THE NATURE OF FORGIVENESS

I have heard from many people that they have had trouble forgiving certain people in their life.  Their emotional feelings of resentment, and sometimes righteous indignation, get in the way. A marginally Christian woman who had been the recipient of many years of abuse at the hands of an alcoholic husband told me just last night that she doesn't feel she can ever forgive him.

My bottom-line impression of forgiveness is that it does not rely upon any emotional feeling on my part. To my mind, forgiveness is a decision, a deliberate orientation toward the will of Christ, in response to his commandment that we are to forgive 70 times 7. Christ said that if we love Him we will follow his commandments, and this is one of them.

I have heard and read some Christians say that they do not believe in forgiving others and that they adhere to the "eye for an eye" principle found in the Old Testament. Jesus specifically abolished this standard, so it is hard for me to understand how someone who claims to be Christian can follow the old prescription.  I chalk it up to poor education in the faith, and perhaps some unwillingness to follow a faith, as opposed to requiring that the faith follow them.

In the "Our Father" we pray, "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us." My willingness to forgive is directly tied to the measure of forgiveness that I receive from the Lord. This prayer is a reminder to me that I have many faults, and yet the Lord has forgiven me. He loves me, though I wouldn't say that I "deserve" it.  Can we ever say that we "deserve" the love of our Lord who is spotless, pure and without defects? Thinking along these lines prompts me toward a feeling of humility. It occurs to me that I must be humble if I am going to forgive those that hurt me.  Recalling my own sins and shortcomings chastens me.

I am not a theologian and I do not pretend to know and understand everything about this crucial aspect of the faith. I just thought I would write about my thoughts behind it and how I handle it. It is a topic with which I have had to wrestle quite a bit, having been the recipient of a great deal of brutality, unfairness and suffering throughout my life.

I have been physically, sexually, and mentally tortured.  I have been the object of public ridicule for nothing other than my weight.  I have experienced a great deal of rejection on superficial grounds.  I have been "kicked when I was down."  My reputation was destroyed among family members so that theft and murder could be disguised.  Friends abandoned me when I became ill.  Some abandoned me because I converted to Catholicism.  People to whom I have been generous and kind have stolen from me and lied about it. Family have turned their backs on me, living in luxury while studiously ignoring my need.

There has been a LOT to forgive!

My habit is to pray that the light of Christ becomes perceptible to those people who have hurt me, that they respond to it, become converted in their hearts, go to Him, and accept His love. As far as I can see, there can be no greater good for which I could pray.  If my prayers were to be answered, the persons for whom I pray would obviously become changed in a crucial way and would no longer be of an inclination to torment me or anyone else.  They would experience great joy and would naturally radiate that joy into the world.  We become transformed when we respond to God and begin to approach Him.  I know that I have changed. Bad habits still cling to me, no doubt, and I carry the cross of my inadequacies daily, but I also carry gratitude, peace and Divine Love. If I am to love others as much as I love myself, I assume that I must wish this great joy upon everyone.

In addition to specific prayers of forgiveness, which I repeat often, these people whom I have occasion to forgive are tacitly included in the grace I pray every time I am about to eat or drink something.  It is a standard format that I have altered to include prayers for mankind, as follows:

"Bless me, oh Lord, and these thy gifts which I am

about to receive from thy bounty.  May I always

be grateful.  In Jesus' precious name I pray that no

one go hungry today and that all souls become 

converted and go to You."

(My altered version of a standard grace before meals)

There is another thing that I do when I struggle against thoughts of retaliation.  In my book, forgiving someone means that I wish only the good for that person and that I do not entertain fanciful scenarios of that person being punished.  Deriving enjoyment from the idea of another person's suffering, even if it is deserved, is not a Christian sentiment. It can take a while before my heart is purified by the prayers of forgiveness.  

