COMMUNING WITH SAINT EANFLEDA ON THANKSGIVING

 

The First Thanksgiving, 1621

by

Jean Leon Gerome Ferris

(1863-1930)

I am such a dummy at times. I am sure we have all had realizations which, on their occurrence, make us want to smack ourselves on the head and say, "here it was, in front of me all the time, and I did not see it!  DUH!"

When I went to sleep last night, I prayed for two things: (1) that I would be able to sleep at least 6 hours to get the amount of sleep I am told we "need." Plus, I wanted to be fresh enough to go to my cousin Bobby's house for Thanksgiving dinner, and (2) that The Lord would give me some insight into His intentions for me with regard to my contemplative monastic vocation because I am making a hash of it and clearly I have gone off the rails somewhere.

Well, I woke up after only 4 hours and, no matter what I did, I was unable to lure myself into any more sleep. I was simply awake. PERIOD. So much for prayer number 1.

(As an aside, we all know that if we have told him we want to know His will, He will not give us what we pray for if it is not within the orbit of that will (unless there is a lesson in there that will bring us back around to it) - and especially if we have not recognized A GIFT HE HAS GIVEN US.)

I have lately been complaining about how my environment is not conducive to spiritual life, how it is noisy and the people disruptive, and how, in addition, I have all these physical problems which I do offer up, in a general way, but have yet to really incorporate into my spiritual disciplines or my understanding of what God wants from me.

But one of those very maladies that has appeared over the last decade, as mentioned before, is a "terrible" case of insomnia in which I am absolutely unable to sleep any longer than 4 hours at a time (at which point I wake up ready to take on the world) unless I dose myself with melatonin and marijuana, and a Benedryl chaser. (P.S. I have a prescription for the marijuana exactly for this purpose, just to be clear. I had never been a cannabis imbiber until that doctor suggested it. I am FAR too square to be a druggie. Hey, I don't even drink.)

When I first embarked upon my solitary contemplative monastic vocation, the first thing I worried about was that I would not be able to fulfill the vision I had of this vocation because my entire life I had been unable to interrupt my 8 hour sleep cycle.

Please don't laugh at me. I am as dense as anyone else at times.

I was watching a video that I just "happened" to find this morning on YouTube, while having my morning coffee, after my 4 hour sleep, of a man giving a talk about converting from Judaism to Catholicism and how his trip to a Carthusian monastery impressed him so very much. He recounted the schedule of the monks, who must rise at midnight and chant the office until 2:30 a.m. or thereabouts.

He mentioned a film I have seen, not once, but at least three times, about the Carthusian contemplative orders, and I suddenly felt a prodding from within:

"Ummmm...Silver Rose...you COULD just use this gift of 4 hour sleep cycles to incorporate chanting the Holy Office - in the middle of the night - when it is dead quiet," The Lord seemed to be saying to me. "Seeing as how you've been complaining about your inability to do all the prayers and supporting practices that I like to hear from my monastics." You can just hear the smile in His comment, can't you?

Of course I laughed at myself, which I end up doing quite frequently these days. Thank goodness there are no humans about to see all my mistakes, but I sometimes wonder if human beings are akin to God's form of television entertainment, in which case, I am a funny reality show, complete with pratfalls and stupid utterances. (It's not a perfect metaphor, I know, because God is probably both the watcher and the director, as well as the production crew, all in one.)

Today' saint, my cousin, Saint Enflaeda, may be sitting in Heaven enjoying the farce also. "HOW long did it take this woman to figure it out?" she may rightly say.

I have a LOT of ancestors and cousins who began life as a normal sort of householder, or even a royal one, but because they came from a long line of saints, by the end of their lives they were firmly ensconced in the monastery, praying for the rest of the world, and usually RUNNING the darn thing because God was prompting them from within and everyone else could see it.

Saint Enflaeda, (3rd cousin, 39 times removed) was the daughter of King Edwin of Northumbria and Queen Aethelburh of Kent (or Leminge) (my 2nd cousin, 40 times removed). She lived between 601 and 647 A.D. Their marriage heralded the beginning of the conversion of the northern part of England to Christianity, since a condition of the marriage was that King Edwin had to convert. Aethelburh was Christian, and if he wanted to marry HER, he had to do this.

 

Whitby Abbey's Ruins, today

Their daughter, Enflaeda, (today's saint, whose feast day it is) in turn, married a minor king Oswiu, and after HE died she retired to Whitby Abbey, where she guided the nuns as co-Abbess with her daughter Aelfflaed, who had been raised in that place, under the original Abbess, Hild, from the age of one year old! (These people were serious about their religion and it was not uncommon for very young girls to be given to monastic institutions to be raised as a nun from very early years.)

