SELFISHNESS

 

I took my dog out for our late evening potty break but was unable to use my electric "mobility scooter" because a large car had parked right on top of the handicap ramp that is the only way to have access to the majority of the parking lot and walking areas. I had to fight back groans of pain while I hobbled with my cane instead of being able to USE the scooter. 

The ramp was OBVIOUSLY meant for disabled people - but whoever parked there did not consider anyone else's needs and desires but their own.

When I got close to the back gate, I noticed that someone had left a car parked directly in front of and completely blocking our one and only fire exit. There is a wide expanse of space where they could have parked instead - space that would not block our fire exit. As I passed, I wondered why they didn't consider anyone else's needs and desires but their own?

A little further on, I was unhappy to see that the movie company that is filming outside our gates decided to install their outdoor toilet right up against our fence,  two inches from the access gate the residents use to take their walks along the irrigation ditch and down to the dog park and just two feet from my neighbors' front door. Again, there are acres of room out there and they could have chosen to toilet themselves AWAY from our doors, sidewalks and walkways, but they didn't. I could almost SEE the stench rising from the latrine .  I wonder why they didn't consider anyone else's needs and desires but their own?

As I turned toward home, I thought about how life "themes" tend to strike me within the daily happenings, and I can see a string of meaning - a life course, of sorts. The last few months, I have been getting teachings about selfishness. It is easy to recall many examples of it For instance:

Last week, a visitor parked their car in front of my garage so I could not enter or exit - and when I asked her to move, three people joined her in some very frightening intimidation, screaming and yelling at me, calling me vulgar names and making reference to my being "old." They kept me prisoner in my car for 20 minutes, blocking me from going forward by moving the traffic cone in front of my car and then leaning over the hood while they screamed at me and made filthy faces and hand gestures. It was a nightmare.  Their belief appears to be that their comfort and convenience supersedes the rights and needs of everyone - even a disabled senior lady who pays rent for that space the interloper misappropriated. Their own parking space is just a few feet further away than the one they covet, and apparently this is of great insult to them, these newcomers to the building who drive a vehicle that sports, in LARGE letters, the motto, "F - - K THE POPULATION," an anti-social modern saying.

I had an experience recently in which other shoppers have been so absorbed in their own mental processes that they have banged into me, jostled me, reached across my body to get something they wanted - and all of this happened during a pandemic in which consciousness of one's proximity to other people is really important. When I asked one woman to stop touching me and to give me some space, she stood over me and glowered at me. She was awfully tall - at least six feet. Most women aren't that tall, and I remember wondering if her height had helped to turn her into a bully. She must have been an awful creature on the playground. She refused to get out of my space, so I had to leave and circle back later for the vegetables I had been picking when she accosted  me.

This is how gangs take charge of neighborhoods, I imagine. No one wants to go near these anti-social cretins, so everyone is forced to just give them what they want.

Something that happens as you progress in meditation practice is the ability to see the condition of other humans - the darkness and preoccupation of their minds - and how cut off they are from consciousness. Selfishness makes these people spin around inside their own minds, orbiting around the mania of the moment. Buddhists call this "monkey mind."  It is a terrible ordeal and torment for them.

Lately, I feel surrounded by these lost souls, as I have had to go to the doctor many times for a skin cancer that needs to be removed, and I am out in the public much more than is customary. In the process of getting my medical needs met, I have had to interact with some of these "monkey minds" including that of a very young surgeon I met with yesterday. She was manic and used hyperbole to mask her lack of concentration. The "conversation" was disturbing, as she repeated answers to questions I had not asked, ignored some of the questions I DID ask, and misinterpreted some things I had said - ostensibly because she was not paying proper attention. Recognizing the signs of "monkey mind", I have scheduled an appointment with a different surgeon.

I was very glad to interact with a man at the Cancer Center who DID seem completely present and conscious - the man who had been tasked with pushing my wheelchair around the facility. He took some time to show me some of the art on the walls, and then took me to my car. I was sad not to have had any cash to give him and made a mental note to carry some with me next time I go to the hospital. Their valet parking and other services are "free" but I am sure a tip would be welcome. It was a psychic relief to interact with someone who was present and selfless.

Tonight, while I walked and prayed and thought, I held the dog's leash with one hand and the recently purchased cannister of pepper spray attached to my key chain in my other. I am idealistic, but I am also practical. Now that people have started aggressing on me, I need to be prepared. I had no idea that some disabled and senior folks are routinely faced with abuse simply because they aren't vigorous enough to defend themselves. It's a sad commentary on human nature, and one that gives me great pain to observe.