For example, I struggle with my feelings of ill will toward a person who masquerades as a religious personality in order to camouflage serious crimes and mortal sins.  This person engineered family estrangements using carefully crafted lies and manipulations, thereby isolating a vulnerable person, who died under suspicious circumstances.  Forgiving this criminal has been very difficult, but, every time I feel the twinge of resentment, I say a quick mental prayer, asking the Lord to forgive me for my lack of charity and also asking the Lord to bless this person.  "Vengeance is mine" saith the Lord. Clearly, it is not within my authority to judge a person and mete out the punishment, especially if I am supposed to love my enemies. Like everyone else, I am a work in progress.

The bottom line is that we CAN forgive even those people who have committed the most egregious sins against us because forgiveness is a decision guided by faith, not an emotion. Praying for our enemies is a matter of obedience to Christ's commandments

I pray for you all.  Please pray for me.

Silver "Rose" Parnell

(c) 2015

All rights reserved.

JUDGE NOT

In one context, Jesus said, "Judge not that ye be not judged.  For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." (Matthew 7:1-3) This is the one Bible phrase some people have committed to heart, and they frequently use it to condone sinful actions in an attempt to shut up anyone who points out that their behavior runs counter to the Christian faith. People who use this tactic are obscuring the meaning of the verse.

Judgment, such as the rabble that judged the woman caught in adultery, is the process of deciding a person's guilt and punishment.  In this instance, the rabble were going to act as executioners and stone the woman to death for her sin.  It WAS sin, and Jesus did tell the woman to "go and sin no more." So what is meant by not judging someone else?  Jesus did not opt for punishment, but neither did he tell the sinner to "go and sin some more," or "what you are doing is OK."  He never condoned sin.  He spoke against it.  Speaking against sin is not "judging" someone.  Behaving as judge and jury and telling a person that they are going to hell, i.e., deciding on their ultimate fate and punishment, is the type of "judgment" being spoke about.  Only God knows the ultimate disposition of each soul.

Part of the good news of Christianity is delivering with clarity the message about those things which are deemed sinful in the eyes of God.  To tell a person that fornication outside of marriage is a sin, i.e., not the highest good that God has in mind for us, is to deliver part of the good news.  We are required to do it.  Our focus is on relaying the information about the act, and not in castigating the person who may be practicing that sinful act, i.e., not judging the person.

When instructing the apostles in how they were to behave if their words were rejected by the people to whom they brought the good news, he said to "shake the dust from" their feet and leave that place. Shaking the dust from one's feet was a way of strongly saying that you reject those people just like dirt.

"As you enter the house, give it your greeting.  If the house is worthy, give it your blessing of peace.  But if it is not worthy, take back your blessing of peace.  Whoever does not receive you, nor heed your words, as you go out of that house or that city, shake the dust off your feet..."  (Matthew 10:12-14)

This sounds harsh to the ears of the people who believe in the unicorn-and-fairies Jesus that they have invented, but, practically speaking, what else could the apostles do?  Jesus had told them that when people hear and accept the words of the apostles, they are hearing and accepting Jesus and thereby hearing and accepting the words of God.

Unicorn and rainbow Jesus

Invented by Anti-Christians

"Whoever hears you, hears me.  And whoever despises you, despises me.  And whoever despises me, despises Him who sent me."  (Luke 10:16)

If the people did not accept the good news, the apostles were to move on to people who would.  God created us as creatures with free will, after all, and we are free to choose evil rather than good.  It is only our love freely given that God desires.

When Paul is instructing the church in his first letter to the Corinthians, he points out that "the spiritual person, however, can judge everything, but is not subject to judgment by anyone." (1Corinthians 2:15.)  This is because "we have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit that is from God, so that we may understand the things freely given us by God.  And we speak about them, not with words taught by human wisdom, but with words taught by the Spirit, describing spiritual realities in spiritual terms." (1 Corinthians 2:12-13)

The New Catholic Answers Bible makes the point that "The spiritual person...is not subject to judgment; since spiritual persons have been given knowledge of what pertains to God, they share in God's own capacity to judge.  One to whom the mind of the the Lord (and of Christ) is revealed (1 Cor 2:11-12, they share in God's own capacity to judge.  One to whom the mind of the Lord (and of Christ) is revealed (1 Cor 2:16) can be said to share in some sense in God's exemption from counseling and criticism."