Oswiu had been married before, and because this was so far back in time, we are not positive which children belonged to which wife. There is general agreement of probability, but that's the best we can do. All I know for certain is that Eanfleda was both queen and mother and had an active worldly life until her husband died. Aelfflaed, who was given to Whitby at the age of one year old, was certainly her child.

A sketch of Whitby, as it used to be

Generally speaking, if you want to join a Catholic convent, then as now, you pretty much have to be either a virgin or a widow. (And sometimes you had no CHOICE about it.) Otherwise, you must remain at home and conduct your spiritual practices there. (Many saints, such as Rose of Lima, naturally gravitate toward the home base anyway.)

Catholics nurture a horror of divorced persons, even if the divorce was made prior to baptism. That's been my experience. I stopped fighting the prejudice long ago, despite the official position being something else entirely. There is a Catholic culture perpetuated by cradle Catholics, for the most part, in which Catholics treat converts as if they were supposed to behave as Catholics their entire lives - even when they were heathen. It makes no sense and, like I said, it is not the official position of the church because it discounts the importance, function and implications of baptism. But I'm too sick to fight it at this stage of life, especially since I am now fully disabled and going blind. I am my OWN abbess at my OWN monastery. I call mine "Silver Cottage Hermitage."

The Shrine in the Main Room

at Silver Cottage Hermitage

This brings up the topic of praying for something and hearing "no" as an answer, only to discover that God was watching out for me with His "no." Perfect example is my inability to get support for my monastic vocation. Two decades after dedicating myself to God, I've become so disabled as to become useless to any institution and, on my bad days, would have been a positive drain on whatever place that had found itself stuck with me. In my case, I can clearly see that The Lord was simply turning trouble into transportation to where I needed to be, even if the reasons given initially were poppycock.

I still think I am due for a change of monastic atmosphere somewhere in the future, but I am not sure where or under what conditions. I have already lost the central vision in my left eye, so when I lose the vision in my right (if that does, indeed, come to pass) then a LOT of the activities that I do now will become obsolete, and the space for them will no longer be required. I can envision giving away my library of physical books, as I won't be able to read them. Also my art supplies, my craft supplies, and various other possessions. I will be traveling light, once more, as I always used to do. I wouldn't be driving, that is certain. That may be another decade down the road.

My depth perception is already very bad, and I am bumping into things and dropping things constantly. Every day I must learn a new technique to keep from destroying the world around me. Only God knows what this life will look like before long. We shall see what He has in mind for me.

In the meantime, I do the very best I can, with my limited resources, understanding, and supports.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Mine was very quiet, as I was not feeling well enough to travel to someone's house and spend hours there. I've eaten simply and enjoyed my time researching today's saint.

Tonight I will see if that movie about the Carthusians can be streamed without charge on Amazon or elsewhere, and I will start to research their schedule and open up my imagination to how I may simplify something for myself, here at home, that is flexible enough to accommodate my disabilities.

By the way, I am still campaigning to get some food into the cupboards. Inflation has wreaked havoc with my food stores, there are certain things my doctors want me to eat, and some money-making attempts have failed miserably while sucking up my resources at the same time. Amazon has my address and will mail to me direct. Any and all help is very much appreciated.

HERE IS THE GROCERY & FOOD STORAGE WISH LIST ON AMAZON - CLICK HERE

May we all be blessed!

Silver Rose

FREEDOM

Just because God allows something to happen doesn't mean he wills or desires it. Without giving us freedom - free will - we would not have the power to give Him our love and attention of our own volition. Who wants to be forced to love? Could one even call it "love" under that circumstance? If God created the World and all things in it, He had to give us all our freedom so that He could be chosen for Himself, loved for Himself, and worshipped for Himself. Otherwise, we would be slaves.

I watched a television episode earlier this week in which a young woman, previously on fire with love of the Lord, decided she no longer believed in Him because something unpleasant happened to her. She had to have a surgery that rendered her sterile, and she blamed God for it. She had her heart set on having children and she decided that because God allowed her to become sterile, God did not therefore exist at all  because a loving God would give her everything she wanted. She expected to be repaid for her "faith" and because God didn't deliver, she had no further use for Him. This is a mercenary type of religion that is nothing more than an exercise in selfishness.

I have always found the story of Job to be inspiring during difficult times such as these. Dealing with multiple physical illnesses, blindness, disability, deaths of loved ones and pets, assaults and thievery by neighborhood hoodlums: If hadn't some faith in God, I would be weeping every day. 

