YEARLY APPEAL

Me and my son, when I was about 22 years old

My life started with some promise as an artist and writer.  Thanks to my father's position as a writer/producer for the television show "Charlie's Angels," I had a lucky connection that enabled me to work in the television industry in various capacities, selling 9 stories to that TV show in the process.

Eventually, I was turned off by the gross superficiality and loose morals of the business and I moved on to other pursuits, mostly a search for God amid the chaos of this world.

I did not imagine that the back problems that began when I was about the age I was in this photo were going to increase in scope and severity, collecting other illnesses along the way, and that some day I would be disabled and poor.

Every year I become more poor because the Social Security "cost of living increase" doesn't cover the increased costs of living at all.  I am receiving $27 a month more than last year, but my bills have increased more than $200 per month!  For example, last year my co-pays for medicine cost me $20. This year, I've been told they will cost me $107.00.  My rent went up $9.  I won't bore you with the rest of it.  Everything went up, and for a person on a limited income, it is a substantial amount.

I do not have any family that is able to help in any meaningful way.  I have a friend who has been very kind to me and even had my car repaired when it broke down, but she has a large family, and there are limits to what she can do.  I was not "lucky in love" and there is no husband.

Consequently, a lot of my needs are not met, and I am reduced to asking for help.  My Social Security is "too high" to receive any government aid, though I was told by the Medicaid people that if my income was derived from employment, rather than Social Security, they would pay some of my medical expenses, which exceed $300 a month.  This is a blatant case of handicap discrimination, and I did appeal the decision, but there is no recourse.

Because of my physical issues, there isn't much I can do to improve my situation in the way of work, though I have tried.  I am writing a book, which is a long-term proposition.  I am also an expert genealogist, but there aren't many people willing to pay for expert family research.  If you would like to have a family tree researched, please note that I am the only researcher that creates the database for you, as far as I know.  Most researchers just give you notes of what they have found.  When I was on Ancestry.com's "expert panel" I charged about $44 an hour.  These days, I charge $25 an hour, with a 3-hour minimum.

Please note, there is a "Donation" button on this page, at the upper left quadrant.  Paypal takes a percentage of every donation, however, and the arrangement is less than ideal for me.  Alternately, I have several wish lists that cover the gamut of food, household goods, service dog supplies, and research materials.  Amazon.com has my address and will ship to me direct.  All you have to do is go to my wish list, put the items in the shopping bag, and pay for them.  The wish lists are in the column to the right of this blog post.

FURTHER NOTE:  With regard to the food items, you will note that many of them are organic.  I have allergy-induced asthma, and I am allergic to many things, especially pesticides used on our produce.  In addition, I have a stomach condition that makes it difficult for me to digest many items. My asthma is not well managed because I can't get the medicine I need, due to cost.  For these reasons, I eat as much whole grain and organic food as possible, staying with simple unrefined ingredients and cooking all my meals "from scratch."  When I am feeling up to it, I even make my own bread.

If you would like to see a copy of a sample budget that I have worked up on an Excel spreadsheet before you donate, please contact me and I will email you a copy.  It is loosely based on July's expected expenditures but reflects the customary situation.

With regard to my habits and my standard of living, I should say that I do not smoke, drink or take drugs.  I don't have tattoos, eat at restaurants, travel or get my hair cut professionally.  My telephone does nothing but talk and text.  No internet.  I don't own a television and do not pay for cable, though I do have a laptop that was donated to me and I pay about $30 a month for internet access.

You should know that, despite the various privations, I am a very happy person because the Lord is always with me.  I am able to spend much more time in the presence of Jesus, Mary, the saints and angels than one would typically expect because of the situation in which I find myself.  In this way, I consider my disability and poverty a blessing...but that doesn't keep it from being a major obstacle to my survival.

If you are not able to help, I would be most grateful for prayers.

In the meantime, God bless us all.

Silver "Rose" Parnell
(c) 2015

THE POPE'S NEW ENCYCLICAL - IT IS NOT JUST GLOBAL WARMING

"The universe unfolds in God, who fills it completely.  Hence,

there is a mystical meaning to be found in a leaf, in a mountain

trail, in a dewdrop, in a poor person's face.  The ideal is not only

to pass from the exterior to the interior to discover the action of

God in the soul, but also to discover God in all things.  Saint 

Bonaventure teaches us that 'contemplation deepens the more

we feel the working of God's grace within our hearts, and the

better we learn to encounter God in creatures outside ourselves.'"

Pope Francis, Laudato si', paragraph 233

Some of the day's talking heads are dismissing the Pope's Encyclical, Laudato si', without even reading it, apparently, because they seem to think that it is all about global warming and, because he isn't a scientist, they claim he has no business speaking about ecology.  According to Rush Limbaugh, the Pope's encyclical confirms that he is a "Marxist."  This isn't the first time that Limbaugh has labeled the Pope thusly.  I wonder if the man has ever looked up the term in a dictionary.

Hear what Limbaugh has to say about "this global warming encyclical" HERE where he attempts to reduce this beautiful, multi-faceted document into a "rant" against the rich.  He also discounts the Pope's "assertions" about climate change because the Pope isn't a scientist.  The Pope doesn't have to be a scientist to comment upon a spiritual orientation that is reflected in the world around it.  He does mention some scientific facts, but he relies upon the findings of scientists for those.

I would hope that, just because Limbaugh and people like him are calling this the Pope's "global warming encyclical," the public will not dismiss it as such, because Pope Francis covers a lot of territory in this elegantly crafted but easily accessible document.  All one has to do is read the document to see the Truth.

On the other hand, Ryan T. Anderson, of the Heritage Foundation, gives a more than credible overview of the encyclical, which surprises me because I do not typically agree with much of anything the Heritage Foundation has to say.  It has always seemed to me that they were hostile toward the poor, but there wasn't much of that sort of thing in Anderson's article, which is titled POPE FRANCIS' ENCYCLICAL IS ABOUT MORE THAN CLIMATE CHANGE. IT'S ABOUT CULTURE.

It seems to me that, here in America at least, the culture has a grim view of life that denies the majority of Americans the right to be connected with the beauty of nature and with cultural symbols, architecture and art that feed the soul.  Francis talks about how it is not healthy for people to be surrounded by concrete, asphalt and glass, such as in most large cities.  The poor, especially, are subject to a gritty version of bare survival that does not take into account the quality of life, the need for beauty and nature, the hunger of the human soul for the experience of God through the rest of God's creation.

Under the heading DECLINE IN THE QUALITY OF HUMAN LIFE AND THE BREAKDOWN OF SOCIETY, paragraphs 43 through 45, the Pope says:

"43.  Human beings too are creatures of this world, 

enjoying a right to life and happiness, and endowed 

with unique dignity.  So we cannot fail to consider the 

effects on people's lives of environmental deterioration, 

current models of development and the throwaway 

culture."

