holocaust deniers (who also deny they are white supremacists.)

I watched a program the other day about a sculptural artist who has created large sculptures of 5 of the birds that have become extinct in modern times. The carrier pigeon is one. I can't remember the others out of the hundreds of birds that man has killed. Another program that told the story of Audubon, the great painter/naturalist, showed a painting of a Carolina parrot that was gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. They're all gone - hunted to extinction. The dodo is famous, of course.

There was a particularly touching story of the last grouse of some type in America. There was just one male left. Just before he died, he flew to the top of the highest tree in his valley and called out over his territory, loudly, almost desperately. He had spent almost his entire life completely alone. Then, one day, he died.  And that was IT for this type of bird.

Of course, most Americans are familiar with the paroxysm of blood lust that decimated the buffalo, leaving entire herds on the plains, their heads chopped off for trophies, their corpses rotting in the sun.

There is a tendency in the heart of man that is called concupiscence. It is the desire for MORE, always MORE. Without restraint, a small number of people can bring to bear huge consequences on the delicate balance of the natural world. They've done it over and over again in our history. This gluttony is like the fuel in the engine of a car. Every car needs a driver, a controlling force - a regulator; otherwise, it is chaos. The car runs off the road, over the cliff, and into the ditch at the bottom of the canyon, a total wreck.

Intensive farming geared toward producing crops that travel well has hidden an incredible diversity of fruits and vegetables with which people used to be familiar. Lovers of the earth have begun to seek out heirloom varieties, as they are now called, and are furiously cultivating and collecting seed, and making these seeds available, so that the wonderful diversity of nature with which we have been gifted does not disappear entirely.

When I was in the convent, I walked through the kitchen after working in the garden and picked up a nice black plum from the basket on the counter. When I bit into it, I found it was very rich, creamy, and green. I had bitten into an heirloom variety of avocado that only grows in certain areas of Southern California and Mexico. The smooth black skin is edible. A light went off in my head after that. I began to understand this subject.

Fruits and vegetables, birds, Donald Trump, Catholicism and the Pope - What do these topics have in common with one another? History has proven that failing to heed the advice of experts results in disastrous losses for humanity.

So, here I am, writing a blog. Am I one of these people that elevates my opinion above all others? I hope I am not. Wherever I have wandered from the guidance of the experts, it is by accident and not by design. My intention is faithfulness. Even when I write an opinion piece, I am endeavoring always to keep it within the bounds of factual content. My aim is to always conform opinion to the best advice of experts in whatever field I am dancing.

Why write a blog at all? Writing is in my blood. I cannot stay away from it. It compels me. I would rather give it up, but I can not. I have tried several times, but always come back to it.

Sometimes writing is my art. Sometimes it is the expression of my religion. Sometimes it is the diary entry of a hermit seeking the ear of an understanding human being. Sometimes it is just my DNA speaking. I come from a long line of writers. It is an Irish thing.

A favorite writer of mine - Teresa of Avila

I strive to speak within the heart of humanity, to join with all people of good will in this process of writing and reading. I hope to speak with you, to spark our common light and join it together in a conflagration of understanding and joyous inspiration. Even a frustrated rant has this purpose at its core. I may fail in my intention, but I offer the best I can do on that day.

What I want to convey today is the great joy, the bliss even, of bowing one's head to the guidance of the Lord and the church, first of all. As guidance we have the Bible, the catechism, the Popes and the saints. Please join me in a mutual prayer that we may never become so educated that we consider ourselves superior to these. If we do not adopt this stance, disastrous events will occur.

Secondly, to remain faithful to all words of truth, to become more enamored of the pursuit of truth in all things, and to, most of all, always endeavor to speak Truth. It is better to say nothing at all than to spew an uninformed opinion. After all, there is nowhere in the Bible that says we should all keep our lips flapping with egotistical opinions. On the contrary, if we do not restrain our tongues, we run the risk of spreading lies, which is an invitation to Satan to pull up a chair and sit down in the kitchen.

Keeping this kind of restraint is not easy for some of us who gaily prattle on, as if leaving a moment of silence were a sin, but we can learn together that if a matter is not worth investigating fully, it is not worth discussing at all.