In the Bible, God allowed all sorts of suffering to be brought down on Job's head, despite the fact that Job did not deserve it. The Lord told Satan that He was sure of Job's love and allegiance and that, no matter what Satan visited on him, Job would remain faithful - and that is exactly what happened. Job was tormented with sore boils all over his body. His sons and daughters and servants were all killed. His entire world was destroyed.

Job had always "feared God" and "avoided evil," and therefore none of the harsh disasters that were visited on him were warranted. He didn't greet those calamities with a sanguine calm. He openly expressed his suffering and wore the signs of it on his person.

"Then Job rose up and rent his garments, and having

shaven his head fell down upon the ground and worshipped."

Job 1: 20

Shaving one's head and ripping one's garments are symbols of extreme grief or anguish. Despite being established in the Lord and firm in faith, Job felt the pain of these earthly torments and he expressed his misery. Wearing these emblems of gloom, he fell to the ground in humility of surrender and praised the Lord, as was his firm habit.

It is perfectly understandable to feel unhappiness and to express it, but what is crucial is that, despite misfortunes falling upon us, it is our attachment to The Lord that is key. Do we keep company with the Lord and have faith in His Love, despite what happens to us in this "veil of tears." This is where spiritual disciplines come into play. If we have the habit of inclining the mind to God, deliberately and regularly, it is to Him we will automatically turn when we are burdened with woes. 

There is a tendency among spiritual folk to assume that if your faith is solid, you don't suffer at all - that you meet hardships like an automaton or a Mona Lisa painting - serene in the midst of it all. I am sure some people may behave like that. Certainly others aspire to it. But it isn't necessary. Whether or not you express suffering doesn't matter in the slightest. What DOES matter is whether or not you continue to keep faith with your Lord. The rest of it is window dressing.

Of course, as our practices become finer and finer, it is natural that we mourn less frequently and for shorter periods of time, until one day we may remain peaceful in the face of catastrophe, but it isn't a sin to be unhappy or express it. Instead, it is human. God does not guarantee that earthly circumstances will go our way, but He can be relied upon to comfort us. All we have to do is turn to Him.

Several of Job's friends wept with him, ripped their clothing, sprinkled the dusts of the earth over themselves, and then sat with him for 7 days and 7 nights. Other friends harassed him with criticisms - insinuating that if he was actually a holy man, he would not have these misfortunes visited upon him. They added to his torment instead of accompanying him and sitting with him. God can be relied upon to comfort us when our friends abandon us through their selfishness and insensitivity.

"Blessed are they that mourn for they shall

be comforted."

Matthew 5:4

In the "New Age", the emphasis tends to be on the wrong aspect of the thing entirely. Instead of accompanying a suffering person in their sorrow, people will often accuse them of not being "spiritual" enough when it is actually the attachment of the person to the Lord that matters. Some of these people are so confused that they believe that if you feel any emotion other than kumbaya happy clappy sentiment, you will "attract" to yourself (and deserve) further suffering. Forget the weeping, the cutting of hair, the rending of garments, and the mournful vigils. They want you to wear a happy façade or they blame you for every misfortune. The selfish ignorance of these people can be annoying, at the very least, and an incredible burden in one's darkest days - but continuing to return to thoughts of the Lord will soothe us when humans can't be bothered to sympathize.

It is also common among the misguided and unlearned to tell you (or to insinuate broadly) that your suffering is nothing in comparison to such-and-such a person. Indeed, it is almost impossible to experience any suffering for which there is not someone in the world who is experiencing far worse. It may be helpful, during a more philosophical time, when the initial reaction to misfortune has worn off a bit, for the recipient of bad luck to contemplate those type of facts, but for others to foist it on you in place of sympathy is just another cruelty, heaped upon someone already afflicted.

"Will the wild ass bray when he hath grass?

or will the ox low when he standeth before 

a full manger?"

Job 6: 5

I suppose the point of all this is that regular meditative practice, both formal and informal throughout the day, prepares us for the difficulties of life.

On Monday, I will be going to the Cancer Center with regard to a melanoma that has suddenly appeared on my scalp. As a religious hermit without community, I have no one to accompany me on this appointment. Every time the clerks call me to "remind" me about this upcoming appointment, they mention that I am allowed one person to come with me, but there is no one I would burden with it, especially now, with Covid pandemic raging across the globe. I wouldn't want anyone to risk their life just so I could have the comfort of a calm and supportive presence. It wouldn't be fair. Instead, I will take myself and rely upon the presence of God within my heart to sustain me. After decades of training the mind to return to the feet of the Lord, I tell myself that I can do this. God will be with me.