"44.  Nowadays, for example, we are conscious of 

the disproportionate and unruly growth of many 

cities, which have become unhealthy to live in, not 

only because of pollution caused by toxic emissions 

but also as a result of urban chaos, poor transporta-

tion, and visual pollution and noise.  Many cities are 

huge, inefficient structures, excessively wasteful of 

energy and water.  neighbourhoods, even those 

recently built, are congested, chaotic and lacking in 

sufficient green space.  We were not meant to be 

inundated by cement, asphalt, glass and metal, and 

deprived of physical contact with nature."

"45.  In some places, rural and urban alike, the 

privatization of certain spaces has restricted 

people's access to places of particular beauty.  

In others,"ecological" neighbourhoods have been 

created which are closed to outsiders in order to 

ensure an artificial tranquility.  Frequently, we 

find beautiful and carefully manicured green space in 

so-called "safer areas of cities, but not in the more hidden 

areas where the disposable of society live."

Paragraph number 45 spoke to me very strongly because my living situation exactly mirrors what the Pope is referring to therein.

When I moved into my apartment complex ten years ago as a disabled lady on limited income, it was a fairly pretty place, especially since it is a property that, though originally built as condominiums, had become partially occupied by disabled, elderly and the working poor on a low income program provided by the city.  There was a dense line of tall, beautiful trees lining the ditch that runs the back side of the property.  Along that line was a nice old wrought iron fence, punctuated now and then with a softly lit globe light on a matching black post.  There was a dirt path that ran the full line of the property, from one end all the way to the fenced-in pool, and I often saw residents strolling the fence line at night, chatting quietly and enjoying the natural ambiance.

Honesuckle and rosemary bushes dotted the landscape, and a few giant cotton wood trees complemented them.  Each downstairs apartment had a patch of grass and a patch of dirt in which to plant flowers.  A peacock had somehow found its way to the property and was living here.  There was a family of beavers, presided over by a giant, silver-backed female who studiously ignored me when she marched the path, preferring, occasionally, to walk from one end of the ditch to the other.  In the spring time, large red-tailed hawks were in abundance, and I often was treated to the sight of them, clinging to the fence, searching for their next meal or teaching their young ones to fly and hunt.

Canadian geese and their chicks, guarded by an inexplicable giant white domestic goose, were plentiful, as were gorgeous little wood ducks and their tiny chicks.  Mallards were in no short supply, and white herons of some variety were often seen hunting from the banks or, with particularly tall individuals, right in the middle of the ditch!  At night, the black crested night herons would perch in those trees on the ditch line.  I was lucky enough to catch sight of a few green herons, which are pretty shy. It was a rich ecological smorgasbord that attracted a giant whitish owl who flew straight down the middle of the ditch at dusk, swiveling its head to look at me with its wide-set eyes as it passed me.

There were plentiful bass, trout and catfish in the ditch, along with the ubiquitous carp that no one wanted to eat, except the really desperate fisherman, but unless you trespassed on our property, you couldn't fish our excellent fishing holes because the dense treeline at the bank wouldn't permit it.  The maintenance man would occasionally fish during his lunch hour, and I shared recipes with him for the catfish that were quite large at the time.

We couldn't really see the golf course on the other side of the ditch, except for a glimpse here and there between the thicket.  Occasionally, we could hear a loud conversation of some golfers that had driven their balls too close to the fence or, which often happened, into the water.

One day, someone in power decided to kill all the grass and bushes.  They turned off the sprinklers for good and just waited for everything to die, which it did in short order.  The grass, the honeysuckle, the rosemary.  A tiny patch of grass was left at the driveway, just below the sign for the apartment complex, false advertising if you ask me!  Another patch of grass near the mailboxes was allowed to live - just barely.  It never really looks like grass any more, but a collection of clipped weeds of one variety or another.  In front of my garage, one of the two small trees that bore a profusion of beautiful flowers every spring, was allowed to die of thirst and was eventually removed by the "gardeners."  I notice that a nearby neighbor started watering the other one to try and keep it alive.  So far, it is hanging on.

Then someone decided to remove ALL the trees from the banks of the ditch, which I used to call "our creek" because it was so charming.  No more.  It took no time for giant machines to come and rip out the trees and carry them away.  Then the banks of the ditch were laid over with a giant netting of huge cement blocks, the purpose of which, I imagine, was to delay the erosion that the trees were preventing by their presence at the water line.  Then the quaint light globes that had dotted the fence line were also ripped out.

Huge machines came in and ripped up the back yards.  They placed some kind of tubing under the soil, which they then topped with heavy weed screen, over which they piled loads of crushed up cement, which is called "crusher fines" in the construction trades.  On the walking path that was previously dirt, they laid a thick carpet of gravel that is almost impossible to walk upon, chunks of gravel finding their way into any kind of shoe you might wear.  Walking the back fence was no longer practical, anyway, because there was no light and most of the line was pitch black at night, except for the occasional harsh light from one of the lamps that was placed on select walls of the buildings.

This is when my childhood asthma came back like a lion into the Colosseum, and I have had terrible trouble breathing every day.  The wind whips up, picking up the dust, dirt, cement and sand choking my sinuses and windpipe.  The back of my throat feels as if it's been sandblasted and, I suppose, it has.

I rarely see a hawk any more.  A young beaver has taken up residence where the old lady used to live. We have very few fish and almost no turtles since the trees were removed because people could (and did) wander up and down the property just outside our fence line.  I watched them as they took large nets and scooped absolutely everything edible out of our "creek."  Carp, turtles, frogs, bass, trout: they took everything.  Soon, the ditch was barren of life.  It is struggling to regain its footing.  The elm trees are making another appearance all along the ditch line and, if left alone, will be tall enough to screen out our view of the golf course one day.

As for the country club, they seem to have an unlimited supply of water for their lush greens and big cottonwoods.  We can look at it from across two fence lines; the wrought iron one on our side and the wire one on theirs.  At about 9:00 at night, I can hear their sprinklers coming on, with a rhythmic splash into the water of the ditch because at least one of them has a swing that is too wide.

I fought the decimation of our natural world on this side of the fence, but in America it is assumed that only the rich can have access to the beauty of living things, and it was a losing battle from the start.  I have tried (unsuccessfully) to grow various things in pots in my back yard, but I don't have the money I would need to fix the ugliness outside my window.  I often tell people how ironic it is that my "view" from the living room is disturbing: the artificially dyed approximation of dirt on my side, and lush greenery on the rich folks' side.  They tell me I should shut up and be thankful that I can see the pretty place where the rich folks play.  "How many people in your position could have a view like that?" they ask me.