Like you, I am a work in progress in this matter, as in all others. I hope to get the hang of it before I'm dead. That's the best I can do. I hope you'll join me.

God bless us all!

Silver Rose

THE NATURE OF FORGIVENESS

I have heard from many people that they have had trouble forgiving certain people in their life.  Their emotional feelings of resentment, and sometimes righteous indignation, get in the way. A marginally Christian woman who had been the recipient of many years of abuse at the hands of an alcoholic husband told me just last night that she doesn't feel she can ever forgive him.

My bottom-line impression of forgiveness is that it does not rely upon any emotional feeling on my part. To my mind, forgiveness is a decision, a deliberate orientation toward the will of Christ, in response to his commandment that we are to forgive 70 times 7. Christ said that if we love Him we will follow his commandments, and this is one of them.

I have heard and read some Christians say that they do not believe in forgiving others and that they adhere to the "eye for an eye" principle found in the Old Testament. Jesus specifically abolished this standard, so it is hard for me to understand how someone who claims to be Christian can follow the old prescription.  I chalk it up to poor education in the faith, and perhaps some unwillingness to follow a faith, as opposed to requiring that the faith follow them.

In the "Our Father" we pray, "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us." My willingness to forgive is directly tied to the measure of forgiveness that I receive from the Lord. This prayer is a reminder to me that I have many faults, and yet the Lord has forgiven me. He loves me, though I wouldn't say that I "deserve" it.  Can we ever say that we "deserve" the love of our Lord who is spotless, pure and without defects? Thinking along these lines prompts me toward a feeling of humility. It occurs to me that I must be humble if I am going to forgive those that hurt me.  Recalling my own sins and shortcomings chastens me.

I am not a theologian and I do not pretend to know and understand everything about this crucial aspect of the faith. I just thought I would write about my thoughts behind it and how I handle it. It is a topic with which I have had to wrestle quite a bit, having been the recipient of a great deal of brutality, unfairness and suffering throughout my life.

I have been physically, sexually, and mentally tortured.  I have been the object of public ridicule for nothing other than my weight.  I have experienced a great deal of rejection on superficial grounds.  I have been "kicked when I was down."  My reputation was destroyed among family members so that theft and murder could be disguised.  Friends abandoned me when I became ill.  Some abandoned me because I converted to Catholicism.  People to whom I have been generous and kind have stolen from me and lied about it. Family have turned their backs on me, living in luxury while studiously ignoring my need.

There has been a LOT to forgive!

My habit is to pray that the light of Christ becomes perceptible to those people who have hurt me, that they respond to it, become converted in their hearts, go to Him, and accept His love. As far as I can see, there can be no greater good for which I could pray.  If my prayers were to be answered, the persons for whom I pray would obviously become changed in a crucial way and would no longer be of an inclination to torment me or anyone else.  They would experience great joy and would naturally radiate that joy into the world.  We become transformed when we respond to God and begin to approach Him.  I know that I have changed. Bad habits still cling to me, no doubt, and I carry the cross of my inadequacies daily, but I also carry gratitude, peace and Divine Love. If I am to love others as much as I love myself, I assume that I must wish this great joy upon everyone.

In addition to specific prayers of forgiveness, which I repeat often, these people whom I have occasion to forgive are tacitly included in the grace I pray every time I am about to eat or drink something.  It is a standard format that I have altered to include prayers for mankind, as follows:

"Bless me, oh Lord, and these thy gifts which I am

about to receive from thy bounty.  May I always

be grateful.  In Jesus' precious name I pray that no

one go hungry today and that all souls become 

converted and go to You."

(My altered version of a standard grace before meals)

There is another thing that I do when I struggle against thoughts of retaliation.  In my book, forgiving someone means that I wish only the good for that person and that I do not entertain fanciful scenarios of that person being punished.  Deriving enjoyment from the idea of another person's suffering, even if it is deserved, is not a Christian sentiment. It can take a while before my heart is purified by the prayers of forgiveness.  