I suppose it does not seem "fair" to me that, on top of everything else, I have skin cancer to deal with, but this is my life.

A particularly good little book, THE PRACTICE OF THE PRESENCE OF GOD, is one which I've turned to over the years for inspiration. It is about Brother Lawrence, a friar who was deemed nearly useless to the monastery and was relegated to the kitchen. He couldn't be a priest. He couldn't chant the office. I get the impression that his brother monks treated him with disdain and looked down upon him. But he, on the other hand, said that he felt as close to his Lord among the pots and pans as he would have been in the choir stall, singing the beautiful hymns.

Practicing the presence of God throughout the day is very similar to the Buddhist practice of "walking meditation," in that the mind is kept with the Divine during an activity that is pedestrian - not thought of as particularly spiritual. The practice yokes the mental activity with the breath and the body's movement, so that the three spheres act upon one another. It is very helpful.

Another "easy" prayer that inclines the mind to God without requiring intellectual exercise, and which can be recited mentally throughout the day, directing the mind to the Divine, is the Jesus Prayer:

Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God
Have mercy upon me, a poor sinner

This prayer is widely prayed by the Orthodox monks, who carry a prayer rope that is knotted at close intervals, to count the number of times the prayer is said.

I highly recommend giving these things a try. Read the little book I mentioned above. It is widely available. If I remember correctly, it was written by a fellow monk who knew Brother Lawrence. I think perhaps Brother Lawrence was illiterate.

As usual, if you have rudimentary questions about meditation, I will be available. Just make a comment and I will respond.

In the meantime, I ask that you pray for me, just as I pray for you.

God bless us all

Silver Rose
Sannyasini Kaliprana

EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE ALRIGHT

With both The Church and The Government in chaos, it would be easy to throw up our hands in frustration and just give ourselves over to the fates, but we can't give in to the temptation.

Now is the time when our faith in and understanding of Jesus and our heavenly father is tested. He is with us through the chaos. That is the gift. Whether he allows events, directs them, or has no part in them at all, one thing is certain, and that is his presence.

The Practice of the Presence of God is a wonderful little book the contains a collection of teachings of Brother Lawrence, a Carmelite monk of the 1600's, which was compiled by Father Joseph de Beaufort. It is one of the primary books that I leaned upon while a nun in the Hindu convent and which is largely responsible for my conversion to Catholicism and its wonderful mystical tradition.

The development and maintenance of a constant inner awareness of the Divine remains an essential element of my spiritual journey and one which I recommend highly to everyone because, in the end, it is God alone on whom we can depend to accompany us through every trial and travail. While he may or may not step into the procession of events in this world, as far as changing the action or the outcome, he is certainly with us in love, regardless of what happens.

If you want to give yourself over in relationship to the Lord, you can feel the love of God, feel him within you, and enjoy his presence. Much of the contemplative tradition is about this process of inclining the mind toward the Lord and residing within him, and He in us.

There are stages in which we may not be gifted with the consolations of feeling God within us. That does happen, but usually only for the advanced practitioner. Mother Teresa of Calcutta experienced it for 30 years - something I was terribly surprised to learn after she died. One doesn't think of the saints suffering in THAT way, at least I never did. The saints do not enjoy the constant beatific vision while floating 6 inches off the ground with choirs of angels singing in the background. No. The saints suffer. They believe, in spite of it.

If anything can put that stupid "prosperity gospel" to shame, it is a thorough education in the lives of the saints. There are no better people than the saints, yet nearly every single one of them had wretched lives. Remember that.

The particular value of Brother Lawrence for our modern, busy lives is that he makes the case for God being more present to us in our daily activities than even in  "the choir stall." The Lord is with us in our duties which occupy most of our time. While I love my practice of contemplation, and enjoy all the beauty of the shrines, holy pictures, candles and incense, even I cannot spend the entire day communing with God with my eyes closed. Like everyone else, I need to be "up and doing." God is "up and doing" with all of us throughout our day. He does not reserve his love for the hour and a half one is at church or sitting at prayer in front of one's altar.

If I wasn't suffering like the saints, I would buy a thousand copies of The Practice of the Presence of God and give them all away, but all I can do is recommend that you read it and hope you pass it along to someone else who might benefit.

Currently, there IS a version you can read AND HEAR online, through the Christian Classics Ethereal Library, which you can access on THIS LINK. I prefer the actual book, which is fairly small and can be carried with you, but the online version will certainly do until you can obtain a copy.

Let us all remind one another to grasp the Lord's hand firmly while we walk through the chaos of this difficult era. Everything will be alright because He will be with us through all of it.

God bless us all.

Silver Rose