I would say that city planners should be required to read The Pope's encyclical before dooming people to living and working in vast expanses of man-made structures, cement plazas, and artificial dirt substitute in favor of integrated green space where the movement of nature can be witnessed and with which we can freely interact.

Quality of life is not something I read about or something I hear on news programs discussing what to do about the poor, for instance.  There is an underlying presupposition in America that only people with money have the right to a decent quality of life, to beauty and to a life lived within the harmony of natural space.  Clearly, the Pope does not agree.  Neither do I.

The Pope's vision is vast and comprehensive, which is why he spent almost 200 pages discussing ecology and related issues.  It deals with global warming, to be sure, but it is much more than that.  Do yourself a favor and read the document and you will see what I mean.

SAINT LUTGARDIS AND LOVE OF ENEMY

Saint Lutgardis in prayer

Today marks the death anniversary of Saint Lutgardis, who was a nun who died on this date (June 16) in 1246.  I admit that this lovely saint has little to do with the topic of loving one's enemies, but she is the saint I've chosen for the day, while the Gospel Reading of the day deals with loving one's enemies and praying for those who persecute us.

There is a whole long list of saints who are honored today.  That's the way it is for most days of the calendar year.  There are far more than 365 saints, so they all have to share.  I picked St. Lutgardis (sometimes Lutgarda or Luthgard, depending on the language of the country in which you live.) I had not heard of her before, and I am making an effort to broaden my knowledge of the saints, so she was my choice.  She was also a nun from the age of about 12.  I love to learn about other nuns, as it inspires me to cling more fervently to my own unique vocation.

The holy people we remember today are:

St. Benno
Bl. Guy Vignotelli
St. Aurelian
St. Berthaldus
St. Tychon
St. Colman McRhoi
St. Felix & Maurus
St. Luthgard (Lutgardis, Lutgarda)
St. John Francis Regis
St. Aureus
Bl. William Greenwood
St. Cettin
St. Curig
St. Ferreolus & Ferrutio
St. Quiriacus and Julitta

If you have some curiosity about the other saints, Catholic.org has a wonderful website with extensive information and a great search feature that allows you to find the saints either by date or by name.  The link for that page is HERE.

There was a time in history when ladies had only two choices in life.  You either married or you joined a convent.  Generally speaking, it was rather shameful to be a spinster living at home, but, as with all generalizations, this was not always true.  Lutgardis's father had managed to squander her dowry in a bad investment scheme which meant she could not marry.  At the age of 12, he sent her off to a convent, despite her having no monastic vocation to speak of. In fact, she came and went as she pleased and entertained all visitors she wanted, both male and female.  Then something happened in the way of a vision which set her firmly on the path to heaven.  She grew more and more devout, had visions, a type of stigmata, and levitated during prayer.

You will find her entire story HERE.

The thing I found most inspiring was that she began with no interest in God whatsoever, but ended up becoming a great mystic and saint, which speaks to the importance of teaching one's children the faith.  Often times, a child will express disinterest in a topic, skill, or way of life, but they have no way of knowing if they are interested until and unless you introduce them to it.  Exposure to a thing is necessary.  I think it very odd when someone says that they are not going to teach their child about God but will "let them choose" when they're 18.  Let them choose based on WHAT information, I want to know!

Saint Lutgardis gives me hope that, even if we start out as vain, superficial people, we can grow and improve and "become perfect" as our "father in heaven is perfect," which brings me to today's Gospel reading.

Matthew 5:43-48

(43)  You have heard how it was said, you will love your neighbor and hate your enemy,

(44)  But I say this to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you;

(45)  so that that you may be children of your Father in heaven, for he causes his sun to rise on the bad as well as the good and sends down rain to fall on the upright and the wicked alike.

(46)  For if you love those who love you, what reward will you get?  Do not even the tax collectors do as much?

(47)  And if you save your greetings for your brothers, are you doing anything exceptional?

(48)  Do not even the gentiles do as much?  You must therefore be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.

It occurred to me that I have, in the past, prayed for people who have done me grave harm in one way or the other, but it has been quite a while since I prayed for those people.  I have forgiven them and I did pray for them for some time, at least until it was fixed in my brain that those people had been forgiven, but I wonder if Jesus intended that we continue to pray for our enemies, over and over again?  How much is enough?  I am unsure about this aspect of things.  I am grateful that this reading came to me today so that I would have that little nudge that would inspire me to examine an important aspect of my prayer life.  I'll have to ponder this one a bit.

In the meantime, I offer this translation of St. Lutgardis's Heavenly Court: ST. LUTGARDIS'S "HEAVENLY COUR"

The doctor called today.  The latest tests reveal that my illness is still a mystery.  He will call again tomorrow with information about the next steps to take.

Despite being in the middle of an intense pain episode, I made a big pot of vegetarian soup today, with organic tomatoes, kidney beans, red onion, garlic, olive oil, celery, new spring potatoes, and just enough cayenne to warm the mouth.  I put a little brown sugar in there also, to put a damper on the tang of the tomatoes.  I fed a couple neighbors in an impromptu, casual supper: me with my legs propped up on a big box with a pillow on top (my recliner is broken), one neighbor on my couch with a tray and another at the tiny white table in the middle of the living room.  I've lost the ability to socialize in a group, for the most part.  Having spent the last 11 years as a solitary, with very little company, silence has become my friend.  I do enjoy a conversation of substance, but those are sometimes very hard to find or generate.

Now that there is a dog in the house again, I am forced into a walking schedule, which I am assuming is good for anything that ails me.  I have yet to hear of an illness in which they tell you NOT to walk, even if walking makes you feel like someone is sticking hot pokers up your spine and in your kneecaps.  Anyway, it is time to walk the cutest dog in the world.  I'll pray for you while we stroll.

God bless us all.

Silver "Rose" Parnell
(c) 2015

SAINT EDBURGA OF WINCHESTER

Stained glass window depicting

Saint Edburga of Winchester

holding chalice and patten

I like to think that, even though I was raised by people who hated religion, and the Catholic religion in particular, it was the many Catholic saints to whom I am related who have been praying for me and the rest of their relations, whose intercession I can thank for eventually leading me to the beautiful Catholic faith.

In gratitude for their prayers, and out of love for them, I am attempting to learn as much as I can about all the family saints.  Saint Edburga of Winchester is one of them, as she is my 31st Great Grandaunt, and her feast day is today, June 15, as it is the anniversary date of her death.

Often, when I make reference to this type of relationship, people will express some skepticism, until I explain that, with regard to the nobility of the British Isles, we have quite a bit of historical information.  Those folks couldn't sneeze without someone noticing.  The lines of descent are easy to trace from this wealth of information, particularly those of us whose family lines date back to the earliest settlers of America.

