THE DUMBEST GIRL IN THE ROOM

My modest garden

I've noticed since becoming disabled and retiring from salaried work that people have started treating me as if I am the dumbest girl in the room and, 15 years into retirement, it is starting to grate on my nerves.

The disdain of some is demonstrated by refusing to listen, discounting my opinions, telling me what to do, say or think, or dismissing my concerns with an imperious air usually reserved for pre-teens who have grown to big for their britches. I have reached the limit of my patience with this nonsense.

I was just as aggravated, at age 20, when people who customarily would not give me the time of day were crawling all over me, begging to be "my friend" as soon as I sold my first story to an episodic television series. That is the opposite side of the same coin. I gave up writing for television many years ago and, although I am not the slightest bit interested in people fawning all over me, I likewise object to being dismissed.

Recently, I spent the day with an acquaintance who I met subsequent to becoming disabled and who continues to treat me as a lesser being. When she arrived, I had to tell her 4 times in the span of 90 seconds to PLEASE stop petting my dog when I'm trying to discipline it. She continued to interfere, and I finally had to put the dog in the kennel. Later, she attempted to dictate how I should interact with others in several different venues.  During lunch, I politely paused to ask for her opinion about a topic, and she blurted out the most nonsensical, disjointed and unhinged stream of words that I realized she wasn't paying the slightest attention to anything I said. I pretended not to notice that she had not been listening, though it did give me a hitch in my giddyup. I couldn't imagine her behaving like this with any of her other friends and I had, indeed, seen her interact with a mutual acquaintance.

Multiply this experience a zillion times, and you will get a picture of a typical day in my life. Thank God for the few friends I have who are generous with themselves and don't treat me like I am a developmentally disabled child who is incapable of discursive thought and needs to be directed.

During my conversation with the acquaintance mentioned above, this woman let me know that she was under the impression I was on the dole and that, when my Social Security kicks in sometime during the next couple of years I would get a "bump" in income, and my finances would improve, which is completely wrong.

To put it simply, if you have substantial work history, such as I do (with 30 years under my belt), disability is simply drawing on the Social Security Insurance into which I have paid my entire working life. It is the same Social Security Insurance into which the rest of you are paying with every paycheck.

Essentially, disability causes one to begin to receive early Social Security retirement benefit. Only the monies that you've already paid into the fund are considered when determining your monthly retirement amount. The average Social Security benefit is $1,000 a month. Just try to live on a thousand dollars a month, with no help from any quarter. It is almost impossible. (I do have some friends who have adopted me as family and contribute very kindly, but it is still very difficult.) A huge number of seniors, especially those left without a mate, are struggling to survive on the pittance that Social Security gives us.

Silly Goose

You could easily do everything "right" throughout your working life, and still end up poor poor poor when it comes time to retire, giving the lie to the idea that if you are poor you have done something wrong.

If you haven't made much money in your lifetime, and your Social Security benefit is less than about $700 a month, and if your assets do not exceed $5,000 - then the government will step in with a little monthly stipend to get you up to that $700 a month. That hundred or two hundred dollars a month that the government contributes is a type of welfare, but it disappears if you get income or assets from elsewhere.

Not only do I not receive any government assistance in addition to my Social Security benefit, I also do not qualify for any other benefits except some really lousy slow internet service and a small discount on my rent in a bad part of town.

There are so many stupid and bigoted ideas floating around now about people "on disability." Most Americans are ignorant of what is meant by that. They imagine, wrongly, that all disabled people are living on WELFARE, and that is not the case. It is also wrong that people who ARE receiving welfare are cheating the system and are freeloaders.

Medical and mental illnesses are private matters, and no one is obligated to reveal any of it to anyone. Many people will expend a great deal of effort to hide mental illnesses, especially, and they would rather the public believe they are freeloaders than to have anyone know the nature of their illness. Having gone through the disability determination process myself, I am confident that "fakers" are few and far between. The criteria is rigorous. Recently, countless stories of people with serious, verifiable illnesses that cannot get approval from the medical board have come to light. Apparently, it is becoming harder and harder to get assistance, and many Americans become completely destitute, then fall into homelessness while waiting for benefits.

Americans criticize other cultures for caste systems and class systems, but we are the worst hypocrites about this topic. The underlying belief of most Americans seems to be that you are less of a person if you aren't financially well off.

No matter why one is poor, it is assumed that you must be stupid, because if you were smart, you would be rich. Calvinism is very strong in the hearts of many Americans. They tend to believe that good people are rewarded financially. If you do not have money, then you must not be good - or intelligent - or worthy.

Being egalitarian by nature and philosophy (as well as the lessons of Christ), it is my firm conviction that we should treat everyone with equal respect, whether rich or poor and regardless of the source of their income. Human beings are not animals, contrary to the proclamations of Donald Trump (who keeps calling immigrants "animals" these days.)

The happiest countries on the planet, for many years running, are the Nordic countries that have very strong social programs that guarantee you will retire on 80% of your former salary (instead of the 20% we typically give.) They also have free college, day care for the children, free medical care, etc. These people do not have to compete against one another for their basic survival. They are better educated, healthier and more prosperous, as a whole, than we are. If "love thy neighbor" is the mark of a Christian nation, then Finland, this year, is the MOST Christian nation of all. America is not even on the chart for that award. If I had known about this when I was younger, I could easily see myself moving to Finland or Denmark, which captured the award for 3 years running.

