SELFISHNESS

 

I took my dog out for our late evening potty break but was unable to use my electric "mobility scooter" because a large car had parked right on top of the handicap ramp that is the only way to have access to the majority of the parking lot and walking areas. I had to fight back groans of pain while I hobbled with my cane instead of being able to USE the scooter. 

The ramp was OBVIOUSLY meant for disabled people - but whoever parked there did not consider anyone else's needs and desires but their own.

When I got close to the back gate, I noticed that someone had left a car parked directly in front of and completely blocking our one and only fire exit. There is a wide expanse of space where they could have parked instead - space that would not block our fire exit. As I passed, I wondered why they didn't consider anyone else's needs and desires but their own?

A little further on, I was unhappy to see that the movie company that is filming outside our gates decided to install their outdoor toilet right up against our fence,  two inches from the access gate the residents use to take their walks along the irrigation ditch and down to the dog park and just two feet from my neighbors' front door. Again, there are acres of room out there and they could have chosen to toilet themselves AWAY from our doors, sidewalks and walkways, but they didn't. I could almost SEE the stench rising from the latrine .  I wonder why they didn't consider anyone else's needs and desires but their own?

As I turned toward home, I thought about how life "themes" tend to strike me within the daily happenings, and I can see a string of meaning - a life course, of sorts. The last few months, I have been getting teachings about selfishness. It is easy to recall many examples of it For instance:

Last week, a visitor parked their car in front of my garage so I could not enter or exit - and when I asked her to move, three people joined her in some very frightening intimidation, screaming and yelling at me, calling me vulgar names and making reference to my being "old." They kept me prisoner in my car for 20 minutes, blocking me from going forward by moving the traffic cone in front of my car and then leaning over the hood while they screamed at me and made filthy faces and hand gestures. It was a nightmare.  Their belief appears to be that their comfort and convenience supersedes the rights and needs of everyone - even a disabled senior lady who pays rent for that space the interloper misappropriated. Their own parking space is just a few feet further away than the one they covet, and apparently this is of great insult to them, these newcomers to the building who drive a vehicle that sports, in LARGE letters, the motto, "F - - K THE POPULATION," an anti-social modern saying.

I had an experience recently in which other shoppers have been so absorbed in their own mental processes that they have banged into me, jostled me, reached across my body to get something they wanted - and all of this happened during a pandemic in which consciousness of one's proximity to other people is really important. When I asked one woman to stop touching me and to give me some space, she stood over me and glowered at me. She was awfully tall - at least six feet. Most women aren't that tall, and I remember wondering if her height had helped to turn her into a bully. She must have been an awful creature on the playground. She refused to get out of my space, so I had to leave and circle back later for the vegetables I had been picking when she accosted  me.

This is how gangs take charge of neighborhoods, I imagine. No one wants to go near these anti-social cretins, so everyone is forced to just give them what they want.

Something that happens as you progress in meditation practice is the ability to see the condition of other humans - the darkness and preoccupation of their minds - and how cut off they are from consciousness. Selfishness makes these people spin around inside their own minds, orbiting around the mania of the moment. Buddhists call this "monkey mind."  It is a terrible ordeal and torment for them.

Lately, I feel surrounded by these lost souls, as I have had to go to the doctor many times for a skin cancer that needs to be removed, and I am out in the public much more than is customary. In the process of getting my medical needs met, I have had to interact with some of these "monkey minds" including that of a very young surgeon I met with yesterday. She was manic and used hyperbole to mask her lack of concentration. The "conversation" was disturbing, as she repeated answers to questions I had not asked, ignored some of the questions I DID ask, and misinterpreted some things I had said - ostensibly because she was not paying proper attention. Recognizing the signs of "monkey mind", I have scheduled an appointment with a different surgeon.

I was very glad to interact with a man at the Cancer Center who DID seem completely present and conscious - the man who had been tasked with pushing my wheelchair around the facility. He took some time to show me some of the art on the walls, and then took me to my car. I was sad not to have had any cash to give him and made a mental note to carry some with me next time I go to the hospital. Their valet parking and other services are "free" but I am sure a tip would be welcome. It was a psychic relief to interact with someone who was present and selfless.

Tonight, while I walked and prayed and thought, I held the dog's leash with one hand and the recently purchased cannister of pepper spray attached to my key chain in my other. I am idealistic, but I am also practical. Now that people have started aggressing on me, I need to be prepared. I had no idea that some disabled and senior folks are routinely faced with abuse simply because they aren't vigorous enough to defend themselves. It's a sad commentary on human nature, and one that gives me great pain to observe.

Cherishing the delights of being able to help other human beings, and mourning the loss of this ability, through disability and its resultant poverty, makes me very sad for myself but especially for these people who apparently are ignorant of one of the most dazzling pleasures that being human provides.

Of all the memories I cherish in my old age, it is the memory of the handful of times I have been able to help other sentient beings get some need met or some long cherished desire realized. I can't imagine a life in which this is not experienced, desired or pursued.

The beauty of selflessness, of loving one's neighbor, of kindness and consideration, is sublime - exquisite - and supremely satisfying. I pray that everyone gets to experience its pleasures because it changes one's outlook on life entirely. I am betting that all my readers are well aware of this, as you all tend to be highly evolved people, I have observed. Please join me in my prayer that the bullies of the world get to experience and be transformed by selflessness, something Jesus talked about more than any other topic.