Edward I, King of England

Father of Saint Edburga

Edburga was born to King Edward I of England and his third wife, Eadgifu of Kent, in about 920.  It is said that her father divined her future vocation when, at her tender age of 3, he laid before her a small chalice and paten on one side, and gold and jewelry on the other.  She took up the chalice and paten (items used in the Catholic liturgy) and King Edward took this to mean that his daughter would be attracted to holy things and therefore had a vocation as a religious.  Not long after this, the King put her under the care of the Nunnaminster Monastery, where she was educated by Abbess Ethelthritha, in exchange for which the King provided yearly endowments of money and other presents.

Edburga's reputation became one of gentleness and humility.  In one story, she is reputed to have washed the socks of the other nuns while they slept.  She was widely revered and loved as a very holy woman.

She died in 951 and was buried at the Monastery.  In 972, she was declared a saint, though she was already considered such during her lifetime.  At the time of her official designation as a saint, a large amount of her relics were translated to Pershore Abbey in Worcestershire, which is dedicated to her. Only a very small portion of the Abbey remains today.

Pershore Abbey, Dedicated to St. Edburga

Both Pershore and Nunnaminster fell prey to the suppression of the monasteries by Henry the VIII. Nothing remains of Nunnaminster, save a few waterways.  Parishioners managed to purchase the monk's quire of Pershore, and this small portion remains as the parish church, though it has been destroyed and rebuilt.  As late as 2001, it was being repaired and/or refurbished.  Contemporary photographs of the Abbey can be seen on its official web page:  http://www.pershoreabbey.org.uk/g-aerialcam.html

Although history has not left us with a lot of personal details about my great aunt, I find her life inspiring nonetheless, as an example of someone who steadfastly maintained a holy life, dedicated to God, from the time of her youth and that she attained such sanctity that it was recognized during her lifetime.

God bless,

Silver "Rose" Parnell
(c) 2105

THE FEAST OF CORPUS CHRISTI

I was about to write some comments about the Feast of the Holy Trinity when I was reminded by one of my friends that Holy Trinity was LAST weekend and that this weekend we celebrate Corpus Christi!  Just in the nick of time.  Technically, the feast day was actually Thursday the 4th, but in America we generally celebrate it on Sunday.  It became a feast day in about 1247, at the urging of St. Juliana of Mont Cornillon in Belgium.

"Corpus Christi" is translated as the body of Christ, and it refers to the Holy Eucharist which Catholics receive at every mass (with one exception during Lent.)  Saint Juliana was exceedingly devoted to this sacrament and worked hard to influence the Catholic authorities to make a feast day for it.

Why the Eucharist is a central aspect of our faith goes back to Christ himself. In fact, every doctrine in the Catholic Church goes back to Christ and the Bible.  Those unfamiliar with the Catholic Church often claim that men in The Church made up a bunch of rules that have nothing to do with Jesus or the Bible.  If you read the Catechism, each and every teaching refers back to the precepts originally found in the Bible.  Don't believe me, though.  Pick up a copy and read it. You'll see for yourself.

The Eucharist in the Catholic Church is definitely not the same thing that one may receive in a Protestant Church. First of all, the Protestant Churches do not have the apostolic succession by which the power to confect the Eucharist is conveyed.  So, it is a good thing that most of the thousands of Protestant offshoots view communion as a symbolic gesture and not Jesus Himself.  Churchgoers are being cheated by this, because it is no small matter.  The Eucharist goes to the heart of what Jesus came to earth to do.

Protestant communion plates with grape juice

and pieces of bread

Jesus did not wander around giving intellectual treatises to the intelligentsia of his day.  Nor did he come as a king or a high priest, something he could easily do, given that He was God.  He chose to be born in a poor family.  He was lowly, humble.  The popular story is that he worked as a carpenter with Joseph, his foster father.  But a "tekton," which is what he was called, simply meant someone who worked with his hands, whether it was with wood, stone or mud.  It was a gritty, earthy job, in any case.  His closest friends were fishermen, hard working, physical laborers who worked up a sweat with the stink of fish and sea in their nostrils.  Theirs was a primitive job, the most basic.

When giving talks, Jesus took care to feed the people real food in addition to the spiritual food he spoke to them.  There was the miracle of the 5,000 people and the miracle of the 3,000 people.  Small amounts of fish and bread miraculously fed them all, with some left over.

He came to us physically, engaged with us physically, baptized people not only with words but with water. In addition to the fish and the bread, he miraculously produced wine for the wedding at Canna.  He walked on the waters of Gallilee.  He touched earth and sea.  He touched us and healed us.  He gave us his breath when he breathed on the disciples, just as God had breathed life into Adam.  He was a hands-on guy.  So, when he said that this bread is my body and this wine is my blood, he wasn't giving the disciples some intellectual symbol.  He was showing them how He planned to come to all his disciples after His ascension into heaven; in a real way, a physical way, a nourishing and earthy way.  He was announcing that He was going to come to us in the guise of bread and wine.

He admonished us that anyone who did not eat of his body and drink of his blood had "no life in him."

Jesus gave his disciples authority and power, saying that whoever listened to them thereby listened to Jesus and the Father who sent Him.  He told them that the sins they forgave on earth would be forgiven in heaven, something only God could do, according to the Jewish understanding of the day. The apostles were the agents of God, with the authority of God.  With that authority, they could transmit the power that Jesus had given them to each succeeding generation of priests in the Church. This is apostolic succession, and this is how Jesus ensured that His commandments would be kept inviolate, and The Church would remain a place that was in harmony with Him.  This is how he ensured that his presence as bread and wine would continue to be given to the faithful, down through the ages.

What Jesus transmitted to them was not some intellectual idea or symbol or philosophy.  He transmitted an actual thing of some substance to them, and He gave them the power to transmit that substance to others.  Remember, he was a hands-on man, fully engaged with the physical world.  He smeared spit on the eyes of one man to cure his blindness.  You can't get any earthier than that.

When Jesus ascended into heaven, he re-entered the timeless world of God.  While we are conscious of almost 2,000 years passing since his ascension, Jesus is equally present at all times.  No time has passed for Him.  His Church is not an old, desiccated relic, dissolving into the sands of a middle-Eastern country.  It is still fresh and alive because He is still with us as much as He ever was, and perhaps more.

When we consume the Eucharist, the timelessness of God intersects with our puny, time-shackled world in this miracle that is Jesus, by the power of Jesus, by the express wish of Jesus, and by the specific intention and direction of Jesus.  That is what today is all about.

Silver "Rose" Parnell
(c) 2015

AUTHORITY

When I was in my early 20's, and despite having no education in Christianity whatsoever, I used to say the stupidest things, in a very authoritative tone.