Cherishing the delights of being able to help other human beings, and mourning the loss of this ability, through disability and its resultant poverty, makes me very sad for myself but especially for these people who apparently are ignorant of one of the most dazzling pleasures that being human provides.

Of all the memories I cherish in my old age, it is the memory of the handful of times I have been able to help other sentient beings get some need met or some long cherished desire realized. I can't imagine a life in which this is not experienced, desired or pursued.

The beauty of selflessness, of loving one's neighbor, of kindness and consideration, is sublime - exquisite - and supremely satisfying. I pray that everyone gets to experience its pleasures because it changes one's outlook on life entirely. I am betting that all my readers are well aware of this, as you all tend to be highly evolved people, I have observed. Please join me in my prayer that the bullies of the world get to experience and be transformed by selflessness, something Jesus talked about more than any other topic.

Silver Rose
Sannyasini Kaliprana

A MORE TRANQUIL CHRISTMAS VISION

WINTER IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD - 2015

The other morning, I was horrified to hear newscasters advocating for the best way to DISPOSE OF Christmas cards, in light of the need to recycle paper goods. I had a quick vision of friends tossing my cards in the recycle bin, along with all my effort (and expense!)

I spend many hours on my Christmas cards and typically write a personal note in each one. Choosing just the right card was, for every year of my adult life, a really special tradition. I treasured every card I was given in return, and although some personal catastrophes forced me to eliminate nearly all of my possessions at three separate points in time, I eventually resumed the habit of saving the cards I was given each year.

"Nativity at night"

by Geertgen ton Sint Jans

1490

Not many people put as much effort into their cards as I do. Many just sign their names, but the cards themselves are often graced with the most exquisite art works! In years past, I have cut the picture side from the card and placed it in a beautiful little frame, displaying it in a pretty corner or on my desk during the Christmas season. I may even frame it informally in a little wooden frame and hang it on the wall above my writing desk or cosmetic vanity.

I remember one year when I cut the image from the cards I'd been given and wrote "thank you" notes for Christmas presents on the reverse, using them as post cards, while affixing a thrifty post card stamp on it.

L'ADORATION DES BERGERS

by Georges de la Tour

1644

Currently, I am saving cards and images from magazines to use in several decoupage projects - applying the images to some lightweight wooden boxes, to be later displayed and used as jewelry boxes, hair tie boxes, and the like. [This is the type of project that is especially suited to your older children, by the way - being a lesson in the "reuse" portion of the "reduce, reuse, recycle" mantra.]

While it is true that most Americans are drowning in little bits of this-and-that (even poor people) I think it's important to differentiate between the generic machine-made, artificial blobs of STUFF and those things into which people have infused some effort and personalization. If it is really the thought that counts, then let's act like it!

If you receive a card, it means someone thought of you. There was some effort in picking out the card, the right pen, the stickers, the stamps. On top of all that inherent value, sometimes a personal note from someone like me will be layered. There are so many coats of thought and intention applied to those Christmas cards, they're like little paper vitamins for the soul and the mind! It isn't just about the holiday, though it is the reason for the season for which there is plenty of meaning imbued on its own.

CHRISTMAS TIME - THE BLODGETT FAMILY

by Eastman Johnson

When I was a little girl, my mother, my sister and I spent several Christmas seasons making our own Christmas cards at the kitchen table. We loved it! Being poor as church mice, we couldn't give anything but our time, a few sheets of paper, a little glitter, and some postage stamps. If you have a lot of time on your hands, and your Christmas card list is not long, you may become ambitious and make personalized cards uniquely your own. It's a risk that all your work will still end up in the rubbish bin, though, so keep that in mind.

Looking at this from yet another angle, I want to encourage each person who reads this to stop and consider how cavalier most of us have become about the astonishing availability of beautiful images on commercially made objects.  We take them for granted, for the most part. A couple hundred years ago, none of this was possible. How easy it has become to throw away images originally created by the great masters! There was a time, not so long ago, when you only got to see that image if you stood in front of the original painting.

NATIVITY

by Jean Baptiste Marie Pierre

(1714-1789)

Classical works of art, and many modern ones, as well, have particular lines and shapes organized along the geometric planes of whatever ground one chooses to hold the images, which lines and shapes stimulate the mind, as there are particular organizations of structure that appeal to the brain in an organic, natural fashion.

How does this translate to a more tranquil Christmas vision? I offer to you a lesson I have learned since become disabled 15 years ago. Here it is: I am not rich, and neither are you. Instead of flogging ourselves to buy as many people as much stuff as we possibly can squeeze out of our meager funds, how about all of us reduce the number of presents we feel compelled to buy and, instead, do one thing really well? I am not suggesting we should tank the economy by withdrawing all purchases entirely - just focusing our attentions more narrowly so that we are not perpetuating that constant stream of junk that is entering into the world.

