MEDITATION ON JOB

Our old Catholic Church in Old Town, Albuquerque

(copyright (c) Silver Parnell)

For some time now, my life has taken on a tinge of terrible. Whatever can go wrong, does go wrong, no matter how right I behave. I had started to become glum. Was I under some kind of curse? Was I being punished?

Never to be one who gives up easily, I put aside these depressive ideas and practiced my "breathe and smile." I centered myself and, in an orderly fashion, began to clean the kitchen, reciting the Jesus prayer in my heart, while I slowly washed the dishes, pots and pans.

Breathe and smile. Breathe and smile.

"Lord, Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy upon me, a poor sinner."

Breathe and smile. Breathe and smile.

"Lord, Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy upon me, a poor sinner."

The story of Job came to mind, unbidden. Job's life went wonky, not because he was a bad person, not because he was saddled with sin, but because The Lord was so confident of Job's love for him that he let Satan test him and do horrible things to him. Satan thought he could turn Job away from God, but God knew better.

God used Job to help him give a lesson to Satan.

Meditating on this wonderful reminder brought a spontaneous smile to my lips, and I returned to the dishes.

Breathe and smile. Breathe and smile.

"Lord, Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy upon me, a poor sinner."


God bless us all
Silver

SLEEP WITH THE ANGELS

Bedroom suite

I have a beautiful bedroom suite which is fairly new, but by the time I finished paying for it, I was already having trouble sleeping in it, due to scoliosis and other back issues.

It has been a couple years since I slept in the bed, but it occupies the bedroom, sitting there like a giant toad, eating up all the space I COULD be using for something else. It is a mammoth thing, made of very heavy wood, cherry colored, with a padded faux leather backrest on each side. The foot rest is very handy to hold onto when I am changing my shoes or some such thing,and that is all it is good for, with the exception of hosting boxes of sewing gear and baskets of laundry.

Back pillows, knee pillows, leg pillows - I have tried them all, to no avail. I cannot sleep in the bed.

Dreams are something in my distantly remember past. I do not know the last time I had a sleeping dream, as opposed to a nightmare, but even nightmares elude me, as I have been sleeping in reclining chairs, and I never really go fully "under."

A few years ago, I priced mechanical mattresses - the kind that folds you up so that back and knees can both be elevated, with a mattress made of a special kind of foam. As soon as I lay in it and adjusted the level of lift for back and legs, I felt my whole body relax, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I could tell that sleeping on that bed would be like sleeping on clouds, sleeping with the angels.

THAT bed was $3,000 three years ago. Amazon has one for for about $1,000 right now - but the mattress is only 12 inches, and I can't believe it would accommodate my commodious frame!

The costs of disability are enormous, if you actually address the needs of the body. I used to sleep on a mattress on the floor when I was younger. It didn't phase me. Now,  the idea of going to sleep is stressful. Can you imagine?

Every time I have a need, I start to calculate. If I were to sell the bed and the matching carved end tables, I might be able to buy a little twin bed, and pray that my tall body would find rest on it, but I have no idea to whom I would sell my current set. I cannot have strangers coming to the apartment, etc. etc.

I am disgusted by the body's constant NEED for things, sick and tired of fretting over how I can possibly afford to address its needs! Really, it makes me want to throw my hands up in the air, scream, and throw something.

I think back over my life and wonder, how did I end up like this? It isn't as if I tried to be alone. It is just how things worked out. I started out as a nun in a Hindu convent and then converted to Christianity, but none of the Catholic institutions wanted an ex Hindu nun. It is a bridge too far for them, I suppose, and you really can't blame them. They imagine all sorts of things. Now, I am far too old and too sick to even pretend I might be of any use. I did try to marry, a long time ago, but that wasn't meant to be.

In any case, I have given myself to God, but God is surprisingly UNHELPFUL. You would think He would step up, but he doesn't.

Please pray that He becomes a little more responsive, as I am gradually losing hope, and fear I will lose my mind if I don't get some relief. Just say a quick prayer for me, if you would.

God save us all.
(c) Copyright 2018
Silver Rose Parnell

THE SECRET OF THE COST OF LIVING INDEX

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

The Consumer Price Index upon which Social Security cost of living adjustments are based, actually deals with the spending patterns of younger WORKING individuals who buy high ticket items like cars, fancy telephones, electronics, etc.

Low income, older seniors, however, spend most of their money on rent, food, and utilities, therefore, our cost of living increases do not come anywhere near to addressing our ACTUAL cost of living.

Consequently, every year, we get poorer and poorer. Therefore, the longer one remains on Social Security, i.e., the longer you live, the further down the socio-economic ladder you descend.

This is not just a little bit true, this is true by a large amount. Let me give you an example:

This year, my cost of living increase is $5.10 a month. Yep. Five dollars and ten cents a month. That's $61.20 a year.

My COSTS, however, such as rent, medical insurance, medical co-pays, car insurance, utilities, are increasing by $515.10 this year, AT A MINIMUM, since I have no way of knowing how much food costs will increase. This means that I am "in the hole" a further $453.90 this year, at minimum.

This has been going on for twelve (12) years.

This is why I am frantically trying to figure out how to increase the income into my household. I'm always talking about it. How could I NOT? I am drowning in this dishonest, rigged system, despite having worked and paid taxes for more than 30 years.

Why should you care? Because some day, you could be in my position.

Of course, my situation is much worse than many women, who are better off, thanks to the incomes of their husbands and the help of their children and extended family. I don't have ANY of that.