For example, I struggle with my feelings of ill will toward a person who masquerades as a religious personality in order to camouflage serious crimes and mortal sins.  This person engineered family estrangements using carefully crafted lies and manipulations, thereby isolating a vulnerable person, who died under suspicious circumstances.  Forgiving this criminal has been very difficult, but, every time I feel the twinge of resentment, I say a quick mental prayer, asking the Lord to forgive me for my lack of charity and also asking the Lord to bless this person.  "Vengeance is mine" saith the Lord. Clearly, it is not within my authority to judge a person and mete out the punishment, especially if I am supposed to love my enemies. Like everyone else, I am a work in progress.

The bottom line is that we CAN forgive even those people who have committed the most egregious sins against us because forgiveness is a decision guided by faith, not an emotion. Praying for our enemies is a matter of obedience to Christ's commandments

I pray for you all.  Please pray for me.

Silver "Rose" Parnell

(c) 2015

All rights reserved.

ACCEPTING GOD'S WILL

"Perfection is founded entirely on the love of God: 

"Charity is the bond of perfection;" and perfect love 

of God means the complete union of our will with 

God's: "The principal effect of love is so to unite the 

wills of those who love each other as to make them 

will the same things." It follows then, that the more 

one unites his will with the divine will, the greater 

will be his love of God. Mortification, meditation, 

receiving Holy Communion, acts of fraternal charity 

are all certainly pleasing to God - but only when they 

are in accordance with his will. When they do not 

accord with God's will, he not only finds no pleasure 

in them, but he even rejects them utterly and punishes 

them."  ~ Saint Alphonsus Maria de Ligouri

Yesterday I attended the local Lay Dominican Chapter meeting.  First, there was morning mass in the church, then we moved over to the parish hall and had our meeting, which was begun with daily prayer from the book of Shorter Christian Prayer, a truncated version of the Daily Office that is said throughout the Catholic Church in monasteries and convents and sometimes by individuals at home.

We had a light breakfast, a reflection, some discussion about future events, and then we broke out into three groups for a discussion of a recent paper on governance that was a preparatory document in light of upcoming elections.  After all of that, I met with a few people with regard to entering the "Inquirer" stage of the process of becoming part of the Dominican order.

All of this took about 4 hours, and by the time it was over, I was in agony of physical pain.  My back, legs, sciatic nerve, and arthritic tailbone were all screaming at me, despite having taken two strong pain pills.  The pain stayed with me throughout the rest of the day, which I spent in my recliner, some of it sleeping.  I missed my customary Saturday evening mass.  At 10:30 p.m., I was still feeling the pain, and I realized that I am not physically able to attend these Lay Dominican meetings.

The most I can do is attend mass once a week at my parish, where they supply me with a chair that helps alleviate some of the pain that comes from sitting for so long.  Becoming part of a third order is a fine and beautiful thing to do, but it has become obvious to me that, as fine as it is, it is not God's will for the trajectory of my life.  I love God, therefore I exult in learning His will for me, regardless of what it is, because whatever it is, it is an expression of his love for me and his deep involvement in my life.

Nothing happens in life that God does not either will or allow to happen.  

Cheerfully accepting the will of God when it doesn't happen to coincide with what I thought I wanted is something I am STILL learning to do!  The alternative just causes me unhappiness.  There is a certain joy in knowing that God has revealed a clear path for me by hemming it in with very tall barriers.  I told Him I wanted only to know his will and, having my explicit permission, given by my free will, He has obliged me.

I had envisioned a different sort of life for myself in my later years. For the longest time, I yearned to be a nun in a contemplative convent with other nuns, but, having spent many years in God's company, alone in my apartment hermitage, I have grown to love this life as an expression of God's love for me. Being an accidental hermit who is disabled and mostly home-bound had not figured into my plans, but this is the situation with which I am gifted.  Having faith in God that he knows what is best for me in the highest sense is a crucial part of my spirituality.

Cultivating gratitude and learning to say "thank you" for the obstacles has been a hard lesson that took me a very long time to learn, and I am still evolving along those lines.  I suspect that this type of conversion just goes on forever.  In this deliberate effort, the joy of surrender is gradually coming upon me.  I pray that one day this joy will be complete.

In the meantime, I have advised the Lay Dominicans that I will not be able to continue with them, until and unless my health improves.  I will continue on at home, praying, meditating, and practicing the presence of God.

God bless us all.

Silver Rose Parnell

(c) 2015