"Christ was just a good man who said beautiful things."

"The Catholic Church is just a bunch of misogynistic men parading around in dresses and tall hats."

"What about the Spanish Inquisition?!!!"

I was repeating sentiments I had heard elsewhere by folks that were hostile to Christianity.  They reflected an anti-Christian worldview that sought to justify a promiscuous, hedonistic and materialistic lifestyle that was gaining momentum in the 1970's.

Later, when I actually began to learn the Truth about Catholicism, and Christianity in general, I was mortified by the previous breezy and condescending myths I had helped to spread about the Faith arising from my abundance of ignorance.

Oddly enough, it was in the Hindu convent where I first read the works and lives of the mystics and doctors of the Catholic faith that I began to get a clue about the beautiful Truth at the heart of it.  That was the beginning of a gradual dawning of understanding that took many years to shine into the recesses of my heart and fully illuminate it.  Finally, I was accepted into the church and the real work began.

Fortunately, I had several decades of experience in genealogy research that contributed to my understanding that, in order to know the Truth about a thing, one has to rely upon authoritative source data.  I learned to identify the relative credibility of source materials and to seek out the most authoritative.

Authority.  It is an unpopular word, culturally speaking.  American culture, with its hyper-emphasis on the individual, encourages the individual person to "speak his mind," "stand up for what he believes in," and freely express his "opinion" as if it were a sacred fact.  These opinions spring from a person's attitudes toward life, rather than having been arrived at through an examination of facts, what to speak of authoritative sources!  I myself was guilty of this travesty until I matured as a person and learned that I am not the center of the universe and that Truth does not originate with me and my inclinations.

It is significant to me that Jesus created the Catholic Church.  He gave clear instructions about its mission.  He "staffed" it with the apostles and gave them their marching orders, after having spent several years instructing them in the faith.  He breathed upon them and bestowed his power and authority to forgive sins and to do a host of other things.  He announced that whoever listened to them listened to Jesus and listened to the Father who sent Him, thereby establishing their authority for all time.  He assigned a leader to whom he gave a name never used for a human being before this time: Peter, the rock.  Upon that rock, Jesus established his Church, which would stand forever.

After Jesus ascended to heaven, he sent the Holy Spirit to further enliven and empower all of them, not just the apostles but Mary his mother, and Mary Magdalene also.  None of the female disciples were named as apostles.  Many modern people complain about women getting short shrift in the Catholic Church because they can't be priests.  If Jesus had intended them to have that sort of job, He would have included at least ONE among the Apostles that he charged with going out into the world and baptizing all nations in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.  I doubt it was an oversight on his part or that he was such a wimp that He was afraid to buck the paternalistic culture of the time by installing a woman or two.  It doesn't make sense.  God is not a slave of time as we humans are, and this "modern" time in which we are enmeshed is seen by God at all times.  If women were intended to occupy the jobs that Christ assigned to the men, He would have instructed it.  He didn't.

The reason why the Catholic Church does not change its doctrines is that Truth does not change.  Ultimate Truth was the same then as it is now.  We are aware of a great deal of time having gone by, but God is outside of time.  The Catholic Church was given Christ's power and authority.  While it is true that some people within the church have failed it, and failed it spectacularly, it is not because the Truths were wrong or the Church was no longer the highest authority, but because the individual failed to live the Truth and fell away from the teachings of the faith.

I do not judge the Catholic faith by the people that fail to live up to its precepts.  I judge it by what Jesus said about it.  His authority is unimpeachable.  These days, I continue to study and learn as much as I can about the faith while doing the best I can to live up to its commandments.  It does not occur to me to replace any part of the faith with a "modern" perspective.  Truth never goes out of style.

Silver "Rose" Parnell
(c) 2015

JUDGE NOT

In one context, Jesus said, "Judge not that ye be not judged.  For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." (Matthew 7:1-3) This is the one Bible phrase some people have committed to heart, and they frequently use it to condone sinful actions in an attempt to shut up anyone who points out that their behavior runs counter to the Christian faith. People who use this tactic are obscuring the meaning of the verse.

Judgment, such as the rabble that judged the woman caught in adultery, is the process of deciding a person's guilt and punishment.  In this instance, the rabble were going to act as executioners and stone the woman to death for her sin.  It WAS sin, and Jesus did tell the woman to "go and sin no more." So what is meant by not judging someone else?  Jesus did not opt for punishment, but neither did he tell the sinner to "go and sin some more," or "what you are doing is OK."  He never condoned sin.  He spoke against it.  Speaking against sin is not "judging" someone.  Behaving as judge and jury and telling a person that they are going to hell, i.e., deciding on their ultimate fate and punishment, is the type of "judgment" being spoke about.  Only God knows the ultimate disposition of each soul.

Part of the good news of Christianity is delivering with clarity the message about those things which are deemed sinful in the eyes of God.  To tell a person that fornication outside of marriage is a sin, i.e., not the highest good that God has in mind for us, is to deliver part of the good news.  We are required to do it.  Our focus is on relaying the information about the act, and not in castigating the person who may be practicing that sinful act, i.e., not judging the person.

When instructing the apostles in how they were to behave if their words were rejected by the people to whom they brought the good news, he said to "shake the dust from" their feet and leave that place. Shaking the dust from one's feet was a way of strongly saying that you reject those people just like dirt.

"As you enter the house, give it your greeting.  If the house is worthy, give it your blessing of peace.  But if it is not worthy, take back your blessing of peace.  Whoever does not receive you, nor heed your words, as you go out of that house or that city, shake the dust off your feet..."  (Matthew 10:12-14)

This sounds harsh to the ears of the people who believe in the unicorn-and-fairies Jesus that they have invented, but, practically speaking, what else could the apostles do?  Jesus had told them that when people hear and accept the words of the apostles, they are hearing and accepting Jesus and thereby hearing and accepting the words of God.

Unicorn and rainbow Jesus

Invented by Anti-Christians

"Whoever hears you, hears me.  And whoever despises you, despises me.  And whoever despises me, despises Him who sent me."  (Luke 10:16)

If the people did not accept the good news, the apostles were to move on to people who would.  God created us as creatures with free will, after all, and we are free to choose evil rather than good.  It is only our love freely given that God desires.