Silver Rose
Sannyasini Kaliprana

WALKING MEDITATION

I am feeling very grateful today for the many habits and techniques of seeking God consciousness that I learned from the Eastern traditions of Buddhism and Hinduism.

With apologies to the respected spiritual teachers of those many traditions, it is my experience that walking meditation is one of those things that can easily be adopted and adapted to the needs of spiritual seekers of all faiths.

There is only one ultimate creator God or original cause of the universe. However you envision Him/Her/It or even if, for you, there is nothing but emptiness, whatever your tradition or practice at the moment, walking meditation, and other types of meditation combined with movement, is something we can all do with great benefit.

Sufi Dancers

Famously, the Sufis have their highly ritualistic ecstatic dances, and Brother Lawrence used to say that he was as much with God, while washing his pots and pans, as he would be while singing in the choir stall, which was considered a high status activity.

Brother Lawrence

among his pots and pans, in the kitchen

Granted, the higher reaches of ecstatic union with God, such as what the saints, sages and mystics have experienced and described, would probably be a challenge, in concert with walking or other activity, but it is probably fair to say that, for most of us, these high ecstatic states are not a daily occurrence, nor a constant one, when they do arise.

Saint Theresa of Avilla,

in ecstatic union with Christ

- statue closeup -

Lately, I am particularly recommending "walking meditation" to all my disabled and elderly friends, partly because it takes us much longer to accomplish our daily tasks than it did when we were younger and/or more fit and healthy, thus challenging us to find the lengthy periods of uninterrupted meditation while sitting in our schedule.

For myself, as a quasi-hermit on a very limited budget, operating a body that has started to deteriorate, I find that, when I previously waited for a break in my daily tasks in order to meditate in a formal way, there were some days when very little was possible. Doctor appointments, cooking, cleaning, dog walking, ate up my time, while the silence I would prefer was also eaten by other beings in their quest to accomplish their life goals.

"Busy Street Scene"

by Phill Burrows

Living in an apartment community with more than 100 other beings, on a main thoroughfare through town, is not particularly conducive to quiet meditation! I long ago gave up trying to create an oasis in my apartment. Instead, I am working within the noise and the chaos.

I realized, at some point in my journey through pain and disability, that the purpose for spiritual "practices" was, at least in part, to train the mind and body to always be aware of its at-one-ment with the Lord. Formal sitting meditation practice is just that - practice! It isn't the goal. It is A practice for the real thing - continuous God consciousness: the state of awareness of continual connection and identification with Deity (or "original cause" or whatever your tradition / understanding / language provides.)

Jesus meditating in the forest

Those who are unfamiliar with walking meditation are encouraged to do some reading about it, look for local sources of information, watch some videos, hear some talks, and then seek out a venue for the practice of this valuable technique. If you were here with me, I could train you, and I suppose I could write more detail about it in this blog, but why reinvent the wheel? Others have already done this far better than I could.

I will tell you that sometimes I use what is called a "mantra." My favorite is the "Jesus Prayer" sometimes called "centering prayer" I believe:

"Lord, Jesus Christ, son of God,

have mercy upon me, a poor sinner."

You could even just say "Lord" or "Jesus" or something similar. In the Hindu faith, there are a lot of considerations about this mantra, as in the Buddhist zen tradition, that it should be transmitted to the student by an ascended master or guru, but we do not have this tradition, per se, in Catholicism. In any case, let's not let perfection become the enemy of the good by drawing too many demands around this practice, as much could be lost if one felt that contemplation or meditation was essentially impossible without the presence of some elevated teacher-saint to "give" you a magic pill that would open your heart, etc. Once you start along this path, a teacher does sometimes appear, but don't worry about that right now. Just get started.

The addition of a mantra, recited interiorly, is typically what I do when I am having trouble focusing. Usually, I just put my consciousness at the feet of the Lord and hang onto that while I perform whatever household function or life task I have to perform at the moment. If you are new to meditation, you'll want to start with mantra. Eventually, this drops away of its own accord.

Granted, there are times when your full attention is required and you just can't hold God's hand while you do it: important conversations that carry crucial information, that sort of thing, but if you expand your concept of meditation to include a lot of your daily tasks, you will be surprised at how much peace and blessedness this will introduce to your life.

Anyway, I am finding the walking meditation very helpful these days. Also the dish washing meditation, dog walking meditation, grocery shopping meditation and painting meditation. You get the drift.

Old Woman Meditating on the Scriptures

by Gabriel Metsu

If this sort of meditation is a new thing for you, please feel free to write me and tell me about it. I may be able to answer some questions, but I recommend you get a local teacher, if a teacher is what you are looking for.

Primarily, I am writing this to encourage you to give walking meditation a try. I know that I personally experienced some frustration when I found that my life circumstances continually prevented me from enjoying a quiet, meditative life, and I got a lot of benefit from falling back on my training in walking meditation. I had to learn to embrace the reality of my situation and adapt. After many years of formal meditation practice, I found the transition seamless. You can also!

God bless us all.

Silver