THE NATIVITY

by Jacopo Tintoretto (Jacopo Robusti)

late 1550's - reworked 1570's

Since I don't have money to supply all my necessary wants, I am relieved from buying presents for anyone, since everyone knows my situation. I did give a few tokens of affection this year (mostly scarves I crocheted), but Christmas has become, for me, all about the CARDS. What I concentrated upon was writing personal notes in each of the 50 cards I sent out. They weren't expensive cards. A postage stamp cost a lot more than most of them, but because I am relieved from giving presents, for the most part, I made an effort with the cards, in which I tried to instill as much of the LOVE of Christmas that I could muster.

It occurred to me, while I was hunkered down with all those cards, that a good rule of thumb would be for everyone to give people what would fit in a card. If the person has plenty of junk clogging their shelves and cupboards and really needs nothing that you know about in particular (like most Americans) donate money to a good cause that appeals to you or to them, and include a note to that effect in the card. If you are close to the person and would like to render personal services, make your own "redeemable upon demand" coupon, and slip that into the card. If the recipient is someone whose needs exceed their income, then put some crisp bills in that person's card and you'll have their undying gratitude. They can go out and purchase the exact thing they need and love.

CHRISTMAS PAINTING

by Stefan Baumann

On Christmas Eve day, I made East Indian spiced tea and modest snacks at my house for a few other disabled ladies in my apartment complex. We savored our simple snacks, the Christmas music and our cheerful conversation. On Christmas day, I spent time with a cousin and his mate, relishing a surprisingly expert meal and the company of a few lovely people who went out of their way to make me feel comfortable. The best Christmas ever.

Throughout the Christmas season, I am making an effort to be available to friends for conversation and simple friendship, taking one out for a short grocery shopping excursion, being attentive to another who is suffering with a personal difficulty, etc. Because my Christmas has become modest, in terms of shopping and preparations, I am better able to serve others in a quiet manner, since I have the time.

Victorian Christmas Mantel

I am really enjoying the  Christmas season this year more than any other Christmas I've ever had. I am feeling really happy, and I attribute it to paring down purchases to the bare minimum, concentrating on giving a small piece of myself in Christmas cards and spending time with people, reveling in Christmas cheer. I highly recommend it!

Silver Rose

ALL HELL HAS BROKEN LOOSE - updated

UPDATE: I used my FOOD MONEY to purchase a refurbished HP computer from Internet Essentials (CVI Computers in Canada, as it turns out) for $150.00 - It took WEEKS to arrive, and was malfunctioning out of the box. After 3 days of constant problems, I am sending it back.

I simply must get a decent computer that meets my needs and works properly. My food budget isn't big enough to cut out enough to purchase a decent computer (which will cost at least $600, according to my research.) It's the last week of the month, and I am eating beans and tortillas as it is.

Can you help?

If so, please click the yellow 'DONATE' button to the right, underneath my photo. I will dedicate the novel to YOU!
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PREVIOUS ENTRY:

My computer has been shattered to bits and i am pecking this out on my itty bitty kindle, so I will get to the point.

While I am physically disabled, (further hampered due to PTSD resulting from violent assault), and always open to donations via Pay Pal, every few years  I have a perfect storm and really need extra help most urgently. One cannot live on the razor's edge of penury without getting cut now and then.

My computer is in the junk heap, and I need a printer and some ink cartridges.

I am squinting to read as I need new eyeglasses AND sunglasses (very expensive for my particular eye disease. I will be completely blind if I live long enough.)

I haven't had any dental work in 15 years & need a surgical procedure for which I have no insurance.

My ancient car's power steering no longer works, I need new tires and an oil change, one of my little side windows is missing,  and did I mention the car is old?

As I calculate it, I need at least $3,000 to pull my life out of the emergency category but I am disabled & cannot work, so now is the time to beg for donations. It is humiliating, after a lifetime of hard work and self support, but it must be done. I have no choice.

i am most concerned about the computer, as I am writing a book and matching screenplay. I worked as a writer in my 20's and, while nothing is certain, I am at least equipped with experience in the television industry.

Please consider donating via PayPal, so I can pull myself out of the hole by working at the only thing I know how to do. Every little bit helps.

God Bless you all.