Thanks be to God, I was gifted with many many talents, and I have faith that the Lord will help me to survive with those. It is almost as if He is FORCING me to use those gifts, so I am writing, painting, crocheting my little fingers off, hoping to keep myself afloat and not end up homeless. I also am a professional genealogy researcher, but no one wants to pay the fees. They want me to give them everything for free. I don't do that any more.

JUST IN CASE you have need of genealogy research, and you would like me to make you a nice little tree, you can order my services online at this link:

HIRE MY GENEALOGY RESEARCH SERVICES

JUST IN CASE you would like to help me survive, I have several Amazon wish lists where I have included all sorts of items I need to maintain myself and my little creative outlets. Here are the links:

LINK TO GENERAL LIST OF MOST-NEEDED ITEMS RIGHT NOW

LINK TO FIBER ART SUPPLIES

LINK TO FINE ART SUPPLIES FOR PAINTINGS

LINK TO FOOD SUPPLIES FOR THE PANTRY

LINK TO VITAMINS AND OTHER HEALTH NEEDS

Really, I'm not expecting much, as far as anyone else ordering from my lists, but I like to have them in a handy spot for my own reference.

I remember when I became disabled, the Swami told me, "Poverty makes you lose your virtue." I think it may be partially true, as it certainly has dragged my attention away from the Lord.

Being disabled is really the problem. I had wanted to just gracefully float through my final years, offering it all up and praying to the Lord through whatever came my way, but, you know, it is just not that simple. It is a mighty struggle.

The best I can do, I think, is ASPIRE to the consciousness of Brother Lawrence who, amid the pots and pans, prayed to the Lord while he scrubbed the dirty dishes.

I am sure, on some level, that the humility that disability and poverty bring, are very good for me. I feel like I am just groveling in the dirt, trying to create a living out of it. It's all good. It MUST be good, because God brings ALL things to the good for those that believe in Him. Amen.

God bless us all.

Silver Rose

THE SUN RISES EVERY DAY

One of the primary reasons the Jews didn't accept Jesus as the Messiah is that Jesus came as a poor person with no power, whereas they were expecting him to be an earthly king. They would say , "what good can come from Nazareth?"

Jesus emphasized, over and over again, that the meek will inherit the earth (meaning "everything"), not the powerful. The meek and tender of heart will inherit the true riches of human life, which is eternal relationship with him.

Political power and position were never held as the goal of Christians, which is why i am so surprised to see so many Christians become hysterical, getting angry, and generally expressing a doom and gloom vision of the future. While it is important to participate in the political story, it is not our story, and we need to remember that. We do the best we can, leaving the result to God.

If your candidate does not win, it isn't the end of the world. I promise. Jesus promised. Whatever the result, accept it and move on.

Yesterday, I awoke to hot air balloons in the sky with the sound of migrating sand hill cranes in the background. God is good. Life is good. Take heart.

Silver Rose

THREE GOOD THINGS

My pink Christmas tree

As an introvert often saddled with a certain ennui and melancholy, in addition to a righteously earned case of well-managed, but still ever present, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) I was thrilled to hear from a Catholic psychologist on Immaculate Heart Radio that everyone is born with a certain set-point for happiness, where the psyche naturally rests. The happiness quotient is on a continuum. He kept saying, "It's not your fault." After a lifetime of people blaming me and finding fault, here is this man who really knows something, and he kept saying, "It's not your fault."

He also said there are some things that we can do to naturally improve our moods, no matter what we are dealing with, whether born with a melancholy temperament or having earned one through a brutal childhood or other traumas. I am all for that, being a naturally pro-active person, so I was all ears.

The recipe he proposed was very simple. Every day, think of three good things that happened for you that day.  That's all - just three. He said that one would find (and it is true) that, once the brain starts to look for three good things, scores of good things come to mind and it becomes hard to pick just three! 

What this does is to train the brain to seek out positive things, things that make us happy, give us joy, a sense of accomplishment, etc. The brain will develop new habits, new neural pathways, and the happiness level will be raised.

I have been doing this now for a few weeks, I think. I post my 3 good things every day on Facebook and I ask my friends to chime in with theirs, if they want to do it, and I have found that some of my most sincere religious friends who have time to play on Facebook, are also keeping up this practice.

I highly recommend giving this a try, even if you are the most ebullient person, because it brings epiphanies in its wake and, best of all, a continuous stream of feelings of gratitude, which leads into praises to God throughout the day.

Give it a try. Keep up the practice for a few weeks and see how you like it. The effects may be subtle at first, but, after a while, you may find that your way of doing things has shifted slightly, your mental orientation is slightly different, and your mood may be, generally, much better.

This practice hasn't stopped bad things from happening in my life. It hasn't prevented me from becoming upset when the logistics of life work against me at every turn. I still get mad or frustrated, but I am easily distracted from it by something good. My mind is gradually changing its operation. It is always on the lookout for THE GOOD, and we know where ALL GOOD COMES FROM, don't we?  Yep.

My three good things for the day:

(1) I found some DEEPLY DISCOUNTED yarn on Amazon that is perfect for some warm and snuggly hats and neck warmers for the poor and homeless this Christmas, as well as a discounted yarn to complete a small project for myself.
(2) I had a lovely romp in a big pile of leaves with my little service dog. (He actually did the romping, since I am on a cane, but I enjoyed seeing his joy.)
(3) I got to eat pizza today. I hardly ever get to eat pizza because it is expensive to have it delivered, and I really don't go to restaurants, but every once in a while I relax the rules and have a treat. Chicken, pineapple and jalapenos. Delicious!

What were YOUR "three good things" today? Let me know. I will love to hear about your happiness.

God bless us all,

Silver Rose Parnell
(c) 2015, All rights reserved.