When Paul is instructing the church in his first letter to the Corinthians, he points out that "the spiritual person, however, can judge everything, but is not subject to judgment by anyone." (1Corinthians 2:15.)  This is because "we have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit that is from God, so that we may understand the things freely given us by God.  And we speak about them, not with words taught by human wisdom, but with words taught by the Spirit, describing spiritual realities in spiritual terms." (1 Corinthians 2:12-13)

The New Catholic Answers Bible makes the point that "The spiritual person...is not subject to judgment; since spiritual persons have been given knowledge of what pertains to God, they share in God's own capacity to judge.  One to whom the mind of the the Lord (and of Christ) is revealed (1 Cor 2:11-12, they share in God's own capacity to judge.  One to whom the mind of the Lord (and of Christ) is revealed (1 Cor 2:16) can be said to share in some sense in God's exemption from counseling and criticism."

This "spiritual person" does not contradict the words of Christ because "the mind of the Lord (and of Christ)" has been revealed to the spiritual person and that person shares the mind of God (Christ) to some degree.  Those who refute the words of Jesus and of those He sent out to spread the gospel, those who speak against His church and its Biblical precepts, are obviously not in tune with the Lord (and Christ)  and do not share in the above-referenced "exemption from counseling and criticism."

Jesus warned that, in times to come, some people would call out to him "Lord, Lord" but will not be saved because they are not faithful to Him.  He will send them away and tell them that he does not know them.  In several places he comments that those who love him will follow his commandments.

"He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him."  (John 14:21)

The apostles spent time with Jesus Himself.  When Jesus was walking the earth in human form, they interacted with Him, watched Him and listened to Him.  He deputized them to go out into the world and teach what He had taught them.  He rose after death and again instructed them.  Afterwards, he sent the Holy Spirit to light upon them.  They were spiritual people, touched by God Himself, speaking for God, by God's authority.  They, in turn, transmitted their authority to the next generation of preachers, and it has been thus for the last 2,000 years.

Just as the Jesus and the Holy Spirit transmitted something spiritually tangible and authoritative to the apostles, they likewise transmitted this to those that came after them.  This is called "apostolic succession" and is of crucial importance to the faith.

We live in a world where, even those who claim to be followers of Christ and who call for him, "Lord! Lord!," are at the same time speaking against the teachings of the Church that have been carried forward, intact, for 2,000 years.  They despise the words of the Apostles, thereby despising Jesus and the One who sent him.  They despise His church, many of them from within the church. Like large tapeworms, they consume the church and its resources from the inside while encouraging others to attack it from the outside.

Are we to sit back while the worm destroys its host because, supposedly, we aren't supposed to object because it means we are "judging" people?  Ireland recently approved "marriage" between people of the same sex.  Jesus said that a man and a woman become one in the sacrament of marriage.  A man and a woman. The secular world tells us that we are being bigoted and hateful if we speak in favor of marriage between a man and a woman, which even nature tells us is the only intended purpose of male and female.

If someone claims they are Catholic and they proceed to tell me that marriage between two people of the same sex is perfectly fine, or that it is alright that abortion is legal, or that artificial contraception is the modern way to be and that Jesus would be fine with all of it, am I to sit in tacit agreement so that I can avoid being called "judgmental" and other names?

No.  I have a responsibility to carry forward the good news of Christianity.  If, however, I am despised because of it, I will kick the dirt from my sandals and move on.

Silver "Rose" Parnell
Copyright (c) 2015
All rights reserved

5 HINTS TO BETTER HELP THE POOR IN AMERICA

From www.nokidhungry.org

This blog post is for those who already acknowledge that helping the poor is a good thing to do. Christians are required to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, heal the sick and visit the prisoners, according to the words of Jesus.  I have to assume I have a tremendously large target audience, since there are so many self-identified Christian in America.  People of other faiths and no faith are also invested in helping the poor, so, for the tiny minority of people who think that helping the poor is not something they want to do, for whatever reason, please don't bother reading this.

For the rest of you, I want to say that it is important to get a good picture of what is actually happening with the poor of this country and how it is we came to have 46 million poor people in a land that is rich with resources.  While a certain portion of this problem is barely addressed by government programs that are being threatened with cuts or elimination, there remains a great need in this country for individuals of good will to step up and help those less fortunate than themselves.

The confusing thing is that poverty doesn't look like poverty in America.  The standard of living is so high that the poor live in apartments or houses that look nice, that have refrigerators and washers and dryers, but there's little or no food in the fridge, and there isn't enough money to keep ahead of the utility bills to pay for running the washer/dryer, the fridge and everything else.  Dental care and eyeglasses are beyond the reach of at least half of the poor and nearly poor.  Medical care is spotty, and sometimes they can't pay for the prescription and over-the-counter medicines they need.  They're living in a golden cage, but the seed dish is empty.

Before you decide how you as an individual are going to prioritize your efforts to help the poor, I would like to suggest 5 steps that you can take, in the order provided, to make it an activity that is informed, satisfying and effective.

1)  DO YOUR HOMEWORK.  Research basic statistics through reliable sources the provide source data and statistics. Ignore anecdotal stories from your friends and Facebook contacts, as well as opinion pieces about the great unwashed poor and what we should do about them.  Understand the overall picture by digesting the raw data.  See some of my own resources at the end of this blog.

I have found that reviewing comparative charts prepared from the raw data is a good way to visualize the issue.

If you see a conspiracy under every rock and you distrust every agency that collects statistics, I can't help you, because it is impossible to understand a situation that exists outside yourself if you refuse to recognize any authority but yourself or those persons whose opinions already jive with yours.

2)  Listen to and read the opinions of only those people who have expertise in the areas of economics and poverty demographics and who are authorities in their own right and who rely upon credible facts when forming their opinions and strategy.  Particularly ignore anyone who claims to have "secret" information that "the government" is trying to hide from us.  They're peddling the Brooklyn Bridge.

3)  Once you have digested the data, you will come away with a good picture of poverty in America.  There are about 46 million poor people in our country and several million who are nearly poor.  You can't help them all, aside from paying your taxes (a very tiny percentage of which goes to government entitlement programs), so you'll have to begin to focus on the subset you'd like to help the most.

Keep this in mind: You are not paying ANY taxes toward the upkeep of the poor, unless you are making more than $50,000 income per year. If you make $50,000, only $7 of your taxes will go to welfare. That's for the whole year. You aren't entitled to an opinion about the poor when you're only paying $7 a year to help them.

Often, when I mention the poor, people immediately make reference to panhandlers and the homeless, even though that group represents an itty bitty speck in the 46 million sea of poor people.  I myself require assistance from friends in order to struggle through every single month, but I also find myself helping the homeless in several ways.  Take it as a given that you'll do a little something to help them in addition to your other activities.  Theirs is a special situation that doesn't represent the rest of the poor.

This is the stage at which a great deal of prayer and soul searching are required.  Which demographic of the poor will you help?

In America, the poorest of the poor, people whose income is below about $700 a month, are the ones who get the government benefits and free health care.  They used to also receive dental care and eyeglasses, but in the numerous cuts to benefits over the last few years, dental care and eye care may have been eliminated from Medicaid.