Silver

HIGH CLASS PROBLEMS

One of my darling friends who is always helping me surprised me with a phone with which to start my new phone service.  Aside from having to adjust to yet another bill, the phone itself is a Rubic's Cube of the technology world.  Last night, it sent me text messages like, "someone else has taken over your account.  Go to www....."  Of course, I was horrified and went right over to the website and could not see what is the matter.  I am still the owner of record, and the address and phone are correct.  I am mystified.  Why did I get that message?  Is there something nefarious going on behind the scenes that I can't see?  I woke up fretting over this.

My new "Zinger" telephone

Reading the book is no help.  It tells me, "if you want to do this then do that.  I don't even know what this is, much less whether or not I want to do that.  If I don't do that, I wonder if I am being somehow remiss.  Am I supposed to do that?  Should I do it?  I am underlining the "this" and the "that" because I don't even understand it well enough to give it a name.

Sometimes the phone prompts me and says that there are Wi-Fi networks available.  Oh, goodie.  And?  Am I supposed to do something at this point, or is the phone pointing out something that doesn't pertain to me because I don't have internet on my phone?  Is it the phone's version of that kid's game where you count every yellow car between here and Denver?  "Oh, look...there's another yellow car."  Nothing to be done about it.  It's just another yellow car.

VW van

There are all sorts of teeny tiny little icons on the top of the phone.  I haven't the foggiest what they mean. I haven't gotten to that part of the book yet, but I strongly suspect they have something to do with the internet again.  Who knows?

His Majesty, Shivaasna

aka "Mr. Fuzzy Pants"

First thing this morning I had to go to the store to buy my cat some of the food he is NOT supposed to eat because he is dying of kidney disease but which is the only type of food he WILL eat.  I mix it with the prescription food that costs nearly $2 a can and hope for the best.  The last 2 days, he has refused to eat because I only gave him the prescription food and he was not having it.  At any rate, I pop the frustrating phone into my purse with a snort of disgust and head out the door.

On the way out of the Walgreens near my house, a man walks into the alley where they have placed the designated handicap parking (Yes, put the fragile disabled people in the alley where no one can see them get mugged.  Makes perfect sense.)  He proceeds to pull out his member and urinate against the wall, right there in front of me.  I am insulted and embarrassed, of course.  One of my pet peeves is the casual way in which so many men fling their bodily fluids onto the pavements from various orifices.  It's revolting.  I couldn't get into the car fast enough.  Never have I been so grateful for automatic door locks!  It's like the urban version of the USS Enterprise.  "Shields up!"

USS Starship Enterprise

I once saw a tour bus pull up into that same alley and several men exited the bus, stepped into the trash cubicle, and urinated behind the garbage bins.  Lovely surprise for the poor maintenance men that have to tidy that area.  Can you imagine?

Not long ago, I witnessed a man blow his nose onto the pavement.  He just held one nostril and let the other one blow out its contents.  One is always seeing men spitting onto the sidewalk.  This is where everyone walks, mind you.  It's a filthy business.  Whatever happened to a nice handkerchief?  Again, I do not see women spitting onto the pavement, and I am so curious to know whether or not the male of our species have an extra gland in their mouths that women do not have, and they have to expel the contents now and then.

bird of paradise, displaying for a

female

In the animal world, behavioral differences between the male and female of the species are meant to attract one another.  I wonder if I have misunderstood something crucial all these years.  If so, I wish the male of our species would do something lovely instead of urinating and spitting in front of strange ladies.  What about dancing?  I saw a beautiful film about a particular kind of bird in the rain forest that has exquisite plumage and does this amazing dance whenever a female comes near them.  It was mesmerizing.  How about something like that?  I think I would rather enjoy watching that, especially if the plumage was pretty.

So, this morning, before I had a chance to settle into the car and flee the scene, I had to witness that man casually put his penis back into his elastic-waist shorts and then saunter back to the payday loan establishment a few doors down.  I would bet that the payday loan shop doesn't allow anyone to use their bathroom, so the man decided to do what he did.  I've never seen a woman do that.  You know what women do.  They wait.  They hold it until they get to a bathroom.  I have also wondered to myself if there is something inherently flawed with the male urinary system and they are physically unable to wait, poor dears.  Of course, I've never seen any one of them actually let loose inside a store, mind you.  "Oh no!  I think my waters just broke."  No, that doesn't happen.  They must have some kind of control.

If some men feel they absolutely cannot be made to wait, perhaps it is time we started marketing diapers to them.  Either wear a diaper, or we'll ticket you $100 for peeing on the sidewalk.  That sounds like a uniquely American situation.  We love to punish people.  That's why we have so many people in prison.