This "spiritual person" does not contradict the words of Christ because "the mind of the Lord (and of Christ)" has been revealed to the spiritual person and that person shares the mind of God (Christ) to some degree.  Those who refute the words of Jesus and of those He sent out to spread the gospel, those who speak against His church and its Biblical precepts, are obviously not in tune with the Lord (and Christ)  and do not share in the above-referenced "exemption from counseling and criticism."

Jesus warned that, in times to come, some people would call out to him "Lord, Lord" but will not be saved because they are not faithful to Him.  He will send them away and tell them that he does not know them.  In several places he comments that those who love him will follow his commandments.

"He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him."  (John 14:21)

The apostles spent time with Jesus Himself.  When Jesus was walking the earth in human form, they interacted with Him, watched Him and listened to Him.  He deputized them to go out into the world and teach what He had taught them.  He rose after death and again instructed them.  Afterwards, he sent the Holy Spirit to light upon them.  They were spiritual people, touched by God Himself, speaking for God, by God's authority.  They, in turn, transmitted their authority to the next generation of preachers, and it has been thus for the last 2,000 years.

Just as the Jesus and the Holy Spirit transmitted something spiritually tangible and authoritative to the apostles, they likewise transmitted this to those that came after them.  This is called "apostolic succession" and is of crucial importance to the faith.

We live in a world where, even those who claim to be followers of Christ and who call for him, "Lord! Lord!," are at the same time speaking against the teachings of the Church that have been carried forward, intact, for 2,000 years.  They despise the words of the Apostles, thereby despising Jesus and the One who sent him.  They despise His church, many of them from within the church. Like large tapeworms, they consume the church and its resources from the inside while encouraging others to attack it from the outside.

Are we to sit back while the worm destroys its host because, supposedly, we aren't supposed to object because it means we are "judging" people?  Ireland recently approved "marriage" between people of the same sex.  Jesus said that a man and a woman become one in the sacrament of marriage.  A man and a woman. The secular world tells us that we are being bigoted and hateful if we speak in favor of marriage between a man and a woman, which even nature tells us is the only intended purpose of male and female.

If someone claims they are Catholic and they proceed to tell me that marriage between two people of the same sex is perfectly fine, or that it is alright that abortion is legal, or that artificial contraception is the modern way to be and that Jesus would be fine with all of it, am I to sit in tacit agreement so that I can avoid being called "judgmental" and other names?

No.  I have a responsibility to carry forward the good news of Christianity.  If, however, I am despised because of it, I will kick the dirt from my sandals and move on.

Silver "Rose" Parnell
Copyright (c) 2015
All rights reserved

CHRISTMAS LETTER, 2014

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM SILVER COTTAGE!

Last year at this time, it was a sad state of affairs.  My son, my only child, had just died.  Everything was colored with a dark pall.  During 2014 my service dog died, my television died, my cat contracted stage 3 kidney disease, and all sorts of other problems presented themselves.  It was bleak, but, thanks be to God, the pall has gradually lifted.  

My son, Jason Beasley

Shortly before his death in 2013

One significant event was the interment of my son's ashes at Mount Calvary Catholic Cemetery, free of charge (thanks to the efforts of our bishop!)  The Divine Liturgy that marked the occasion was exquisitely beautiful, respectful and uplifting.  I really DID feel that "closure" people talk about when discussing funerals and services.  I also began to feel an increase in gratitude, serenity and peace.  

Throughout 2014, I received the assistance of several good friends in my church community who fed me, transported me and comforted me in my grief.  Their steady companionship and love, in the spirit of Christ and his blessed mother, have strengthened me in my struggles, and I feel very blessed for the gift of their friendship.

Our Lady, Helper of Mothers

Icon located at Our Lady of Perpetual Help

Byzantine Catholic Church

Albuquerque, New Mexico

During this year, I have made progress, in fits and starts, in establishing my monastic prayer schedule. Due to illness, it is difficult to maintain.

I have always had an interest in languages, so have decided to learn Polish and Ukrainian (which is composed of 70% Polish words.) There are other languages I would like to learn, but I think I should stick to one at a time!