I would say that, as far as survival is concerned, the poorest people who make up the bottom third of the spectrum are, in some respects, better off than the poor whose income is slightly higher because the bottom third are the only ones who qualify for government programs.  NONE of the poor are "doing well," however.  They are all scrabbling for survival.

I belong to a rather large demographic of disabled people who, because of their illnesses, have needs that are much more expensive than the needs of an able-bodied, healthy person.  Our disability income is probably half what we need to combat our medical problems.  For instance, due to various conditions, I am supposed to get regular therapeutic massages, eat organic food, use organic cosmetics, have a service dog, and a super commercial vacuum that eliminates dust in my environment, but I can't afford any of it, so I feel ill all the time and walk like an 80 year old.)

One of my neighbors once said to me, "Why aren't you working?  You look fine to me."  Big sigh. No human being can look at another human being and magically see everything that is wrong with them.  Consequently, no one can automatically anticipate another person's needs, which brings me to category number 4:

4)  ASK the poor what they need.  Don't decide for them and then try to thrust it on them.  Recently, an acquaintance texted me and said that she had gone to the food bank and was bringing me a box of food. Trouble is, I can't eat any of it.  My diet is restricted because of my stomach ailments and my numerous allergies.  I thanked her, told her I couldn't use it, and asked her to give it to someone else. She said she would take it to some agency and that THEY would be grateful for it (unlike me, who would not take it from her.)

I will be eternally grateful to my two Catholic friends who call me every month and ask me if I need something in particular from Costco or from a favorite grocery store or from the vitamin catalog. Without these angels of mercy, I would be in a much worse position than I am.

5)  Finally, don't forget the poverty of loneliness that infects our country.  There are a lot of isolated poor and sick people who rarely get a visitor.  Visit a nursing home.  Invite one of the church ladies to your house for a meal.  Take a lonely person to breakfast.  It will mean the world to them.

After you have done all the research and rubbed elbows with the poor and made friends among them, let all this education and experience help inform your voting pattern during the coming elections.

Here are some links of some of the reputable sources for statistics that I mentioned:

U.S CENSUS BUREAU

UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF LABOR - Bureau of Labor Statistics

U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES

POVERTY THRESHHOLDS TO RECEIVE ASSISTANCE FROM US DEPT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES

ECONOMIC AND STATISTICS ADMINISTRATION - UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF COMMERCE

BUREAU OF ECONOMIC ANALYSIS

PEW RESEARCH CENTER - WHO IS POOR IN AMERICA?

WEB PAGES THAT LIST AUTHORITATIVE SOURCES ON POVERTY:

CENTER ON BUDGET AND POLICY PRIORITIES
Multiple sources, including U.S. Department of Labor, Dept. of Commerce, Census Bureau, etc.

BREAD FOR THE WORLD
Includes data from the U.S. Department of Agriculture

POVERTY PROGRAM
This website uses data from the U.S. Census Bureau, The Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, American Medical Association Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine, UNICEF, the United Nations, the Boston Globe, United for a Fair Economy, The Equality Trust, University of Massachusetts' Center on Social Policy, Report by Allen Greenspan ECONOMIC APARTHEID, Michael Gorman of the American Library Association

CENTER FOR POVERTY RESEARCH - UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT DAVIS
Citing a report on Income and Poverty in the United States (2013), US Census Bureau, and other sources.

SAMPLE CHARTS DERIVED FROM AUTHORITATIVE SOURCES:

Sources:  Office of Management and Budget,

U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, Dept. of Health and 

Human Services, Dept. of Labor, 

U.S. Census Bureau

Redistribution of Wealth between 1970 and 2005

Data from Department of Labor

One of the experts upon whom I rely for informed opinion and expertise gleaned from both education and extensive experience in the field of economics is Robert Reich.

Picture from ROBERT REICH OFFICIAL WEB PAGE

Robert Reich was the Secretary of Labor in the Clinton Administration.  He was named by Time magazine as one of the ten most effective cabinet secretaries of the twentieth century.  He is currently Professor of Public Policy at the University of California at Berkeley and the Senior Fellow at the Blum Center for Developing Economies.  He has written thirteen books, two of which became best sellers.  His new film, "Inequality For All," is now available on Netflix, iTunes, DVD and On Demand.

"INEQUALITY FOR ALL" movie trailer

I hope my suggestions are helpful to you.

God bless us all.

Silver Rose Parnell

(c) 2015

OPINION AS KING

Mr. Fuzzy Pants, king of the house and ruler of all he surveys.

His opinion, which he expresses QUITE loudly, is law....or

so he tells me.

I wish I hadn't read Facebook today.  The political season of crazy has begun.  The worse of it are the lies that are foisted off as a "difference of opinion."  Large numbers of people have LENGTHY "opinions" and will fight vociferously for their position.  The only problem is, in the course of championing their cause, they spew lies right and left.  I call them lies because, well, that's what they are.

So, with Christian charity, I initially assume that these lies are just a product of a lack of education, so I provide definitive sources that prove that what they've said is not true...and they continue to defend the lie and say that it is true.  For these people, their opinion holds more weight than facts.

So it is with Satan.  He, the father of lies, presents the lies as Truth and the Truth as lies.

There is a very good reason why "Thou shalt not lie" is one of the 10 commandments.  You have to admit that 10 is not a big number, right?  Every one of those 10 items is crucially important for our spiritual well being.  Even some Christians don't seem to take it seriously, though.  I have been very surprised by this phenomena, since becoming a Catholic.

Some months ago, I caught one woman telling multiple lies on the telephone in order to manipulate someone into doing something she wanted.  When I questioned her, she said, "It's not a lie.  It's just a story."  When I explained that I was concerned about her immortal soul, she said, "Oh, don't you worry about me, little girl.  I'm just fine.  I'll be going to heaven, don't you worry about it."

Well, first of all, she was younger than me, so I suppose the "little girl" comment was an attempt to discount me.  This person was so wedded to her opinion that she wasn't going to let facts get in the way of what she wanted to do.  In her exalted opinion, it is alright to tell lies if you call them "stories."

I know our God is a loving God, but he also expects that, if we love him we will do what he says to do.  If we don't, then we don't go to heaven.  Don't find fault with me for repeating Christ's position on this.  Take it up with Him if you disagree.

Still, this rainbows and lollipops and unicorns Jesus is all the rage among people who just do not want to make any effort to "become perfect as your father in heaven is perfect."  I am not talking about the people who aspire to holiness and fail now and again.  That's a different circumstance.

I had to block two people from my Facebook list today because they defended lies about the church that were obviously intended to manipulate people into choosing one political party over another. Even when faced with proof from the American bishops that they were lies, they staunchly defended their lies.  Their opinion could not be touched or changed by truth or facts.  Their opinion is king.  God save the poor wretches.  They need our prayers.