America is undergoing a huge revolution. While the current American leadership is more corrupt, dishonest and vulgar than we have ever seen, it HAS done us the favor of bringing a lot of ugliness to light. People with bigoted, racist and classist ideas have heard Trump's dog whistles and, sensing that it is safe to crawl out of the dark, have become emboldened in their prejudices, flinging the covers aside in an appalling display. After Trump said that the Nazis were also "very good people," white supremacist groups were responsible for a sudden uptick of violence. Now that they have been flushed into the clearing, we know the job that lays ahead of us.

Having grown up in they 60's - the era of peace, love and equality - I really had no idea there were so many people with such despicable opinions. Now that we are aware, however, we can work together to restore our American dignity of purpose and philosophy.

So, puhleeeze, people - if you happen to interact with someone who is a different color, or disabled, or older, or in some other way different from you, don't assume that they are less intelligent, less valuable or have less to offer the world than you do. Don't assume that someone who is poor is living on "welfare." We need to treat every other person as our peer, regardless of financial status.

We have a lot of work to do in our Christian walk.I will continue to try to educate the arrogant and advocate for the poor, even if I am the stupidest girl in the room. Please join me.

Silver Rose Parnell
Copyright (c) 2018
All rights reserved.

CATHOLIC CATHEDRAL DRENCHES HOMELESS WITH WATER

Jesus feeding the 5,000

"I was a stranger and you did not invite me in; naked and you 

did not clothe me; sick, and in prison and you did not visit me.  

Then they themselves also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see 

you hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in 

prison, and did not take care of You?'  Then He will answer them, 

'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the 

least of these, you did not do it to me."...Matthew 25:43-44

Saint Mary's Cathedral in San Francisco, California, installed an (illegal) waterworks system specifically designed to discourage the homeless from sleeping in the sheltered alcoves outside the 4 doors of the Cathedral.  All night, it drenches the homeless where they sleep, in 30 to 60 minute intervals.  This Catholic Cathedral is the home church of the Archbishop of San Francisco.  It was installed about a year ago.

A more detailed story about this situation can be found at this link:

http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2015/03/18/homeless-saint-marys-cathedral-archdiocese-san-francisco-intentionally-drenched-water-sleeping/

The contact information for the Cathedral in question is:

The Cathedral of St. Mary of the Assumption
1111 Gough Street
San Francisco, CA 94109
Telephone:  415-567-2020

Now that this egregious scheme has been discovered by the media, the Archdiocese has issued a statement that the matter will be addressed immediately.  This is all very well and good, but the fact that it was ever conceived is a startling comment on the American psyche.   When a Catholic institution does something like this, it is shocking.  It highlights how far we have strayed from the commandments of Jesus.

Some excuses were made by the people involved, who made the point that those at the Cathedral tried to help the homeless by directing them elsewhere, but is that really helping?

Since becoming Catholic, I have often made the observation that Catholics will sometimes help the poor, but shrink from actually having to sit next to them in the pews.  "The poor" always seem to be "out there" somewhere, a strange and foreign mass of people who are set apart from the Christian community.

I make a point of dressing nicely for church, mostly because I believe my Lord deserves at LEAST as much respect as I would give to a job interviewer, but also it is my method of camoflage.  Once people learn that I am not middle class, as I appear, but am actually pretty poor and without family resources, it is common to be shunned.  There are glorious exceptions to this general trend.  I have several Catholic friends who treat me as an equal, help me a great deal when the month lasts longer than the money, and who are, frankly, saints.

However, my general observation is that, the more comfortable the parishioner, the less likely they are to respond to my offers of friendship.  I am not equal in their eyes.  There is something "wrong" with me because I have needs that are not met without some help.  It is a jarring experience for a formerly middle class lady who has become disabled later in life.  I know I haven't changed much, but the treatment I receive sure is different.

This problem is less pronounced in New Mexico, which is very poor, than in California where the disparity of income gap is huge.  I used to live in California, and I am familiar with the stratification of society that is primarily based on economic status.  People with resources tend to believe that they are somehow better than anyone who is beneath them in personal wealth.  Catholics with resources, for the most part, also seem to believe this.  They may donate to charity, but they don't see a problem with dousing a needy human being with water to prevent him from sleeping near their church.

Clearly, this problem is not a Catholic problem, but a firmly ingrained cultural issue.  We are a class conscious society in which money is the deciding factor as to whether or not one is deserving of respect.

Picture this:  You go to your neighbor's house to borrow a cup of sugar.  You stand by the door, with an empty measuring cup in hand, needing some help, and your neighbor opens the door and throws a bucket of water on you.  Would you call the police?  Your neighbor might be charged with assault.  Anyone knows that it is unreasonable to throw a bucket of water on a neighbor who comes to your door.  Why would anyone think it is alright to douse the homeless with water?  It isn't even logical.  The thinking is that your next-door neighbor is in the same socio-economic class as yourself, so of course you can't throw a bucket of water on them, because the rules of social conduct are different within the same class.

Our Catholic conscience has given way to cultural norms that are so ingrained that we do not realize that we are behaving in a way that runs completely counter to our supposed religious beliefs.

What is the solution?  We need to dig deeper into the faith that we profess, become more committed to the radical love of Christ, and start following his commandments, otherwise, we can't claim to love him.  Where our cultural or political orientations diverge from our faith, we need to cling to the faith, even if it is inconvenient and even if we are punished by the culture for doing so.  It is part of our job description.

God bless us all.

Silver Rose Parnell

UPDATE:  The Diocese was ordered by the city to remove the illegally installed waterworks, which they did.  They are no longer dousing the homeless with water.  The troubling issue is: why did they ever think it was alright to begin with?