As my prayer life has deepened and increased, my prayer corners have also developed and taken on more space in my apartment.  The one in the living room has a tiny little ceramic creche set on the table.  This is the table where I used to have a television.  A prayer corner is a much better idea!

The prayer corner in the back room is where I do all my formal prayers.

The icons spill over onto the adjoining walls:

...and in the corner!

Another pending project involves learning how to paint icons.  Now, I have done a lot of painting in the past, and have sold a few things, but icons are another matter entirely.  There is a well developed process of producing these beautiful windows into heaven.  I have a couple of books to help me, and I am close to breaking out the acrylic paints and getting to work!

In addition to all of this, I will continue making baby blankets for donation to the Gabriel Project, perhaps some hats for the homeless, and some lace veils and scarves for ladies to wear to church.

It makes me very happy to have the wherewithal to learn some new things and to produce some works of art while helping others at the same time.  God is truly blessing me abundantly, and my spirits are light.

All in all, aside from the difficulties in getting some of my needs met, it is a happy Christmas, full of love and peace and plans for the future.  I pray that everyone is as happy as I am during this lovely time and that the joy of the Christ child is yours throughout the coming year.

God bless us, everyone!

Silver Rose Parnell
Copyright (c) 2014
All rights reserved.

FOLLOW THE LIGHT

"The lamp of the body is the eye.  If your eye

is sound, your whole body will be filled with 

light; but if your eye is bad, your whole body

will be in darkness.  And if the light in you is

darkness, how great will the darkness be."

Matthew 6:22-23

I had a nightmare the other night in which Satan tried to allure me to his side.  The room was shadowy, the light meager and of a sickly dark yellow color.  The figure of the devil was tall and shrouded with a black cloak with a hood.  An angel warned me that I could not look upon that evil creature or else I might become enthralled, so the angel gave me a piece of parchment to put in front of my face to block the view of the dark one.  Even so, I could still make out that tall and ominous form.  I tried to leave, but the master of all lies drew near and asked me to sit with him.  I woke up, with a sense of foreboding and illness of spirit.

Satan is still pursuing me.  He wants all of us, actually, but the ones he pursues most diligently are those who are straining vigorously toward Jesus, who is the light of salvation.  The devil doesn't have to worry about the casual Christians.  They may walk themselves away from the light on their own, or with a gentle push from the evil one.  Likewise, the saints, the perfected ones, are likely past his reach.  The determined traveler who is struggling toward heaven, however, presents a challenge, and Satan pesters them unmercifully. 

He specializes in confusing the spiritual aspirant by either appealing to his ego or presenting visions and other supernatural phenomena in the guise of a message from God.  So, the sincere seeker gets sidetracked with this spiritual circus, stuck on the ferris wheel in which he occasionally sees a glimpse of glory from the top of the wheel, only to lose it again when the wheel goes around, and around, and around.  In this way we can understand "mystics" like Maria Divine Mercy or that Bayside woman who spout messages supposedly from heaven but which contradict Divine Inspiration of the Bible, Christian tradition, and the like.

It is so tempting to think that we are emanating the light and leading people to heaven when, in actuality, it is Christ who is the light and we live in his light when we are close to Him.

"He commanded us to follow Him, not because

He had any need of our service, but to grant us

salvation.  To follow the Savior, in fact,

means sharing in salvation, just as to follow 

the light means being surrounded by brightness.

He who is in the light is surely not the one to

create the light and make it shine, rather;

it is the light that shines on him and illuminates

him.  He gives nothing to the light, but he receives

from it the benefit of its splendor, as well as

all its other advantages."

~ Saint Irenaeus ~

I pray that we all remember to keep our eyes on the light of Christ and to follow Him most closely.  We have to keep custody of the eyes at all times and be cautious of all matters upon which we turn our vision, or else we may lock our gaze upon one of Satan's snares and become entangled in his mess.  Everything we read, everything we watch, everything we take in through the eyes has the potential to either divinize us or destroy us.

I pray that you all remain in the orbit of Christ's saving light.

Silver "Rose" Parnell