When we do not defer to God, but instead rely upon on our opinion, we are in big trouble.  I rather think the road to hell is paved with these self-referential opinions.  After all, that's how Satan ended up there.  In his opinion, he was as good as God, and look where it got him.

Silver "Rose" Parnell
(c) 2015

IS YOUR CALENDAR A MINEFIELD OF SORROW?

Grandpa Edward Joseph Shea II, Great Grandma

Mary Alice Merkel Shea, and Ruth E. Brewer Shea

(Grandpa's 3rd wife)

This time of year is hard for me because, even though I (ostensibly) live as a religious person and consider God the father MY father, and the Blessed Virgin Mary as MY mother, the secular calendar and its holidays assert themselves, not just on the calendar on the wall, but in all the advertisements around me, the entertainments, and the sales at the shops.  Inevitably, most of these holidays point back to family, and I have huge family issues.

The picture of my grandfather and great grandmother, above, was kindly forwarded to me by email by a cousin I found on the internet after YEARS of searching for my father's paternal family.  I never met that grandfather or great grandmother, although I could have, given that in 1977 (when this picture was taken) I was living in California and was in my 20's.  I was IN San Francisco, near where they lived, many times, because my mother's mother lived there and I visited often.

My father's mother, however, refused to help me find my grandfather and his family.  She hated him, and therefore she would not help me.   She herself had never been but vaguely interested in me or my sibling.  I think I met her twice when I was very young.  Likewise, her children (my aunt and uncles) with the second husband took no interest in us.  We were the product of the first husband's child.  This picture is the closest I will ever get to my granddad or his other children, my other aunts and uncles.

From my genealogy research, I have gleaned a long line of divorces in the family.  With each divorce, more brokenness enters the family line.  We lose our connection to relatives.

Edward Joseph Shea III

My Dad

My parents likewise divorced very early on, and my father proceeded to pursue multiple women, married a couple more, but used to brag that, "I have never been faithful to any woman and I never will be."  How much of that misguided bravado and immoral worldview was bred into him by a family line that could not manage to stick with one partner, for whatever reason?  His own father either abandoned him or was kept from him, or both.  How had that affected how he dealt with his own marriages and children?

I was horrified when my father showed up at my apartment once (the only time he had ever just dropped in on me) and announced that he was leaving his wife because she might have cancer and she might have to have a mastectomy.  He was very agitated.  I have no idea why he came to me, but I gave him a piece of my mind and sent him away, telling him he could not leave a woman just because she was sick and might not have a perfect body any more.  Where does this kind of thinking come from?

I think that, generally speaking, children of broken families just do not learn how to be whole.  They are always insecure as people and never see the benefit of an intact family...because they have never experienced an intact family.  At the slightest provocation, they run to the next mate.

When a father leaves a family, especially when the children are very young, it often breaks the father/child bond.  Subsequent mistresses and wives do not want the children of a previous wife to be in the life of the father and actively work to break the relationships, usually successfully.  It is nature to do so.  Females of the species are attracted to the security of a man's resources, money, etc.  Having no bond with the children of another woman, there is no interest in seeing to the survival of those children in any respect.  At least, this is the utilitarian, primitive perspective.

My sibling and I were raised in a tiny bubble, with a nearly insane, sickly mother, in poverty, while my father bought airplanes, spent Christmas in Aspen with some woman or another, and generally pursued his own pleasures without thought of the cost to his children.  I loved my father very much, as is natural for any child, and spent most of my life doing a frantic tap dance in my attempts to convey that love and get love in return.  But he grew more and more detached.

I went on to marry men like my father.  My first husband began an affair while I was pregnant and, when I discovered it, he told me, "I never promised you I would be faithful!"  How did I miss that?  My son was 2 weeks old at the time.  Then proceeded my own broken life, and my son was the one who suffered most.  He couldn't understand why Mom and Dad were not together, and I was not about to tell him about the mistresses that his Daddy would not give up.

My son at age 6, and me, about to

go to lunch with my Dad

My son later committed slow suicide with alcohol, drugs and ignoring a diabetic condition.  At age 40, he was gone, leaving an angry teenage daughter behind, as well as me, his dad, a stepmom, and many friends.  My son's wife had already left him, after 15 years of marriage, because living with a sick man was like living with her father.  At least, that is what she told me.  So she lost some weight, slapped a tramp stamp on her backside and moved 1,000 miles away to live with another man.

I fully expect my orphaned granddaughter to fall into the family tradition of broken relationships.  And so it goes.

What does this have to do with the calendar?  Well, this month was mother's day and is also the anniversary of my father's death 6 years ago.  In June, I have to contend with fathers' day, and in September will be my son's birthday.  In December will be the 2 year anniversary of my son's death.  Then there's Christmas, which is supposed to be about Christ, but in America is all about family...and there is no family here.  January is my mother's birthday anniversary.  February is my grandmother's birthday anniversary.  There's no end.

Each time an anniversary rolls around, my PTSD flares up and I have the fight of my life.  I throw myself on the mercy of the Lord and pray that the memories will abate and that I will not drown in sadness.

Yes, I wish I was a saint and could just sail through life unperturbed by the brokenness, but, at best, I can resist the urge to sink into a depression and despair, reminding myself that "...my father and my mother have left me; but the Lord has taken me up."  Ps. 26:10

Concentrating on the beauty of the present moment, the many gifts and graces with which the Lord constantly showers me, and the great good fortune of being able to live in a country that is not destabilized with war and violence, is a daily practice of mine.  It is how I fight Satan and the memories of his work in this world, in my life, and in my family.  He likes me sad and despairing and thinks that I will lose heart and follow him again, as I did before my baptism and conversion, but I am determined to avoid his clutches.  My walls are choked full of beautiful icons and crosses to meditate upon and remember the Truth.  I use the sacramentals of Holy Water and blessed roasaries.  I pray to the Lord.  I ask for Mary's intercession.  I feel the sadness, but I will not let it take me down.

There is a reason why Jesus hated divorce and remarriage.  Judging from the number of walking wounded in our world, I am surprised that most of us have not made the connection between what He advocated and what we do in our lives.  But that is a bigger problem than I can handle at the moment.

Right now, I am working on substituting religious holidays for the distressing family holidays.  Coming up in a few days is Pentacost, a beautiful holiday in itself, but also the anniversary of my entry into the Catholic Church.  I was confirmed on that day, with its beautiful imagery.  I am training my mind on THAT, with great difficulty.  Please pray that I am successful.

God bless us all

Silver "Rose" Parnell
(c) 2015
All rights reserved.