On the other hand, we could simply take care of one another in a better way by providing bathrooms in shopping centers and public places as a matter of course.  You know why we don't have those?  It costs money to build and maintain bathrooms and we don't want to spend money on other people.  Our hard-boiled individualism reflects itself in this and many other anti-social cultural constructs.

Public bathroom in Thailand

I often wonder why, with our great freedom to construct a society of any type we want, the western world, for the most part, has imagined itself into a world that is far uglier than it has to be.  I think this is why we are so addicted to entertainment.  We must escape into an imaginary dimension because we can't stand the one in which we actually live....the one we have constructed.

Gas Station in Carmel, California

Some towns, however, have too much civic pride to let their streets turn into troughs of urine.  In chi-chi tourist towns, like beautiful Carmel, California, even the gas stations and toilets have to be constructed and decorated in a specific style.  There are very strict rules and building codes about this, all of which are designed to eliminate the ugly while harmonizing with nature.  I don't think neon is allowed within the city limits.  The residents of this town have an aesthetic vision of beauty that cannot be breached, and I am willing to bet that one would be hard pressed to find an ugly alley in which to pee in that little burgh.  Even the toilets at the beach are substantial and beautiful.

Public bathrooms at a Carmel beach

Carmel proper is a smallish town, a wealthy enclave, and can afford to spend a lot of money to maintain a certain look and level of cleanliness.  As with all things, it boils down to the availability of funds.  Not all towns have the wealth of Carmel, which is where a Federal government program would come in handy.  But there is that pesky selfishness we have to contend with.  People in California don't want to pay taxes to help raise the standard of living somewhere else.  "Who cares about the wellbeing of people in New Mexico?  I've got mine, and that's all that matters."

I'm convinced that it is time for a paradigm shift to a model of society that is supportive of all its members, one that is kind, gentle, loving and generous toward one another and the earth on which we live; a culture that recognizes the need for beauty that is in harmony with nature and doesn't want to cover everything over with cement.  Just as the industrial revolution pushed Americans off the farms and into the city, it is time for another model to take over.  We only have to decide what we want and then put it into action.

The first thing I want is for everyone to have access to the basic needs of life, and what could be more basic than a sanitary and attractive loo?  That, and a telephone that doesn't require an advanced degree in computer sciences to operate.

Silver Rose Parnell
Copyright (c) 2015
All rights reserved.

GIVE YOUR BEST

"Love the Lord your God with all your Heart and with all

your soul and with all your mind and with all your

strength.  The second is this: Love your neighbor as

yourself.  There is no commandment greater than these."

Imagine this scenario:  One of your friends has given you a gift.  It is wrapped in lovely paper and has a nice little card attached.  Then you open the package and see the contents.  It is a box of half-eaten grain out of which moths fly into the air.  This isn't a realistic, is it?  You would never give something like that to someone you love, yet the poor are given these kinds of presents every day.

Tattered, threadbare, stained and torn clothing, expired food, and other unusable objects are pushed at poor people, often with the expectation that the poor should be grateful for these "gifts," ostensibly because that is all they deserve or "beggars can't be choosers."

Jesus did not invent the phrase "beggars can't be choosers."  That was someone else.  What he said was that we should love our neighbors as much as we love ourselves.  When we go to the market, we pick out the freshest food.  We don't deliberately try to find old food that has maggots crawling out of it.  When we shop for clothing, we examine the articles to make sure they are made properly and there are no holes in them.

If you are a poor contemplative living at home, you may have already experienced this.  I recommend distancing yourself from people who try to push garbage on you in the name of charity.  They are not doing it to help you.  They wish to feel better about themselves for some reason, or they lack charity of heart and want to give the appearance that they possess it.  Their offerings do not come from the heart of Jesus.

When Jesus fed the multitudes with bread and fish, there is no mention of maggots.  He gave the best.  Notice, when I say "the best," I am not saying the daintiest, the most expensive or the fanciest.  He gave fresh, wholesome and simple things. When he changed the water into wine at the wedding feast in Cana, he didn't turn it into sour or moldy wine.  It was good wine.

Likewise, if you have a ministry in which you care for the poor, be mindful of Jesus' prescription.  Love your neighbor as yourself, and don't give them garbage.  Give them the best you have.

I am always throwing out and giving away things.  We tend to accumulate THINGS in our culture, and it is a job to stay on top of it.  If I have something that is in great shape and needs no repairs, I will give it away to someone who is poorer than me.  My criteria is that, if it is good enough to sell (and someone would actually buy it), it is a worthy present for my needy neighbor or friend.  If not, I take it to the dumpster where it belongs.

Let us remember to give one another the best of ourselves and our possessions because we love one another as much as we love ourselves.

Silver Rose Parnell